What will happen?? 5-16
Why is it that analitical people are so self centered? I confuse myself to the point where I really don't know myself, and you know that I really don't know where my friends came from, or who my friends are. Before I said I had no idea where my friendship with Laura was going, but now that's a lie. I think it's at a perfect satndstill becasue life lessons couldn't be taught in a place where no life exists. No soul and no hear tequal no me. I don't belong here, and I wish that she could just see that. I know I am talking an easy way out, but that's what I need to do because I don't see any value in staying. She wants me to stay for her. I need to go for me. I want to write montage again. I want to see Ryan again. I want to learn what I have forgotten. She can't see how much I wanted to die when the freshman get the better deal. I'm always the one that fails. Ryan told me that, you know. I am the one who gets chorus parts, and I am the one who never made the BEST group except once.I made chamber choir and it was taught by the greatest man to EVER teach choir...He gave me the gift of my voice. He was my friend. Laura could never see the real me., the real me that still, just yesterday, looked in the mirror and was so unhappy that he decided to binge again. She could never see that I can't forgive them for all those mean things they said. I just said that I forgave them because I thought it would make myself feel better. It is my self mission in life to feel better. Right now I feel like crap., and no hug, or smile, or positive way of thinking could change that. Laura can't see who I really am, and I think that it is because we are almost mirrored in a world where mirrors are reality. I wish I could just say hey, come with me, and it will all be ok., but she belongs in this world, and I belong in that one. When I go back, i can't help but wonder if we'll split apart...
~Home~