There are 75 light bulbs in and around my home.

On any given day, at least one of them is burned out.

Right now I can think of six in need of being replaced.

Maybe I buy cheap bulbs. Or perhaps I�m using the wrong wattage. Maybe it�s because a certain member of the family tends to turn on so many lights at once that midnight is indistinguishable from mid-day.

Whatever the reason, it seems like I no sooner replace one blown bulb than another flickers and fades to black.

Q: How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they're convinced that the power will come back on soon.

Depending on its location, one light bulb going out is not usually enough for me to rummage in the cupboard for a new one. For example, one light fixture in the kitchen has four bulbs. I can usually wait for two to go out before I feel the need to do something about it.

Then, when they are all back to full strength�whoa�it�s like Genesis all over again: Let there be light.

The dining room fixture has ten of those frosted flame-shaped bulbs. It took me nine years in the house to finally remember what size and wattage to buy. Before then I always had to take a burned out bulb with me to the store.

Unfortunately, I still have to do that with the larger globe lights from the bathroom fixtures.

I find buying light bulbs confusing with all the shapes and sizes, watts and lumens, to consider. Long-life bulbs seem like a good idea but I recently read that they aren�t as energy-efficient. Bulbs that filter out the blue light to "reveal" truer colors are another interesting marketing ploy. I�m using one by my computer as I write but haven�t seen much difference. You�d have to use them throughout your house for maximum effect which is, I guess, what the light bulb manufacturer is hoping.

Q. How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It doesn't matter; they think that all the available bulbs won't light up.

How often do you think about the light bulb in your refrigerator, freezer or oven? Only when it goes out, right? And when a bulb blows, our first inclination is to tighten it in the socket. Then there�s the inevitable shaking to hear, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the soldier is truly dead.

At Christmas, I wage an all-out assault against those itty-bitty tree lights. I buy a new string every few years just to have enough extras around. I sincerely hope that the person responsible for cursing us with them is in charge of sorting them out in his own home.

Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A "Real Woman" would have plenty of "Real Men" around to do it.

Fortunately, my husband and I don�t really follow the male job/female job school of chore management, so changing light bulbs is as much an equal-opportunity task as laundry and dishes. As with these chores, changing the light bulbs�especially ones in high-up places�is either a "who noticed it first" or a "who gets more bothered by it first" proposition.

We don�t currently own any little step ladders so when it comes to changing ceiling bulbs I rely on the sturdiest kitchen chair. I suppose this would be woefully wimpy to a "real man" who would prefer to haul the seven-foot ladder from the basement. (Safety goggles and voltage meter optional.)

Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.

While my husband isn�t afraid of the dark, he sure doesn�t like it much. There�s a 150-watt three-way bulb by his bedside that I refer to as "the klieg light" for its less-than-subtle lighting abilities.

In every household with two or more people, someone is a lights-on person and someone is a lights-off person. As you�ve probably figured out, I am the designated lights-off person in our home.

If I�m in one corner of a room, I don�t require the whole room illuminated.

Before I leave the house, I make sure to flick off all the lights.

I�m the only one in the family who can navigate my way downstairs in the middle of the night with only the nightlight to guide me.

I enjoy the soft light of votive and pillar candles (preferably with a light vanilla scent or no scent at all) and look forward to power outages so I can use the five-armed candelabra that makes me feel rich and old-fashioned.

I would rather gaze hours at the full moon than spend all day in sun.

Our daughter is an interesting mixture: she prefers to have the lights off, especially when watching TV. She�s fascinated with 1800s, pre-electricity life and enjoys the two oil lamps we have�one modern the other antique. When the fireplace is roaring she will hunt down every light the house and make sure it�s extinguished.

Yet, I have to keep reminding her to turn off the bedroom light after she�s gotten ready for school and dashed downstairs for breakfast.

People either love or hate light bulb jokes. If you�ve read this far, chances are you aren�t in the latter category so you�ll forgive me for ending with yet another one:

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.