Ashes Fade Away

*(16/?)

By Sakata Ri Houjun

Content:  Even more sap than the last chapter and the

given yaoi warning.

Warning:  Rape, torture, and other bad things that

happened to…um, that would be giving it away, now

would it?  Well, if you cry easily, get a tissue.

*************************************************

It was cold and silent.  That was all Tasuki was aware

of at the time.  He could never remember it being this

quiet before, always spending the last few years

listening to the thriving life of the forest.  This

was deafening to him, the throbbing silence louder

than anything he had ever heard.

His head was pounding slightly and he unconsciously

attempted to rub the ache only to find that his hands

were stretched at an uncomfortable angle over his

head.  The clinking rattle of heavy chains confirmed

just where he was, which answered his question as to

why it was so silent and cold.

He then became aware of the rough stone floor biting

his knees through the fabric of his breeches.  He

opened his eyes to find that it was not only quiet and

cold, but dark as well.  And he felt his heart

plummet.

When he had charged into the fray to protect everyone,

especially Chichiri whom he realized that he loved

with all his heart, he had not been expecting to

survive.  However, a blow to his head had enabled his capture. 

Briefly, he wondered just how many of his men had been

captured, how many had been killed, and how many had escaped.

All he could hope for at this point was a quick death,

but he knew that wasn’t going to happen.  He had heard

the stories whispered around the campfires among his

men, the promises that if any of them should ever be

captured they should take their own lives because of

the tortures undergone during interrogation. 

He was certain they probably had ways of keeping their

prisoners alive long enough to get the information

they wanted.  So he resigned himself that the first

opportunity he got, he would take his own life before

divulging anything about his friends.

Tasuki would never really know now, would he?  He

would never find out if Chichiri did return his

feelings.  It felt kind of strange, almost like a

peace passing through him, once he thought about the

man he loved.  Knowing he was going to die, either by

his own hand or another’s, he could feel happy knowing

that in the past week, since meeting Chichiri, he had

really lived more than he ever had before.

When fighting in the past, it had been for vengeance. 

But yesterday, he had fought for Chichiri, for the

future they might have had.  He had always been so

dissatisfied with life in general, finding no real

reason to live until the day he met Chichiri.  His

only regret was that he never did find out how the

mage felt about him, but he didn’t mind because he had

confessed his own heart.  He had shown Chichiri just

how he felt, had tasted his lips, felt his skin

against his fingertips, and it had been enough.

True, he wanted more, wanted to hold the older man in

his arms without him backing away, haunted by

memories, wanted to make love to him.  But that simple

kiss was more than enough.  And he smiled, contented.

However, that smile was short-lived when the wall

behind him suddenly disappeared.  The odd angle with

which his arms had been chained threw off his

equilibrium, and he was sent toppling backwards.  He

lay there on the ground, dazed and staring up at the

starlit sky, before hearing an approaching person.

A figure loomed over him, face obscured from any light

the moon or the stars might have provided.  At first

he couldn’t tell who it was and his heart began to

beat in fear.  Then the figure shifted and a heavy

hood was removed, revealing to Tasuki just who his

rescuer was.

“C-Chichiri?” he breathed, his heart now beating

with hope.

“We need to hurry,” he answered back.

Tasuki attempted to sit up but with his arms at that

odd angle and his legs bent at the knees in an

uncomfortable position, all he could manage to do was

wiggle around.  Chichiri sighed and knelt beside the

rogue, strong yet gentle hands slipping underneath

Tasuki’s shoulders and pushing him to a sitting

position. 

As soon as Tasuki had gotten his bearings, he

immediately turned to face the sorcerer, but Chichiri

didn’t meet his gaze.  Instead, he placed his hands

upon the shackles encasing the brigand’s wrists and

they vanished in a flash of red light.  Tasuki flexed

his sore wrists to regain the feeling in his hands

before looking up at the mage once again, a question

dancing in his eyes.

Chichiri finally looked up, but his face was placid

and neutral, completely unreadable.  Without a word,

he stood and made a gesture with his hands, indicating

their need for a hasty departure.

“Y-yeah…” Tasuki scrambled to his feet and followed

the mage out of his prison into the courtyard of the

castle.  He snuck a glance back at the cell, noticing

that the entire wall facing the outside had completely

disappeared.  “How’d ya do that, Chichiri?”

“Temporary displacement spell,” he answered back. 

“The wall and your bindings became intangible.  They

will reappear shortly.  We must hurry.”  He started to

move faster.

“Wait a minute.  What about the others who were

captured?”

Chichiri stopped and glanced over his shoulder.  “I

took care of them already.  You are the last because

you were the hardest to find.”  Tasuki noticed a small

smile had played over the mage’s lips as he said the

last part, and he gulped, finding his mouth had gone

suddenly dry.

“So, are they already on their way back?”

Chichiri nodded once, conveying the affirmative, and

turned to continue moving towards a shadowed corner of

the courtyard.  “It’s more than likely that the guards

have found that their prisoners have disappeared by

now, so we can’t leave by the same route that the

others took.”

At that, Chichiri halted and began to untie the sash

holding his robe closed, Tasuki watching in idle

curiosity at what the mage was doing.  Chichiri

removed his robe as soon as it was loosened and spread

it out flat on the ground.  Tasuki took notice of the

simple clothing that the older man wore underneath, no

different than what he normally wore, a plain shirt

over breeches and a pair of boots, no ornamentation or

finery that gave indication of his prestigious

station.

The blue-haired mage kneeled before his robe and

placed both his hands, palms flat, down on the heavy

fabric and began to chant.  Tasuki leaned forward,

trying to catch snatches of the words, but it was in a

language that he could not understand.  But his

attention was then diverted by the white glow that

began around the mage’s hands and spread out until it

engulfed the fabric.

When the robe had been suffused with the light,

Chichiri stood and took one step forward.  He was then

standing in the middle of the glowing fabric and his

eye met Tasuki’s.  He held out his hand, sending a

chill up the redhead’s spine.  He took a hold of that

offered hand and felt the strength, the kind that

comes not from physical prowess but experience, and

the tenderness, unlike anything else but something

uniquely Chichiri’s.

The mage tugged once, coaxing Tasuki to his feet and

pulling him onto the magic-imbued robe.  However, his

hand didn’t let go, nor did it loosen its grip. 

Chichiri continued to hold on tightly even as they

both began to sink into the light, together.

********************************************

Chichiri emerged first, Tasuki not long after, landing

on his backside.  The rogue stayed on the ground a

moment his rear smarting from the impact but not

saying a word, instead watching as Chichiri picked up

his discarded garment and draped it across one arm.  

It was then that Tasuki took into account their

surroundings.

When they had begun to disappear into the white

magical light, he knew they were being transported and

so he had been expecting to arrive back at camp. 

However, they were someplace he didn’t recognize,

perhaps far from the castle, perhaps far from camp.  

Not that it wasn’t a beautiful place. A sparkling pool

of crystal clear water was being fed by a small waterfall,

lush greenery surrounding them but the canopy opening

just enough to allow the moon overhead to spill sliver

over everything.

“Where are we?” he asked, still in awe about all that

had happened.

Chichiri turned and faced him, the hint of smile still

there underlined by some nervousness.  But Tasuki took

more notice of how his eye was softer somehow, that it

no longer held the neutrality from before.  “We’re not

far from the others.”

“T-then why didn’t you take us there?”  The brigand

found himself becoming aware of just how alone they

were and was afraid to jump to conclusions.

Chichiri heaved a weary sigh and looked up at the moon

through the trees.  “I guess…  I just…  I wanted to…”

The cerulean-haired man gave up and hung his head, the

words disappearing from his lips.

Tasuki pushed himself to his feet and moved beside

Chichiri.  The moonlight clung to the soft hair of the

mage and he found himself wanting to touch it, to feel

the silky strands again.  He almost spun Chichiri

around to crush him in an embrace that couldn’t be

mistaken, but he reigned in his urges because that

wasn’t what was needed at this moment.  Instead, he

placed his hand on the mage’s shoulder and gave a

gentle squeeze in a gesture that was meant to be

comforting and encouraging.

“Tasuki…” he began.  “The other day…”

“I already apologized for that,” the rogue

interrupted.

Chichiri shook his head slightly.  “No.  I…  I should

be the one to apologize.”

“What have you got to be sorry about?”

“Because I…  I never understood anything.  I should

have…have…” he trailed off as he squeezed his eye

shut.  “It’s just that I’m so used to…”

Tasuki could sense that the older man wanted to

confess something that had nothing to do with what

might be between them, but about the pain he had

always seen behind his mahogany gaze.  “Chichiri… 

Just say it.  You don’t have to be afraid.”

At that point, Chichiri turned to face him, looking up

to meet his eyes.  It was then that Tasuki saw the

tears.  They were not tears of sadness or fear, but

something different, and he pulled the older man into

an embrace, unable to control himself.  The tears were

ones of shame and guilt, but what did Chichiri have to

be ashamed about?

“Tasuki…” Chichiri whispered as he wrapped his arms

around the rogue’s waist and buried his head against

the shoulder, shaking as more tears fell.

“You can tell me.”

A silence passed as Tasuki waited for Chichiri to

begin, patiently holding and comforting the

cerulean-haired sorcerer.

“Where does one begin?” Chichiri asked, rather

lightly.

“The beginning?” Tasuki offered, tilting his head to

peer down at the mage.

He gave a small chuckle, but there was no mirth behind

it.  “I…” His voice broke with emotion and he stopped

to take a deep breath to steady himself.

“I came from the northern-most part of the kingdom,

along the very borders.  My village was so removed

that we didn’t even know that King Akunin existed.  It

was a peaceful place, nestled among the mountains next

to a flowing stream.  I had friends and family back

then, a familiar close-knit community of security.

“Then one day, when I was ten, I decided to go among

the forested area surrounding my village.  I was

playing when I heard the first screams.  I ran until I

came to a cliff.  From there, I had the perfect view

of…” he faltered, recalling the horrors seen that day.

“Chichiri?”  Tasuki pulled away a bit, searching out

the sorcerer’s gaze.  However, Chichiri kept his eye

downcast as he continued again.

“Raiders from across the border were attacking my

home, slaughtering everyone,” he ended with a whisper.

 “And I did nothing but stand there.”

“But you were just a kid.”

“Even worse still was when I ran away.  I remember

believing that if I got as far as I could, then it

couldn’t have happened, that it’d be some horrible

nightmare.  I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to

believe it.  And I never went back, too frightened to

find out the truth.”

“And then?”

Chichiri pulled completely out of Tasuki’s embrace and

turned to the water’s edge.  He knelt and stared at

his reflection for a moment.  The brigand moved to sit

beside him, determined to hear the whole story no

matter how horrible it might be, determined to find

out the truth behind Chichiri’s pain.

“I wandered for two weeks, living off of the scant

berries I could find and water from streams.  I was

weak and malnourished when I found the next bit of

civilization, an encampment of Isan Knights who were

supposed to be patrolling the borders.  I really had

no concern as to who they were, only that I might have

found some help.

“I remember being surrounded by leering faces as I

collapsed in their midst.  I don’t know how long I was

out, but when I awoke I found myself naked, bound hand

and foot and gagged.  I remember that they told me

that they had been cold and lonely while doing their

duty up there in the north.”

Tasuki shuddered as Chichiri gave pause, thinking

about how his sisters had been raped before they were

killed.  Chichiri wrapped his arms around himself as

he continued to stare at the water.

“I don’t remember much after that, except the pain

that ripped through my body and the humiliation I felt

as they laughed at my discomfort.  But I do remember

their faces, one in particular as he decided to

‘brand’ me, to mark me.”  Chichiri reached up and

touched his scar.  “The expression of cruelty he had

as he gouged out my eye with a heated blade… I’ll

never forget the pleasure he took in my pain.”

It was then that the mage closed his eye, blocking out

the sight of his face and let the tears fall freely. 

Tasuki watched for a moment before he realized that he

was crying too, understanding the fear that Chichiri

had shown every time he had gotten close.  He felt

angry with the men who had hurt his beloved so and yet

felt helpless in that he could not protect him.  Tasuki

reached over and pulled Chichiri to him, letting the

older man cry into his chest while he stroked his back

as his own tears fell.

“And then?” he ventured after a while.

“They left me for dead.  But I didn’t die.”  Chichiri

sighed as he continued.  “I found a village after

that, but no one would help me.  They all looked at me

with such indifference, as if I wasn’t their problem. 

No one would help me.”

“Then how…?”

I would have perished if it hadn’t had been

for…Taitsukun.”

“T-taitsukun?”  Tasuki was shocked.  “You mean the

legendary sorceress?  Holy shit!  I always thought

that was just a fairy tale told to kids to get them to

behave.”

“So did I, until I saw her for myself.”

“Y-ya mean you saw her f-face?”  Tasuki was well

beyond shock at this point.  “And you survived?”

“That’s just a myth, nothing more.”

Tasuki shook his head in disbelief.  “Hn.  And that’s

where you learned your magic right?”

“As soon as I was strong enough, she told me I had

great potential, that I could be a powerful as she was

one day, that I had a great destiny to fulfill.  But I

couldn’t understand any of that.  To me, it was

something to help forget my pain, to forget what had

happened to me.  And I almost did forget.”

“But you didn’t, did ya?”

Chichiri shook his head.  “Not entirely.  It would

come not only in my dreams, but during the day as

well.  It didn’t matter how old I got either because

I’d still feel like I did on that horrible night, like

a frightened child.

“Then she approached me once I had turned eighteen,

proclaiming me ready to try my skills in the world. 

She gave me this robe,” Chichiri indicated the

forgotten garment in his arms.  “To hide my face

because she knew what I had gone through and how

others had treated me.  And her parting words were

that I should do as I was told and I would meet my

destiny one day.  

“It was then that I found myself in the court of King

Akunin, filling the vacated role of advisor.  I hid my

face, but with time everyone knew about my scar.  To me though, 

the safety of the shadows held new meaning for me when I

found my tormentors still among the ranks of Isan

Knights.”

“So, you hid to protect yourself from them?”  Tasuki

was at a loss, finding the whole scenario too much to

comprehend at once.

“I was so afraid of what they might do if they found

me again.  I knew that I’d be helpless in their presence, 

unable to fight back just like back then even 

with all my powers.”  Chichiri clung to Tasuki as he then 

cried harder.

“Chichiri…”

“Tasuki, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No!”  Chichiri sat up, pulling away to lock gazes

with the brigand.  “It’s not okay.  Ever since I first

met you, I knew how you felt but I was afraid.  I

pushed you away and refused to believe that anyone

could…” he trailed off and broke eye contact.

“I understand.”

Chichiri gave a slight chuckle.  “Do you?  I never

could.  I couldn’t understand why you felt the way you

did about me, couldn’t understand why I felt the way I

did.  I was afraid to admit the truth until you were

gone.  And now…   I’m ready.”

Tasuki felt his heart pounding at the mage’s words. 

“Ready for what?”

“I always thought Taitsukun’s parting words meant to follow

King Akunin’s orders, but I know now that she meant to

follow my heart, to do as it tells me.”

“And what does it say?”

Chichiri looked up and met Tasuki inquiring gaze with

a heartfelt smile, making the already handsome man

more beautiful than the rogue had ever seen before. 

“It’s telling me to fight…  Beside you.”

Tasuki felt his jaw drop and his eyes widen. 

Chichiri’s smile only grew as he leaned forwards and

captured the youth’s mouth in a gentle and tender kiss

that was far sweeter than any either of them had ever

experienced.  The mage’s fingers were soon lost in the

silky strands of fire as the kiss deepened, parted

lips melding together and tongues battling.

When they broke for air, a slight blush was coloring

the brigand’s cheeks as he noticed that Chichiri’s

smile hadn’t faltered.  He then reached up and cupped

the sorcerer’s face, thumb brushing along the

perimeter of healed flesh.  But outwardly, he still

appeared as if the mage’s revelation hadn’t set in,

still disbelieving the confession.

“What’s wrong?” Chichiri breathlessly asked, a bit

concerned, as he leaned into the calloused palm.

Tasuki shook his head.  “I’m afraid that I might have

either died back there in the prison and I’m in

Heaven, or that this is only a dream.”

“It’s not a dream,” the sorcerer whispered as he

closed the distance again and dispelled any of the

rogue’s doubts as to the reality of it all.  He

conveyed his love and the promise that when the

fighting would start again, he would stay by his side,

always.

Tasuki responded by trailing tender kisses and

caresses along the cerulean-haired mage’s throat and

Chichiri surrendered himself to the sensation of being

at another’s mercy, not once feeling the old fear

because he trusted Tasuki with his heart and soul. 

The rogue gave a shaky laugh, his warm breath gusting

along the mage’s skin.

“What?” Chichiri breathed, his eye closed and heart

pounding.

“And here I was preparing myself to die back there in

that dungeon,” Tasuki laughed quietly before leaning

up to brush his lips against the sorcerer’s again.  

“But I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”  And

he held Chichiri tighter, burying his face against the

softness of his hair and the musky scent that was

Chichiri’s own.  There was no denying that he wanted

the older man, and yet, despite everything, Tasuki

would wait for Chichiri.  He would not push the

man he loved before he was ready.  That way their first

time would be more precious and sweet.  

Besides, he was content to simply hold the sorcerer in

his arms and feel his lips against his own.

And did it matter what tomorrow might bring as long as

he had the man he loved by his side?

************************************

Next Chapter:  Before I die…