The Franchise located at 1324 Franklin Drive is looking to improve on last season's 9-5 record and as part of this process, the entire coaching staff from last year's team have had their contracts terminated. Over the next few weeks, team officials, including general manager Matt Campbell will be looking for a few good men to lead the team to victory. In order to start the process off on the right foot, we are very pleased today to announce the hiring of a new runningback coach for the 2003 season. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the newest member of the team, Mr. Al Bundy!

Mr. Bundy is a fomer fullback who played with the Polk High Panthers in their Championship season. He was the Panthers Team MVP and was a major factor in the teams victory in the final versus Andrew Johnson High. As an 18 year old, Al set the school record for most touchdowns in a single season. He is also well known for scoring Four Touchdowns in a Single Game. Unfortunately this was the pinnacle of Al's life as he succumbed to a leg injury and of course Peggy. Rather than pursue a pro career (he was offerred a scholarship) he was married... with children. His jersey number (33) is retired in the Polk High Gymnasium.

Al will bring a lifetime of experience to the club, as well as "The Ferguson" ("the king of bowls", "the Stradivari of toilets"). In addition to his monetary compensation, Al will recieve a lifetime supply of Weenie-Tots. Rumour has it that among Bundy's contract demands were consultant positions for fellow members of the National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood (NO MA'AM).