Cross My Heart

*Chapter One

By Sakata Ri Houjun

 

Warning: Lemon

 

~***~

 

In this world there’s sadness so deep you can’t even cry

Like you’re being surrounded by a deep, endless darkness…

Yes, it was your sweet voice calling my name

That saved me from loneliness when I stood at the cliff’s edge.

 

~***~

 

“Are you going to buy that manga, or are you just pretending to read it?”

 

I sigh inwardly at the question.  It’s normalcy for me to hear this sort of thing all the time, being the gaijin that I am.  Sure, I’m short enough to not stick out too much, but when you have the pale skin and fair hair that my ancestors of Scotland were famous for, you can’t help but be obvious.  In the two years since coming to Japan, I’ve gotten used to such assumptions, but it’s getting annoying.

 

And now, when I’m trying to shop for the latest volumes for my library, the last thing I need is some close-minded native standing behind me ruining what little free time I have.

 

“I could read this perfectly fine, deshi.  I’m just choosing to take time and admire the artwork of Yumi Tamura, deshi,” I responded just as curtly without turning around to face her, my accent as thick as ever.

 

“Alec?”

 

My spine stiffened.  I had expected to hear some snide comment about my being a gaijin, or a request to take my business elsewhere.  But to hear the shortened version of my name shocked me more than any insult ever could.  But, how could she know who I was, this being the first time I ever set foot into this particular honya?

 

Slowly I turned around to face the woman behind me, the copy of Basara I had been flipping through forgotten for the moment.  At the first glimpse that was caught out of the corner of my eye, she seemed no different than any other native, dark hair that was pulled away from her angular face, thick chunks falling around her slanted eyes.  But once I had fully faced her did I notice that her hair wasn’t truly black but auburn so deep that you couldn’t tell until the sun hit it just right, streaking her mane with blood red streaks.  I then noticed her skin was not as dark as it should have been.

 

A shock of recognition ran through my heart as I peered into the shadows cast across her eyes by the loose hair.  Sure enough, her eyes weren’t the normal brown you’d see on any other Japanese; instead it was a vibrant blue.  All these traits were a gift from her father’s side of the family.

 

How do I know all this?  Because I have met her family although it had been two years ago since I had last laid eyes on her.

 

“Kitari?  Kitari Young?  Is that really you, deshi?”

 

She gave a slight nod of her head, a smile sliding over her features.  I felt my own face melting into a grin of my own as I reached over and pulled her into a hug.  Unhurriedly, her own arms found their way around me as well and she returned the embrace despite the looks we were getting from the other patrons. 

 

But we had stopped caring what other people thought of us a long time ago.

 

When I had moved from my homeland to America, I had hoped to find the opportunity of so many privileges that I would not have had in Scotland.  Unfortunately, I was a child with an IQ of 260 and that had serious repercussions on my chances of anything ‘normal’.  My parents supported me in my successes, but I guess the correct term to use would be that they pushed me.

 

At age thirteen, I was attending high school.  And at age sixteen I had been accepted into MIT.  I was isolated from anyone I associated with at school and denied so many things that others have taken for granted.  I didn’t have any real friends until that one fateful day I had walked into a local bookstore, similar to the one I was in now.

 

I had entered, hoping to locate a particular book on the development of bi-pedal machines, when a rather colorful display caught my attention.  Intrigued, I studied the thick volumes labeled in Japanese, selecting one bound in a yellow jacket.  I began to flip through and my first impression upon seeing so many pictures and very few words was that this had to be a book for children.  That was until I noticed the intricacy of the artwork.

 

“Are you going to buy that manga, or just pretend to read it?” a feminine voice asked from behind.

 

“I could probably read it.  But I’m choosing to take time and admire the artwork of…of…” I trailed off, not knowing who had illustrated this manga, as I could not read Japanese at the time.

 

“Yuu Watase,” she responded.  “She’s very good.  But you ought to see the anime for that particular series.”

 

I turned to face a girl no older than me, her nametag reading Kitari.  “Anime?”  That was something new to me.

 

Kitari smiled.  “I’d be glad to show you.  I have all the videos that are out in the States.”  She held out her hand in greeting.  “My name’s Kitari Young.  What’s yours?”

 

I clasped her hand, returning the gesture of friendship.  “Alexander Howell.  But you can call me Alex.”

 

That day started a friendship that would last for two years.  She introduced me to manga, anime, and all the wonderful aspects of Japanese pop culture.  As her mother was full Japanese, she was fluent in the language and began to teach me as well even though my Scottish accent kept getting in the way.  Soon, we were watching anime and playing video games that were imported.  She fostered my love of anime, transforming me into an otaku of the highest degree.

 

And for once in my short life, I wasn’t as isolated as I had been. 

 

But she had disappeared from my life at age eighteen, just as I was about to graduate from MIT and she from high school.  All Kitari told me was that she was going to care for some relative who lived far off.  That had been two years ago, before I got the job offer with Mikage Intl.

 

What was she doing here now?

 

I pulled away from the embrace to brush aside some of her hair to lock gazes with her.  “Why are you in Japan, deshi?”

 

She averted her eyes for a moment.  “Well, it had always been my dream to come here.”

 

“What about the relative you were taking care of, deshi?”

 

Her shoulders slumped slightly.  “It was an uncle on my mother’s side.  He died recently.”

 

I pulled away completely and grimaced.  “Gomen nasai, deshi.  I didn’t mean…”

 

Kitari laughed.  “Don’t be.  My mother thought it would be good for me to come to the place of her birth, especially since I was the only member of the family who could take care of him.  And he provided for me, even after his death, making certain that I’d get to pursue my dream.”

 

I chuckled good-naturedly.  Kitari was an aspiring manga artist and she had the talent to back it up.  During out time together, she kept proclaiming that she’d get to come to Japan and attend an art school.  I kept teasing her about being the next Yuu Watase.

 

“But what about you, Alec?  Why are you here?”

 

“Well, it is the ultimate source of anything anime, deshi.”

 

She giggled and smacked me playfully on the arm.  “I’ll bet your collection has grown too.”

 

I nodded before continuing.  “Hai.  Demo, right after you left, I got this offer from Mikage, Intl., to join their research team on the American branch, deshi.  Then with the advances I’ve made with my examination in genetic engineering, I’ve been offered to head a major project here in Japan, deshi.”

 

She gave a slight shake of her head.  “I have no idea what you just said, but it sounds like you’re following your dream too, Alec.”

 

I had to laugh at that.  Just as I had teased her, she nagged me about my dream of being able to, if I could borrow a phrase from an anime we frequently watched, revolutionize the world.  When choosing my major at MIT, I originally opted to study robotics.  However I had no desire to create mechas that would cause destruction.  Then I looked into genetics and found that with my intelligence, perhaps I might be able to stop birth defects within the womb or even wipe out inheritable diseases.  It really was my desire to change the world.

 

And with the beginning of C Project, I could do just that.

 

“Hai,” I responded with a knowing smile.

 

“Ne, listen.  I’ve got to get back to work, Alec.  Demo, if you want to meet up later I get off in about two hours.”

 

I nodded.  “Sounds like fun, deshi.”

 

“Great.  Because I know this karaoke bar just a few blocks away.”

 

I could feel the blood drain from my face, making my pale skin even whiter.  “Karaoke, deshi?”  God knew she had dragged me to such places back in the States.  Although it had been fun in its own way, karaoke was not one of my favorite pastimes.

 

She flashed me an evil grin.  “Sure.  I’m kind of curious if you’ve gotten any better.”

 

I shook my head.  Kitari would never give up unless I agreed.  “Okay.  I’ll be back here in two hours and we’ll go karaoking, deshi.”

 

“It’s a date, then.  Ja ne.”  She spun on her heel and headed back to the counter, leaving me feeling as if she knew something I didn’t.

 

*~~~*

 

“I cannot believe you tried to sing that Takehito song, deshi,” I laughed as we walked down the nearly deserted street.

 

“Well, I can’t believe you actually agreed to that WeiB Kreuz duet with me,” Kitari responded as she linked her arm in mine.

 

“Well, you go with what you know, deshi.”

 

It was well past midnight and the two of us were walking aimlessly about the streets.  True to my word, I met my old friend outside the honya once her shift was over.  She had changed from the anime shirt she had been wearing to a nice blue top that brought out the distinct color of her eyes.  I was dressed just as casually in my long-sleeved gray work shirt over a plain white tee shirt.

 

Kitari leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed.  “Still, I’m glad I ran into you again.”

 

“Me too, deshi.”

 

“I mean, even though I’m Japanese, people still know I’m only half.  I don’t have very many friends, not beyond my job and the circle I often submit to.”

 

I could understand what she meant.  I didn’t associate with anyone other than who I worked with and I was often berated for my obsession with anime.  But it was a burden that I had grown accustomed to.

 

“It’s just like old times again, ne, deshi?  Just the two of us.”

 

Kitari yawned before nodding.  “Hai.”

 

I glanced down at my watch and noticed just how late it was getting.  “I think we should be heading home, deshi.”  Now it was my turn to yawn.

 

“My place is just up ahead.  I don’t know where you live, Alec, demo you’re welcome to stay the night.”

 

I chuckled.  “Old times, deshi.”

 

As she led the way, I thought back to the time when we were friends.  Her parents were very welcoming of me, even though I did support their daughter’s love of anime.  Although we were between sixteen and seventeen years old by then, they hadn’t minded my staying over for the night for marathons of anime viewing and game playing.  They knew, as well as Kitari and I did, that our relationship was purely plutonic.  Even during the times we rented a whole slew of hentai.

 

It wouldn’t mean a thing if I stayed the night over at Kitari’s place.

 

Her apartment was small and cozy, not much different from my own.  She had only a Playstation 2, hooked up to a small television/VCR combo.  Three shelving units housed her collections of anime tapes and DVDs while a hanging rack was shelved with her Jpop albums and soundtracks.  It was nothing like my setup at my apartment, but then her paychecks didn’t come from an international corporation either.  This was probably the best she could afford.

 

After shutting and locking the door, she slipped off her shoes and wandered off towards the narrow hallway that led to the bedroom.  “The bed’s back in here, Alec.  You can admire my meager collection in the morning.”

 

I nodded as I followed her into the tiny room that she slept in.  The futon Kitari rolled out was full sized and looked rather comfortable.  Wallscrolls hung on every available space that the walls could provide.  Most of these trappings were things that I recognized from the room she occupied when she lived with her parents back in the States.

 

“Make yourself comfortable, Alec,” she stated before rummaging around in an open drawer of a nearby chest.  “I’m just going to get changed.  If you want, I can lend you some of my things.”

 

I shook my head.  “No thanks, deshi.  I can just sleep in my shirt and shorts.”  The good thing about being so short and trim in build is that I had no problem with Kitari lending me clothing, usually tee shirts and shorts for times such as this.  But for some reason, I felt uncomfortable with the idea now.

 

Kitari disappeared into the bathroom to get changed while I slipped off the work shirt and folded it neatly on the floor.  I pulled off my belt next and laid it on top of the shirt.  I gave it some thought and then slipped off my pants as well.  I meant what I said about sleeping in my shorts.  People usually don’t think this of me, but I am a boxer type of guy.  Besides, Kitari and I were comfortable with one another in various states of undress.

 

She was exiting the bathroom just as I had finished crawling under the sheets, dressed in a white tank top and a pair of sleeping pants, her deep ebon hair flowing just below her shoulders.  I smiled before removing my glasses and leaned back against the pillow.  She sat down beside me with a brush in hand and began to run it through her hair.  After watching her for a while I sat back up and snatched the brush from her grip.

 

It had been ages since I was able to do this, brush someone else’s hair.  It was Kitari, after all, who convinced me to grow mine out so long in the first place even though I had been afraid at the time that I would look like a girl.  But Kitari also taught me not to care what other people thought.

 

She tensed up when I started, but then relaxed.  “You haven’t lost your touch, Alec.”

 

“I’ve had lots of practice, deshi.”  I wove my fingers through her thick hair, untangling a snag with ease.

 

“So I’ve noticed.  How long is it now?”

 

I rarely, if ever, took my braid out.  “Down to my rear, deshi.”

 

“You’re turning into Rapunzel on me, Alec.”

 

I laughed softly in return before setting the brush down.  “You’re done now, deshi.”  I returned to my reclining position as she joined me, tugging the blanket up.

 

She flipped on her side and I did the same.  Kitari and I would talk at all hours of the night about anything and everything, mostly anime though.  But not tonight.  Instead, we just laid there, gazing at one another.  I had no idea what was going through her head, but I was still in shock to have run into her like I did, as if she hadn’t been gone for the past two years of my life.  But something felt different than all the other nights we spent together.

 

I was noticing now how her smile now seemed a bit more uncertain, how her breathing was becoming unsteady.  But I’ve been noticing so many things tonight, how she looked in that blue top, how she seemed to sparkle on that karaoke stage as she sang, how warm she felt when she leaned against me.

 

I don’t deny that there had always been a healthy dose of sexual tension between us.  What plutonic relationship between a guy and a girl doesn’t?  But now it was feeling stronger than ever.

 

“You look like you have something on you mind, Alec,” she whispered softly.

 

“Hai,” I whispered back, my voice just as breathless.

 

“Tell me.”

 

Could I tell her just what was going through my mind?  “I can’t, deshi.”

 

“Can’t or won’t?”

 

I smiled softly.  “Okay, won’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

I ignored that as I reached over to tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear.  “Perhaps we shouldn’t have run into each other again today, deshi.”

 

Kitari blinked at me.  “But I’m happy to be with you again.”

 

“As am I.”

 

“Then what do you mean?”

 

My hand was still touching her ear, still caressing.  Kitari was the only true friend I ever had, and the only girl who was willing associate with what others labeled a ‘geek’ or a ‘fruit’.  “I just shouldn’t be here right now, deshi.”

 

“But I want you here, Alec.  I missed you so much.”

 

“I missed you too, Kitari.  So much…” I began to lean towards her, drawn by some invisible pull.

 

“Then what’s wrong?”  She didn’t pull away nor make any movement to indicate that my advance was unwelcome.  Either that or she didn’t know what I was about to do.

 

And I didn’t answer her, at least not with words.  Instead, I gently brushed my lips against hers, unable to stop even if I tried.  How long have I been wanting to do that?  I don’t know.  I may be a genius, but I don’t have all the answers.

 

When I pulled away, I saw something else in her eyes.  I saw myself reflected in the azure depths, but more than that I saw a wonderment dawning there and I understood perfectly that she had known exactly what I had intended to do.

 

“Alec…” she whispered.  “How long…?”

 

I thought back and answered truthfully.  “Ever since you tried to dye your hair blue and it came out purple instead, deshi.”  I remembered how fusterated she had been after that particular incident and how I wanted to hold her close, instead choosing to laugh and rub in her mistake.

 

She smiled, a blush covering her features.  “I’ve felt the same way ever since I first took you to karaoke and you insisted on singing in Japanese even though your accent was too thick and you can’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

 

I laughed.  “I still can’t, deshi.”

 

Kitari reached over and ran her fingers over my lips.  “I know.”

 

“But now what, deshi?  Will this ruin our friendship?”  I was afraid to know, afraid to try.  But I was willing.

 

“You’re a real life bishonen, Alec.  Why would you want me?”  I saw the doubt in her eyes and covered her hand with my own.

 

“Because you’re the only person who saw me for who I was.  You took away my loneliness and gave me confidence in myself, deshi.  You brought out a part of me that I didn’t know existed.”  It was true, all of it.  I had never felt this way, at least not about a flesh and blood woman.

 

She smiled before leaning over and brushing a returning kiss across my lips.  “You’re too perfect Alec.  That’s why I couldn’t tell you I was coming to Japan.  You deserve so much better than me.”

 

I wrapped my arms around her waist, bringing her closer against me, feeling her body in a way I never thought I would.  Something primal sparked in me with that contact and I immediately began to kiss her with every pent up emotion I had never experienced until that moment.   She clung to me as we both abandoned our fears about our friendship, knowing in our hearts that this was something deeper, something mutual, and something that couldn’t be denied.

 

As I devoured her mouth, I could feel her soft hands gripping at my shirt, tugging it upwards.  I pulled away only to assist with that and then I locked eyes with her, silently asking for permission before returning the favor.  I took a good look at her body before filling my hands with yielding flesh, feeling her do the same.

 

I had seen her naked before, as I said we were comfortable with one another.  But I wanted more.  I wanted her.  And the way with which she was pressing intimately against me, I knew she wanted me just as much.

 

I rolled on top of her, straddling her legs as I sat up a bit, watching her ebon hair pool around her shoulders on the white sheets.  Then I leaned down and tasted some of that warm flesh of her body, feasted on a delicacy that I never dreamed I would be tasting.  I listened to her cries of pleasure, felt her writhing against me as I teased with my tongue. 

 

As I slowly moved down her flat stomach, I untied the drawstring to the pants she was wearing.  Kitari never wore underwear to bed and tonight was no exception.  When I tugged away the garment, I found a beauty beyond anything I could have ever imagined, and I happen to have a vivid imagination.

 

I could feel warmth spreading through my whole body at the sight of her, and my heartbeat was thundering in my ears as I ran my hands leisurely down her body, memorizing the soft feel of her.

 

“Alec…” she breathed, her eyes pleading.  I felt her hands slowly tugging at my shorts, her petition clear.  I straightened up so she could sit up a bit and slip the last barrier between us away.  Then I heard her catch her breath.

 

“Nani?” I asked, afraid that we’d taken things too far.

 

Kitari reached over and caressed my abdomen and I felt my muscles jerk at the light touch.  “You’re beautiful, Alec.”

 

I gave off a nervous laugh.  “So are you, Kitari.”

 

She shook her head as her caress went lower, as if afraid to touch me.  “I mean it, Alec.  You’ve always been so beautiful to me, almost beyond my reach like a bishonen from a shojo anime.  Demo, you’re real, so much more real.”

 

I closed my eyes and moaned at the fleeting caresses before losing myself and pulling her to her knees with me, kissing her as I pressed our bodies against one another.  I felt her softness molding eagerly against my hard flesh and my mind reeled with dizzying sensations.  I trailed kisses along her cheek to her ear, my hands never stilling along the smooth skin of her back.

 

“Ai shiteru…” I whispered softly and I heard her soft gasp which turned into a quiet sob.

 

He arms wrapped around my waist as she buried her face against my shoulder.  “Hontou?”

 

I smiled gently as I kissed the top of her head.  “I can’t think of a time when I didn’t.”

 

Kitari clung to me as she cried and I held her tightly, wondering if we were doing the right thing.  Then her choked voice floated to my ear, “Ai shiteru, Alec.”

 

I pulled away only to look at her tearful eyes before kissing her again, this time with every ounce of my heart behind it.  Kitari leaned back against the blankets, and I followed, never wanting to break the delicious contact between our bodies.  Her small hands slid along my back, tracing a searing path along my spine before bringing both to the front to idly play with my nipples.

 

It was then that I broke the kiss, moaning quietly at her ministrations.  She laid there, cradled in my arms, her hands never stilling as she smiled at me.  I had to know if she truly wanted this.  “Kitari…” I trailed of with another moan.

 

She smirked back up at me.  “Hai?”

 

“Are you willing to…  Do you want me to…  I’ll stop if you’re not ready, deshi.”  I gazed at her, serious in my words and hoping that she understood.

 

Her smile slipped before she nodded resolutely.  “I’ve been waiting for this, Alec.  I want this.  I want you.  Ai shiteru.”

 

A shudder ran through my body, and my breath fell out in a heavy sigh.  My hands slid over Kitari’s waist; her skin felt so hot to the touch.   My hands spilled over her breasts, cupping them, kneading them.  My fingers rolled her nipples, and she cried out.  Then my hands slid under her buttocks while my mouth found her breasts.

 

As I tasted her supple skin, I slid my hands along her slender thighs and spread her legs.  I slipped one finger inside her moist heat and Kitari shuddered, head back eyes closed. 

 

“Alec…” she moaned, her legs moving to embrace me as her arms had earlier.

 

I moved over her and laid my body on top of her, pressing intimately closer, working my way inside her body.   She was tight and wet and I could feel every inch of my flesh being caressed.  Once I was completely sheathed, my eyes sought hers.

 

“Kitari…”

 

“Love me Alec…”

 

And I did.  My hips found a rhythm and she moved her hands to cup my buttocks to help in guiding me.  When I pumped harder, her fingernails dug into my flesh.  Then her hips rose with each thrust I made and the pace increased.

 

There was a line of searing heat that ran through my blood.  It grew stronger with each thrust.  Soon I was bathing in a fiery inferno that threatened to consume my flesh.  I gave myself over to the sensation, barely hearing the words spilling from my mouth.  Kitari just kept repeating my name over and over, growing marginally louder with each movement.  I could feel her growing tighter around me, squeezing me.

 

Then I rolled, keeping my arms locked around her waist.  She kept a hold of me, biting back on a scream.  I froze, afraid that I had hurt her with this motion, my hands tense at her hips.  But she met my gaze with passion-hazed eyes that pleaded for me not to stop, as though she could no longer find coherent words.

 

With my hands, I raised her hips just enough so that her knees could find purchase.  With the leverage created from that position, she rode me, driving me closer to satisfaction.  And it was growing, filling me up like a warm cup of sake.  Her body was starting to spasm, the internal muscles clenching and unclenching, wresting away the last of my control.

 

Then her orgasm came, causing her to arch back and her body to tighten around me, screaming my name.  I gave one final thrust into that warmth and for one moment, I felt as if my soul left my body and I was soaring above the clouds, weightless and free.  With such unending bliss coursing through my veins I gave a cry of joy that I couldn’t have stopped even if I wanted to.

 

When I floated back down to earth, Kitari was curled around me, her head resting against my chest and her damp hair fanning around her face.  My arms felt numb and heavy as I wrapped them around her, embracing her tightly.

 

“That was…” she trailed off as she tried to catch her breath.

 

“I know…deshi…” I returned, desperately trying to relearn how to breathe.  “Do you…regret…that?”

 

“Are you…kidding?  I just wish…we did that sooner.”

 

I tilted my head downward just enough to kiss the top of her head, feeling in my body just how late it really was.  Or maybe it was just the sex.  Either way, I was tired, drained.  “Ai shiteru, Kitari.” I whispered.

 

She nuzzled closer to my body.  “Ai shiteru, Alec.  I really am glad that you came back into my life.”

 

And I slipped into oblivion then, wondering if perhaps my life could get any better.

 

~***~

 

Next Chapter:  Mixing business and pleasure.