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Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this Nippon port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sword-slinger, the skipper tall and pale, five passengers set out that day on a three-hour sail, a three-hour sail. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Noonza would be lost, the Noonza would be lost. They hit the ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gourrigan, the Red Priest too, the chimera man and his leech, the sorceress, the Trickster and Firia...here on Gourrigan's Isle! |
The Wobbie
Menace
by Wild
Ride
Wild, Blizzard, Weirdo, and several Slayers characters are standing on the beach. Camille is off in the distance uprooting trees and using them to..well..ah..
Wild: Narrator dude? Bad picture.
Right. Camille is uprooting trees and throwing them at Lina. Fireballs are flying everywhere. Oni can be heard banging around inside of Cam's stomach.
Wild: Ick.
Blizzard: You guys wanna hear my plan or not?
Weirdo and Wild: Not really.
Blizzard: Too bad. You're hearing it anyway.
Both groan
Blizzard: Wobbies, boys. The only thing actually annoying enough to get rid of Cam.
Xellos: What's a Woobie?
Wild: Stupid question.
Blizzard: Sorm ka hitsumu desa.
Wild: Since when do you speak Japanese?
Blizzard: I don't.
Weirdo: And neither does the guest writer, by the looks of it.
Xellos: Say, who is the guest writer? And why didn't Blizzard receive bodily harm for saying that?
Weirdo: Stupid questions.
Wild: It's a secret, and it's a secret.
*WHACK* *WHACK*
Wild gets thwacked by Weirdo's dead trout
Wild: Mmmmm….trout…
Lina, running by: Eeeeeewwwwww……..EEEEEEKKK
Camille, chasing after her: RRROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRR *stomp* *stomp*
Oni, inside Cam: LET ME OUT! $#*()@#*$@*(#)@*$()#@*()!
*SQUISH*
Camille steps on Blizzard
Wild: In answer to your second question, there. He points at Camille, then at the flattened Blizzard.
Blizzard: Murturkigunk.
Wild: This is not a good thing..
Weirdo: What now?
Wild: He just summoned the Hideous Turk.
Blizzard: Drrple?
Weirdo: In translation for Blizz, "WTF?"
Wild: Think Turkina. Only bigger. Uglier. And a girl.
Weirdo: Turkina can get uglier?
Wild: Not really, but it's a start.
Blizzard: Digunkifart? Sherplic?
Weirdo: Blizz is asking if Turk can legally become a girl.
Wild: Not legally. But it's Turkina. He'll do anything for some things.
A big Crossover Hole opens above the island. We are talking BIG here. Out of it falls Turkina. Not the Hideous Turk, but just plain Turkina.
Turk: WTF?!
Wild: Whoa…he musta said the wrong words.
Turk: HUH?!
Wild: Cool. Now I got someone else to pick on. Weirdo, do me a favor and scrape Blizzard up. Take him to Martina's hut. She'll reinflate him, if you know what I mean. *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Weirdo: Ugh…
Wild: Yeah. Xellos, find somewhere for Turkey here to stay.
Turkina: WILD, WTF IS GOING ON?!
Wild: Sorry, Turkles. You've just been summoned to this Anime realm by Blizzard's incoherent mumbling. Pretty cool, if you ask me.
Turkina: But why is Blizz flat?
Wild: Duh, he's a guy.
*WHACK*
Turkina smacks Wild
Wild: Because Cammy stepped on him.
Turkina: Cammy? Camille? CAMILLE IS ON THIS ISLAND?!
Wild and Weirdo: Yes.
***
It's late in the day. Blizzard is reinflated, Martina is tired, Camille is munching on some cattle on the other side of the island, and Weirdo's throwing large objects into the local volcano.
Wild: YOU IDIOT, NOT ME!
Weirdo puts Wild down
Weirdo: Sorry.
Wild: #&$*(#@&)$*(@#&$)#@(&$*(@#)&*$()#@&*($)&#@*($&*#(&$*@(!
They both walk down from the volcano and into the village
Wild: OK, Blizzard, I'm out of ideas. All we have right now is Cammy, a few 'mechs, and Turkles. What's your plan?
Blizzard: Glad you asked, Wild.
Weirdo: I'm not. He throws a coconut at Blizzard
Blizzard, ducking the coconut: I want to call in some Wobbies. Get them to annoy Cam to death, or at least force her back to wherever she came from. Where did she come from, anyway?
Everyone points at Wild
Wild: What are you guys looking at?
Everyone glares at him
Wild: Uh…guys…um…it wasn't my fault…
Everyone advances on him
Wild whips out his Palm Top
Wild, typing: "Everyone backs off as Wild shows he's the guest writer again…"
Everyone backs off as Wild shows he's the guest writer again
Blizzard: That's not fair.
Weirdo: No, it's not.
Wild: Who cares. Let's just think about Blizz's plan. How are you going to get Wobbies here? They're from the 31st Century. We're here in…hell, I dunno.
Blizzard: This whole thing is one big crossover. Just write 'em in here.
Wild: Right. Cool. He types
Suddenly, the Crossover Hole opens. Out pour about 15 Wobbies.
Xellos: So what's a Wobbie, anyway?
Wild, pointing at one: That guy in the white robe. WoB stands for the Word of Blake, an exiled faction from the 31st century. Basically, they're religious fanatics, and dumber than Lina is flat.
Lina, running by again: FIREBALL
Wild ducks. The fireball passes over and roasts Blizzard
Blizzard: cough Wild, you suck.
Wild shakes his head.
Wild: So, can we control these Wobbies?
Blizzard: Never thought of that…
Wild: Damn. Anyone got any ideas?
A Wobbie tackles Martina
Martina: EEEEEEK. GET OFF ME!
Wobbie: You will perish in the Divine Fires of Blake!!
Wild shoots the Wobbie.
Wobbie: YOU WILL BE BURNED FOREVER FOR YOUR ACTS!
Wild: Arrrrrrgggghhhhhh.
Blizzard: There has got to be a way to get rid of these guys!
Weirdo: Not that I know of.
Wild: And who was the NUTCASE that convinced me to bring them HERE?!
Weirdo: I'm THE nutcase. But I didn't convince you.
Everyone glares at Blizzard.
Blizzard: Ah…um…guys…um…
They all advance on Blizzard.
Wobbie: LET THE WORD OF BLAKE PENETRATE TO YOUR HEART AND SOUL!
The Wobbie continues spouting rhetoric as everyone else beats Blizzard senseless.
Blizzard, woozily with slurred speech: “…unleashing of the Toilet Duck. Never before had so powerful a weapon been unleashed upon the world, and never again…”
*KLUNK*
He falls over, and lands on the Wobbie
Wild: Problem solved.
Wobbie: GET THIS OAF OFF ME. THE DIVINITY OF BLAKE WILL AVENGE ME!
Weirdo: Not really.
Wild: WAIT! I got it!
He whips out his COCK
All except Naga: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Naga: Oooooo…That's a big cock.
Mass gagging
Wild: Wrong cock, you idiots. This is my COCK. Cross Over Control Knife.
All except Naga: *phew*
Naga: Damn.
Wild stabs the Wobbie with his COCK. The Wobbie promptly disappears.
Blizzard: Whoa. That was cool.
Weirdo: I think I'm going to be sick.
Wild: Master, you already ARE sick.
Weirdo: Excellent point, my student.
Wild: Wait. Somethings wrong here. Anyone seen Turkles?
Everyone looks around.
All: Nope.
Wild: Think the Wobbies got 'em?
Blizz: Maybe.
Wild: All right, everyone split up. Find Turkles, find the Wobbies, and kill 'em! Here's a COCK for everyone.
Weirdo: HAHA! NAGA HAS A COCK!
Naga: DRAG…
Wild: Naga…
Naga: ..ON SLA…
Wild clamps a hand over her mouth
Wild: Not right now. We need to work together.
Naga: ..VE!
Very large KABOOM. Weirdo stands in the middle of a large crater.
Wild: Great. This is about to get ugly.
Weirdo: COMBAT FORM!
Weirdo changes into his combat form, and proceeds to attack Naga with the equivilent of a helluvalotta boom. Think Death Star.
Wild: Screw the 'mech. Not maneuverable enough. Someone get me my Slyph Battle Armor.
Wild walks off to find his Armor
----10 minutes Later----
Wild walks back in, wearing something very strange. He has a large rocket pack with smallish wings on his back, thick legs, a VibroKatana on his left hip, and a VURRA large barrel attached to the side of his left wrist. This is a BIGASS barrel, maybe 30 CM in Diameter.
Naga: Hot damn.
Xellos: Sweet.
Gourry: What? Ah…FOR THE LOVE OF THE DUCK! He runs off screaming.
Wild: What an idiot.
Amelia: Quite.
Wild: Where did those two come from?
Amelia and Gourry and Zel: The other side of the island. Camille's on a rampage over there.
Wild: Good. That means it's time to bring my CDC into use.
All present: CDC?
Wild smiles, and flies off, overtop of Weirdo who is in Combat Form, and past Naga, who is in Dragon Form.
Wild: Ah, there's Camille.
He takes aim with his left arm its very large gun. The CDC Barks.
Weirdo: So what IS a CDC?!
Wild: Cross Dresser Cannon.
He points at the shell, which reveals itself to be an Oni clone, as it flies into Camille.
Wild: Mwehehehhehehehehehehh. Wait, what about the Wobbies?
He lands on the beach
Blizzard: What about them?
Wild: Aren't we gonna kill them?
Blizzard: Nah, wait 'til next episode.
Wild: Of course. Then we'll find out what happened to Camille when the CDC shell hit her, too.
Wild and Weirdo: BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
---------
And here's the end to this Episode of Gourrigan's Island. Tune in next week as more questions are answered.
How Big is Wild's COCK?! Will he use it again?
Will Wild become a Knight of Zug©? Who really cares?!
What happens when Camille gets hit by the Oni Clone? Will Oni ever escape Cam's stomach?
Will the Wobbies be vanquished?
All this and more, in the Next Episode of Gourrigan's Island!