By Kay Shadow
Disclaimers: Oh, whatever, they�re not giving me what I want so I�m gonna have to come up with it myself. Now what does that tell you about TPTB???
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I was always aware of it. I always knew how much he worked for my benefit. Now that I think of it, I feel guilty because I never let him know how much I appreciated it. How much it meant for me to know that I had his support, his shoulder to lean on. I did give him hints, on several occasions, and I know he knew what I meant. I gave him hints, told him a thank you on several occasions. Thanks for a dinner, or a nice day of shore leave. Or a beautiful peace rose he would give me when I was having a hard time. In all these years, there was only that one time I told him what it all meant to me. How much HE meant to me. It was on the day of his wedding.
20 yrs. earlier:
B�Elanna looked at her friend. �Well mister? You ready now?�
Chakotay looked at himself in the mirror before answering. �As ready as I�ll ever be.�
At the sound of the chime, B�Elanna smiled turning and opened the door expecting her husband, Tom Paris. Her surprise was obvious when the one standing on the outside was Kathryn Janeway.
�Am I disturbing you? I can come by later� I mean, I can talk to you after the reception, if you�d��
In all her life Torres never would have thought she�d live to see her Captain so uncertain and hesitant. Chakotay�s voice broke into her thoughts.
�Not at all. Come on in, Kathryn.� So odd, Torres mused. After all this he still calls her by her first name. Again, her thoughts were interrupted by Chakotay. �I�ll see you at the reception B�Elanna.�
Nodding affirmative, the Engineer left her commanding officers, her friends, alone.
As the doors closed Chakotay turned to Janeway�s direction. �What can I do for you, Kathryn?�
�I wanted to come by and wish you good luck.� Kathryn cursed herself for letting her voice tremble. She�s practiced this for two days now. She shouldn�t have any problems.
�Thank you.�
�Chakotay. I feel like there�s something I need to tell you. I�d like you to let me say what�s on my mind� and if you then have something to��
�It�s OK, Kathryn. I�m listening.�
She couldn�t believe this. It was his wedding day for Cripes sake!! She couldn�t do this to him. And not to Jessica either. Suddenly Kathryn felt an uncontrollable urge to run away and hide forever. God, she couldn�t do this after all. She couldn�t tell him. He�d be so torn! She couldn�t ask him to give his bride up for� for what? God, Kathryn, you�re really losing it. Get a grip!! Just tell him good luck and be done with it!
�Chakotay, I�ve been going this over in my head for a few weeks now. I know I need say it but the truth be told, I�ve never been very good at going around things. More like getting right into the point�� She chuckled. � So� I�m happy for you. I really am. For both you and Jessica. I�m happy that you�ve moved on. Spirits know it wasn�t easy, I know. But it never would have worked between us, my friend. We�ve been over that before, so that�s all I�m gonna say about that. But I� I want to thank you for being here for me all these years. For being my most trusted, loyal friend a person could ever ask for. I know I�ve never been the easiest person to get along with, but you�ve stood by me. And I really, really appreciate that. Not many people would do that. I also know I haven�t told you this before and likely never will again, at least not in this many words.� Heaven help her this was getting more difficult all the time. �I�m very grateful to be able to call you my friend. In an ideal world, in different circumstances, what we wanted could have been�. But as it is, I�m the luckiest woman in the Galaxy to have you as a friend.� Having said this she turned and headed for the door.
Stopping her before the doors opened, Chakotay said. �You mean it? In different circumstances? What WE wanted?��
Kathryn turned to face him with a sad smile on her beautiful face. �My friend, you�re bride is waiting, and I have very little time to get to the holodeck where I am shortly going to perform a ceremony.� Stepping closer she hugged him and whispered. �Be happy. Not for me, and not for her, but for yourself. You�ve earned it, my Friend.�
With that Janeway let go and a stunned Chakotay left---- leaving Kathryn behind.
�God, I love you Chakotay. I always will. My friend.� Soon after him, she left and headed for the holodeck.
Back to the present:
It seems like yesterday, 20 years ago. That day I walked down to the Holodeck, and married them. I don�t regret it. I�m not saying I never did. Hell, when I was supposed to say �you may kiss the bride� I nearly shoved poor Jessica out of my way and did that part myself. Good thing B�Elanna was there then. My other friend.
And now, my third friend is on it�s way. Death. I�m not afraid to die. In fact I feel I�m more than ready. I had a message from Katie, telling me that her dad has left to join his ancestors. Poor girl, she misses him so much. I only wish I could be there for her like her father was there for me.
Not this time. I can feel it coming. In an odd way, it�s calming. Knowing there�s no escape this time. No cheating. I never really believed in afterlife. Especially after that alien, in the Delta Quadrant. You know the one that claimed to be my father�.
One of these days someone will find this and wonder what on Earth this is. Well, let me tell you. These are the last written thoughts of a woman who had the best friend this life can offer.
Kathryn Janeway.
The end�.
OK, those who wanna kill me, pls think before you do. You�ll get caught anyway.