Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this Nippon port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sword-slinger, the skipper tall and pale, five passengers set out that day on a three-hour sail, a three-hour sail. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Noonza would be lost, the Noonza would be lost. They hit the ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gourrigan, the Red Priest too, the chimera man and his leech, the sorceress, the Trickster and Firia...here on Gourrigan's Isle!

Amelia groggily sits up in her hut

Amelia: This is positively it. (Rubs her eyes) The monster known as dustpan must PAY for his crimes!

Phibrizo: You know, I think he has a grudge against you.

Amelia: Where did you come from Phibby-kun?

Phibrizo: Oni is finnaly writing another Gourrigan's, and Oni and I are like this man (clasps his hands together tightly) Ya see?

Amelia: Well it's good to see you again Phibby-Kun. (She smiles.) How long have you been here?

Phibrizo: I was watching you sleep. Anyhow. It's about time we had a Guest writer Roast.

Amelia: Even Oni?

Phibrizo: Yep. Even Oni.

Amelia: Isn't that a little extreme?

Phibrizo: Yeah, but hey, better than watching cable TV, right?

Amelia: I guess so.

A ruslting is heard outside and in a few moments Zangalus and Martina tumble in their door in a very compromising position and state of un-dress

Martina: Hey what is Phibrizo doing here?

Zangalus: Must be Oni's turn to write again.

Phibrizo: Right

Oni (giggling from above): Right indeed ^_^ However you have to realize, that by my being here this is already technically a crossover.

All: Nan Da?

Oni: Well I am from a series of stories that will be written soon called "Universal Disorder" Just consider yourselves lucky that none of the Bad guys will ever some here.

Amelia: I don't even want to know what kind of bad guys you can think up...

Oni: Hee hee, that's for me to know.

Phibrizo: Well enough of your chatter, it's bash the Guest writer day.

Oni: Bash the? Wha...

Phibrizo snaps and his mouth is covered with duct tape.

Amelia: Is this neccesary?

Phibrizo: Yes

Lina and the rest of the cast now show up.

Rezo: Hey I can smell Oni. Why isn't he talking?

Naga: He has duct tape on his mouth. Ohohohoho

Snap, duct tape, silence.

Zelgadis: Thank god.

Lina: Well for once the Hellbrat is doing something usefull.

Phibrizo: Exactly.

He snaps and Nathan, Metamia, and Destructo appear with duct taped mouths, very much bound and gagged.

Nathan: Mmmffrrbgh!! (Translation: Where the hell is my black hat?)

Metamia: Mphh ... rrg? Mmmrrhh! (Oh ... Bondage? Kinky!)

Dustpan: Mpprrgh. Mpph fmmph grrn? (Boring. When does the fun start?)

Phibrizo: Amelia, I declare that you, being the most oppressed by these authors, have first Honors.

Amelia picks up a pillow from her bed and tries her best to beat on the guest writers.

Oni: ....

Nathan: Mpphh klllss. (This tickles.)

The pointless beating continues for several hours.

Lina: Ok enough of that, my turn.

For the next half an hour Lina blasts out poor guest writers half sensless with fireballs, and other painful spells.

Oni: Oww. (The duct tape has burnt off.) Hey what the hell? I thought I was in charge here.

Rezo kneels down in front of Oni.

Rezo: You're in charge of nothing.

Oni: Well I can understand them, but I was nice to you guys, gimmie a break!

Metamia: Hey I just made things more fun for you all!

Phibrizo: Well I guess Metamia can go. (He snaps and she's gone.) But you started this by allowing me to come here, so you have to stay till the end.

Oni: Shimmate.

Xellos: Hey, don't feel bad.

Dustpan: This was fun. Now I have a reason to be evil to all of you even more. Bwahahahahaha! Rainchecks!!!

Dustpan who managed to gnaw through his bonds somehow pulls a raincheck from his pocket and stands in a dramatic pose.

Dustpan: With this raincheck I shall purge thy soul!

Oni: Oh crap he's on the loose!

Dustpan slaps a raincheck onto Rezo's head. he immediately begins to dance and sing "We have a problem" from the music man and starts to rant pointlessly about pool being a problem on Gourrigan's island.

Lina: This is rediculous... FIREBALL!!!

Her fireball bounces off of dustpan and turns into a raincheck for a fireball.

Oni: I hate being tied up.

Nathan: I want my hat! How can I be the man in the black hat without my hat?!?

Oni: We have worse to worry about.

Filia: This is funny... in a sick way, but it is funny.

Xellos: You're finnaly starting to see things my way? ^_^

Filia: What's THAT supposed to mean?

Xellos: Nothing. (Mutter) Kitchen Trash...

Dustpan: I'm outa here ya hosers! Just wait till I wreak my revenge!!! Wahaha!

As he flies off Amelia sends a Gaav flare at him and he crashes into the ocean before dissapearing to wherever he usually belongs.

Nathan: Hey why did everyone except me get to escape?

Oni: Well I'm still trapped.

Nathan: But you're in controll!

Oni: Well technically, I'm not, because you see, when I write, something really weird happens.

Nathan: What's that?

Phibrizo: He gains multiple personalities and beleives that we, the charachters are actually controlling him.

Oni bows his head. he is caught in a bind as no other writer has been caught before. A charachter has just learned his weakness.

Phibrizo: Yes indeed, we will easily finish our revenge on all guest writers that have ever plauged this island. Especcially you two.

Nathan: Why me?

Oni: I dunno, maybe it's your name.

Amelia: Isn't this going a bit too far?

Phibrizo: Of course not.

He snaps and every other gues writer is teleported in to receive one fireball each from line before being returned to their homes or places of origin. [Fionavar: Excuse me!? What the f*** was that for!?]

Oni: Stop it! This has gone far enough!

Lina: Aww, but this is fun!

Gourrigan: I wanna watch more fireworks... Lina could you do that again?

Lina: Sure Gourrigan... FIREBALL!!!

Gourrigan is nailed by a fireball and tumbles into a bush.

Oni: OK this is it really.

Nathan grins and suddenly dissapears

Oni: Hey what happened?

Phibrizo: I let him go. now it's just you.

Oni: Why me?

Phibrizo: Because you and Viv are getting too close with that fic you guys are starring me in, see? It's bad enough I have to put up with the horseman but now you want to become part of our crew?!? Get real!!!

Amelia: What?!? You aren't in love with Me Phibby-kun?

Phibrizo: ... Look I'm not "with" Viv we're just really good friends...

Amelia: How dare you!

She pulls out her magic pen.

Phibrizo sweatdrops

Phibrizo: What are you doing?

Amelia: Justice star power!!!

Amelia transforms into Sailor Justice and stands before Phibrizo totoally decked out.

Amelia: You feind! How dare you turn on Oni! He was the one who... Who is that?

Everyone looked behind Phibrizo and Oni to see Viv walking down the beach.

Viv: What is this about you guys messin with Guest writers?!?

Phibrizo stares at his feet.

Phibrizo: I wanted to...

Viv: Picking on Oni huh? Jealous of him? The same way you were of Horseman-kun?

Phibrizo: I'm sorry...

Oni: I guess he learned from the last time he got in a fight with her.

Viv hugs Phibrizo and then grasps his hand

Viv: Come on, back to Sas' dorm. Even acting like a little kid... revenge and all...

She leads Phibrizo off towards the ocean and they simplay walks off over the water as if it were solid ground.

Amelia: Well... at least I still have Zelgadis

Zel: Um... you had me?

Oni: Can somebody finnaly untie me?

Lina: Aw heck, sure.

She unties him.

Oni: Well now that everyone is being Civil... wanna have a quick Party before I go?

Slayers Cast: Sure!

Oni busts out some funky fruit and the following ensues:

Amelia finds herself laughing at her toes for hours then realizes that she's hungry so she goes over to Xellos and bites his staff.

Xellos, not paying attention to Amelia dances around with Filia singing "I got you babe" with her more than ten times before the night is through.

Martina and Zangalus almost immediately end up rolling into some bushes and boff the night away in a more kinky fashion than usual since they're under the influence of Funky Fruit.

Rezo plays "pin the tail on Zelgadis" while Zelgadis sings every Megumi Hayashibara song ever made one by one in a very loud yet shockingly sweet voice.

Lina and Gourry proceed to make crude face paint from local plants and dance around the fire pretending to be wild savages.

Oni eats some funky fruit and wakes up the next day in one of the huts to find a rather unpleasant surprise.

Oni: Naga?! What are you doing here?

Naga: Ohohohoho, you thought you would get away overnight?

Oni: What happened?

He realizes his pants are gone.

Naga: That's a secret! Ohohohohoho...

Oni blushes deep red and splits from the island.

Two weeks later he is seen wearing a "Just say no to funky fruit" T-shirt while asking the Queen something.

Queen of Swords: Look, if Xellos doesn't have any diseases, why would Naga... right?

Oni: Good point...