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It all starts with New Year's. Always. This makes New Year's a pretty important event. But should it really be so? I, as Queen of this website, propose that we, the People's Republic of Djibouti, banish all New Year's resolutions. Personally, I am morally opposed to their creation and usage (along with being morally opposed to Santa Claus and the stock market). Now I know to some New Year's resolutions are funny things to be opposed of. Many people believe these resolutions to be benefitial in all manners of life. This, however, is not true. A person should set goals according to the different stages of their life. Most people's lives do not revolve around the calendar than much. It revolves around work schedules or school schedules (during which New Year's comes half-way through and not at the stopping or beginning point when resolutions should really be made). So year after year thousands upon millions of people promise to loose weight, make more money, and become more saintly people...which never lead to a hill of beans by the end of February. Life should be a continuous process of striving to better yourself according to how prepared you are for each task at that time. We shouldn't make empty promises to ourselves (and God for all theistic people) simply because the ancient Romans feel it is time. If you want to better yourself because it's Tuesday, I say do it! But we all aught to know from History and Mythology never to trust the Romans. Now wasn't that inspirational?

So really, what is New Year's all about then, if not resolutions? Resolutions make you think back to the year that has past. Ever wondered why so many people get drunk off their butts on New Year's? Really, New Year's should be a look into the future. A time to think to yourself, "Now is the time to start learning to read upside-down" or "Someday I'll be the best dang Wal*Mart employee there ever was, right after I convince them to hire me." So maybe instead of looking into the past and partying until all hours of the night, we should all go visit fortune tellers, get our palms read and make sure we're not going to die before the end of this year! In honor of such an inovative idea, I have hired the world renoun fortune teller Mama Ridiculo!

First off, Mama Ridiculo looked deep inside the Twilight Zone-iness of my future (who hears the music playing?). And it all started with one very crucial decision I encountered. To read what is in store for your beloved Katieness, click on my name (the first on the list) and enjoy. Not only am I allowing you to look into my future, I am encouraging it.

Please note that every fortune has three possible outcomes, the Mega Happy Hollywood Version, the Practical Version, and the Oh So Tragic Version. These were all writen in jest, so please do not be offended, I would never wish the tragic version upon anyone. Please also note that none of the futures include any current significant others. This makes things a little less personal in the event of mock divorce or perhaps a breakup within the times in which your future was written. Also notice that the location given for each subscriber is disguised as a place within the land of Djibouti. This is to protect all subscribers who do not wish to reveal to others that they are currently serving a jail sentence. Those subscribers will remain nameless. Anyone who asks of their identity will be charged an extra two dollars.