Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this Nippon port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sword-slinger, the skipper tall and pale, five passengers set out that day on a three-hour sail, a three-hour sail. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Noonza would be lost, the Noonza would be lost. They hit the ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gourrigan, the Red Priest too, the chimera man and his leech, the sorceress, the Trickster and Firia...here on Gourrigan's Isle!

Time: Evening.

Setting: The beach.

PARTY!!!!!!

The Party-to-end-all-parties was well underway. Metallica is blaring from a holotank. Everybody has a drink of some sorts. All the drinks are VERY strong. (Why do you think the ship's called BoozeRunner, anyway?) Some are playing limbo with the Sword of Light. Others (those who value their hairstyles) are clustered around Rezo and Ramrod as they attempt to outdo the other in slinging old-guy B.S. stories. Xellos is standing to the side, waiting for them to finish so he can outdo them all. Still others are missing entirely.

Gourrigan: Ow! My hair! I win! Hey, barkeep, more booze!

Weirdo: Get it yourself!

Gourrigan heads into BoozeRunner for a refill to his whiskey. After a few minutes, he runs out screaming, and disappears into the jungle.

Gourrigan: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

He is ignored.

Lina: Hey, barkeep, more booze!

Weirdo: Who made me the barkeep? Get it yourself!

Lina: Why, you! Flare Ar-

THWACK!

Weirdo pulls the Staff of Zug© out of Lina's face.

Weirdo: Get it yourself.

Lina, grumbling, heads into BoozeRunner for a refill to her beer. After a few minutes, she runs out screaming.

Lina: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

THWACK!!

Weirdo: Get ahold of yourself! What's in my ship!

Lina: Needee needee nooba!!

Weirdo: Goobeth dazanie?

Lina (nodding): Eeenie weenie waana!

Weirdo: Nazarath, djaneego?

Lina: Oopie!

Weirdo: Aaaah.....

By this time, everybody has gathered around, to see what all the commotion is about, except for Ramrod and Rezo who are still slinging B.S. stories, and haven't noticed that nobody's listening,

Den Jaeger: What'd she say?

Warhawk: What is in there?

Dramatic pause.

Weirdo: Dunno. All she said was complete gibberish.

Mass facefault.

Den Jaeger: So what were you saying to her, then?

Weirdo: More gibberish.

Mass facefault.

Zel: So what's in the ship?

Weirdo: We're about to find out.

All: We?

Weirdo: Yes, we. Unless you don't want any more drinks. I don't know what's in there, and I'm not going in alone.

Mass grumble.

Weirdo: Let's go.

Slowly, fearfully, they enter the ship. A search shows everything to be normal. Finally, they approach the main liquor tank.

Blizzard: Whatever it is, has to be in there.

Weirdo: I guess I'll take a look. (Peeks into the tank.) Well, There's some good news, some bad news, and some really freaky news.

Zel: What's the bad news?

Weirdo: Pessimist. Naga and Wild Ride are in here, passed out.

Zel: What's the good news?

Weirdo: Uh, that they are passed out.

Warhawk: What is the really freaky news?

Weirdo: They're wearing each other's clothing. It's not a good fit.

Mass gagging.

Weirdo: I guess I'll have to punish them for this. Sylphiel, can I have a Flare Carrot?

Sylphiel: Sure. Here.

Weirdo: Who wants the honors?

Blizzard: I do!

Weirdo: Here you go. *hands Blizzard the Carrot*

Blizzard holds the Carrot over the rim of the tank, and drops it. Predictably, it causes very little bang. However, it ignites the residual booze in the tank. The resulting explosion is, well, BOOM! Needless to say, the two are awake.

Moments later.....

THWACK! Naga and Wild Ride, really hauling butt, run out of the ship, followed by Weirdo who is repeatedly hitting either one with the Staff of Zug©. THWACK!

Weirdo: Get outta my ship!! No more booze for you two!

THWACK!

Naga and Wild: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Naga trips and falls. Weirdo catches up to her and punts her clear across the island.

Weirdo: It's good!

Wild falls down, exhausted, and braces himself for the impact.

Wild: Huh? No punt? (Looks around.)

He sees Weirdo standing a good distance away, smiling evilly.

Weirdo: 4....3....2....

Wild: Uh oh.

Weirdo: 1.

A large horse sits down, planting its ass directly on Wild Ride.

Lina: Okay.......that was just weird.

Blizzard: Wow. You sure opened a can on them.

Weirdo: I'm happy now. Let's get back to the party.

Chaos: But we're out of booze! They drank it all!

Weirdo snaps fingers...

The horse that Wild Ride had almost gotten out from under doubles in size. That's a BIG ass we're talking about, folks.

Wild: MMRMPH!

Weirdo: Now I'm happy.

Mass sweatdrop.

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!

A large VTOL shuttle lifts off from the other side of the island.

Gourrigan: Where did that come from?

Blizz: Where is it going?

Wild: Wmm ff nn it?

All: Huh?

He pulls himself out from under the Superhorse's ass of doom©.

Wild: Who is on it?

Xelloss: Where's the beef? (pause) Why'd I ask that?

Weirdo: A pirate point. Solaris 7. Kaervek and Amelia. In the galley. That's a secret.

Zelgadis: And you know this how?

Weirdo: I'm a God, remember?

Zelgadis: Whatever.

Weirdo: Oh, that reminds me. (Puts his hand next to his head like a phone) You're clear to grab the target. But be careful, this one's fast.

While everyone stands around looking confused, an extremely fast-moving blur appears from the west, swoops towards the island, and grabs Zelgadis, then disapears over the horizon.

Weirdo: Nice grab. She's good.

Various: Who? What? Where? How?

Weirdo: Jessie. Goddess of Chaos. Ask her. Like I said, she's a goddess. And before anybody asks why-

Gourrigan: Why?

THWACK!

Weirdo pulls the Staff of Zug© out of Gourrigan's face.

Weirdo: As I was saying, she's always wanted to do that, and insisted that she get to do this.

Lina: So what's she gonna do with him?

Weirdo: I'd tell you, but then this would be a lemon.

Mass sweatdrop.

Weirdo: I feel the same way. Oy.

Oni: WEIRDO!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!!!

Weirdo: This. Pronoun. The person or thing present, nearby, or just mentioned. Why do you ask?

Oni: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

Weirdo: Incorrect. Who's whaddamein?

Oni: You're removing characters from the island! You know that's against the rules!

Weirdo: So?

Oni: You'll never write here again!

Weirdo: Can I left here, then?

Oni: WEIRDO!!!

Weirdo: Okay, I'll get her back. I'll have to take the others with me to do it, though.

Oni: What? No way! How will fics get written? And what about Zelgadis?

Weirdo: Jessie should bring him back pretty soon, at least to use the huts. You can get fics of that from her. (Mass gagging.) And since when have guest authors bothered with a thing like continuity? Look on the bright side. You'll get the first epic fic in the history of Gourrigan's.

Oni: Epic fic, huh? Hmmm. Okay. But be quick about it!

Lina: Hey! Don't we get any say in this?

Weirdo: You get off the island for a while.

Slayers: WOOHOO!!!! ROAD TRIP!!!

Weirdo: And so begins the weirdest road trip in space. Everybody into the ship!

Everyone piles into BoozeRunner. As it lifts off, one cannot help but ask a few questions. What adventures await our cast? What will they find at their destination? Is the rest of the universe ready for them? Did they bring enough Funky Fruit? All that and more, on the first episode of Gourrigan's in Space: Starship of Fools!