It's just before dawn now as I lay beneath the full moon with nothing but my thoughts yet knowing full well that Grandfather watches nearby. I wonder still if it was the best thing to do, leaving the city for a bit. Whether I wanted to or not I suppose wasn't my choice to make. Ever since I was made Queen, I hadn't much time to get my head straight or even get a proper nights rest. While that isn't entirely true in the sense of getting propr rest, I won't be getting into details on that.
It was Grandfather that finally convinced my to leave. It's for the best he said, so I could get my focus back where it needed to be. I know my time in freedom will end soon and im not sure yet whether to be happy or sad about that fact. I dwell still on the night before that which I left, the night of the Masquerade Ball. I still am not quite sure what was wrongw tih me though I attribute it to guilt, stress and a heart torn in two. That is really why I was convinced to leave. How could one judge properly the right path for an entire city when ones own isn't figured out. My decision on such a matter had been made even before I left and even if it is a foolish one, atleast I can be happy knowing I finally set my own way instead of someone else doing it for me.
I blame myself still for what I did to Kieran the night of the ball. If I were anyone else I may have kept my mouth shut. Alas, I couldn't do it to him anymore. Lies, betrayal; these are not my ways, yet I couldn't help it or stop it. Is it really my fault for thinking I was ready to move on with my life when I really wasn't? Can I be blamed for the pain I've caused Kieran when telling him the truth; that my heart still lies with another, one who dwelled there before him? Can I help that mine own heart betrayed me?
I still fail to come up with anything that I could say or do to make it easier on Kieran. I'd do anything short of telling him what the other is, even going so far as to offer him a clean first strike with a blade to myself yet he declined. He asked many questions I refused to answer for fear it would make a bad situation worse. I can only hope my time away will give him time to recover from the information and to dwindle his bloodlust. I still love him, just not as much as I had thought.
As I close my eyes with head dropped back, the rays of the moon awaken the blood inside me allowing me to feel the bond of love, the strength to persevere as the blood formed link blossoms. Patience, it will be time to return soon.
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Three days have passed and my very core aches to return to the city. Quite a unique feeling to me I must admit as I was always so at home in the woods. While it may be a strange discovery in mine self, I can only attribute it to the duty I must return to. A new darkness lingers about of which I am unfamiliar and I am quite restlessly eager to resume the queendom where I left off. I've developed many plans in my time away of what to do to ensure the city runs smoothly. Here's to hoping that the Den I have put in place is still standing when I get back. Just a few more days.
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A day had gone by and she was beyond anxious to return to the city. Why, was anyones guess but a select few could easily figure it out. She had told her grandfather her dilema and his words in response were quite literally what became the deciding factor of what she would do. The days she had hoped she would be gone gradually became weeks, nearly three and she couldn't wait any longer. The bond she shared with Doyle easily allowed her to feel his own lonliness despite how far apart they were and she could bare it no more. Brief words exchanged with Gabriel only to tell him she would return in a day. No details were needed for him to know where it was she was going. He would have advsed against it had he not known that it would have done no good. The trip back to the city, Lindor more accurately, took several hours. The length of time wasn't because she was far away but to ensure no one saw her. She knew it wasn't time yet to return but the need to see him had grown far too much to ignore anylonger. Clad in a fitting hooded black robe, she made her way tpo the place in Lindow that she knew he'd be at. The upstairs window she knew would be open, if not she'd open it somehow and slipped in silent as the night itself. Looking around the room she saw no sight of Doyle or Anouk though Morgan was fast asleep in the crib. Brief pause was had as she looked in on morgan for some time. Various thoughts came to mind though she continued on her way moments later. Decending the stairs she could pick up on the scent of liquor even before reaching the first step. Knowing then who was and who wasn't present, she continued though shed her body of the robe to bare nothing but the silken shift beneath. She'd stand infront of the sleeping, drunken form of Doyle for several moments. Arms folded and head shaken she'd finally speak to make ehr presence known. She knew why he drank but hated that he did so. Words exchanged between them just the same as any time before it though felt so much different. For the first time in her life she actually felt complete yet still an emptiness lingered, that of knowing she couldn't stay long. Mutually they could tell how unhappy the other was yet if only for one night they would be one, complete in eachothers arms. Dusk came and Aislinn arose, hiding herself in her robe once again. She stood beside the bed to look over Doyle one last time as he slept. Leaning down, she caressed his cheek and lightly kissed his lips, whispering softly to him, "Take care my love, we will be together again soon." And with that she left in the same manner she arrived. 'Always' she said to herself for him to hear again though in his mind, the same moment he had finally awoken and she was gone.
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Aislinn was sitting next to a recently formed campfire having just returned from Lindor, staring at it intently when Gabriel approached. Vocally, nothing was said though that didn't mean they weren't speaking. 'The bond has brought us closer together; moreso than it could ever be with anyone else.' 'Yes, I can feel it in you. It has grown quite a bit since last you were out here' he responded with silent words, always seeming to find just the right thing to say. 'Not suprising. I could feel it in him, almost a void where she once was. No matter when I go see him, he's always alone or with the sitter. I'm beginning to think she is gone for good.' He thought on her words for some time before responding, 'You know you must be careful. Just because you were so willing to part from Kieran doesn't mean he will do the same to the mother of his child.' Aislinn got quite angry at that moment, not because of his words but various things that started to plague her thoughts when she heard them. Aislinn as a rule was never a jealous person no matter the circumstance, but the rise of hatred in that instance was far too much to ignore. Closing her eyes, she considered what she might have done to the woman had she been nearby at that moment. While various means of killing the girl were apparent, the vision of torture and hours of gruelling pain was most concerning. So strong in her mind were such thoughts that any reaching out to her at that moment may have seen it as well, namely Gabriel or possibly Doyle himself. Just as quickly as the vision came, it faded away. She tried to return to her former train of thought but something had seriously gone wrong. The _expression given her by Gabriel was almost as disturbing to her as the vision though not enough so to fix whatever hinge had come lose. Previously, she had been going down a dark and unfamiliar path. That was before Athlendyr tried to fix it. She thought he had stopped that rapid descent into shadow but it was that very same shadow that was building up, waiting for an opportune moment to be re-released to consume her. Sad as it may have been, she'd give up everything she had, even if it wasn't much, just to be with him. So, how does one give up something they didn't want to start with? Give up also the one thing she truely was always loyal to; Athlendyr himself. Gabriel seemed aware of this thought process as it was taking place in her mind and wasn't at all pleased with it. He'd try and try again to figure out some way to stop this but it was seemingly inevitable; Athlendyr only post-poned it. She'd bare the claw scars as Doyle does before she was through. Eyes opened and head turned towards the city, narrowing slightly, considering her options with fingers steepled.