"You Called Me a Freak, Now I'm Super Chic"
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JENNY JONES... Rachel Dratch KENNETH... Jimmy Fallon SHAWNA... Molly Shannon PAULET... Cheri Oteri RICKY... Chris Parnell DEVON... Tracy Morgan TI' SHAY... Chris Kattan AUDIENCE MEMBER... Christopher Walken JENNY JONES: Okay. Todays guests are confronting the people who teased them in school and nows their chance to say "You called me a freak now Im super chic". First up we have Shawna and Kenneth! Kenneth Shawna says that in school you called her names like bean pole and skelator. Why did you tease shawna? KENNETH: Oh she was all skin and bones and she hadall this tooth butter all caught up in braces all the time. She looked like Olivoil on crack! JONES: Is this how you remember Shawna? KENNETH: Yeah. Yeah. Thats her on a good day. JONES: Well, take a look at Shawna now, Shawna come on out! SHAWNA: You know you want it! You know you want it! Shawna, you look great. Now tell us what have you been doing since High School? SHAWNA: I'm a mesus specializing in Shiatzu and total release. And last year i was crowned Miss Nude Michagan. (To Kenneth) You know you want it! JONES: Good for you. Good for you. Shawna, what do you want to say to Kenneth? SHAWNA: You used to throw dog treats at me and now you know you couldn't get no one as good as me! You know its true! KENNETH: Oh, please. SHAWNA: You know you want it! KENNETH: It looks like you sewed someones ass to your chest! Am I right? Am I right? (to audience) SHut up! You don't know me! Shut up! You don't know me! AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah I just wanted to say to the guy in the shirt. JONES: Kenneth. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah. You not all that! You better checkity check yourself before you wreck yourself! Thats the truth. And to the beutiful lady, yeah you look good your not hurting anybody. Let your freak flag fly! JONES: Okay thanks. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Dream your dream baby girl. JONES: Next we have Ricky and Paulet. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Be a hero and a double zero! JONES: Okay. Paulet, it says here you used to torment Ricky about his weight. You used to oink like a pig when ever he walkedd by and thats really mean. PAULET: Okay no, wait, no wait, You gotte understand my side of the story, okay. He was fat. He looked like a pi- a pi- a pilbery dough boy on steriods. JONES: Well, lets take a look at ricky in High School. And heres the new Ricky! Ricky! Ricky look at you. What happend? RICKY: Ummm... well I went on a diet of my own invention. For a year I ate nothing but, candy necklaces and Pedia- Lite. I got scurvy. But I also lost 280 pounds. Um, Thank you. Im now an exotic entertainer. You can catch me Monday afternoons at Buldges in North west Orleans. JONES: No. Now he looks pretty good. Would you go out with him now? PAULET: Please. Okay I need a man with a real job, okay. I got 19 kids. Check me out I'm on welfare! (Does dance) I'm on welfare. I'm on welfare! AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah I just wanna say to the leather man. JONES: Ricky. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah don't let anyone stand in the way of your dreams. Thats the truth, for real. And to the female on welfare. JONES: Paulet. AUDIENCE MEMBER: I pay my bills, I take care of my kids. Get rid of that weave. PAULET: Sit down! Sit down! JONES: Okay next we have... AUDIENCE MEMBER: Ray Stocktin, takes care of his business! JONES: Next we have Divon and Ti' Shay. Devon you say that in high school, Ti' SHay looked like Screech on rat poison. We what do you mean? DEVON: We this kid was a geek Jenny. One time we buried him up to his neck, man, and beat him in the head with golf clubs, man, it was hilarious! JONES: Well heres Ti' Shay in middle school. And here he is now. Ti' Shay! TI' SHAY: It's all good! It's all good! How do you like me now? DEVON: Oh SNAP! TI' SHAY: How do you like me now! DEVON: Ti' Shay? TI' SHAY: That's right it is me poppy! DEVON: Whoa whoa, you was a scrawny stank ass little dude! But you've grown into a very elegant woman and I sincerely apologize and would like to take you to Chili's for some soup and half a sandwich. TI' SHAY: (Sits on Devon's lap; Skirt goes up to reveal *cough*; Quickly pulls skirt down) Yeah, okay. (DEVON hugs him) Yeah I would love it! JONES: See, see good things do happen! AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah yeah I just wanna say, to the black dude and the tranny, these freaks are all player haters. You are player participaters, I feel you! TI' SHAY: Thank you. AUDIENCE MEMBER: No what I'm saying? JONES: Okay lets just have a crappy local band play us into commercials please. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Peace out.
