2. Retrieve cat from from top of lamp and pill from under the sofa.
3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand & back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.
4. Retrieve cat from under the bed. Get new pill from the bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat).
5. Again proceed as in 1, except you have the cat cradled firmly in the bottle-feeding position, sit on the edge of the chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jow and pop in the pill--quickly. Since your head is is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you are doing, which is just as well.
6. Leave cat hanging on drapes, leave pill in your hair.
7. If you are a woman, have a good cry. If you are a man, have a good cry.
8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss around here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say stern;y, "Who's the boss around here anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and ....Ooops!
9. This isn't working, is it? Collasp and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.
10. Crawl to the linen closet. Drag back a large beach towel. Spread towel on the floor.
11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach (resist impulse to flatten cat).
14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast, time and tabbies wait for no man...or woman.
15. Resume position 1. Rotate your eft hand to cat's head. Press its mouth open like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
16. Drop pill into cat's outh and poke gently. Voila! It's done!
17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
18. Take two asprins and lie down.