Truth

 

PG-13, J/C

 

Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything Trek. I’m certainly not making any money from my scribblings.

 

Summary: The captain was abducted, and has now returned.

 

I’d love to hear any opinions. Drop me a line at [email protected]  

 

--K.

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“Sickbay to Commander Chakotay.”

“Chakotay here.”

“The captain is waking up.”

“On my way.” Chakotay had risen from the captain’s chair when he first heard the Doctor’s voice over the comm system. “Tuvok, you have the bridge.” He nodded at the Vulcan and tried not to sprint to the turbolift.

 

*****

 

“Ah, Commander. Good. She has been asking for you.” The Doctor met Chakotay at the door and led him to her biobed. Chakotay could see she was lying on her side facing away from them, curled into a ball under the blanket. As they approached, the captain turned over and held out her hand to her first officer.

 

“Chakotay…” Her voice was almost a whisper, but the fear in her eyes started to fade when he took her hand.

 

“Kathryn, you had this whole crew scared to death.” Chakotay tried to sound cheerful, but he couldn’t keep his voice steady.

 

“I was pretty scared myself.” Kathryn sounded like she was trying to suppress a sob rather unsuccessfully. She sat up slightly and blinked back a tear. Chakotay couldn’t take this anymore. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right. He wanted to let her cry on his shoulder.

 

Then it happened. Kathryn reached out and took his other hand and pulled Chakotay to her. He took her in his arms and hugged her tightly to his chest. She was shaking, and her breath escaped in strangled sobs.

 

“Shhh. You’re safe on Voyager.” He didn’t know why she suddenly decided to let him in, to let her guard down, but he wasn’t about to question it. He stroked her back with one hand and cradled the back of her head with the other.

 

“I’m so sorry, Chakotay.” She started to pull away and wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. She sniffed and blinked, regaining a bit of her impeccable composure.

 

“There’s no reason to be sorry. You’ve been through a lot.” He took one of her hands in his. Why hadn’t he ever noticed how small and delicate that hand was? Almost vulnerable. She didn’t try to pull it away as she raised her eyes to meet his. She seemed to be drawing strength from their connection.

 

“Ahem.” The Doctor had walked up behind Kathryn. Both looked over to acknowledge him, but they didn’t let go of each other’s hands. “Captain, I’m glad to see you up and feeling better, but I’m afraid I must ask you a few questions about what you experienced on the alien vessel. I know this may be difficult, but I have to know what happened in order to properly treat you.”

 

She tightened her grip almost imperceptibly at the Doctor’s request.

 

“It seems that you were given some sort of drug…”

 

“A truth serum,” she interrupted, closing her eyes.

 

“Yes. And so far I have been unable to neutralize its effects. In other words, you will continue to be vulnerable to questioning until it has worn off naturally. My best guess is that it could take your system from six to twelve hours to process it. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about this now, we could wait…”

 

“No. Let’s get this over with. I don’t want to think about it any longer than I have to.” Her voice was back to command mode. She slid her legs over and let her feet dangle off the bio-bed. She still had a firm grasp on Chakotay’s hand.

 

“What’s the last thing you remember before you were beamed off Voyager?”

 

“I was in my ready room. Chakotay had just hailed me from the bridge telling me that a ship had appeared out of nowhere. I stood up to walk to the bridge, and then I felt the transporter.

 

“After Voyager disappeared, I realized what was going on. I was on the alien vessel, and two guards were pointing weapons at me. A third grabbed be from behind and started yelling accusations at me about invading their space and trying to steal their resources. I tried to explain that Voyager was just passing through, but the one holding me, who I guessed was in charge, wasn’t satisfied.

 

“They hauled me into a dark cell, and left me to wait. I lost track of time. It must have been at least several hours before the leader came back. He took me into a sterile, gray room and strapped me to a chair in the middle. At that point I had figured out that the Cardassians would probably be a picnic compared to these guys. I never even heard what they called themselves.”

 

While she was going through the scenario, she fixed her eyes firmly on a spot on the opposite wall of sickbay. Her emotions, regardless of how she tried to cover them, played across her face and in her eyes.

 

“Captain?” The doctor seemed to call her back to the present.

 

“Oh I’m sorry. I was back there for a moment.”

 

“That’s quite all right. I know this must be difficult.”

 

Chakotay’s eyes hadn’t left her face. Now she glanced at him, closed her eyes and took a deep breath, as if to steady herself. She began again.

 

“At first they only asked me questions. What were we doing in their space? How were we planning to use their technology? What powers did we represent? I told them we were explorers trying to get home. They weren’t satisfied. Apparently they could penetrate our communications as well as our shields, and they had overheard pieces of meetings, conversations, that led them to believe we were aggressors in their private little war. They also managed to ascertain that I was Voyager’s captain and therefore the person to question. They injected me twice with the serum, and I heard them talking amongst themselves at one point about the dosage. They weren’t sure how much to give me, so they guessed at it.

 

“They asked how long the conspiracy against their government had been going on, and they kept throwing out names, evidently of leaders among their enemies. Obviously I couldn’t give them the answers they wanted. But believe me, they could have gotten any information out of me that they wanted by that time. I was barely conscious of the fact that they were becoming more frustrated, more aggressive, angry.

 

“Finally they brought in another alien, a different species, somewhat of a last resort it seemed. He was a telepath of some sort, but not like any I’m familiar with. He could do more than read my thoughts. It was like he was reaching inside my head with his mind and blocking out my thoughts. I couldn’t resist, even if I’d had the strength. He rifled through my memories long enough to convince himself and the others that I had been telling the truth all along. 

 

“And that’s the last thing I remember, until I woke up in Sickbay a little while ago. I assume I lost consciousness…”

 

She opened her eyes and looked toward the Doctor.

 

“It seems you were left for dead on the planet where we found you three hours ago. You were in a subterranean cell, with no guard, no food or water.”

 

“We detected your combadge on long range sensors twelve hours ago, and the away team searched the caverns until we found you.” Chakotay laced the fingers of his hand through hers and held it more tightly. “When we realized you were missing, the ship disappeared. Apparently it had some form of advanced cloaking device. Tuvok, B’Elanna and I couldn’t trace it—it left no trail. We thought we had lost you, until your combadge signal suddenly appeared.”

 

Kathryn looked from her first officer to the Doctor.

 

“When can I go back to my quarters, Doctor?” she spoke without any of her usual edge. Her voice was serious, tired.

 

“You’ll have to stay in Sickbay for 24 hours minimum, until I am sure the drug has worn off, but I would suggest that you stay a few days for observation.” The doctor raised his eyebrow, as if to anticipate her usual objections to his medical advice.

 

“Doctor, is there any reason the Captain couldn’t rest in her quarters if you paid her regular visits and a member of the crew stayed close by?” Chakotay engaged the Doctor’s somewhat surprised glance. “I just think she would be more comfortable in her quarters with everything that she’s been through.”

 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay, her own surprise displayed in her features. “I couldn’t have said it better myself, Chakotay,” she said with quiet enthusiasm. “Well Doctor?”

 

As if the sight of his two commanding officers had, for once, humbled him, he took a small step backward. “I suppose, if you promise to remain in your quarters…”

 

“Well then, I’d be glad to escort you.” Chakotay looked at her and released her hand to offer her his arm.

 

“Thank you.”

 

The doctor called after them as they moved toward the door. “I’ll expect you to check in with me every two hours, unless you are sleeping, Captain.” She nodded in his direction and left. “Why do I even bother giving advice? She never listens to me. I’m a doctor, not a broken record,” he lamented to no one in particular.

 

*****

 

As they exited the turbolift, Chakotay maintained his protective hold on her arm.

 

“Are you still feeling all right?”

 

“Better than I would lying in Sickbay with the Doctor. Nothing personal, but I can only hear so much about the latest round of injuries from the holodecks or the virus going through engineering before I want to deactivate his program.” She let a small smile cross her lips—the first Chakotay had seen since he found her awake.

 

“Would you like me to call B’Elanna to stay with you, I know she’s off duty until later tonight. Or if you’d rather, I could stay.” They stopped at her door, and as it slid open she looked straight into his eyes.

 

“Actually, yes. I’d like it if you’d stay.”

 

“It would be my pleasure.” He smiled and motioned for her to enter ahead of him.

 

“I think if you’ll excuse me for a minute I’ll change out of this lovely attire the Doctor picked out for me. Please, sit down, make yourself at home.” She motioned toward the couch, and then turned to her bedroom. He sat, picked up a book from her table, and began to thumb through it.

 

She called from behind the door. “So tell me what’s been going on around here since I’ve been gone?”

 

She sounded a little too upbeat about the topic of her absence. “Not much, but you have reports to fill you in on that later. I don’t think the point of resting was for you to get caught up on ship’s business.”

 

“What can I say, I’m the captain, I hate feeling left out.” She emerged in loose pants and a sweater, her hair brushed and her feet bare. She padded over to the replicator. “Can I get you some tea?”

 

“That would be great.”

 

She ordered a cup for each of them, and joined him on the couch.

 

“I’m still woozy from that serum, and I think I’m still feeling its other effects.” She took a sip of her tea and wrapped her hands around the cup, as if to draw warmth from it.

 

“You mean you aren’t in control of what you say?”

 

“I don’t think so. Some of my inhibitions are gone. I can tell I’m not thinking clearly either.” She set her cup on the table, and he did the same.

 

“Would you like to get some sleep? I don’t mind just reading for a while.”

 

“Would it be all right with you if I stretched out here? I just don’t want to be alone right now.” There was a hint of unsteadiness in her voice, and her eyes betrayed her. She was really shaken by her experience, but she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.

 

He moved closer to her and gently slid his arms around her. “Of course.”

 

She lay her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

 

*****

 

She was running through the fog, but he was right behind her. She sped up, her lungs aching, her head pounding, but she couldn’t escape. Then he was on top of her, holding her down, screaming inside her mind…She was in the chair, strapped down…she couldn’t think…she tried to push him out…he was stealing her sanity…. He had taken over her thoughts so that there wasn’t room for her own consciousness inside her head anymore…she had to get away, had to make him stop, or she would lose her mind.

 

“NO! Stop! Let me go!” She screamed and fought frantically against the arms that held her.

 

“Kathryn, it’s me. It’s Chakotay. You’re in your quarters, on Voyager.” He grabbed her hands and held them firmly.

 

As she opened her eyes, she stopped struggling and the reality of her situation sunk in. She remembered that they had fallen asleep on her couch. He had stayed with her.

 

“Oh Chakotay! I’m so sorry.”

 

He let go of her hands and she sank into his arms, trying to get her breathing under control.

 

“It was just a dream. Do you want to tell me about it?”

 

“Not really. I’d like to forget it, permanently. But somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.” He voice was calmer, if a bit breathless, and she straitened and sat up.

 

“It might help if you tell me…”

 

She focused her eyes on his communicator pin and gave a short nod, then she met his eyes and took his hands. He was right, as usual. She had to share this with someone, or it would only get worse.

 

“Come here.” He pulled her closer and turned her around so that she was leaning back against his chest, and his arms were covering hers around her waist. He had always known how to make her feel safe without making her uncomfortable. Now she just wanted to melt into him, let him hold her forever.

 

“It was just hazy images. I was running from the telepath, through a forest. And he was too fast for me. Then I was back in the room. It was like he was ripping out all my memories, throwing them in front of my eyes, and then slamming them back. Images flashing. Everyone from home, everyone from Voyager. So many things that I had put away, maybe never dealt with in the first place, and he brought them all back. I couldn’t think. I, I think if he hadn’t stopped when he did, I might not have…”

 

“But he did stop. And we found you.”

 

She decided she had to tell him exactly what had kept her sane all that time. He needed to know how important he was to her. Maybe it was the drug still influencing her thoughts, or maybe it was the way the whole affair had shaken her invincibility. Raised the specter of mortality yet again. Emphasized more than ever that life is made up of the little moments, and the memories you have depend on what you make of the present. She took a deep breath.

 

“The thing that I can’t shake is that of all the pictures he pulled up from my mind’s eye, yours were the ones I tried to grab on to. I thought if I could keep you right in front, you would keep me safe. And you did, you have.”

 

“I always will.”

 

She didn’t know if he’d meant to say that out loud, but it was what she had wanted to hear. She pulled his arms more tightly around her. He leaned in to kiss the top of her head, but his lips lingered as he unconsciously inhaled the scent of her hair. She lay her head back on his shoulder and nuzzled her nose into his neck. He didn’t move; she waited to see how he would respond.

 

“You’re making it very hard not to kiss you right now,” he finally breathed. “But I won’t…because I know you’re not yourself.” She turned in his arms and looked into his darkened eyes. His mind was fighting with his body for control.

 

“Well, then I’ll just have to do the kissing.” She leaned slowly toward him, watching him intently as he realized what she was about to do. She held his eyes with her own until she could feel his breath on her lips, then he shut his eyes and closed the remaining distance between them.

 

When their lips met, their kiss was hesitant at first. They broke apart and hovered for an instant, then she pressed her lips into his more forcefully. She parted her lips and traced the outline of his with the tip of her tongue. That was all the invitation he needed. His tongue slid out to taste hers as his hands trailed up and down her back. A low moan escaped the back of her throat as his tongue pushed past her lips.

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Continued in “Consequences” and “Closure”

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