Friday night I crashed your party
Saturday I said I'm sorry
Sunday came and trashed me out again
I was only having fun
Wasn't hurting anyone
And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change

Pacey and Jen were wandering through one of the many children's parks of Capeside, holding hands. Not tightly, though, their fingers were just barely touching.

"Is something bothering you?" Pacey asked quietly. Jen hadn't been saying much.

Tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, she frowned. "I've just been dreading talking to you about something."

"What?"

Jen looked up at Pacey. His eyes were so trusting, so concerned. She hated conversations like this.

"You remember that freshman that had a huge crush on me?"

"Yeah," he replied, chuckling. "Harry?"

"Henry. Well, he asked me out the other day. And I said yes."

"Why would you do that? I thought we were getting ser-"

"Serious? No, Pace, we're not serious. I hate to say this, but I'm sick of being in a relationship where I only have chemistry with my boyfriend on the days that begin with M."

"You're bored with me."

"Let's just say we were better off friends." He dropped her hand and started to walk off in the direction they'd come. "Pacey! Wait!"

When he heard her coming after him he broke into a run. There was no way his ego would ever recover from this kind of blow. This wasn't an "I'm 36, you're 15," kind of breakup. Or even an "I cheated on you with a mental patient so we can't be together," kind. It was more like an, "I have more chemistry with my grandmother," kind of rejection.

Pacey had never felt more pathetic in his life. He had been dropped for a freshman. That was high up there on the all-time low list.

I've been stranded in the combat zone
I walked through Bedford Stuy alone
Even rode my motorcycle in the rain
And you told me not to drive
But I made it home alive
So you said that only proves that I'm insane

"Well, well, little brother, you're home late. How was it?" Doug asked with a suggestive tone.

"Felt like a knife in the stomach," Pacey replied sadly, flopping down onto the futon in his brother's living room. He covered his eyes with his arm and tried to bite back tears.

"I don't think it's supposed to feel like that, Pace."

"She dumped me, Doug. She says we have no chemistry. And now she's going off to date a freshman. A freshman! Do you have any idea how humiliating this was for me?!"

"No, I can't say that I do." Pacey uncovered his eyes and glared at his older brother. But Doug could see beneath the withering gaze he was receiving. He'd probably given his father that look a million times. "But you could try to explain it to me."

Instantly, Pacey's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"It is possible for two siblings to talk in peace."

"Yeah, siblings with normal relationships. Siblings who can stand each other."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Doug laughed and shook his head. "I can stand you."

"You have a very funny way of showing it."

"By feeding you, letting you live with me, and cleaning up after you?"

"Okay, maybe you can stand me. But that doesn't mean you want to hear about my latest relatioship-related catastrophe."

Doug sat down on the edge of the futon. "I asked, didn't I?"

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
Turn out the light
Don't try to save me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right

The lights were all off and Doug had finally gone to bed. It was three o' clock in the morning. They had talked until three. Pacey could hardly believe it.

They had dissected his relationship with Jen until they were both sick and tired of saying her name. They had promptly moved on to Andie, Dawson, and finally Joey.

Joey had been the most interesting topic of discussion. Pacey had shared feelings that he hadn't even known he'd had. Doug had been surprisingly understanding and Pacey would even go far as to say that he had been nice.

After Doug had gone to bed, Pacey had cried for a few minutes. Just because he'd expressed his feelings he didn't feel any less unattractive or undesirable. Doug had suggested taking a break from dating for a while and that sounded like a pretty good deal. Women had a funny knack of screwing up his life.

"A break from dating," he whispered aloud to himself. "A Ross and Rachel break or real break?"

"A real one," Doug called out from the kitchen. "Go to sleep, Pacey, and stop worrying."

"Thanks, Mother Love."

Remember how I found you there
Alone in your electric chair
I told you dirty jokes until you smiled
You were lonely for a man
I said take me as I am
'Cause you might enjoy some madness for a while

"Things going to be this weird for a long time, Pace?" Jen asked, leaning against the locker next to Pacey's. "You won't even look at me anymore."

"Why don't you go find Henry, Jen? I'm really not in the mood." He slammed his locker shut and frowned.

"Not in the mood to talk?"

"Not in the mood to talk to you."

"Why? You know that there was nothing there, Pacey."

"I'm sorry if I had feelings for you, Jen." Her eyes went wide. "Yes, I felt something. It's not like that's never happened before. I'll get over it. But give me at least a week."

"Sure. However long you need."

"Thanks so much," he said sarcastically. He picked his bookbag up off the floor and walked to his first class. Math. The same math Joey was tutoring him in. He sat next to her. And that was not usually a good thing.

"Hey, Pace. What's up?" she greeted him as he slid into his seat.

"The sky."

"Hysterical. Have you considered a career in standup?"

"As a matter of fact, I have. But stage fright and the inability to memorize anything past my name and phone number, for the ladies, made me reconsider."

Joey laughed. "Seriously, what's up?" The words sounded forced and fake. Pacey knew she didn't really care, but she also didn't want to be accused of being a bad friend.

"Nothing. You?"

"Just another falling out with Dawson. No big deal." Her face told him it was more than a big deal.

"Details, woman, details."

She grinned, obviously pleased with his response. "We were just arguing about the past. And the present."

"Specifically, what parts?"

"Eve to be exact. I've just been feeling like the rules are different for Dawson."

"The rules?"

"The rules for moving on. He's allowed to date any bimbo he wants, but if I show remote interest in someone of the male sex, he blows a gasket. Does that seem fair to you?"

"Of course not."

"You're going to say the exact same thing to Dawson when you hear his version. I just wanted to hear you agree with me."

"I might, I might not. As long as you two are speaking to me."

"There is a definite hint of melancholy in your voice. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just did a little soul searching this weekend. Bonded with my big brother. No problems, no worries."

"I don't believe you. But class is starting so I can't beat it out of you." She smiled. "Yet."

Now think of all the years you tried to
Find someone to satisfy you
I might be as crazy as you say
If I'm crazy then it's true
That it's all because of you
And you wouldn't want me any other way

The walk home with Joey was excruciatingly painful. Pacey tried to supress his desire to just grab her and kiss her. But Doug was right. If it didn't work once, it wasn't going to work on the second try. Especially when the same obstacle was still in the way.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Jen?"

"How did you find out?"

"Well, the two of you have been bosom buddies lately. So when you showed up to school today in a funk, I figured Jen would know what was going on."

"Nice detective work," he said. He shuffled his feet against asphalt. "It's not as bad as she may have made it seem."

"Unrequited love is always bad."

"It wasn't love. We're in high school."

"Your point being?"

"I don't think it's possible to be in love at sixteen. Besides, we really are better off as friends."

"Maybe so, but it still hurts," she replied. "It's okay to hurt, Pace."

"I'd rather not discuss this with you, Jo. Remember the brotherly bonding I spoke of? That pretty much took care of my "talk it out" stage. I'm fine."

"This coming from the guy, who, for most of the time I've known him, has desperately needed a Ritalin prescription and is now spouting direct rip-offs from cheesy, teenybopper movies. You're acting depressed and I want you to talk about it with me before it eats you alive. Believe me, I've been there and I know what it feels like," she said sadly.

Normally, this sharing of affectionate advice would go straight to Pacey's heart, making him break down and spill. A different sensation was building in his chest this time. Anger rushed through him. Joey just assumed that he was going to become some mindless, piney sap and throw common sense to the breeze.

"Different situation, Jo."

"You know why? Because I'm me and you're you. That doesn't mean we can't use inductive reasoning here, Pace."

Don't get mad, Pacey thought to himself. Don't get mad. She'll flip if you get mad. "Jo, this is slightly less severe than your case. I just wanted to sleep with her. Purely sexual, no real feelings involved." Good, just piss her off. That'll help.

"That's disgusting, Pacey. And completely unlike you."

"How would you know? What if the Pacey you know and love is just a mask or a front I use? Maybe deep down there isn't a heart of gold, there's just a pathetic sex maniac."

She shook her head. "Stop it, Pace. I know when you're lying. This is just sad."

"You don't know anything about me, Joey. Just give it up." They had reached his block. Doug's apartment could be seen down the street. "See you around, Potter."

If there was a response, he didn't hear it. His face felt flushed, the blood was pounding in his temples. Not only had he succeeded in alienating the only person that seemed to matter in his life, he had pushed Joey away, too.

As he walked he became more and more upset. Dawson's analytical lifestyle had never really appealed to him and now he knew why. The more he thought about Jen, the more convinced he became that he was absolutely pathetic.

Playing back their conversations in his head, all of his promises and declarations sounded empty and meaningless. He felt dead. There was no feeling behind the words. Maybe Jen could see through him better than other girls. Maybe they would all be like that.

Fresh tears filled his eyes. Pounding up Doug's stoop, Pacey felt the saddest he had been in a long time.

Get used to it, Pace, he thought. You're going to be lonely for a very long time.

His head hanging, he stepped into the cool, silent apartment. Doug's meticulous cleaning made the place seem impersonal. Like he wasn't really welcome.

Kicked out of your childhood home to make place for grandkids. Sent packing to live with your undeserving big brother. He doesn't want me here either. Pacey sighed and sat down on the couch. I should just leave. But where would I go?

Always on cue, the phone rang. Pacey looked at the caller ID and saw that it was the Police Station. Doug always called to see if Pacey was home to run some errands.

"Hello?"

"Pacey, hey! You busy, little brother?"

"I have a lot of homework, Dougie."

"It's Friday. You have the whole weekend. Go food shopping. We really need stuff for dinner."

"What do you feel like having?"

"Surprise me, Pace."

"That all?"

"Yes, sorry if I took up too much of your time."

"I forgive you."

Doug's cheerful laugh made Pacey smile. He could always count on his brother to laugh at the corniest things. "I left money in my night table. Why don't you rent a video, too? We'll watch it tonight."

"I'm going to go now."

"See you in about an hour and a half."

Pacey let the phone fall back onto the receiver. Maybe Doug enjoyed his company more than he thought.

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
It's too late to fight
It's too late to change me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right

Scanning the drama section of Screenplay Video, he heard Dawson and Joey's familiar voices. Joey was fighting hard for Boys Don't Cry, while Dawson was more interested in American Beauty. Pacey himself preferred the latter, but was in the mood for an even more gritty drama than that.

"Joey, I know you think Kevin Spacey is overrated, but he really is one of the greatest actors of our time."

"Says the man who thought Kirk Cameron was going to be the next Tom Cruise."

"Why does our history always come back to haunt me?" Dawson groaned. "I was eleven. I had bad taste, I admit it, now move on!"

Pacey rolled his eyes and grabbed Pulp Fiction off the shelf. You could do no wrong with Samuel L. Jackson, John Travolta and Bruce Willis. And Doug loved the movie, too. Of course, Dawson and Joey had claimed they were scarred for life when they saw it. It made sense that most of the things Pacey was passionate about, Dawson and Joey despised.

"One more and I'm out of here," he mumbled. His fingers drummed along the lower part of the shelf.

"Did I tell you what happened with Jen and Pacey?"

"No, what happened?"

"They were together for about two seconds before they broke up. Yesterday."

"How come I never know about these things?" Dawson asked, sighing. "And since when does Jen want anything to do with Pacey?"

Pacey heard his name said with such disgust he shivered.

"Since never really. She dumped him because she didn't feel anything."

"Makes sense. You can't really build a relationship on nothing."

How about friendship? Pacey thought angrily.

"Well, Pacey's pretty torn up about it. He tried to tell me it was nothing more than sex, but I could tell-"

"They had sex?"

"No, because Jen isn't attracted to Pacey. She's going out with this freshman named Henry now."

"A freshman?!" Dawson asked, laughing. "That's just sad."

"I know. Poor Pacey's ego is a little bruised."

Pacey thought that it was pretty lucky for Dawson and Joey that there was a large shelf of videos between them. Anything he did, he really couldn't be held responsible for at this point.

"Why would he go out with my ex? Isn't that off-limits?"

"Dawson, you know you don't care who Jen goes out with."

"You're right. I should feel bad about that."

"You should."

No movie seemed inviting. Pulp Fiction would be enough to indulge Pacey in some very violent fantasies. He stood up from the crouched position he was in and cracked his knuckles.

"Hey, guys," Pacey said cheerfully. A phony smile spread across his face, but his blue eyes were cold and angry. "Movie night?"

Dawson grinned. "Yeah, do you want to join us?" he asked quickly. Nice try, Pacey thought.

"No thanks. I promised Dougie I'd hang out with him." He held up the video in his hand.

"Ew, Pace. Pulp Fiction? That is one of the most senselessly violent movies ever made." Joey cringed.

"Sometimes a guy needs to feel senseless." Pacey looked innocently at Dawson. "You two seemed deep in discussion. What's the latest gossip?"

They stared at each other in wide-eyed surprise. "N-nothing," Dawson stammered.

Liar, Pacey thought. "Oh, all right. Well, I have to go home and make dinner. You kids have fun." He winked for good measure and went to pay for his videos. Pacey could feel the waves of guilt coming off them and he had to bite his cheek to hold back laughter. That was so easy, it's sad.

A very bored looking fellow employee rang Pacey up. "Don't forget my discount."

"Old movies are only two-fifty. Why do you need your discount?"

"Because I'm cheap, kid." The boy rolled his eyes and mumbled curses under his breath as he searched for the code to activate a discount. "I'll do it." Pacey walked behind the counter and punched in the correct numbers.

"Wow, you must be some kind of genius," the boy retorted. "Have a nice night."

"You, too, sunshine." He passed Dawson and Joey on his way out, but didn't say good-bye. They were painful to look at.

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
Turn out the light
Don't try to save me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right

"Did it take you long to make this, Pace?" Doug asked, through a mouth full of meat lasagna.

"Fifteen minutes in the microwave," Pacey replied, laughing. "Thank god for Stouffer's meals-in-a-box."

"And here I thought you'd been taking home-EC classes." They both laughed. "This is really nice, Pacey. I didn't think you'd stay here for more than a week."

"You didn't honestly believe that Dad would ask me to come home, did you?"

"He might have."

"If he started doing crack."

"Oh, please, Pacey. Get over yourself. Mom and Dad have a house full of noisy grandkids, a good-for-nothing daughter, and a money-sucking son-in-law. They'd have you back any day of the week."

"Whatever. I'd rather be here."

Doug stared at him in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Doug, you clean up after me, you usually cook for me, you help me with my homework, you help me with my love life. Lately, you've been a brother in the true sense of the word. If it wasn't for you, I think I might have killed myself a long time ago."

Doug smiled. "It's nice having you around. We didn't get a chance to become friends when we were kids. It's better late than never, right?"

"Absolutely. And as of right now, you really are my best friend. You're the only person in my life who's honest and really listens to me," Pacey confessed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you."

"You're more than welcome."

You may be wrong but you may be right
You may be wrong but you may be right

END OF PART 3

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Part 4

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