Title: Hurt & Reconciliation
Author: Kayjay
Rating: R to NC-17
Timeline / Spoiler: set somewhere in late season 6 to early season 7�after Michael anyway.
Archive: Gladly! Just tell me where, so I can come visit!
Authors notes: Yes, I know! It's a sappy song fic, but I couldn't contain my muse on this one, so bear
with me please� ;)


	The steam of her coffee rose up to tantalize her nose with the scent she loved so much. Kathryn was 
sitting in the mess hall, enjoying her last cup of coffee for the day. It was 2330 and there were still 
some others around, laughing and talking. Kathryn had been sitting for at least an hour in this somewhat
secluded seat in one corner of the mess hall, so she wasn't sure anyone even knew she was there. She 
was still contemplating the stars when her ears picked up her name from a table relatively nearby. "This
time the Captain really hurt him. I don't think he can take anymore." That was Megan Delaneys' voice. 
"Yeah, and I hope he learns from the experience and stops pursuing her! He has to see now that she
doesn't want him." Ayala said. The wistful sigh heard next was from Jenny Delaney. "I wouldn't mind
him being free again, but think about the Captain. She deserves some happiness, too. And I think she
loves him, but can't show it for some reason." Kathryn had to smile a little at that. Dear Jenny, who often
came across as slightly superficial where relationships to men were concerned, had inadvertently hit the
mark. "Well that may be, but with all due respect, what kind of a woman denies not only herself but her 
love some happiness? I'm sorry, but either the Captain is really dumb or she doesn't love him and then 
she's a bitch!" Ayala was very vehement and Kathryn winced. "I'm waiting to see what Chakotay will do 
now. I heard him say that he couldn't take it anymore when he realized the Captain had even altered 
Michaels specifications to fit her needs." By this time Kathryn desperately wanted to flee the room, but 
she couldn't do that without being detected. Soon after that the trio broke up and Kathryn, deep in thought,
went to her quarters.

	Over the following days Chakotay noticed his Captain being very distracted, but he refused to be drawn in
again by confronting her. Kathryn meanwhile was constantly agonizing over her feelings and their relation
to protocol. After a lot of soul-searching, she finally admitted to herself that she had other fears, too. At 
night she wandered around her ship and at day she closed herself off in her ready room. In the eighth night
since she overheard the discussion between Ayala and the Delaney sisters, she woke up at 2 AM with the 
decision made. Smiling she sank back under her covers and slept peacefully until the next morning.
When the turbolift stopped to deposit Captain Janeway onto the bridge, everyone present was relieved to
see their Captain smile again. "Good morning everyone!" she said pleasantly. She took her seat and threw 
a warm smile in Chakotays direction. She could see the confusion in his eyes, but didn't dare say anything 
here on the bridge. "Well, is everybody prepared for Talent night tonight? Any of you participating?" Kathryn
asked cheerily. Tom spoke up: "Oh yes. Today will be a very memorable evening. Our distinguished First 
Officer has finally agreed to give his first and last performance." Chakotay winced beside her and blushed 
just a bit. *Very cute* Kathryn thought. "I'm intrigued�What will you be doing, Commander?" she asked 
him. Without looking into her or anyone elses eyes he whispered "Sing�I will sing." A little taken aback by
his demeanor she chose to not further comment on that topic. The rest of the shift went by in relative silence 
and Harry and Tom threw each other curious and speculative glances.

	After the shift Kathryn went to her quarters to take a long, relaxing bubble bath. When she sank into the hot
water with a sigh, she couldn't help her thoughts drifting to Chakotay. Sighing deeply she dipped even lower
into the water, her fingers starting to drift down her body. One hand lingered on her breast, while the other 
one smoothed through her soft curls to play with her folds. Chakotays face loomed in her minds eye, just like
it had every time she did this for the last five years. Moaning quietly she attacked her nub of nerves and 
quickly and efficiently brought herself to climax. She didn't even have to fantasize about his hands on her 
anymore to be able to bring herself off. In the last six years she had been out here, her fingers had become 
very adapt at pleasuring herself. Reluctantly Kathryn stepped out of the tub to find herself something decent 
(but sexy) to wear. After all, she wanted to impress Chakotay.

	Chakotay meanwhile was also trying to find just the right attire for tonight. He had searched long and hard for
the perfect song. He found the song that best conveyed his feelings to Kathryn and give her one last chance to
change her mind. With not just a little trepidation he thought about what he would do when his last-ditch effort 
failed. He feared he would have to leave Voyager in order to find peace. Unfortunately a sick feeling in his 
stomach told him she would run. Maybe she wouldn't even stay till the end of the song. Well, everything he 
owned was packed up so he could leave immediately for the next M class planet. Ayala would bring him to any
nearby planet with a shuttle in case Kathryn, no the Captain, wouldn't give him one. Sighing he stepped into his
all-black clothes and went to inspect himself in the mirror. To add something different he brushed his front hair
in his forehead. That way maybe he wouldn't look so much like her First Officer. With drooping shoulders he left
for his desperate revelation.

	Nearly the whole crew was gathered in the holodeck. Only the skeleton crew, including Seven, were manning the
stations. Even Tuvok didn't volunteer to take gamma shift today. Kathryn was already there, looking stunningly 
beautiful in her black knee-length dress with a closed front, but a dip in the back down to the small of her back. 
Suddenly Chakotay was determined to place as much feeling into this song as humanly possible. He needed her.
Shaking slightly he nodded to Tom to make the announcement. Tom climbed up onto the stage and called for
attention. "Ladies and Gentlemen! Today we have the one-time pleasure of hearing Commander Chakotay sing.
Please take a seat and listen�carefully." This last word was said looking Kathryn straight in the eye. Tom came
down and, grabbing his Captain, led her to one of the front seats right in the middle. The lights went out and the
crew waited in hushed expectation. In the dark Chakotay took his place on the stage, right in the middle with the
mic in front of him. Slowly the light came back on in a spotlight. The first few notes of the beautiful, but infinitely
sad tune drifted through the room. Kathryn was riveted to her chair, her eyes fixed solely on the lonely figure up
on stage. With a surprisingly good singing voice he began to sing very low.

Love of my life,
You've hurt me�

Kathryn winced. It was clear that this was about her.

You've broken my heart
And now you leave me.
Love of my life, can't you see?
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me,
Because you don't know what it means to me.

Chakotay was pointedly staring at Kathryn the whole time. Kathryn for her part was near tears already.
Love of my life
Don't leave me
You've taken my love
And now desert me.
Love of my life, can't you see?

Oh, remember, when this has blown over
And everything's all 'by the way'
When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you
How I still love you.
I still love you�

	Kathryns eyes grew wide. At first she thought he didn't want her anymore, that she had hurt him too much and it
was too late now. But after the last few words�

	When the last notes drifted away and Chakotay was waiting up on stage for her reaction, she jumped up and ran 
to him. The whole gathered crew drew in an audible gasp, waiting for catastrophe. Instead Kathryn threw herself 
into Chakotays arms, half crying and half laughing. A completely stunned Chakotay was the only one who heard 
her whispered words. "I love you too, Chakotay. I was dumb, but I came to a decision last night. I want to live out 
my life with you�damn protocol and my fears!" The crew couldn't see her face, but they could all see the silly grin 
spreading over Chakotays', his eyes twinkling with joy. Suddenly the crew started clapping and cheering, someone,
namely Tom, shouted "About time!" The Captain was very uncomfortable with all this, but Kathryn threw her out an
airlock and rose up on tiptoe to passionately kiss her First Officer in front of her entire crew. On stage, no less. Finally
Kathryn turned around to face them. With a warm smile and a definite twinkle in her eyes she said "Thanks. The 
Commander and I will return to my quarters now. We have a lot to talk about." With a wink she grabbed the seemingly
permanently stunned Chakotay by the hand and led him through the doors of the holodeck. Upon their departure Tom 
started collecting his betting pool.


The End