Well you went uptown riding in your limousine
With your fine Park Avenue clothes
You had the Dom Perignon in your hand
And the spoon up your nose
And when you wake up in the morning
With your head on fire
And your eyes too bloody to see
Go on and cry in your coffee
But don't come bitchin' to me

"Smooth, Pace, real smooth," Dawson commented as Pacey slid back onto one of the benches. He wiped away vomit from his mouth. Dawson's voice dripped with sarcasm and disgust. "What possessed you to drink that much anyway?"

Because you had to be a big shot, didn't you?
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn't you?
All your friends were so knocked out
You had to have the last word, last night
You know what everything's about
You had to have a white hot spotlight
You had to be a big shot last night

"Your nasal whining is what possessed me, Dawson. I thought I explained myself already."

"And throwing up really accented your message," Joey snapped. "You sounded so goddamned intelligent. Drunken friends who can't even hold their liquor always seem to put me in my place."

Pacey didn't say a word. He was still feeling very queasy and his throat felt raw. "You know what? I'd rather not have it out with the two of you in front of all these good people."

"You were fine with ranting when there was still alcohol in your system," Joey quipped. "Barfing dulled the edge, Pace?"

"Come on, Pacey, tell us how you really feel," Dawson shot. His cheeks were slightly red. "They'll hear about it later anyway."

Jack put his hands up. "You guys really should do this privately," he said reasonably.

"Thank you," Pacey sighed.

"I wasn't supporting you, Pace. Just the idea that the three of you should really be alone. And sober," he added pointedly.

Andie felt her heart go out to Pacey. Everyone seemed to be blaming him for speaking his mind. And he really did have a point. The angst that revolved around Dawson and Joey really was sickening.

"And maybe you should stay out of it, Jack," she suggested quietly. When he gave her a questioning look she shrugged. "Why add fuel to the fire?" Understanding what she meant, he looked down at the floor.

"No, come on," Joey said. "I want to hear more."

"More of what? I said everything I needed to say," Pacey replied softly.

"I know you too well, Pace. You're a bottomless pit when it comes to useless advice and complaints. Feeling lonely? You have to pick on your best friends to feel better?"

"I wasn't picking on anyone, Jo. You asked what my problem was. I told you."

"That's all? Because I have something to say." Pacey nodded to show that he was finished. "All right. You're a pretty lousy friend, to begin with."

"What?"

"You heard me. Is it so hard to sit and listen to our problems? Is it too much to ask?"

"No, that's not what I meant."

Dawson snorted. "Sure. Then what the hell did you mean?"

"I meant you two are so wrapped up in each other you forget that I have problems too. How many times has either of you listened to my romantic woes? Or problems with my parents?" Dawson and Joey refused to look at him. "That's right. None. You don't. That's what I meant. I love being your friend, but it's a give-and-take. And all I'm doing is giving."

"You're exaggerating slightly, Pace," Dawson mumbled.

"Am I? Do you know anything about me anymore, Dawson? Do you know what I think about day and night? Do you know who I think about day and night?"

"Nobody could know that, Pacey," Joey said. "You don't tell anyone anything. You never have. Don't blame us for your inability to open up to others."

"If the opportunity was there, I assure you, I would take it. I'd spill everything. But nobody has ever given me that chance. My job is only to listen and make everyone else feel better. No one says, 'Gee thanks, man. Is there anything you want to talk about?'."

Everyone fell silent. Andie felt especially guilty. She had taken advantage of Pacey's shoulder to cry on so many times and had never really done much listening in return. She bit her lip.

"I'm so sorry, Pacey," she said.

He looked over at her in disbelief. "Andie, I didn't mean you. That was an entirely different situation with completely different circumstances."

"But I did the same thing. I always came to you and cried to you. I never gave you a chance."

"Andie, I loved helping you and listening to you. That was different," he whispered.

"He's right, Andie. This is just about me, him and Joey," Dawson added.

Pacey tried to stand but his legs were a little too wobbly. "Andie, I don't want you to think that I wasn't grateful for the time we had together. You helped me in more ways than you can possibly imagine."

She smiled weakly at him. Her brilliant idea to divert attention had worked perfectly. Pacey, Dawson and Joey were no longer bickering. They all looked too deep in thought. She leaned against her brother. "Am I good or what?" she whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'll tell you later."

The cell door clanked open noisily. Doug stood with a grin on his face. "You're all free to go."

All of them stood and grabbed their coats. "But how?" Dawson asked. Doug stepped out of the way to reveal Mitch, looking pissed.

"You made bail." They all filed out, Pacey last. "Not you, little brother. Dad thinks you should spend the night."

You kept 'em so entertained
Aw but not you can't remember
All the things you said
And you're not sure you want to know

I'll give you one hint, honey
You sure did put on a show

Pacey was lying down trying to go to sleep. It was difficult on the metal seat, with his jacket behind his head. He was so cold without it on his teeth were chattering and his whole body was shaking.

Doug leaned against the door frame. "Cold?"

"No, it's a little hot in here. Do you have a fan I could borrow?" Somehow the remark didn't seem so witty with his teeth chattering together so loudly.

"Do you want a blanket?"

"If you've got one." Pacey sat up and rubbed his hands up and down over his arms. His thin sweater wasn't doing much to keep him warm. Doug handed him a worn flannel blanket and sat down next to Pacey.

"Have a fight with your friends?"

"You're so observant, Dougie. No wonder you're a cop."

"You can drop the act, Pace. I'm trying to be nice."

"Sorry." Pacey leaned back against the cement wall. He pulled the blanket tight. "They've just been pretty bad friends lately."

"Sounded like it."

"No matter what I say or what I do, Doug, they're not happy. And if they're fighting it's my job to fix it. But when they're not, it's time to pick on Pacey. I'm so tired of it."

"I'm surprised you've put up with it for so long."

"Well, I'm not exactly the most popular guy at Capeside. I don't have many options."

"You know how to make friends, Pacey."

"I'm not you, Doug. I'm not a charming lady killer. I don't play football."

"Jack plays football. Is he Mr. Popularity?"

"No, but that's different." Pacey closed his eyes. "I don't think I want to talk about this."

"Then why don't we talk about your behavior tonight? Was that your pathetic attempt at trying to make friends? Drinking? Not a smart move, Pacey."

"I know."

Doug stood up and brushed off his pants. "Try and get some sleep, Pace."

"Wait, Doug. Do you think maybe we could talk about this?" he asked. His voice had hints of desperation in it. His eyes were filled with unshed tears of frustration and rejection.

"I have some things to do, Pace." Doug watched his little brother's face fall. "Later, ok?"

"Nevermind."

Yes, yes you had to be a big shot, didn't you?
You had to prove it to the crowd
You had to be a big shot, didn't you?
All your friends were so knocked out
You had to have the last word, last night
You're so much fun to be around
You had to have the front page, bold type
You had to be a big shot last night

Well it's no big sin to stick your two cents in
If you know when to leave it alone
But you went over the line
You couldn't see it was time to go home

The following Monday at school was probably the most humiliating for Pacey. No one from the party particularly remembered him, but his friends ignored him. Completely. Dawson and Joey acted like they didn't know him. Jack treated him with a holier-than-thou attitude. Only Andie and Jen were being somewhat nice. Jen's lack of attendance at the party probably contributed to that.

Lunch posed a large problem. He could either sit with his ex-girlfriend or with his best friend's ex-girlfriend. But sitting with Andie meant sitting with Jack and that was something he hoped to avoid. Jen seemed to be the best option.

"Mind if I join you?" Pacey asked, being careful to sound just sad and pathetic enough so that Jen would be unable to refuse.

She smiled. "Of course, Pacey." She noticed that all he had for lunch was a bottle of water. That wouldn't be strange, but considering that Pacey usually consumed mass quantities of food, it seemed unusual. "Are you okay, Pace?"

"I'm super, thanks for asking!" Pacey said, taking on a lisp.

"Funny. I thought maybe you'd grown out of that South Park faze."

"Nope. Still think it's the best show on the planet."

"I can't make fun of you. I used to watch 90210 religiously." They grinned at each other. "Seriously, what's on your mind? You seem down."

"How'd you figure that out?"

"Pacey, you have a bottle of water for lunch. And if that wasn't indication enough, your woe-is-me tone of voice is," she explained. "It has something to do with that party, right?"

"What happened after the party was broken up, not the party itself."

"Please, I'm in the mood for a story."

"I got flat off my ass drunk to start with. And if you thought I had a big mouth when I was sober, wait until after a few Jell-O shots have entered my system."

"Who did you offend with your loose lips?"

"Dawson and Joey, of course. I told them that their little saga was driving me up the wall. Then I was informed that because of my weak stomach for whining I am a bad friend."

"What?! Pacey, those two are so full of themselves I could puke."

"I did." He shrugged. "Now Wonder Woman and Captain Amazing are ignoring me."

"Good. You don't have to listen to them bitching and moaning."

"At least for a day."

No, no, no, no, no, no, you had to be a big shot, didn't you?
You had to open up your mouth
You had to be a big shot, didn't you?
All your friends were so knocked out
You had to have the last word, last night
So much fun to be around
You had to have a white hot spotlight
You had to be a big shot last night

Dawson sat on his bed, staring at the phone. For the last hour he had thought about calling Pacey. The TV had been turned on and off as he changed his mind.

Just do it, he thought. As he reached for the phone he heard someone climbing up his ladder. "Thank god," he breathed, happy to be relieved of the duty of calling Pacey to apologize.

"Hey, Dawson," Pacey greeted him quietly. He parted the billowing curtains and stepped inside. Four letter words ran through Dawson's head.

"Hi, Pace. I was just about to call you."

"I thought an apology might work better in person." Pacey sat down against the wall beneath the window. "I'm really sorry about all the crap I gave you on Friday. I was totally out of line."

"No, it's not all your fault."

"It is. List, I'm sorry. And anytime you need to talk, about anything, you can come to me. I was just being a selfish jerk and I'm really sorry."

Dawson didn't respond. He looked above Pacey and out the window. The curtains were blowing.

"Whatever, Pace. Let's just forget it ever happened." Dawson sighed. "Is there anything else?"

"I don't think so," Pacey said. "I'll just go then."

He stood up and started to climb out. "Wait, Pace. Did you want to talk about her?"

Pacey froze. "About who?"

"The girl you think about day and night."

"No."


END OF PART 1

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