| What you might not know!! *Warning the page contains a direct quote that conatins some swear words Ok,you are probably looking at this site and thinking "Well that's Katie Lynn for ya" I mean you guys all know me or why else would you be here?This page is just the negative stuff some of it you've all probably heared before because I'm so pesamistic but some of it I never told anyone.I really don't know where to start. I've always been differant ,if you haven't noticed the rocking back & forth thing then you are not very observant because I've done that since before I could talk!! It's weird I know no one seems to know exactly why but my 3rd grade teacher sent me to a phychologist & there was nothing wrong but I didn't fit into the "perfect" Sacred Heart steriotype.I want to point out that most of the teachers weren't the problem it was the other kids,they always treated my differant. I have been compared to the Columbine shooters,been called stupid,weird,& a "Fat ass bitch". Other kids,even my best friends,would be surprised when ever I got good grades or read higher reading level books because & I quote "Julie & Lori are reading like 5th grade books & here's KATELYN reading like Little Women" Then once I said to a guy friend of mine that I was just as smart & even smarter then he is.He & some other kids found that really reall funny & told everyone!! I was never invited to parties but my "friends" always went bowling on the weekends & never invited me but would then come to school & tell me all about it! Back then I wasn't as out going as I am now so I would have extreme anxiety over asking to play with other kids then one time I did & then they made fun of me.Then People would wonder why I cried all the time & "Lashed out violently" I pretty much hated everone & everything.I decided I couldn't take it anymore so I would go up in my room & think about killing myself.I had like really complicated plans on doing it but in each of the plans I didn't die,I figured I just wanted the attention & I wanted people to say "Ok there's a problem we should help her!" but that never happened.I even told my whole DI team & coaches that I was going to kill myself & I talked about it all the time in front of them but it didn't matter.I really only told this to like 1 person. I think the reasons I never really tried to kill myself were what I said above about attention,my family who I love,& my faith in God.I figured I was here for a reason but during this all (which was @ it's worst 7 & 8th grade) I never really felt close to God.It's always hard for me to go to God when somethings wrong because you can't see or hear him.Once I cut my hand w\ this sharp stuff my team & I were working with just because I wanted them to notice how angry I was & sometimes I have a kitchen knife in my hand & I'd think about ramming it into my chest but you all know what a wuss I am when it comes to pain.This whole situation with these people never really cleared up but like I said on another one of my rants God gave me some true friends who love me for me.Between them and God everything started looking up. Why am I writeing this? I'm sorry if any of this is freaking you out but there is a point to it so I hope you read it this far.Most teens feel this way but people don't like to talk about it.It always ticks me off when kids at my school brag about how much they cut themselves or done destructive things.That is no way to live!! What's my advice? Step 1: get away from what it is that's makeing you miserable untill you can think clearly! Step 2:Pray! Form a realationship with God! That makes a huge diferance. P.S. I'm sorry if this offended any of you especially if you recognize some of the things said on this page because you or someone you know said them. I still love you no matter what!! back to rants |