In the simple explaination of what I have left in this world, is nothing short of dispair, yet in itself, entirely hope. How impossible, yet possible? To think nothings changed would be a lie, not only to myself, but to every moral I hold ethical, and to this, that last bit of sanity I have left, is undermined by others who think that the world is a moral stage., when I know, for a fact, that life itself is a learning process that never ceases, and my life. my world is my possession to do with as I will. If I choose to love another human being, that is my choice, whether that human being reciprocates the emotions is theirs.
To comprehend every emotional tangent I have gone off on through these turbulent years of self discovery is to say that a person would, and can only be omniscient. So many emotions have been felt, and with some of these emotions, a great obsession roared his ugly head, and devoured the soul of the relationship...for example, when I felt a great love for Ryan, I knew I loved him. The way he moved, the way he talked so gracefully, the way we touched each other, and from what should have been, became a what would have been, if I wasn't so careless in the words I choose, and the people I surrounded myself with.
The funny thing about me, happens to be that I feel an unbearable guilt when I see someone I think is interesting. It is as if I am married to the single individual without any ring or vow, and he alone holds what little heart I've ever had. I saw this beautiful man not to long ago. He has everything I could evr put on a desired list of traits and more, yet I find it painful to put myself in a situation where he could possibly take what heart I took with me, and shatter it into a million shards, each one, sharp, when it came to his moral beliefs, not to forget the smile he made me smile, and how I needed that.
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