Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started from this Nippon port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sword-slinger, the skipper tall and pale, five passengers set out that day on a three-hour sail, a three-hour sail. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, if not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Noonza would be lost, the Noonza would be lost. They hit the ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gourrigan, the Red Priest too, the chimera man and his leech, the sorceress, the Trickster and Firia...here on Gourrigan's Isle!

It was a fairly peaceful day on Gourrigan's island. The Queen of Swords was off doing what she pleased, leaving the cast and crew to the mercy of a special guest writer. Unfortunately said guest writer was late in arriving at the set. By now it's mid morning and the crew, minus Martina and Zangalus, have finished eating breakfast.

Lina: It's such a gorgeous day. I think I'm gonna lay on the beach all day and tan.

Naga: With that body it's a wonder you don't burn to a crisp.

Lina gives Naga the patented glance of death.

Lina: Shaddup gold fish feces.

Gourrigan: Say, isn't this episode taking a little long to start?

Zelgadis: The queen left us at the mercy of a guest writer today.

All: A GUEST WRITER?!

The cast and crew run off in terror to prepare for what might be one of the worst guest writers in the history of the show. Moments later they regroup, all clad in the outfits they usually wore for such occassions as climatic battles and such. In the center of the area there's a crash of thunder that shakes the island. The thunder crash is followed by a blinding flash of light, which dumps a young man clad in violet armor and baggy black pants, and a small black cat with a star shaped white patch on its forehead, on the beach in a huddled mass. The cast quickly regain their composure and approach the two, who are dusting themselves off.

Cat: I thought the universe usually belched us out or something. This entrance is so last season.

Man: Nii-san said if the universe belched again it would be grounded until it learned manners.

The cast approaches the man, keeping out of range of any short range spells he might have. The man pulls a notebook computer from behind his back and beneath his cape, opens it up, and starts typing. A moment later he laughs maniacally before closing the computer and replacing it behind his back.

Amelia: Excuse me sir, are you the guest writer?

Man: That I am. My name's Warrior Saturn, but you can call me Alex.

The cat on his shoulder purrs and swishes its tail about.

Cat: What, aren't you going to introduce me?

Alex: Sorry. This is my guardian, Star.

Zelgadis: Just what we need, another Sailor Soldier wannabe.

Alex hits Zel with a Monovolt, stunning the chimera and dropping him like a sack of bricks.

Alex: The proper term is Warrior.

Alex surveys the surroundings, pulls out his computer again, and begins typing away, chuckling to himself as he works. The island around the cast begins to shift shape and such, and their bodies begin to change as well. A blinding flash of light washes over the island, and when it clears the cast recieves the horror of all horrible gifts: alterations. Lina now has Naga's chest, except she is now incredibly top heavy and immediately flops onto her face. Gourrigan's hair is now flaming pink with a mohawk down the middle. Amelia no longer lusts after Zelgadis - now she lusts after Kanzal. Xellos and Zelgadis are all buddy - buddy now, Naga now has Lina's stature and body dimensions, and Filia has been teleported to live with her husband. As for Sylphiel, she's now an Einstein. Once the alterations are finished Alex surveys the severely changed cast and grins.

Alex: This will work for me.

Star: The Queen isn't going to like the fact you tempered with her cast.

Alex: Well, she might like some of the changes. Anyway, they're not permanent. Now, away to the office!

Alex, Star, Zelgadis, and Xellos vanish, leaving the rest of the crew in an akward silence. Lina finally pulls her face out of the sand and with some help from Gourrigan and Rezo, who can now see, she regains her feet.

Lina: That little brat is going to get an Elmekia Lance right where the sun doesn't shine!

Rezo: He actually cured my blindness.

Lina: Small price to pay. I said I wanted my chest to be larger, but now I'm top heavy!

Rezo and Gourrigan release their grip and Lina flops face first into the sand again.

Naga: He must pay for what he did to my gorgeous figure.

Lina: It's actually an improvement. Now... GET ME OUT OF THE SAND!!

Naga and Amelia lift Lina out of the sand this time and the remaining cast make a hasty retreat to one of the huts that hasn't been touched by evil hands, namely the boy's hut. Once inside they commence a search for Xellos' trunk of tricks, but find it missing and decide to come up with a different plan.

Meanwhile, in Alex's private pocket dimension, he, Zelgadis, and Xellos are sitting around, shooting the breeze and drinking smoothies. Somehow the evil guest writer convinced Zelgadis to wear something a little more appealing to the audience, mainly black silk. Xellos has also changed into something less stuffy, like a tank top and shorts. Alex is hanging from a support beam, his armor exchanged for a T-shirt and a comfortable pair of denim shorts.

Zelgadis: So, you're the guy who the queen hired to write this episode?

Alex: Yeah, you might say that.

Alex's answer is followed by a sigh from Star and maniacal laughter from the writer.

Xellos (to Zelgadis): He's creepier than I am.

Zelgadis (to Xellos): Normally I wouldn't agree, but he took your trunk o' tricks and has some plans for it.

The trickster priest colors when he hears this, since his trunk is a plot hole within itself, and in the wrong hands it could have disasterous results.

Alex (popping up behind the two): Whatcha talkin about?

Zelgadis and Xellos: NOTHING!

Alex: Oh... ok. I just hope you weren't discussing me because I know how to make you both crazy.

Zelgadis: How?

Alex (wagging his finger and grinning): That is...a secret.

Zelgadis and Xellos fall over a moment later, landing in a pile on the floor.

Elsewhere on the island...

Gourrigan has returned his hair to normal, Naga has gotten use to her new physique, Lina is learning to deal with her new endowments, and Sylphiel is giving the group a lecture on how to break into Alex's pocket dimension and take the island back.

Sylphiel: .... we should have no problem breaching the interdimensional fabric if we all concentrate on one point.

Amelia: What's the point? I want my sweetie back and I want him NOW!

Lina binds and gags Amelia, Rezo opens a trunk, and they shove her in. They then lock the trunk, wrap it in chains, and mail it to Abu Dabi. With this accomplished they return to hearing Sylphiel's lecture. As Sylphiel explains away a rumbling shakes the island. From a nearby portal Alex, Zelgadis, Xellos, and Star emerge, landing in a heap of bodies.

Alex: It's out of control!

Gourrigan: What's out of control?

Alex (laughing nervously): Errr..... a blue dragon and a green dragon.

Lina: Are you serious? There are only black and gold dragons around here.

Star points towards the mountains, where a green dragon and a blue dragon are lumbering towards the castaway's village. Lina prepare to fire off a Dragon Slave, but starts to tip forward. Luckily for her Gourrigan is there and manages to save her from flopping into the sand again. Sylphiel leaps onto Gourrigan's shoulders and begins to incant the Dragon Slave, except she incants it in Latin, which nobody in their right mind can understand, lest of all the dark lord she calls upon, therefore her spell is a complete flop.

Lina: If you want us to help you will need to reverse some of your little modifications to the cast.

Alex: sigh. All right, all right. I'll reverse some of them, but I have the right to keep some of them in effect until later.

The cast nods at him as he takes his laptop from behind his back and opens people's character profiles. Lina's chest diminishes in size, but are still large enough to attract some attention. Naga regains her proper height, stature, and figure. Sylphiel is still smart, but now she incants her spells in the proper language for casting. As for himself and Star the guardian cat takes on a human form. He puts his laptop away, holds his right hand to the sky and shouts a transformation phrase. A wave of violet light washes over his body, replacing the T-shirt and shorts with his armor and baggy pants.

Alex: Ok, how is everything now?

All: BETTER!

Alex: Good, let's slay those dragons!

The guest writer leaps into the air, casting Levitation as he's airborne so it will take effect sooner. At the exact moment he's airborne a smaller form flys from one of the dragons and tackles him, pinning him to the beach. The form turns out to be another person clad in armor similar to Alex's, only it's forest green, with a brown undershirt, dark brown pants, and brown boots with green and gold trim. The person's black hair stood on end, his eyes blazing.

Person: How dare you even think of writing this fic without me! Do you know what I had to go through to get here?!

Apparently Alex isn't too happy to see the person, since a moment later the other warrior is laying beneath a large porta john. A steam roller, an Evangelion Unit, and ultimately an aircraft carrier fall from the sky and land on top of the person.

Alex: That'll teach you to butt in on my fics without permission!

The cast move closer to Alex, afraid of his wrath. The warrior beneath the pile of junk releases a beam of sorts that vaporizes the pile of junk and knocks the group on their butts. Alex's levitation spell is still in effect, and he exchanges that for a Ray Wing, kicking his speed into high gear as he flies towards the dragons. The warrior on the beach starts to fly towards Alex, but is stopped when Zelgadis grabs a hold of his legs and slams him into the ground, knocking him senseless.

Zelgadis: Do it Alex, hit them with the Dragon Slave!

Alex has all ready begun incanting the spell, a large sphere of dark energy forming above his head. As he chants the spell the warrior on the ground starts to get up, only to have Lina hit him with a flow break. A dark mist escapes from the warrior's armor, which quickly dissipates in the air. The warrior collapses to his knees a second later before keeling over, unconscious.

Alex: .... Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power you and I possess. Dragon SLAVE!!

A massive beam of dark energy erupts from the globe, splitting in half and striking the two dragons. An explosion follows that wipes the dragons from the face of the map and blasts a crater in the island that the queen is NOT going to be happy about. Alex claps his hands free of dust at a job well done and floats down to join the crew, who are gathered around the unconscious warrior.

Lina: Who is he?

Naga: He's kinda cute... for a short guy.

Gourrigan: Is this the same guy who tried to hurt Alex earlier?

The cast falls over.

Alex: He's a friend of mine. He goes by Warrior Orion, but his name's Andrew.

Zelgadis: Why did he attack you?

Alex: He's a little bit unstable mentally, and dark lords just LOVE to possess him. I guess this time the dark lord wasn't that strong since Lina's flow break managed to undo the possession.

Andrew sits up and rubs his head, puzzled at what had happened to him. Alex kneels down next to his friend and gives him a hug. The cast gasp as Andrew kisses Alex on the cheek, and Alex blushes, multiple fireballs forming around him, all ready to blast anybody who says anything.

Later that night the cast and crew decide to hold a cook out, with specially ordered hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, nachos, soda, and ice cream, especially a TON of Cherry Garcia for Alex. The guest writer has since repaired the damage to the island, actually improving upon some of the vegetation. As always there is some funky fruit going around, and somehow Andrew got a piece of it, which spells trouble for the guest writer, who erects a force barrier around his friend to keep him from doing anything he might regret.

As the cast munches on their food the Queen returns, gets an eye of the guy she hired and the intoxicated man in the barrier, and sighs.

QoS: So, Alex, was there any trouble with my cast or the island while I was away fishing?

Alex (chuckles nervously): Um.... nothing that we couldn't handle. I did improve some of the character profiles a little bit.

The Queen looks nervously at Alex.

QoS: Exactly what did you do to my cast?

Alex: Nothing really.... I just made Sylphiel a little bit smarter and Zel and Xel a little more lovable.

Lina: I'll say they're a little more lovable. LOOK!

Everyone turns to look in the direction in which Lina is pointing. There is Zelgadis and Xellos, sitting atop the boy's hut in one another's arms. By the moonlight it's difficult to see what they're doing, but from the motion and the angle of the dangle it's apparent they're making out. The Queen turns to Alex, who all ready has his laptop open and is trying to access Zel's and Xel's character profiles.

Alex: Shimatta! They found a way to block me out of the system. I can't undo this!

QoS: Are you serious?! This is disasterous. What are we going to do?!

Alex: I suggest we end the episode and save this for another day. That way you can employ me to write another fic for you.

The queen does not look too impressed, but she nods and motions for the cast to wrap up the episode. The scene shifts to the inside of a studio, with several video screens scattered about. Zelgadis, Lina, Gourrigan, Amelia, and Alex are standing in the studio, all dressed very respectably.

Alex: And now for that moment you've all been waiting for.

Gourrigan: When Lina blows up the planet?

Lina: When Gourrigan gives me the sword of light?

Amelia: When my beloved Kanzal comes back to me?

Alex, Gourrigan, and Lina sweatdrop profusely.

Alex: Nope.... the blooper clips!

Bloopers!

Sylphiel: Flare ARROW!

A lot of energy sparks around Sylphiel's hands, a bow of sorts forming in space. Energy collects in the center, forming a carrot.

Producer: Cut! Sylphiel, concentrate.

Sylphiel: I am, but I'll try harder.

Producer: Take four. Action!

Sylphiel: Flare ARROW!

Energy sparks around her hands, an energy bow forming in ghostly ways. Energy collects in the center of her hands and arms, a stalk of celery forming.

Producer: CUT! First a Flare Carrot, now Flare Celery. Sylphiel, please concentrate harder!

Sylphiel: I'll try mister producer.

Producer: Take ten and.... Action!

Sylphiel: Flare ARROW!

More energy crackles around her outstretched hands, the ghostly bow forming once again. Energy collects in the central point, this time an ear of corn forms.

Producer: CUT! Sylphiel, this is getting rediculous!

Sylphiel: I'm sorry sir. I promise I'll get it this time.

Producer: Take eleven. Action!

Sylphiel: Flare ARROW!"

The same crackling energy as the previous three times. As the energy collects in the central point it ignites and explodes, burning Sylphiel to a crisp. The priestess exhales a stream of smoke and falls over.

Producer: Cut! Sylphiel, are you ok?

Sylphiel: My attack magic needs a LOT of work.

She passes out a moment later lapsing into a deep slumber.

Amelia has her face pressed in Zelgadis' chest, and he's holding her close to console her after an emotional moment. Only instead of crying she's laughing hysterically.

Producer: CUT! Amelia, you're supposed to be crying. Why are you laughing like that?

Amelia: Sorry sir, but Zelgadis has a pin on that is incredibly funny.

Zelgadis turns towards the producer, revealing a pin on his right breast that says "My Body's not a temple, it's an amusement park". The producer falls over in convulsions.

Producer: Take three and action!

Amelia is standing atop a tall tree, giving one of her justice speeches. Suddenly she releases a long string of bleches. She blushes and covers her mouth.

Cast: Eeeeeewwwwww.

Amelia: Sorry.

Producer: CUT!

Lina: These disgusting noises were brought to you by princess gasbag.

Alex: Well, that's the bonus footage we promised you.

Zelgadis runs back on stage out of breath.

Zelgadis: We found a blooper clip involving you Alex.

Alex (cringes): I thought that was destroyed.

Lina looks at him narrow eyed.

Lina: Roll it!!

Alex is chanting a spell under his breath. Everything is going fine until he has to shout the words to actually cast the spell. Unfortunately he experiences an allergy attack.

Alex: Dragon.... Chuuuu!!!

Instead of a Dragon Slave a small pink dragon appeared, flitted down, and landed on Alex's shoulder. Alex looked at it and shouted at the camera.

Alex: Cut! C'mon, I mean it! Stop filming! Do I have to fireball you!?

Lina: I wonder where that pink dragon is now.

Alex: I gave it a good home.

Zelgadis: Oh? Who did you give it to?

Alex: Xellos.

The scene shifts to Xellos' private room, where the dragonchu is flitting about, free as a bird. Xellos is sitting at his laptop, working on something important. The dragonchu flits down, lands atop the edge of the screen, and gives the Mazoku a stare. A stare-off commences, with neither side giving up.

Back at the studio the cast is laughing their butts off.

Lina: Goodnight folks.

Alex: Tell the Queen how much you liked my fic and get her to have me write another.

Gourrigan: I thought you were going to write a fic to fix the thing happening between Xel and Zel?

Alex & Lina: Shaddup Gourrigan!

Zelgadis: For the cast of Gourrigan's island, goodnight.