Writing fiction, I’ve noticed, is a lot like playing with Barbies. We dress our characters up, give them classic cars, interesting jobs, and hunky boyfriends. They have swell friends to pal around with, a neat apartment, cute pink appliances, and some even come with their own pets.

And then there’re the clothes. Barbie has a wardrobe any character would die for: swimsuits that change color in water, ball gowns with inches and inches of lace, smart suits and impossibly high heels for their impossibly high arched feet–what more could an 11-inch doll want?

Additional Accessories
Of course, when they’ve become the models for our characters, there are a few other accessories we’d like for our Barbies to have: Goals, Motivation, and Core Beliefs, particularly. Plus a few desirable character traits: wit, intelligence, humor, fear of commitment–or at least a healthy fear of, and a reluctance to investigate, strange noises in the basement. (Barbie always carries a cute pink cell phone, and knows how to use it!)

When you purchase your Barbie, make sure she has the ability to come up with snappy dialogue, and a penchant for trouble, also known as Conflict. Always supply a dysfunctional family for Tortured Barbies, a supportive Mom and Dad for the rest (preferably dead, or at least far enough away to avoid secondary character status).

A knack for getting out of tight fixes is always handy, particularly for the Alpha Kens we’ve cast as heroes. And for our heroine, a certain amount of spunk is almost de rigueur in today’s contemporary Barbie romances. They may have just lost their job, boyfriend, pet, parent, or contact, but that spunky attitude never deserts State Trooper Barbie and her ilk.

The care and feeding of Barbie
You must remember to dress your Barbie in the proper clothes for every occasion. Once I had my Barbie dive into a pool, then remembered I’d forgotten to dress her in her swimsuit. A simple rewrite took care of the problem. Ken, too, must be properly dressed, and when the time comes to undress him, make sure each item is removed in proper order, (though sometimes Barbie is on her lunch hour, in which case haste is permitted).

Your Barbies have dietary needs, too, and modern Barbies have been known to drink imported beer, bottled water, or chai. Ken, however, occasionally drinks straight from the jug, (often a source of conflict for the more uptight Barbie.) Barbies like going to restaurants, where they can often be counted on to make a scene. (Unless, of course, they’re Regency Barbies. A Regency Barbie wouldn’t be caught dead at a public dining establishment, especially in the company of Rakehell Ken.)

Don’t forget, your Barbie has legs, and she must use them to get from one part of a room to another. Barbie cannot fly (unless she’s Paranormal Barbie) and proper action verbs must be employed to move her from one location to the next: Barbie strides, crawls, lunges, tiptoes, etc., across the room, although once in a while, she simply walks–on her impossibly high-heeled sandals, of course, which fit perfectly over her impossibly high arches.

Sometimes Barbie has a child. Editors (a type of Barbie that only lives in New York) like babies, (especially when Ken is a cowboy) though some editors swear children are a distraction modern Barbie should do without. Barbie must use birth control, but occasionally, accidents happen, and a Hidden Barbie Baby is usually the result.

Barbie and Co.
Barbie has many friends–Midge, Skipper, Teresa, and Francie, among others–and they are allowed to be secondary characters, but the primary focus MUST be on your Barbie. She cannot be off-stage for more than one chapter, and whenever possible, she and Ken should meet on page one.

Barbies like to travel, but some Barbies are girl-next-door-types, and prefer to stay home and marry Soccer Coach Ken, or Dr. Ken, or occasionally, CIA Agent Ken. If your Barbie travels abroad, she must remember to stay out of political intrigue, unless she’s in a fictitious country, in which case CIA Agent Ken, Navy SEAL Ken, or sometimes Expatriate Ken, is usually nearby. If she’s stranded on a snow-covered mountain, Recluse Ken (backpacking gear included) is often her reluctant savior, and Barbie must return the favor by coaxing him back to life in the Barbie Condo.

Barbies are fun to play with, but remember, they are tools of the trade, and should be treated as such. (Save your receipt–Barbies are tax-deductible business expenses for the Professional Writer.) Never leave your Barbie where small children can reach her–and possibly mess up her hair! Do not be ashamed to play with your Barbie; when your spouse comes home and asks what Malibu Barbie is doing in the cupboard, simply tell him she’s having a Black Moment, and is searching for the Elixir.

And when your mother comes to visit and tells you to pick up your Barbies, tell her you’re plotting, not playing. (And remind her that Nora Roberts’ mother probably never told HER daughter to pick up her Barbies!)

–Kathy Flake

Kathy Flake is currently working on a contemporary romance featuring Computer Programmer Barbie and Billionaire Ken.