Monk

*(3/8)

By Sakata Ri Houjun

 

 *****************

 

As a Suzaku Shichiseishi, the one thing everyone knew was that I could be depended upon.  Always reliable, always strong...I knew what was going on even when the others didn't.  I never broke my word once I gave it.

 

True to my promise, I returned to Mount Leikaku only a week after my sudden departure.  Tasuki kept his and was waiting.  He came out to see me upon my arrival in the courtyard with the same camaraderie he offered when I last arrived.

 

Once we were alone, he removed my mask with trembling hands and hungrily sought my lips with his.

 

"Oh, Chiri..." he murmured softly.

 

I wrapped my arms around him and sighed.  I had missed him in the past week despite everything that happened to me.  I leaned my face against the softness of his hair and inhaled deeply.  He smelled of the mountain air.

 

He leaned in and began to nibble on my ear.  I closed my eyes and surrendered to the emotions swelling within my heart.

 

Within my mind, I could see a pair of gray eyes that stared at me, empty and haunting.  My eye flew open as I jerked back.  A dull sting surged through my right ear, but I ignored it.  I turned around, pulling from Tasuki's embrace, and walked to the open window.  Somehow, I could see Souun City at the base of the mountain.  I imagined the girl, Nanami's house.  Perhaps her mother was away and her father home to watch her...Perhaps he was leading her to his room...

 

"Chiri..." Tasuki's hurt voice pulled me from my thoughts.  I turned and found him staring at me like I had hit him.  There was blood on his lower lip.

 

My ear began to throb and instinctively I reached up to feel it.   When I brought my hand back, it was covered in blood.  I met Tasuki’s eyes again before turning to the window once more.  I breathed in the mountain air.

 

"Let's go outside and walk."

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

We were moving silently down one of the many mountain paths.  It seemed like old times again when it was just the two of us traveling together to find meaning in our lives since our duties as seishi were done.  Now we were lovers, but my mind was with Nanami.

 

After she had finished her story, I took her home.  Her mother had been worried, but was relieved when she saw me.  Then I met her father.  Almost instantly I could feel this man's perversion crawling over my skin like a slimy hand, threatening to reach inside me.  With nausea gripping my being, I hastily declined their offers to stay the night and left.  I knew that something needed to be done, but what could I do?

 

I realized that Tasuki had stopped walking and was standing several paces behind me.  I turned around and noticed that the hurt was still in his eyes.

 

"Something is really bothering ya, Chiri.  You're never this quiet unless you're praying, which you’re not."  He closed the distance between us in a few easy steps.  "Tell me what's on your mind."

 

"I can't."

 

"Why the hell not?" he began angrily.  "Something has got you worried and I want you to be happy again because I love you so much.  Why can’t ya just..."

 

I cut him off with a kiss before he could continue. It wasn't fair what was happening to Nanami.  I wasn't fair that I was bound by my word and thus couldn't tell Tasuki.  And it certainly wasn't fair that he should blame himself for my problems.

 

I pulled away and stroked his beautiful face with shaking hands.  I wanted to tell him.  I knew he could help me in his own way, but this was something I had to deal with, alone.  I withdrew from his closeness and sat on a fallen log nearby.  Tasuki sat next to me, his eyes searching my face.

 

I sighed heavily.  "Tasuki, was there ever a time you regretted your destiny?"

 

"What're you saying?"

 

"That we were meant to die protecting Miaka...Was there ever a doubt in your mind in accepting the responsibility?"

 

"I'm certain that all of us felt that way one time or another."  He paused.  "Why are you talking like that?"

 

"Let's just say that you knew that Miaka was in danger, but you didn’t know exactly from what.  The moment she reaches for her cup, you realize that it is poisoned.  There isn't enough time to warn her, only enough to make a decision."

 

"Yeah, and knowing you like I do, you'd probably drink it for her.   Although getting the damnned thing away from her might worry me more than the poison."

 

I ignored Tasuki's attempts at levity and continued.  "But what if something prevented you from acting.  Let's say...a vow.  What if you had to chose and found yourself torn in that moment?"

 

"You’re talking about something that never happened."

 

I looked at him and saw just how worried he was about me.  I smiled weakly.  "I'm just thinking out loud because I'm uncertain about something..."

 

"You uncertain?  Don't make me laugh.  You're the one person in the world who always seemed to keep your head despite the shit coming at us.  You’re the one whom had nothing to lose yet gave it all.  That's why I love you.  You’re everything I had hoped to be like one day, but I can’t."

 

He laughed.  "Besides, you don't need me giving you advice."  He leaned his head against my shoulder.  "Ch'.  The way I see it, ya got two choices.  You can take the cup of poison and drink it or sit on your vows and pray for Suzaku's divine intervention.  Either way, it’ll all work out since you are the one who never asked for nothing."

 

 He got up and began to walk away.  I watched him with the realization that he really had grown wiser over the years.  He was also right.  I was about to say something but he turned around with a wicked grin on his face.

 

"We should head back now.  What do ya say we pick up where we left off once we get to my chambers?  I do owe ya a proper welcome after all."

 

I said nothing as I got up and moved towards him.  When our bodies were touching, I stopped and gazed into his burning eyes until I felt the last of my despair melt away.  I felt that fire burn right into me and let some of it enter my eye.  I wanted him.

 

We embraced fiercely while our mouths seemed to meld together.  I chased away my thought regarding Nanami.  For the first time in my life, I wanted something selfishly.

 

 ~~~~~~~~~

 

As before, the dawning of the new morning coaxed me from my sleep.   Tasuki still slept soundly, his arm flung possessively across my chest.  I could hear him breathe, feel his body rise and fall with every breath, feel his heart beat.  I knew I should get up and pray, but for once I wanted to lie by my lover's side until he woke.  I wanted to be the first thing he would see when he opened his golden eyes.

 

I took his hand from my chest and gently kissed its palm.  Surely I was praying now with every breath and heartbeat, giving thanks to the gods that Tasuki and I were able to be together after all that happened.  May Suzaku forgive me if I was in the wrong, but surely there was no need for me to leave the side of the one I loved after such a heartfelt mantra spoken by my very soul.

 

The sun marked the only passage of time as it slowly crept across the floor.  I paid no attention to it because I didn't care.   Eventually Tasuki did awake and gazed up at me in confusion just as I had wanted him to.  The look in his sleep filled eyes brought a smile to my face.  If only to stay like this forever in my lover’s embrace.  

 

"Mmmmm..," he reached up to rub the last of the sleep from his eyes and continued to stare at me in disbelief.  I shifted my position until we were both on our sides and able to face each other more directly.

 

"Chiri...why are you still here?  Aren’t ya gonna pray?"

 

I ignored what he said and planted a soft kiss on his lips.  "I hope you slept well, no da."

 

He stared at me speechless for a moment.  "Okay, who are you and what have you done with my lover?"  His eyes narrowed.  "I bet you're really one of the old bag's mirror doubles."  I pressed my body against his and smiled.  "Do I seem that different, no da?"

 

He finally smiled.  "So, you convinced me.  I guess I'm beginning to rub off on you in more ways than one."

 

"Is that bad, no da?"

 

His face got serious.  "Just as long as you don't change too much, Chiri."  He reached up and began to stroke my scar.  Deep within me, I could remember the last time he had done that and the same sensations returned.

 

"Chiri, you’re beautiful.  From your 'no da's' to your scar, you're perfect."

 

My heart stopped at his words.  I couldn't believe what he had just said.  I had always been self-conscious about my face.  That was the reason why I wore the mask, only taking it off when in privacy.  The miko and other seishi were the only other people to have seen me with out it.  I often had to be reminded to remove it because I wore it so much.  The mask itself was a part of me.

 

Yet here was the one I loved and he was telling me things I'd never thought I hear.  I was beautiful?  Perfect?  Surely not, but the truth behind his words could not be denied.  I felt the tears before they fell and Tasuki leaned in close to kiss them away.

 

Gods, what did I do to deserve to love again?  I did love Kouran once but she had died a long time ago.  I was certain at the time that my heart along with any hope that I'd love again was gone with her.   This proved that no destiny is certain.

 

The last thought I shared with Tasuki.  He agreed with me about destiny. 

 

"But you need to be happy.  If anything else, Suzaku owes ya.  You’ve never asked for anything."

 

"I did...I asked to stay here with you like this forever."

 

His eyes widened.  "Give up your wandering?  You’d do that?"

 

I smiled.  "Maybe..." I leaned in for another kiss, but a pair of gray eyes flashed before me.  I jerked back.  No, I couldn't give up wandering, not yet.  Not until Nanami was safe.  I sat up and looked out the window.  I felt connected to this girl.  Every time she was abused would be my fault until I did something to stop it.  Even though I had no idea how, I still needed to help.

 

"You’re leaving again," Tasuki stated flatly.  I turned and looked down at him.  I was happy, but I couldn't go on and ignore the problem. 

 

Nanami needed my help.

 

I smiled at him.  "I have to take care of one little problem before I can give up my wandering."

 

"You swear?"

 

I picked up one of his hands and brought it up to my lips.  "You have my word," I whispered into his skin.