Break Out of Character
By Kathy Flake

In the book Writing the Breakout Novel agent Donald Maass encourages his readers to challenge their characters, and themselves as writers, by thinking of things their characters would NEVER do—and then making them do it. A sort of push me/pull me tug of war that ends, hopefully, in not only the character’s growth, but the writer’s as well.

At first I blew off the advice as one of those pointless exercises that merely results in wasted paper and wasted time. But then I thought about the idea, and there were definite possibilities here—and a sadistic streak I’d never before tapped. (In myself, not my character—though, who knows?)

Of course, there are the obvious taboos: most of our characters would never eat worms, for instance, even when faced with taunts from the rest of the Survivor cast. (Snails don’t count.) And diving naked into a vat of hot car wax is another line which a reasonably intelligent character would never cross.

But there are more subtle prohibitions—things perfectly reasonable people might do, on a good day, perhaps, but that your hero could never see himself doing. These are the traits that define our characters, at least in the beginning. These are the self-imposed "rules" which our characters must occasionally break in order to grow.

So I made a list for my own hero, a somewhat staid billionaire, a man who likes his ruts, and who refuses to cooperate with all the lovely plot ideas I’ve been coming up with. For instance, he would never, ever:

Sell his penthouse and move into a doublewide
Invite his Harvard classmates for Bud Lite and porkrinds
Host a hoedown
Order his limo driver to "Pull in to Mickey D’s for a Big Mac and fries"
Strap on a helmet, crank up a Harley, and beckon for Sateen to hop on
Ride a Harley WITHOUT a helmet
Tell the president a knock knock joke
Call Alan Greenspan a meathead
Giggle uncontrollably during a meeting with foreign trade ministers
Go hunting
Go rollerblading
Grab a garbage can lid and go sledding
Read Top Ten Secrets of Backyard Grilling
Read Ten Habits for Highly Successful People (write it, maybe)
Read the latest Oprah book—and cry at the hopelessness of it all
Leave an X-Men comic book lying around the Lear
Watch "WWF Wrestling"
Watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"
Watch "Friends"—and know which ones are dating
Invite Greta Van Susteren to do the Hokey Pokey
Perform the S.A.F.E.T.Y. Dance in Times Square
Greet Donald Trump with a Vulcan salute
Contribute to a fund for the Preservation of Extraterrestrial Landing Sites
Wear plaid pants
Wear Calvin Klein’s Obsession for men
Wear Calvin Klein’s underwear
Wear a t-shirt that says "Aliens Do It in Deep Space"
Forget an appointment
Ignore his In Box
Write a memo to his secretary with the word "poontang" misspelled
Go to a Neil Simon play
Go to a Mary Kate and Ashley movie
Go to a Barbra Streisand movie
Bake banana bread with those spotty bananas
Name his child Tiffany (although he WOULD buy her a bracelet from Tiffany’s)
Shop at Wal-Mart (He would, of course, buy STOCK in Wal-Mart.)
Play the kazoo in a four piece ensemble
Go to an ’N Sync concert
Go to a Vince Gill concert
Go to a Barbra Streisand concert
Do his own laundry
Fly economy class
Dye his hair purple
Date Courtney Love
Date a woman with a tattoo that says "Hoss"
Date Barbra Streisand
Making the list was a lot easier than I’d imagined. Now the trick is to actually make him do any of these things. (I’m on the lookout for a rib-splitting knock knock joke. Or a pair of rollerblades in a size eleven.)

Of course I could always just fire him, and get a new hero.

One who knows some really good knock knock jokes, watches WWF wrestling and has a signed photo of Barbra on the wall of his doublewide. .