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7-18-06 Til Death Do Us Part? Not So Much For Carmen & Dave
In news that surprises no one, Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro have announced they are seperating after three years of marriage. They married in 2003 and documented their wedding for the MTV reality show Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen & Dave. Hmm, that sounds familiar. Their relationship was documented by a MTV reality show and now they have split. Who does that remind me of? Oh, well, it'll come to me later. Earlier this month, Electra told People magazine "We're fine! I'm not saying we have the perfect marriage or we're the perfect couple, but we're damn good. (If there were problems) I wouldn't have my ring on. I would not walk around and pretend." Oops, Carmen! The rumor is that the couple has been split up for 6 months and have been waiting for the right time to make the announcement, and Navarro has already been dating his new girlfriend, socialite Sarah Prince, for 5 months. Camen Electra is a glorified stripper whose biggest claims to fame were that she slept with Prince and married Dennis Rodman. Dave Navarro is a nail polish wearing rocker who probably spent more time in front of the mirror than his wife. Yup, these two were perfect for each other, it's a damn shame it didn't work out.
7-18-06 NEWS FLASH: Suri Cruise Stroller Sighting
This is the closest we have come yet to a baby Suri sighting since she was born on April 18th! A stroller has been spotted on the back porch of the Cruise compound in Telluride, Colorado, where Katie Holmes has been hiding out (and possibly trying to plan a way to excape from Tom). Tom has not been spotted in Telluride, but townspeople have reportedly seen Katie and a friend (probably a mandatory 24-hour Scientology advisor!) and baby Suri out and about. One shopkeeper said that Suri was ''Funny looking." Katie told US Weekly that Suri is "Doing great!" US Weekly repayed her by speculating that she might be pregnant again. Again would be the wrong choice of words here, considering there is no baby Suri, only the sack of potatoes wrapped in a baby blanket I previously mentioned. Of course "Suri" is funny looking, have you ever seen a cute sack of potatoes?
7-18-06 Mr. T Pities The Fool Who Wears Gold
Mr. T is giving up his bling after seeing the horrible destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina. He said "As a spiritual man, I felt it would be a sin against my God for me to wear all the gold again because I spent a lot of time with the less fortunate." What is with this new peaceful, gold chain-less Mr. T who spouts philanthropy? Without the fighting, catch-phrases, and bling he's just a freaky, overly muscled man with a wierd ass name. Luckily for us, he has an explanation for that as well. "Yes, I am qualified to beat people up. But I am pretty intelligent. That's what throws people off." Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. T.
7-18-06 More Crazy News From That Wacky Simpson Clan
Jessica Simpson's father Joe is a well-documented creep. So this latest story could very well possibly be true, as ridiculous as it sounds. The New York Daily News reports that Joe Simpson was very interested to know what son-in-law Nick Lachey was doing during the 7-month seperation from his daughter. Particularly one night last spring, when Nick Lachey, rumored girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo, and Jessica's best friend Casey Cobb were all at the same nightclub. Joe reportedly called up the owners of the club and demanded to see the security camera footage from inside the club and told them "If you ever want to see my daughter there again, you'll give me what I want." This coming from the guy who once said of his oldest daughter's assets "She's got double D's! You can't cover those suckers up!" Dial down the psycho-meter, papa Joe. In other Simpson news, Lachey and Minnollo showed up at a club in New York this weekend, only to find out that Jessica was already there. Unfortunately, no good cat fights occured. Simpson and Lachey even reportedly hugged.
7-18-06 Paris Hilton Is An Icon In Her Own Mind
In an interview with the London Sunday Times, Paris Hilton revealed that she believes that she is this decade's iconic blonde. "I think every decade has an iconic blonde- like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana- and right now, I'm that icon. The interviewer then had to explain to Hilton that the definition of iconic is not 'getting paid ridiculous sums of money to do absolutely nothign at all.' To which Hilton replied "F*&$! that, that sounds like too much work!' and left to go find a table to dance on.
7-18-06 Brad Pitt Has Become Very Boring
Brad Pitt is apparently still in his do-gooder mindframe. "I've had my day" he said on the Today show. "I've made some films and I've really had a fortunate life. And it's time for me to share that a bit." Of being a parent, Pitt said "Man, I've got kids now. It completely hanges your perspective. And it certainly takes the focus off yourself, which I am greatful for." Wow. This new "improved" charity-working Brad Pitt is so sinfully dull it makes me long for the times when he left his wife for another woman and knocker her up. Remember the good old days?
7-19-06 Pam Anderson & Kid Rock Plan To Tie The Knot
Self-proclaimed 'soccer mom' Pam Anderson and grungy rocker Kid Rock are reportedly set to wed on a yacht in St. Tropez on July 29th. An entry on the diary section of Anderson's website read "Yes, I'm finally getting married...it's been a whirlwind...spontaneous but well thought through. Blah, blah, blah. I'm in love, I'm happy...I see the light." The entry is actually very long and boring so I didn't read the entire thing. Something about her finally being able to let go of the past, and...zzzzzzz. Oops, sorry. I dozed off for a second. Anderson and Kid Rock were briefly engaged in 2002, but broke-up the following year. The most interesting thing out of all of this is that I found out Kid Rock's real name: Bob Richie. Can you believe how lame that is? That sounds like the name of a guy who should be trying to remove the spyware from my computer, not the name of a guy who is marrying CJ from Baywatch.
7-19-06 Kevin Federline To Perform At The Teen Choice Awards
Here's a K-Fed story by request for my #1 fan. The worthless, useless, saggy capri pants wearing, boxer-short flashing, chain smoking kept man of Britney Spears has scored another gig. This time it's hosting the Teen Choice Awards, for which he also scored a nomination- believe it or not. This makes me embarassed for and ashamed of the teens of America. What on earth would you guys have nominated this man for? Most fertile? Best job ruining the life and career of a pop princess? The awards are on August 20th. Also scheduced to make appearances are Nick Lachey, Vanessa Minnillo, and Jessica Simpson. Should be some good adult drama at the teen choice awards!
7-19-06 Is Jennifer Garner Pregnant Again?
The latest trend in celebrity births is to have the babies back-to-back, like Britney Spears and Heidi Klum. Jennifer Garner has been photographed lately wearing the same type of loose-fitting top she wore during her last pregnancy, and the rumors have begun. As cute as I think she and Ben Affleck are, and as cute as I think baby Violet is, and as much as I like the idea of them giving her a sibling, I just don't think she is pregnant again. I think that Jenn is just taking her time to lose the baby weight, unlike some of these other women who drop 50 pounds overnight and pretend they didn't use cocaine or medical intervention. Hopefully these two will reproduce again soon, though, because from the looks of baby Violet, those genes are too good to waste! And if you need proof of this, then click here to see a picture of the sickeningly cute Affleck family.
7-19-06 Britney & Kevin To Renew Wedding Vows?
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are rumorned to be preparing renew their vows after not even three years of not-so wedded bliss. The vow renewal will reportedly take place next month, and Britney is hoping it will help change K-Fed's image from worthless mooch to devoted husband and father. Good luck with all of that, Britney! It wouldn't do any good if he repeated the vows a hundred times- it still wouldn't change the fact that he paid a homeless man on the corner $2.50 to write them for him and Britney's name was spelled wrong. In other, slightly relevant Federline family news, the National Enquirer has made a public apology to Spears for reporting that she was ready to divorce Federline. Of course she wants to divorce Federline- I want to divorce him and I'm not even married to him. Now we all have to wait another few months so they can prove the magazine wrong, and then seperate when the timing is right. Thanks to the National Enquirer for prolonging our suffering. And Britney's.
7-19-06 Lindsay Lohan Is Either Crazy Or Just Blind
Lindsay Lohan claims that several people have told her that she looks like Marilyn Monroe, including a friend of Monroe. Lohan claims "Marilyn's best friend came over at the event (at which she wore a Monroe-inspired dress) and said she'd been taken aback because she thought I looked so much like Marilyn. It was incredible." Unfortunately, Lohan's poor brain fails to grasp the fact that Monroe died at the age of 36 in 1962, which means that the friend of Marilyns is probably about 80 years old. It's a miracle of nature that the woman still has any eyesight left at all. Shapes and colors are probably ok, but details have to be pretty fuzzy at least by the age of 75. Someone should explain this to Lindsay before she makes another assenine statement like this and embarasses herself. Someone should also explain to Lindsay that you aren't supposed to drink the bong water. But it's not gonna be me. I want her to keep doing and saying stupid stuff, it's so much fun for me to write about.