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Despite continued protests that they are 'just friends' Jessica Simpson and her Employee of the Month co-star Dane Cook were spotted making out L.A. club Hyde. Star Magazine quotes a source as saying "They spent most of the night hugging and making out. He had his arm draped over the back of her chair- and every so often they kissed on the lips." Whoa, that's serious stuff. If Star Magazine weren't known for their hard hitting journalism and accurate fact reporting, I might have to question that little tid-bit. By now, according to Star Magazine, three-fourths of the world has made out with Jessica Simpson, including me. It's no big deal anymore. Simpson, whose divorce from Nick Lachey was finalized earlier this month, recently said the "she didn't feel right about dating yet." Before we start to cry hypocrit and throw rocks at her, allow me to point out that publicly whoring yourself and playing tonsil hockey are very different from actually dating. A little whoring never hurt anyone!
7-20-06 Donna Martin Might Be Having A Baby
In news that absolutely no one cares about but will get reported anyway for lack of anything better going on today, homewrecker Tori Spelling might be having a baby. Or she might not be. An insider at Petit Tresor, a West Hollywood maternity store, tells Life & Style magazine "Tori looks to be about four months pregnant and has been looking at big items like cribs and changing tables." Those pesky store employees! Celebrities really need to start making those salespeople sign confidentiality clauses. Spelling married actor Dean McDermott on May 7th after a whirlwind "romance." Apparently they changed the definition of romance to "slutting it up with someone else's husband while married to another man." So romantic.
7-20-06 BREAKING NEWS: Nicole Richie Is Too Skinny
That's right, folks. You heard it here first. Nicole Richie is too thin. It is being reported that Richie fainted while shopping at an LA boutique. The staff helped the reality star into a chair and offered her food and water. She turned down the food (shocking!) but accepted a drink. After about twenty minutes, Nicole felt well enough to leave the store. Richie has admitted that she is too thin, but denies that she is struggling with an eating disorder. I say throw a top hat on her. There's no thing scarier to me than a skeleton weraing a top hat. She can entertain at my next Halloween party. But I think it was put best when it was said "The only thing that is missing (from a picture of Nicole Richie) is a bowl of rice and some flies." Just one bite of the rice, for me, Nicole!
7-20-06 That Kid From That Movie Was In An Accident
Child star Haley Joel Osmont was hospitalized early Thursday morning after a car accident. Osmont, now 18, apparently lost control over his 1995 Saturn when heading towards his LA area home about 1 A.M. The car collided with brick pillar and flipped. Osment was the only person in the vehicle. He was awake and talking after the crash, but was taken Huntington Hospital to check for further injuries. Now if you will allow me to backtrack a little. A 1995 Saturn? WTF? Are you kidding me? That is not the car of a former child star. A former child car needs a big car, with lots of room to pick up hookers. It should also have secret compartments to stash the meth and cocaine for when the police pull you over. C'mon, Haley. Didn't you learn anything at all from the Coreys?
7-21-06 Paris Hilton Is Not Smart Enough
Linday Lohan is blaming Paris Hilton for "disgusting" messages sent from Lohan's BlackBerry phone. Lohan claims someone hacked into her BlackBerry and someone sent offensive text messages to everyone in her address book, pretending to be her. Similarly, in 2004, Hilton's Sidekick phone was hacked into and the contents were plastered online, including private pictures, text messages, and an address book which consisted almost entirely of celebrity phone numbers. Lohan's lawyers are now involved, and Hilton's rep (that man must need a vacation!), Elliot Mintz, said "As for any suggestion that Paris would have anything to do with this, that is silly, untrue, and unfortunate." I'm actually inclined to believe him this time. I can't imagine Paris being creative enought to come up with phrases "disgusting" enough to gross out Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay has been passed around Queen's Boulevard as many times as Hilton herself, you know she got some dirty girl stories to tell. Plus, Paris Hilton is a silly bimbo who A) never remembers to put on panties before she leaves the house, B) has a hard time stringing together coherant sentances, and C) is simply not smart enough to hack into a BlackBerry phone.
7-21-06 Leah Remini Claims To Have Seen Suri Cruise
Are you getting tired of these "Does Suri exist or doesn't she?" stories yet? Good, me either! Scientologist and King of Queens star Leah Remini claims to have met baby Suri. Remini says "She's a beaming baby. She looks like Tom and Katie, she's just beautiful." It's awfully strange that the only other person alive who has seen this sack of potatoes, I mean child, is a Scientologist. Or maybe not. Who knows. Maybe you are physically imcapable of laying eyes upon the golden child unless your e-meter level is above a certain point. Or below a certain point. I don't know much about these things, which makes it almost a sure thing I won't get to see Suri Cruise. So I'll just built my own like the rest of the world. Build your own Suri Cruise here.
7-21-06 Colin Farrell Has A Stalker
Actually, he probably has lots of stalkers. But this one was crazy enough to ambush him in the middle of a taping of The Tonight Show With Jay Leno. Dessarae Bradford, a phone sex operator, that's right, i said a phone sex operator, has reportedly filed three lawsuits for sexual harassment against Farrell and has been stalking the actor for some time. She has also written a book about him titled Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy. The disturbance was edited from the television broadcase, a rep for the network said. Kudos to Farrell for not losing his cool when Bradford confronted him on the set of the show. According to a studio guest, he calmly walked her off the stage. The psycho then shouted "I'll see you in court!" to which he replied "You're insane!" Well put, Colin. He was probably so calm because on some level he was relieved. When a crazy woman got up and confronted him, he was probably worried it was either someone he had made a sex tape with and forgotten, or someone he'd gotten pregnant. Nope, it's just that crazy stalker lady. Phew.