Many signs of thankfulness and expressions of gratitude

On The Bright Side

by Kay Hafner

The other morning, on our way to the school bus, my daughter taught me the American Sign Language gesture for "thank you," which she evidently learned in school as part of a pre-Thanksgiving lesson. It looked to me like she was blowing a kiss. After some Internet research and a call to the Glens Falls Association for the Hearing Impaired, here�s what I discovered about the "thank you" sign:

Start by raising one hand to your face. Keep the hand flat and the fingers together, resting the tips of the index, middle and ring fingers on the chin, just below your bottom lip. Then, lower your forearm about six to eight inches away from your body. For more emphasis, do the movement multiple times, or give a bit more force and use your free hand as a base for the moving hand to land on.

The beauty of sign language is that it offers graceful, powerful expressions that illustrate words and thoughts in ways simple speach can�t. Although this "thank you" sign isn�t really a kissing motion as I first thought, it still strikes me as a rather profound, personal gesture to demonstrate a phrase most of us say as a reflex.

There�s a big difference between empty, meaningless words and sincere, meaningful expressions of appreciation. We�re bored and unconvinced when an Oscar Award winner start his acceptance speech with the tried and true (and trite) words, "I�d like to thank the Academy. . . " However, we couldn�t help but sit up and take notice when Roberto Begnini jumped, leapt and expressed child-like joy for his Academy Award. The depth of his gratitude went beyond the words he tried to speak.

When a tired sales clerk recites the required phrase, "Thanks for shopping at Superduper Consumer Mart," while looking in the distance behind me, I resent the idea that some of my money might find its way into her paycheck. On the other hand, I appreciate the waiter who looks me in the eye as I�m leaving and says a hardy, "Thanks for coming. Enjoy your evening," before he�s seen his tip.

A common battle cry for writers is "show, don�t tell." I think that�s good advice for everyone. In the above illustrations, there�s a definite contrast between saying thank you and showing it. Just as with many sign language gestures, one action can communicate far more than a spoken word alone. Even when a thank you response is mandated, negative actions will act like a megaphone to drown the sound of the rote words. Positive actions, on the other hand, will enhance and magnify the power of the words.

If complimenting the family cook for an excellent Thanksgiving meal is polite and nice, just think what doing the dishes afterward--unasked--will mean. If filling the tank in a borrowed car is polite and nice, just think what a quick drive through the car wash will mean.

Many people, from low self-worth or lack of practice, have difficulty accepting gratitude. An "aw, shucks, it was nothing attitude" seems humble, but gracious acceptance of the thanks is preferrable. We need to see someone�s gratitude toward us as a gift and accept it that way.

Today is Thanksgiving. I�m thankful for a day to gather with my family and enjoy some really great cooking. I�m also thankful for the four-day weekend which will allow me to visit with far-flung friends who�ve come home to roost, if only briefly. More than that, I�m thankful for the reminder to spend some quiet, honest time with God in sincere gratitude for the blessings of the past year. Perhaps a healthy dose of gratefulness today will help me to be thankful, and to better show that thanks, every day of the coming year.

One final thought: Thank you for finishing this column. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Kay Hafner, a writer from Queensbury, notes that she�s thankful not to have to cook anything for her family�s Thanksgiving festivities. To share your thoughts on thanks giving or Thanksgiving, contact her at [email protected].

copyright � Kay Hafner 1999