Application for Permission to Date My Daughter:

Name:______________________ Date of Birth:_________
Heighth:___________Weight:____________ IQ:_________
GPA:_____________Drivers' License # ___________
SSN:_______________Boy Scout Rank:___________
Home Address:_________________________City:______________
State:________________Zip:_____________
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? ____________
If NO, Explain:______________________
Number of years your parents have been married:_______
Do you own:
a van?:_______A truck with oversized tries?:_______ A waterbed?:________
Do you have: an earring?_____ nose ring?_______ belly button ring?______
Tattoo?_____
(if yes to any of above, discontinue application and leave premises)
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to
you?:_____________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?:
________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to
you?:________________
________________________________________________________________

Church you attend:______________________How often?_________________
When would be the best time to interview your mother/father/ preist/
minister/ and rabbi?:_____________________

Answer by filling in the blank: Please answer freely, ALL answers are
confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I-promise)

a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would
be:________
_________________________________________________________________

b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
____________________
_________________________________________________________________

c)A woman's place is in the :
___________________________________________

d) The one thing thing I hope this aspplication does not ask me about
is:_________________________________________________________________

e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is
:____________________
__________________________________________________________________

(Note: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises
keeping you head low, running in a serpentine fashion is advised. )

What do you want to be IF you ever grow
up?:________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORREST TO THE
BEST
OF MY KNOWLEDGE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN
ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT pokers

___________________________________________________
Signature (This means you, moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing.
You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not
attempt
any communication before your application is approved, automatic
disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you
will
b
notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases
(You
might want to watch your back)
Do you still want to date my daughter?
________yes, please accept my application
________ I um, I uh, think I have the wrong house....