From the outset of last season, GM Matt
Campbell had serious concerns about the state of his kickers. With only
Gary Anderson in camp, Campbell drafted no fewer than three kickers - Jeff
Wilkins, Brett Conway and Jeff Chandler. The assumption throughout the
league was that these four would battle it out in training camp and Campbell
would have the blessing of two elite kickers for the 2002 season. Chandler
and Anderson however, removed themselves from the equation early on in camp,
forcing Campbell to go with the veteran Wilkins and the injury prone
Conway. Anderson and Chandler were released.
Brett Conway, it shouild be mentioned had kicked
for Campbell before, on the successful 2000 team he was solid through week 4,
when he promptly tore his ACL and spent the remainder of the season on Injured
Reserve. History it seems, has a way of repeating itself. Conway
lasted until Week 2 this go round before his knee "exploded" forcing Danny
Wuerrful into kicking duties for the Washington Redskins and forcing GM
Campbell to trade for yet another kicker, in Kris Brown.
Wilkins and Brown gave gutsy performances in the
9-5 season but the team finished a distant 8th in kicking for the 2002 season,
scoring 20 points fewer at this position than any other franchise. Conway
was traded to GM Dave, Brown to GM Adam and Wilkins remain with Franklin
franchise.
While other GM's are looking to respond to the
shrewd signing of Al Bundy as Runningbacks coach, Campbell continues to be
pro-active in the Coaching market and it is with great pleasure today that we
announce the hiring of the franchise's first ever Special Teams coach, and chief
kicking scout.
This man has worked with legends in the past,
including Dan Marino.
He is a lover of marine animals, particularly
bottle-nosed dolphins.
He has a AFC Championship ring missing one of the
stones.
He has the worst case of Hemorrhoids I have ever
seen.
His gun is poking me.
Ladies and Gentlemen it is my pleasure to announce
the new Special Teams coach... Ray Finkle
Ray Finkle, also goes by the name Lois Einhorn...
Yes That's right, Finkle is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkle.
Dan Marino had this to say about the new Special
Teams Coach, "If you were to look up NFL's all time bone-headed plays, you
might read about a Miami kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the final field
goal in super bowl 17. What you wouldn't read about is how Ray Finkle lost his
mind, was commited to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police squad
under the assumed identity of a missing hiker maniupulating his weight and a
diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire
thing. "
When asked about Marion's comments regarding her
son's new job, Finkle's mom was quoted as saying, "If he had held the ball
laces out like he's supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan
Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell! Would You Like a Cookie
Son?"
Welcome to the team Ray Finkle, remember these
immortal words when working with our kickers... LACES OUT!#!#!#!#!
With Al Bundy and Ray Finkle on the staff the
Campbell franchise is certainly looking up.
END Note: I have been playing around a bit
with my team's webpage, giving my players numbers and similar things, mainly for
the hell of it. If you want me to add anything to your page, let me know
and I'll do it as quickly as possible. Same goes for any colour/photo changes
you may have.