Existence
Part 4
"Remember
this, --that very little is needed to make a happy life."
Meditations. ii. 67
…Death…
"In a word,
neither death, nor exile, nor pain, nor anything of this kind is the real cause
of our doing or not doing any action, but our outward opinions and principles."
Discources, Chap. xi
And so the
walls begin to close in.
I know that
they will be coming for me. Perhaps not today, or even tomorrow. But some time.
And I'll be ready. I won't go quietly. They'll have to earn my death. In my
time I've been a success. I have a loving family and I've worked to the fullest
extent all my life. I really couldn't ask for more.
But I know
that they want me dead.
I know too
much. And I stand in their way. They could be even more if they didn't have me there.
But I'm not going to go. Not yet. And not in the way that they think. I'm going
to make a comeback. An almighty shock to those that think they got rid of me
for good. Because they thought they had, some of them. Oh, how wrong they were.
And I have the bargaining chips. Soon it will be my Centre. Raines and the
others will be removed, or taken care of, and I will have complete control.
Jarod will be brought back. There will be no excuses, and the others who help
him will be weeded out and removed also. Then his family will be captured. Used
to persuade him that it would be better if he co-operated. And he will. I'll
make him. And if the threat of harm to his family don't work, we'll see what
would happen if my daughter was in danger. Any fool can see that he's mad for
her. And she, Parker as she is, will control any emotions that she feels and do
exactly what I tell her. As she always does.
I find
emotions to be inconvenient things. Ethics, too, come to think of it. If we had
followed my plan and stripped Jarod of any ethical concerns he might have had,
he would have made the perfect Pretender. Of course, it's probably too late
now. I really don't know why the Tower wants him back alive. It would be so
much easier to be able to conveniently dispose of him in the usual, neat
manner. In fact keeping him alive seems to be a greater risk than having him
removed.
In this game
of cat and mouse that I'm playing, I just need a chance to prove myself. Of
course, for that to happen I need Raines out of the way. I wouldn't imagine,
though, that it would be so difficult. I mean, he's got a fairly firm grip on
life but take away the tank and he's just a breathing mass of skin grafts.
There are times when I wish that the shot that blew up the tank had taken him
with it.
And so my
position is as tentative as it has ever been. People that I neither trust nor
like surround me. I married so that there would be a younger Parker to take
control of the Centre after we are all gone. I cannot rely on my daughter to
provide such a person and my son will never be given that opportunity. His
earlier habits have shown that to be impossible. And so that left myself. Well,
I have done what I set out to do and what they wanted me to do. So the next
step is up to them, I guess. Although waiting is never something I particularly
like, I know when it's necessary and it certainly is now. Waiting for the right
moment to appear and show them how wrong them they were to underestimate me. No
one should ever allow him- or herself to underestimate me. They'll soon learn
their mistake. My wife, for example, thinks I'm a complete idiot. Well, she'll
learn. I'll bide my time and, if Raines doesn't get to her first, then she's
mine. If Raines fails then the Tower will learn of his failure and he, too,
will be made to pay.
The person by whom I
am most underestimated is my daughter. She assumed I knew nothing of her
brother until she informed me of it, and that I was ignorant of her mother's
affair with the man who is really my children's father. He, too, will be made
to be sorry for what he did. She, my daughter, will never believe that I knew
of this, or that I killed her mother because of it. The looks that the two
share are the only reminder of what I did that day. I'm not sorry. I feel no
guilt over it. She betrayed me for another man and that was my revenge. Not
that I killed her myself. I let other people do that and there are plenty for
whom a threat will give you instant obedience.
Perhaps the only
person who never underestimated me was the Pretender himself. I think Jarod has
always been aware of my limits and capabilities. He understands me, but I don't
want understanding. I want respect. I want him to fear me and to know that I
hold his life in my hands. As it is. Or as it should be. I should be in control
of everything. I deserve it, after all. And, after all the effort that I've put
in, building up the Centre, I deserve being more than just the Chairman.
So that's the
situation. For me and for other people. It's a matter of waiting, of dodging
around, avoiding possible traps and trying to get them before they get me. And
I will get what I want. I can make enough effort to succeed. And when I do, the
Centre will earn more money than it's ever done before. It will become a
multinational organization, incorporating groups from all over the world,
replacing governments and taking control of people. It will be a major success,
no longer a secret organization, but an open group that exchanges ideas and
solves problems for groups all over the world. It will be everything that I
ever wanted it to be, and more. And I will enjoy every moment of it.
And so the Centre
will survive. My older son will have control after I die and then my younger
son, when he reaches the right age, will take over. My older son must make room
for him, that's all there is to it. I am not unrealistic enough to think that I
will live to see the baby grow up - there's no question that it's just not
going to happen.