| I received something pretty humbling in the mail today. It came in a small package with "Enjoy your free sample of maximum protection maxipads" stamped in big letters on the side of the box. Oh, and in case my grumpy mailman failed to realize he was bringing me a box of maxipads, the thoughtful company also sent a postcard letting the mailman know what exactly it was that he was delivering to my door. Since I do love freebies, I opened the box and pulled out two pads with a bright orange wrapper on them. "Now," I thought to myself "that is a really discreet color." Heck, I could carry one of those jokers to the bathroom with out hiding it in my purse...NOT! Thankfully, I am one of the few people I know who understands when I am being sarcastic. Not only were the pads vibrantly colored, but they were HUGE!!! As my husband so sweetly put it "What are those things? Diapers?" (Thus the reason we won't be hearing from Derek for awhile) And here comes the real kicker...these wonderful new pads are designed for sizes 14 plus! Silly me, I didn't know that you could order a pad size..."Yes, I would like to get some with wings in a size 10." Now I know that I've gained some weight, but give me a break, I just had a baby (two years ago). I'd like to know how the company even knew that I was a plus-sized woman anyways. Do they drive around in an unmarked white van looking for fat people? "Look, there's one, follow her home so we can get her address and send her some pads that are big enough to diaper Goliath!" Or maybe they fly around in a helicopter saying "hey, check out the butt on that one, send her these pads that were obviously designed by a man with no sensitivity what-so-ever." I've been to the movies and wished they made the seats a bit larger, and I even wished I could hire someone to tie my shoes so I wouldn't have to bend over, but I have never, I repeat, never applied a pad to my underwear and wished someone would come up with one to accommedate my plus-sized body. And I musn't overlook how the company has discreetly put "for sizes 14-plus" on the front of the package you can get at the store. So even if I did like the product, I could never go out and purchase the product myself. Maybe I should send my husband out to buy them and if someone says anything he can start rapping "I like big butts and I cannot lie." So I have been humbled and maybe something good can come of this. Now my mailman knows that an overweight, menstruating woman lives here and he better start delivering my mail on time!!! |
