Personal Development Training

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Complaints, A Point Of View.

By Kay

August 2006

Complaints are worth listening to. They have something to teach us. The dynamics as to what occurs is: -

From the employee’s point of view

They believe they have acted: -

Correctly
Properly
Professionally
As their job demands
With integrity
Efficiently
From the companies point of view and deserve support and loyalty from their boss

From the employer’s point of view

The bad manager: -

Questions the member of staff and bases their response on this viewpoint only
Re-iterates its company’s policy and standard practice
It more than their job is worth to deviate from norms
Do not see a need to apologise or thank for being made aware of the issue

The good manager: -

Knows that if someone is complaining about you there is something you forgot to do
If you upset someone, they will go and tell 250 people they know about it
Listens to both sides of the complaint before making any judgements
Knows their job includes managing conflict successfully
Seeks to address performance shortfall
Resolves the complaint, so they never have to deal with the same issue again

 The complainer knows: -

They have been treated unjustly or unfairly
They seek to stop the same occurrence happening to others
They want justice
They want a promise kept
They want to give feedback
They want the service level improved
They want compensation financially
They want the knowledge and satisfaction of hearing confirmation that they were right

So is it worth complaining? If you want to make a difference or care enough to get things changed, then do so. If you are just looking to moan, then don’t bother, move on with your life and let it go.

Complaining needs to be effectual and gets you the result you intend. Being kind and sympathetic may make you feel better. However, if the “grumble” keeps resurfacing in your brain, you need to put it to rest. At what stage should you let it go? This depends on how it continually impacts on your life and whether you regard any further effort as futile. Had Florence Nightingale given up when she discovered that soldiers were dying needlessly, due to lack of cleanliness, our medical system might not be what it is today, although this issue could well be taken up by Florence if she were still alive today.

Things only get changed when people complain and campaign against injustices. Without people taking the time and making the effort, the world will be a much poorer place. The art of being able to verbally communicate effectively with each other is not taught. It begins at home and how we interact with our parents, brothers and sisters and your place within the family.

When we start working, we take this “baggage” with us and believe that to survive and succeed the same tactics will work. Big mistake! Teaching children in school how to hold a reasoned conversation, in an accommodating tone of voice, would set them up for life to become top managers. Teachers, usually go straight from school to university. They then become teachers and live most of their lives in an academic environment. To command respect, teachers demonstrate their authority using a tone of voice that gets attention. They succeed by imposing their discipline through sternness. After all, this is all they have known in an academic environment.  Children emulate their behaviour and tone of voice to get what they want and take this example into the work environment. It therefore follows that complaints will find them, as soon as they enter a work environment.

Years may pass and after several promotions they get into a position of authority. No one told them how changing the tone in their voice would alter their whole outlook and prospective on life. It doesn’t even mean they have to change what they think or what they say. Often, it is only the tone in the voice that offends the other party, resulting in a complaint because that person’s feelings have been hurt. Identifying what needs to change is frequently accompanied by words of affirmations and without knowing what it is that needs to be changed in their performance. Until an understanding that they have hurt someone’s feelings is gained, nothing can be done.

Without a role model, good boss, coach or mentor the situation will only become worse. Withdrawal and avoidance of doing their job effectively, despite any good intentions, will result. This is because they really don’t know what it is they are doing wrong, or what to do to correct the problem. Many of the complaints may originate from colleagues, peers, subordinates and bosses.  The individual may well be “right” in what they have said and done, believing that it is the other person’s performance that is the real issue and which they thought they were addressing. What occurred is that feelings have been hurt. You cannot do anything thing about other people’s feelings – they are what they are. Frequently, some people will deny they have feelings,  everyone knows they are lying.  This is where you need a really good boss to separate feelings from poor performance. All too often your boss will tell you, you have a problem and you end up agreeing to change. You cannot, because you cannot change anyone else’s feelings. You then avoid challenging the other party at all, just in case they complain again. Their performance shortfall goes unchecked and you stop doing your job. This in itself becomes soul destroying, as you know you are in the right, but everyone else is telling you, you are in the wrong.

This cycle needs to be broken. Communicating effectively with others stems from the problem of not listening. If you ask a question and don’t want to know the answer, then why ask it in the first place? If you have to listen to someone else, because it is your job, then do so with enthusiasm. Everyone we meet has something to teach us and listening gives the opportunity to find out what it is. Life is a school for learning. The past and the future do not exist, there is only ever now. Stay in the now. Daydreaming and thinking sometimes consumes our waking life. This then stops us from listening. When we don’t listen, we miss what is obvious and fail to receive the message that was just given to us. Inevitably, the situation in our lives gets worse until we are made to listen by a complaint, having been made, or by illness, or tragedy.

From children we are taught what is right and wrong, good and bad and our perception of the world surrounding us is influenced by this. We need to understand that others perceive things differently from ourselves. Interactions with our environment and others will bring conflict. Accepting conflict, as a natural part of life, you can learn to react positively to disputes. This does not mean taking revenge. Changing things for the better should be your aim. Expecting others to adapt to your will or thinking is unlikely. The only person you can change is you.

So what should your strategy be in dealing with complaints? Formulate a strategy for your reaction to complaints. Identify and assess your negative feelings of hurt, upset, being put upon, threatened, failing, being challenged, having made a wrong decision, anger, annoyance, offence etc. Be proactive rather than reactive. Put things in prospective: -

Hurt

If you accidentally cut your finger with a kitchen knife it will bleed and hurt. Someone verbally complaining doesn’t hurt you physically. Neither does a complaint in writing. Someone physically assaulting you will hurt. It will hurt if you assault someone. Feelings of hurt in the family environment will occur all the time, everyday. Distinguish hurt between physical and non-physical and the home and work environment. Accepting that it is inevitable at home and it has no place in the work environment means that you can deal with hurt differently.

Upset

If a close relative has just passed away, or a tragedy has happened, you are likely to be upset. If you upset a cup of coffee over you, your clothes will be ruined and you may be scolded. Your family will upset you. Your work colleagues will be performing their jobs, why therefore should anything they say or do upset you? You perform your job to the best of your abilities why should anything you do or say upset them? Customers can be upset relating to external forces prior to dealing with you. Being upset should be confined to tragedies and families.

Being put upon

Families are experts at this. The notion of being selfish is drummed out of you at home. In today’s world, self has little place in organisations, after all the company wants you to toe their agenda and work as a team member. Self is very important, as that is all there is to your life. If you are happy and fine, you have something to give. If you are put upon, you have little to give. Knowing what you want and need, tailored to your personal development, will enable you to find self. Saying no at home isn’t acceptable to your family. Saying no in the work place is acceptable. Taking on more than you can cope with is fool hardy and benefits no one. You either become sick or resent working there and consequently you stop performing, lack enthusiasm and fail to be motivated. Your career is then on the downward slop. Learn how to say no.

Threatened

Threats are counter-productive. We learn this trait in the home environment. Verbal threats are a form of bullying. When others engage in this activity they are seeking to get their way by force, not reasoned persuasion. When you threaten others, you have given up on reason. The law deals with more serious forms of threats. Examples are plentiful on the TV, in films and in the press. Our culture reflects this everyday in the way we treat each other. We accuse children of not being able to distinguish the fantasy they see on screens with real life and yet the examples we are constantly subjected to reinforces this type of behaviour. Make it no part of your strategy.

Failing

It is okay to fail. Admit mistakes, learn from them and move on never repeating them. Fear of failure incapacitates us. Risk is a part of life. Recklessness should be kept to a minimum to reduce the odds of a serious catastrophe. All failures have something to teach us. How to improve, how not to do something, why things went wrong, what not to do again, how to get what you want but in a different way, etc. How can you use failure to your advantage? Get rid of your pride. Discuss openly your issue and share it with those you meet and you will find they have encountered something similar. You think you are alone and the only one it has happened to, you are mistaken. The old saying, “A problem shared is a problem halved,” is true. Dispense with pride and allow others to recognise their prejudices. Let people see you are human.

Being Challenged

This brings excitement into your life and is not a threat. If no one ever put forward a counter point of view, life would be really dull. All thoughts, beliefs and behaviours are fair game for challenge. Jesus challenged the church leaders over two thousand years ago and we are still debating his point of view and actions today. We need to grow and develop as individuals and as part of groups, departments, organisations, countries and as members of the human race. Challenges to our beliefs and actions are proactive and strengthens us.  It gives an opportunity of doing something differently and a chance to succeed or to fail. Make it your policy to succeed and thank those who gave you the opportunity.

Making a wrong decision

Whose is to say whether a decision is right or wrong? All decisions are right at the moment that they are taken irrespective of the past or future outcomes. Regret is a wasted feeling. There is nothing you can change about the past, only what you plan to do in the future. Failure to make any decision demonstrates to others that you are indecisive. Making too many and hasty decisions increases the risks. Allowing others to make the decision for you is a major cop-out. Making a decision will teach you something and give you the satisfaction of knowing whether you are right or wrong. Learn from every decision you make.

Anger

Anger and frustration are a normal part of childhood and as we grow to adulthood we hide this aspect of our nature. Internalising it hurts us. Speak freely and voice your anger. You will offend others feelings and yours are already offended by being angry. Distinguish between home and work environment. Learn how to express your anger in a constructive and positive way using your work environment to speak civilly, in an assertive way, using a soft tone of voice. Take the lessons you learn home with you and employ them there. Your family won’t recognise you.

Annoyance

A wasp or fly may buzz around your head and be an annoyance. Colleagues and customers interrupting you are not an annoyance. Plan for annoyances, they are part of everyday occurrences. Just as you would swat the wasp to prevent it from stinging you, so should you “manage” interruptions. Voice your annoyance and do not internalise it. The energy you expend at being annoyed needs to change from being reactive to pro-active, making you feel good at having time for others. If someone is annoying you, you have something they want and until you address that want, you won’t be able to catch the fly. 

Offence and rudeness

Offensive to one person is poor performance or behaviour to another. The police and the legal profession use the word offence to imply breaking of the law, others use the word rude. Speaking truth is often classed as rude or offensive. The users of these words don’t like hearing the truth; at least as you see it. Accusations are usually associated with the use of these words. Full investigation as to the circumstances, just like a detective, is called for. Feelings that have been hurt are at the root cause of the use of offensive and rude. The users of these words seek to intimidate you and to get your submission. They cannot express themselves effectively as to what it is you have done. If they could they would be specific with details, as are the police. They seek to clump together their “hurt” into this collective group. By the use of these words, they don’t have to defend what it is they are accusing you of. Socially they consider that they can get away with putting you in the wrong, no matter what the circumstances.  Beware of those who use these words they are out to hurt you no matter what. Don’t speak – listen. Never use them yourself to others, always be specific.

These are some of the negative feelings that you will feel when someone makes a complaint against you. Draw up your own management plan as to how you will cope with your feelings and give yourself a time limit. It you dwell on negative feelings write them down and turn your reaction from being reactive to proactive.

Once you have your feelings well and truly under control you can respond positively, caringly, understandingly and use the experience to learn something. Review what it was you could have done that would have prevented the complaint from happening in the first place. If you had taken the right action there wouldn’t be any complaint to deal with, so you did forget to do something. This applies to you as an individual or someone who has to deal with a complaint relating to others. Whenever dealing with a complaint always keep an open mind as there are two sides to every dispute. Walk a mile in the customer’s shoes first. They have bothered to complain, so it really does matter to them. Just like the fly you cannot catch they are not going to go away. With disputes between workmates identify and address the real performance issues. Before making a complaint yourself identify what it is that you want to achieve by complaining, if you don’t know you won’t get it. What could that other person have done to stop you from complaining? Once you know that, you will know what you need to do yourself to stop others making complaints against you.

Tone of voice may be the only thing that differentiates a customer making a complaint or not. Practice your tone of voice. A stern voice may be called for when a naughty child won’t go to bed, however, it is not appropriate in the working environment. Next time you listen to some music listen to the tone in the singer’s voice. The best will have beautiful soft melodious tones that are inviting and warm. Listen to a school teacher giving students instructions in a class and you will realise what tone of voice you took with you to work.

Interpersonal skills are not taught in schools, they need to be acquired and practiced. If you have never been offered or attended an interpersonal skills course find out what is available and ask to go. Listen to the best leaders, their tone of voice and warmth is why they got the job they are doing. They may even be less qualified than you, however, they know about tone and exploit it to its maximum potential.

Dealing with complaints gives you a real opportunity to learn. A good boss will identify your performance shortfall and help you to addresses what it is you did wrong. They won’t ask you to change. They will demonstrate and show you what to do, what not to do and how to do it. Many bosses don’t know this and compound the problem themselves. Some never learn. Getting to the top through hard graft maybe all they know. There is a better way of dealing and speaking with other people. It is a skill that can be learnt. Include your strategy in your personal development plan. Your family will be the main beneficiaries of your newly acquired skills and will love you practicing on them.

If you plan a strategy you are much more likely to be successful. What will your strategy be? Does your boss and colleagues know how to deal positively with a complaint?  How will you teach them? A supportive boss doesn’t have to side with you when a customer complains. They have to tell you how not to get any more complaints by aiding your personal development. They will demonstrate and explain to you a strategy that works. Customers need to be satisfied. After all, they are paying the bills.

Kay's Way Copyright ©2006 [email protected]

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