Ashes Fade Away

*(15/?)

By Sakata Ri Houjun

Content:  Yaoi and sap galore.

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Nuriko stared up at the ceiling, feeling the dull ache

in his chest throb with each heartbeat.  Mitsukake

hadn’t said anything as he had patched up the minor

wound, no one had.  But the silence hurt worse than

the sword slicing through his skin.

He was certain that everyone had heard by now, about

the perverted freak that dressed as a woman.  With the

exception of Miaka, everyone must surely despise him.

Sure, it had started innocently enough.  As the only son

to Lord and Lady Cho, he had always been effeminately

pretty.  Never one to engage in activities that normal

boys did, he always played with the girls of the keep.

When his parents had been approached regarding

Nuriko, they accepted the offer of their son becoming

the princess’s companion.  He never knew why they did

it; he was far too young to understand at the time.

He was soon lost to the grandeur of Kishiwa castle. 

Then he met the girl to whom he was to befriend.

It was only a matter of hours before Miaka had seen

the truth.  But surprisingly, she was only mildly

shocked.  Perhaps she was too young to worry but she

still accepted Nuriko as her friend.  And the two

struck an immediate bond.

In time, it became a game to them both, hiding

Nuriko’s gender from everyone else.  They had played

it so well, the violet-haired child behaving just as

was expected of a young girl.

But then again, was it any different from how he

normally acted anyway?  Maybe that was the real reason

his parents sent him away.  If he had remained, would

he have fulfilled his duties as a son when he had

never looked twice at a woman?

Nuriko had never expected to fall in love anyway. 

After all, he was a man pretending to be a woman.  Who

could possibly love him?  Miaka did, but only as a

sister.

He had never believed in love at first sight, but that

had all changed the day he met Hotohori.  It felt as

if he had always known this man, as if he had been

waiting his entire life to meet the beautiful prince. 

And even though the truth painfully stabbed through

his chest every time he thought about Hotohori, he had

allowed his imagination to take control.  And then

came that first night spent among the rouges here…

For a few moments that night, he had lost himself to

the delusion that another, accepted, could love him

for whom he was.  It was the first and quite possibly

the last kiss Nuriko had ever given.  It was also the

most bittersweet experience of his young life.  How

Hotohori must despise him now.

Nuriko then heard the cloth being pulled aside and

turned to face his visitor, expecting Miaka.  But when

the young prince entered instead, Nuriko immediately

turned away as shame-fueled tears began to spill from

his eyes.

Hotohori stood still for a moment, taking in the

appearance of the flatness of the bandaged chest and

the sound of his soft, almost feminine sobs.  He

suddenly felt a compelling urge to turn and leave,

finding this situation confusing and awkward.

Then again, he needed to give his thanks to the young

man.  If Nuriko hadn’t taken the intended blow, then

he would have likely been killed.  But as he moved

beside the bed, he couldn’t help but feel betrayed and

strangely hurt by this deception.

Nuriko was surprised that Hotohori remained, even as

he sat down beside him on the bed.  However, he dare

not let himself become deluded again, not to believe

that the prince was here out of anything other than

obligation.

“Nuriko,” Hotohori began, but found himself at a loss

of words.

“Please, just do us both a favor and leave,” Nuriko

whispered back.

“I can’t.  Not until you give me the chance to thank

you.”

“I don’t deserve your gratitude.  Just leave.”

Hotohori, unable to ignore the bitter pain and anguish

in Nuriko’s voice, suddenly felt compelled to ease

that any way he could.  Before he could stop himself,

he reached out and clasped onto one of the

violet-haired man’s hands, grasping it tightly. 

Nuriko visibly stiffened, this action shocking him to

the very core of his being.

A dead silence lingered as a familiar sensation then

passed through he young prince, sparking memories of

his first night here.  He had always assumed that the

one who had stayed at his side had been the princess,

but holding this young man’s hand proved otherwise. 

He could never forget the gentle warmth or the tender

strength that came from the hand that had refused to

let his go.

The very same sensation that he was feeling now from

Nuriko.

This understanding was followed by the realization

that since it was Nuriko who had loyally stayed by his

side, that he had also been the one who had kissed

him.

Hotohori was expecting to feel disgusted or even

fearful of the whole scenario, but oddly enough felt

comfortable with that knowledge.  In a way, he felt a

bit relieved that it hadn’t been Miaka.  It wasn’t

that the princess didn’t attract him, but he did feel

guilty about breaking protocol and besides, she was

content with Tamahome.  Who was he to destroy her

happiness?

But where did this leave him?

The hurt in Nuriko’s tone had suddenly taken on a

whole new meaning.  In fact, everything that he had

done suddenly seemed to make more sense to the prince,

especially taking the intended blow and getting

wounded.  It was apparent now how Nuriko felt about

him.  But how did he feel towards the violet-haired

man?

Nuriko was having trouble breathing, not because his

chest hurt, that was only part of it.  Why didn’t

Hotohori just leave?  Why did he have to remain and

continue this heart-breaking torture?  The silence

became deafening to the young protector’s ears, a

silence that seemed to almost become tangible.  He

finally turned, his curiosity prompting Nuriko to find

out why Hotohori remained.

The expression that Nuriko saw on the prince’s face

was one of wonder and confusion.  Nuriko bit his lip,

afraid of what just might be the cause of it.

“Why are you still here?”

His words pulled Hotohori back to the present and his

expression gave way to a gentle smile.  His conclusion

didn’t offend nor disgust him in any way.  It might

take some getting used to, but in the end it didn’t

really matter.  It was about time that he return

Nuriko’s kindness and maybe he may someday be able to

return his feelings as well.

“I need to show my gratitude.”

Nuriko looked slightly confused by both Hotohori’s

smile and his continuous presence.  “Aren’t you angry

with me, Your Highness, for deceiving you, for lying?”

Hotohori shook his head firmly.  “You didn’t lie.  We

merely assumed what we perceived as the truth.  You

did nothing wrong.”

“But, Your Highness, what obligations do you have to

me, a foreigner?  Surely you must feel betrayed.”  Nuriko was

failing to understand what was going on.

“What kind of man would I be if I was not here for

the one who saved my life?  I would be undeserving of

my position, unworthy of leading these people if I

shunned you for being who you are.”  Hotohori then

brought Nuriko’s hand up to his lips and pressed a

small, chaste kiss against the soft skin.  The smaller

man gasped and widened his eyes at the tiny gesture,

which only deepened the prince’s smile.

“Besides I have a debt to pay.  Even though you

wounds are minor, I will stay by your side and not let

go of your hand.”

“You knew it was me?”  Nuriko squirmed and averted his eyes as

a blush colored his cheeks.  Hotohori only tightened

his grasp, pulling the violet-haired protector’s gaze

back to him.

“Of course.”

Nuriko found himself as a loss for words.  But no

more words needed to be said at this point.  After a

while, the smaller man relaxed and eventually met the

amber gaze of the prince, finding compassion and

acceptance.  There was also friendship and gratitude

there as well.  Perhaps Hotohori may never feel the

same way, maybe no one ever will truly love him, but for the

first time in his life, Nuriko belonged. 

And as he fell asleep, he realized that he was wrong

to assume that others would hate him for being

different, just as they were wrong to assume that he

was a woman merely by appearance.   Nuriko gave one

tiny squeeze of the hand that was gently holding his,

conveying a connection and understanding that he would

never be rejected for being himself.

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Next Chapter: Revealing light.