By Kay Shadow
Rated PG
Disclaimer: All hail the notsowonderfulatall Paramount. You guys own the characters, but� do I really have to say this all again? Everyone knows you screwed it up and we're covering your behind! �Sir.
Timeline: Set sometime during the fifth season.
Summary: Sometimes you feel like you're trapped in more ways than one. That's when you need a friend to guide you.
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After two hours of rock climbing, Kathryn Janeway, sitting on an edge of a cliff, turned to her friend and colleague, B�Elanna Torres. �I think it�s time I call it quits. It�s getting hotter and I definitely want to take a shower before my shift begins.�
Torres grinned. �Ha! I knew you�d be the first to back down!�
�I�m NOT backing down. I�m just trying to be sensible here,� Kathryn defended herself.
�You said �time I call it quits.� That implies quitting, as in giving up.�
Even though Kathryn knew B�Elanna was only teasing� alright half-teasing, she wasn�t about to let the matter drop. �It most certainly does not! I�m only saying that if we want to be on time we hav��
Kathryn stopped in the middle of her sentence as the ship rocked under them. Not a day goes by�she thought as she slapped the combadge attached to her tank top. �Janeway to the bridge. What�s going on?�
�Chakotay here, Captain. We were hit by a distortion wave of some kind. It seems the worst of it is over though, we�re just waiting for damage reports.�
Getting up Janeway nodded and then looked at B�Elanna. �Lieutenant Torres will be in Engineering and I�m on my way to the bridge. Janeway out.�
�So much for the shower,� Torres commented as they rose and dusted off their outfits.
�Don�t remind me,� Kathryn muttered. �Computer, end program.�
Nothing happened. �Computer, show exit.�
Again nothing.
�Janeway to Chakotay. Looks like I can add something to that damage report, Commander. I�m in the holodeck with B�Elanna and the program won�t shut down and the doors won�t open. Can you do anything about that from up there?� Janeway inquired and then waited less than patiently as Chakotay checked the situation with Ensign Kim.
After a moment of silence the First Officers voice could be heard again through the combadge. �I�m afraid you're going to be stuck there a little longer. Harry can�t access anything below deck four.�
�How long?�
�Harry says an hour, an hour and a half at most.�
�And let me guess, the transporters are down as well?� Janeway asked dryly.
Chakotay couldn�t help but chuckle a bit. �Well, since you mentioned it, yes they are. But Carey said we won�t get them back before tomorrow, so��
�In other words we�re stuck here,� B�Elanna offered, stating the obvious.
�Just try to make yourself comfortable, we�ll get those doors open for you before you know it. Chakotay out.�
Torres, already sitting, looked at her Captain and grinned. �Don�t you just hate it the way he�s so transparent when he�s pleased?�
�You mean when he�s enjoying himself at someone else�s expense? Yes. � Kathryn brushed her hair with her hand, sighing. �And how am I supposed to get comfortable sitting on an edge of a cliff, with the damned Vulcan sun in my face?�
�Well, things could be worse� instead of a distortion wave it could have been the Hirogen� or the Borg.�
Kathryn glared at the other woman. �Not another word, Lieutenant. Not another word,� Kathryn said as she buried her head in her hands. �I have had it with the Borg. If I can have it my way, no one is ever going to mention the word Borg unless it has something to do with Seven. And even then I have to be in a good mood.�
Holding to the rock next to her, Kathryn sighed and gingerly sat down next to the Engineer.
Thirty minutes later found Kathryn and B�Elanna still sitting on their spots talking about the carbon reaction chambers and Miranda Larsen�s theory on energy conserving technology. The sun was hot and merciless and Kathryn began to wonder what on earth had made her decide that a Vulcan desert in the morning would be an ideal place for rock climbing. Next time she would think again.
�Spirits it�s hot!� Kathryn said, frustrated.
B�Elanna looked up surprised. Only one person she knew used word choices like that, and it was not Kathryn Janeway. �Spending a lot of time with Chakotay these days?�
�None of your business, Lieutenant!� As soon as the words left her Kathryn wished she could take them back. She didn�t mean to sound so harsh, it just came out the way it did. Besides, if nothing her reluctance to talk about a certain First Officer would arouse suspicions in her crew. It had before.
B�Elanna studied her Captain for a minute before deciding what to say. �I�m sorry, but you two are so obvious it�s almost sad.�
Kathryn was getting defensive and though she knew it wasn�t a good thing, she couldn�t really help herself. �What are you talking about?�
�Oh, come on Kathryn! Even people down on deck thirteen know what�s going on between you and Chakotay.�
�There�s nothing going on between the Commander and myself.�
B�Elanna rolled her eyes. �Fine! Let me rephrase that. Even people down on deck thirteen know what obviously should be going on between you and Chakotay.�
�Exactly what are you implying, Lieutenant?� Kathryn was getting tired of talking� or avoiding talks about her and Chakotay. Wasn�t it enough that she had to fight herself with this almost every day? Did she really have to go through this with a stubborn half-Klingon as well?
�Kathryn, don�t give me that bull about ranks! We�re off duty and it�s just the two of us� come on, Kathryn��
�What? What do you want me to say, B�Elanna?!� Kathryn raised her voice.
�I don�t get it. None of us do. Why won�t you let it happen? He adores you, practically kisses the ground you walk on!� B�Elanna exasperated.
�None of you?� Kathryn couldn't believe this. Why couldn't they just leave her alone? How many of her crew were gossiping about her non-relationship with her XO anyway?
Torres sighed, this was not going well. She was obviously not getting through to her. She decided to change tracks. �That�s besides the point. Kathryn, look� I think that if you�re honest with yourself, you could admit that at least the attraction is there.�
B�Elanna waited for what seemed like an eternity. She knew she was crossing lines here, but dammit, someone had to talk sense into the woman next to her. And since no one else seemed to be volunteering she was going to have to do it herself.
Kathryn looked at her companion warily and sighed. �Do we have to have this conversation?�
�Yes. Either this or the Borg.�
�Fine.�
The silence was stretching into minutes and Kathryn began to realize she would have to be the one to say something.
"Look," she began softly. "I know that if I let myself I could fall in love with him. Which is exactly why I can't let anything happen."
B'Elanna was surprised at Kathryn's open admission. Maybe she needed a friend even more than B'Elanna thought.
"Why can't you allow it to happen? What do you think would happen?" Torres asked.
"Many things! What if it doesn't work between us? We're stuck here on this ship for god knows how long. If we were in the Alpha Quadrant one of us could ask for a reassignment but here� And then if something were to happen to him. B'Elanna I'm responsible for the lives of this crew. I have to send him to away missions all the time and� if something� I've already lost two men I was close to� I can't face that again."
B'Elanna moved closer to Kathryn and placed a comforting hand on top on hers. "Let me ask you; when you send him on an away mission, are you afraid for his life?"
Kathryn studied their entwined hands. "Yes."
"Now be honest, Kathryn. When you find out that the away team he�s on has been compromised, who do you think of first?" B'Elanna asked.
Kathryn swallowed and then admitted, "Chakotay."
"Don�t you see. You already love him!"
"But the crew�" Kathryn began.
"Do you have any idea what most of the betting pools are about?" B'Elanna groaned. "The two of you. When you�re gonna kiss, how many times a day are you gonna touch him on the bridge� If you�re gonna call him by his first name or title in the next party�."
Kathryn was speechless. She'd always known about the betting pools but since she wasn't interested in betting herself and didn't see the harm in crew having a little fun, she had never even thought about what they were about. Or should she say who?
"And don�t even think about protocol," Torres was saying. "That doesn�t apply here. We�re too far from Starfleet to think about that. In all honesty we don't know how long we're going to be here. And if we�re not going to reach Alpha Quadrant for the next seventy years, everyone is going to start pairing off sooner or later, and you know what? I would bet that the only ones that aren�t going to find or even look for anyone are Tuvok, Chakotay and you. Tuvok for the obvious reason that he's already found his mate and you and Chakotay because you can�t bear to live with anyone but each other. That�s how simple it is!!" She drew a deep breath and cut Janeway before she could object to her words. "And one more thing. If Chakotay was to die tomorrow, without you ever telling him how you feel, and you never hearing those three words from his lips, are you going to mourn for him any less?"
B'Elanna held her breath, certain that she would be reprimanded for being out of line, but Kathryn didn't say a word. The rest of their time in the holodeck was spent in silence as B'Elanna was wondering just how many decks she would have to scrub.
When the doors finally opened almost an hour later, B'Elanna couldn't have been happier. The Captain hadn't said a word to her after B'Elanna had finished speaking her mind. Together they rose and headed for the doors when Kathryn touched her combadge.
"Janeway to Chakotay."
"Chakotay here, Captain."
Kathryn stopped mid-stride and halted B'Elanna with a touch of her hand and smiled at the younger woman as she spoke to Chakotay. "Chakotay, meet me in my quaters. At once."
"I'll be there," he said and Janeway closed the link.
B'Elanna grinned as Kathryn winked at her and headed for her quaters.
The end.