Part 31 - Angel - Max POV

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance,

For a break that would make it okay.

There�s always some reason

To feel not good enough,

And it�s hard at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,

Oh beautiful release,

Memory seeps through my veins.

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

We�ll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of the angel,

Fly away from here,

From this dark cold hotel room,

And the endlessness that you fear.

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie.

You�re in the arms of the angel,

May you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn,

There�s vultures and thieves at your back.

And the storm keeps on twisting

And you keep on building the lies

That you make up for all that you lack.

It don�t make no difference

Escaping one last time.

It�s easier to believe

In this sweet madness,

Oh this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees.

In the arms of the angel

Fly away from here,

From this dark cold hotel room,

And the endlessness that you fear.

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie.

You�re in the arms of the angel,

May you find some comfort here.

You�re in the arms of the angel,

May you find some comfort here.

Sarah McLachlan

I am staring up at the ceiling of the motel room I am sharing with Michael. He isn�t here though, having gone for a walk with Maria. I don�t blame him. I am certainly not the most pleasant of companions right now, I�m sure. I have been in a state of half-disbelief, half-despair for close to three days.

With the angst-fest you have all been treated to, I am sure that you are not surprised to learn that what you just read was too good be true. You didn�t really think that it could be as easy as all that for Liz and me, did you?

Oh, you did? Well, I don�t blame you I guess. But it didn�t last. Because when we did what we both knew we had to do - when we destroyed the granolith - everything changed again.

But I�m getting ahead of myself. Let me back-track a bit and then I think you�ll understand.

Three days ago, Liz and I woke up in the desert, wrapped in each other�s arms, and everything was right with my world again.

It was supremely ironic that, just when I had figured out that I was going to have to let Liz go if I didn�t want to completely destroy who she was, she returned to me of her own volition, whatever she had learned during her time in the granolith obviously having given her the will to try again.

I knew it the instant I looked into her eyes as she returned to awareness, her eyes fastening on my face, a slight smile of acceptance on her lips.

And when she kissed me, I felt my heart start to heal itself. Because, as much as I was willing to let her go, as much as I knew that it was what sheneeded, it didn�t mean that it wouldn�t almost kill me. My heart knew that it was never going to love anyone ever again - that it would continue to beat for Liz and for Liz alone, even if she didn�t know it - and it broke.

But, when she kissed me, it healed itself, without any alien hocus-pocus from me.

I knew that it was wrong of us to get so lost in each other right then. Our friends were all gathered around, exclaiming in relief and amazement that we were both safe. I can�t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for them to see us both just gone. We were there with them in body, but not in spirit, merely empty shells.

But I am not a saint, after all, especially when it comes to Liz. I think we all know that by now. And it had been far too long since Liz had kissed me like that - without any pain, or fear, or despair behind it. I opened myself to her completely, deepening the kiss when I felt her lips part under mine.

I faltered for only a minute when the flashes started. Because I knew that she would be getting them too - knew that they would still be of me, and Tess, and what we had done together - what Maria in the granolith had confirmed really happened.

But she pressed herself against me, twining her hands in my hair, refusing to let it affect her. I could feel her strength of will through the connection that forged itself so ardently with the intensity of the kiss.

I saw the same flashes I had seen the last time - Liz dancing with the future version of me on her balcony; Liz�s heart breaking when she saw me kiss Tess at the Prom; Liz deciding to give herself to Sean; Liz turning away from him, knowing that she was never going to be able to get over me. And I felt the disappointment wind its way through my veins.

Liz wanted to try again, but we couldn�t because what I had done with Tess had left such an imprint on my soul, Liz was going to relive it over and over again, for all time.

I felt my mind racing, trying to come up with a solution. The only one that presented itself was that we could never connect so deeply again - that maybe we could be together, just not on the same level we had once shared. Many couples made relationships work with much less than Liz and I had going for us. We didn�t need the connection.

But I knew, deep down, that it could never be, that we would only be a shadow of what we might have been, and I couldn�t do it to her. It just wasn�t fair.

And so I threw my whole soul into that final kiss, trying to make her understand that I would never love anyone else like I loved her, but that I could not ask her to live half a life with me.

I was going to have to pay for my mistake with Tess for the rest of my life. But she didn�t have to. I refused to allow her to.

I kept my eyes closed when she finally pulled back, her lips lingering for one heart-breaking moment. I couldn�t stand to open them, to see the acknowledgment of what I already knew on her face. That we still couldn�t be together.

"Max, open your eyes." Her voice was soft, coaxing. "It�s okay. I knew it would be, and it was."

I frowned slightly, but complied, focusing on her beautiful, radiant face. "Liz?"

The brilliance of her smile was blinding. "She�s gone, Max. It was all a lie. I totally knew it, and what I just saw proved it!"

"What you just saw�" I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"The flashes were different, Max," Liz explained patiently. "I knew they would be, and they were. You didn�t sleep with her."

I just stared at her. "What? Are you sure? But I still remember it!"

A slight crease appeared between Liz�s eyes as she thought about that. "I saw it, Max. She mindwarped you into kissing her, and then you passed out somehow. There is no way you slept with her."

I was overcome with amazement. "I don�t understand."

"She must have undressed you and then planted false memories." Liz smiled at me again, cupping her hands on my cheeks so that I couldn�t look away. "Do you know what this means, Max? Do you? You�re still mine! All mine."

I was still frowning, unsure what to make of all this. I still had the full memories of what Tess and I had done together. Could I let Liz believe that it had never happened? Could I really do that to her? I thought of Serena, knew that Liz might be willing to live a lie if it meant making sure that our daughter was born.

I still didn�t know the whole story behind Serena, mind you, but saw the way Liz had looked at her - like she was the best thing ever. Liz might be willing to ignore a lot to make sure that Serena came. And, yet, it still seemed just plain wrong.

And what about what she had seen? How could she have gotten those flashes from me if it hadn�t really happened?

"Maxwell, what the hell is going on?" Michael�s voice had broken through my confusion at that point. I was actually surprised that he had been able to hold off from saying anything for so long. No doubt everyone was a little shocked by my and Liz�s behavior. Here we were, apparently just back from the dead, making out, and talking about things that no one likely understood.

I sighed, then climbed to my feet a little unsteadily, pulling Liz after me. She refused to let go of my hand, and was still smiling beatifically, completely happy.

I glanced around at the whole crowd. My sister, Isabel, who looked relieved. Maria, who was standing with Michael, her eyes wide and curious. Michael, who just looked ticked by now. The sheriff and Kyle stood a little apart, but just as concerned as any of the others.

And then there was Ava, who stood near the Jetta, looking solitary and lonely. I swallowed, glancing down.

Sean was gone. I looked back at Ava. "Is he�"

"He vanished," Ava replied quietly. "Something shifted again. Sean doesn�t exist anymore - at least not in that incarnation." She shrugged, looking at Maria. "They didn�t get here in time with ours, and I couldn�t use theirs, because you and Liz had it." I knew she was referring to the granolith.

"But he does still exist." Liz stepped forward, squeezing my hand before she let go. "Tess never left the planet, guys. I know it for sure." She looked at Kyle. "He�s your son, Kyle." She blurted it, as though unsure how to break the news to him. Because, of course, she didn�t know that Kyle had already learned the truth.

"I know." Kyle let out a long breath, like he had been holding it until he had what we already pretty much knew confirmed. I saw a set expression appear on his face, determination that we were going to track down his child. He glanced at his father, who simply nodded. "Where do we start?"

"I know that too," Liz replied. "But we have something we need to take care of first." She glanced back at me. "Max, we need to destroy it. We have to. It�s just too powerful. It�s wrong to be able to do what Sean did, what Future Max did. We have to live this life, and also live with the mistakes we might make."

We hadn�t discussed this at all, but we had both come to the same conclusion, me even before I had spoken to Maria in the granolith. I nodded.

Michael interrupted here of course. "Excuse me? Isn�t that thing our only potential way of getting home?" he demanded. Maria flinched at that, but Michael brought his arm around her in reassurance. "Someday, I mean. Don�t we still need to go back and fix our planet someday? On our own terms?"

"He�s right, Max," Isabel spoke up. "Do we really have the right to make this decision?"

"Max is right." This was Ava. "We�re not strong enough to go back anytime soon. We may never be strong enough. We�re too human." Michael, Isabel and I all looked at her. "I never fit in with Lonnie, Rath, and Zan, because they were so unemotional, so alien, but I did think we were a four square. We always knew about you all, thought you were the mistakes, that you were too human, that we were the ones Antar needed, but when I learned that you guys had the granolith, I thought that maybe we were the mistakes. And then I found out that I was never meant to be with them anyway, so I wasn�t a mistake after all."

"Is there a point in this?" Michael asked, sounding annoyed.

I frowned at him. "Michael."

Ava looked slightly embarrassed by her long-winded ramble. "The point is, what if both sets were mistakes?"

I stared at her, then met Isabel�s eyes. "You mean we�re too human and they�re too alien?" Isabel finally asked.

"Yeah."

There was a long pause as we all digested this. "So then no one has to save Antar, or even can?" Maria asked, breaking the silence first, being as she can�t really handle them for long.

"Maybe," I said. I looked at Liz. She had a sad look on her face, like she thought that this might be hard for me to accept - that I couldn�t be the king my people needed me to be because I was wrong somehow.

But, to me, it felt liberating. Like I was finally free. And as our eyes met, I knew that she understood.

I saw a shadow flit across her face, and when she spoke, she sounded upset. "Be that as it may, you guys, that doesn�t let any of us off the hook. Because I know that Khivar is going to show up someday. I can�t tell you any more than that, but I do know it. He�s going to attack the Earth, and it might end."

"Liz," Maria gasped. "Is it okay to tell everyone this?"

"It�s past time to tell everyone," Liz told her grimly. "About Future Max, I mean. But I�m not talking about him right now. We can tell that later. I�m talking about Khivar. Whether you guys are mistakes or not, he wants you all dead. He will come someday. And you all have to be ready."

I saw Isabel shiver. She wrapped her arms around her middle, as though her worst nightmare was being realized. Liz moved forward, and took Ava�s hand. Ava looked at her in confusion, glanced down, and then back at Liz�s face. "You do belong with us, Ava. You have to stay. We want you to stay. You�re one of us." She turned, and looked at everyone in succession. "We are strongest as a team, a unit. And I�m not just talking about the four square, although I think you guys have untapped power you can�t even imagine. We don�t need the granolith. We�re strong enough without it. And we will win. You all did last time, until Sean screwed it all up by coming back in time. We can do this."

I didn�t miss the fact that she emphasized the you all part. Like she hadn�t had any role in the defeat of Khivar in that other life. But I knew that it wasn�t the time to ask her about it. She would tell me later.

Because, of course, I didn�t know at that point that she wouldn�t be able to tell me later.

And, so, my expression was grim when Liz came to stand in front of me. "Max, we have to end this now. We have to get rid of the granolith."

The complete certainty Liz demonstrated in her little speech seemed to convince everyone. No one protested again.

Moments later, I had one of the crystals in my hand, the one that Maria had buried at the bottom of her purse. Because we only needed one of them - ours. If we destroyed our granolith, the other one would cease to be after all, being as it was the future version of the one we had found, brought back in time by Ava when she had chased after Sean, who had used it first.

Yes, I know it�s confusing, but then timelines and time travel always are. Destroying the damn granolith means that I can stop thinking in terms like this, can concentrate on my own life and my life alone. I can stop trying to keep this all straight in my head.

Of course, destroying it also had a consequence I couldn�t have possibly imagined.

I know that Liz went through something extraordinary when she went into the granolith. She never got a chance to tell me about it though. Because, when I took that crystal in my hands, and when I broke it in two, when the light that burned from within it was extinguished, whatever it was that Liz lived there was extinguished as well.

I looked up at her just as I did it, and I literally saw the light go out in her eyes, as all the memories she had created disappeared.

And so here I lie on my motel room bed, staring up at the ceiling, knowing that Liz is asleep next door in the room she is sharing with Isabel, Maria, and Ava, blissfully unaware of anything she experienced during her journey.

She knows nothing about Serena, nothing about Sean, has even completely forgotten where Tess crashed in the spaceship when she took off.

Now I don�t want you to think that she has turned her back on me again. She hasn�t - not completely. She doesn�t remember finding out that I didn�t sleep with Tess, but when I explained to her about the flashes - that they had changed and that she told me what she had seen - she looked pensive, as though turning the whole thing over in her mind.

Because she has returned to only remembering the bad flashes. It�s like the kiss we shared, when we came back to life together, never happened.

None of it happened. Not for her. And she�s not willing to risk it again. She has been avoiding me like the plague since we hit the road to find Sean. She told me yesterday that she wants to be friends, that she believes that I�m not lying when I tell her what she told me, but she just can�t risk it again. She�s having a hard enough time still dealing with the first set of flashes.

So we�re back to being friends. Sort of. But not really. It is, quite simply, brutal.

The worst part is, I remember everything. I remember Future Maria, who was living an incomplete life without Michael. I remember Future Alex, the one who lived in the timeline where Liz and I married in Vegas, and who had visited me in my dream.

I remember Serena, my daughter. Our daughter.

I don�t just remember the granolith and my experiences there either.

I still remember sleeping with Tess. I did it. I know I did. And the fact that Liz doesn�t remember her new flashes�It�s only reinforcing it for me.

Sean is not my son, but I slept with Tess. And there is nothing I can do to change it.

Why do I remember and Liz doesn�t? I just don�t get it. How could we have shared something so significant, so life-altering, and only I remember? Am I being punished for what I did with Tess? Is fate finally giving me my just desserts, making me feel like Liz did when she had to keep the secret about Future Max, when she had to stay away from me?

I have never felt so alone. I can�t tell anyone about what happened - about what I know about the future. I can�t mess with the timeline that way.

See, even with no granolith, things are messed up. A little knowledge is a very dangerous thing.

Everyone remembers what Liz said about Khivar, of course, although she can�t remember how she knows. I see the fear that lurks in Isabel�s eyes, the barely veiled panic. She is waiting for him to come for her, and is slowly driving herself crazy because of it. But she is helping us to find Tess, despite her terror. She refuses to let anyone talk to her about it. She feels like it is her cross to bear because she once, in a past life, betrayed me.

Plus, we need her. Isabel dreamwalked Tess last night, now that we know she�s still on the planet. We know she�s somewhere in Canada, and that Sean has been born. Izzy got that much. And now we�re on the road after them.

It�s almost been too easy. Like Tess knows we�re coming. Like she�s waiting for us.

I know that this is it - the final showdown. Somehow I know that Tess isn�t going to be alone. If we win this battle, we might be able to start to build normal lives for ourselves, still with the shadow of Khivar lurking, but also with the knowledge that Liz had given us that we can win.

Of course, we don�t know how, but I know that she�s right. It doesn�t mean that it sucks any less that I�m going to have to beat my enemies without Liz by my side. Because, with the loss of her memory, Liz�s potential freedom has returned again. And I have gone back to my original resolution that I am going to leave her alone, that I can let her go. I need to do it - for her.

I love her, and I would do anything for her - even give her up.

It doesn�t make me any less miserable though.

I rub a weary hand across my face, wishing that I could just fall asleep, so that I can sink into oblivion. I know that I�ll dream about Liz, but at least I won�t remember it when I wake up. At least I�ll feel some relief from this agony, if only for a little while.

A tapping on the door jerks me into a seated position. I roll my eyes. "Michael, I told you not to forget your key!" I mutter in annoyance, as I make my way across the room to let him in. I was really hoping to be asleep by the time he came back, so that I wouldn�t have to listen to him rant to convince me that I have to make Liz try again - that if she got flashes last time, all I have to do is kiss her and show her that she wouldn�t get them again.

I can�t do that to her. It would be like violating her trust. I have told her that I will give her space and I intend to respect that.

But as I open the door, and I see that it�s not Michael, I realize that I haven�t figured out what I am going to do about my resolve to leave her alone if she doesn�t want me to keep it.

Because here she is, biting her lip, and looking nervous. "Hi, Max."

"Hi." I know that I sound dumbfounded. Liz has not sought me out in three days. She has always made sure we�re in different cars, and that we never end up sitting beside each other when we stop to eat. Like I said, basically acting like I have the plague.

And now here she is at my door at midnight and she doesn�t look the least bit afraid. She�s wearing pajamas for God�s sake. Very cute pajamas. I feel my body reacting despite myself.

"I couldn�t sleep," she says, smiling slightly. "Can I come in?"

I frown. "Are you sure you want to?" But I move aside, still holding the door open. She slides under my arm and into the room.

It is only when she stops near the closest bed and turns to look at me, her eyes scanning shyly down the length of my body that I remember I�m wearing only my boxers. I was technically in bed after all, in spite of the fact that my mind has been racing for the past hour, sleep nowhere near ready to come.

I feel heat rising in my face, turn away and grab a T-shirt off the nearest chair. "Is something wrong?" I ask as I turn back, pulling it over my head.

Liz is biting her lip again. "I need to talk to you, Max." She sighs. "We can�t keep doing this."

I sigh too. "Liz, I know. I�m leaving you alone. I�m not going to pressure you into anything. I told you, you don�t even have to come with us."

Liz doesn�t say anything for along moment and then she whispers, "Yes, I do."

"Why?"

"Because I just feel like I do." I feel the pain of it as tears fill her dark eyes. I can�t stand to see her cry. I just can�t take it that I�m responsible for doing that to her - again. "I just know that we�re meant to be together, Max."

"Liz�"

"Max, just listen. I�ve been thinking about what you told me three days ago . I�ve been thinking about what the others said that confirmed it too. That I came back from wherever I was, and I had all this information, and I kissed you, and the flashes of you and Tess were gone."

"Okay?" I have no idea what she�s talking about, but I�m willing to listen. Let�s call a spade a spade here. In spite of my resolve, I would listen to Liz Parker read the telephone book aloud. The sound of her voice is simply hypnotic.

"And it dawned on me tonight how stupid we�ve been. We haven�t even used the resource that we have right at our fingertips. Because if what you said was true - if you were mindwarped - then those flashes that I got had to have been a mindwarp too."

I feel my heart start to beat erratically. What is she saying? "I don�t get it. Resource at our fingertips? What are you talking about?"

"Ava," Liz explains patiently. "If anyone knows about mindwarping, it�s her."

"And you trust her enough to ask her?" I pause. "Wait a minute. What do you even want to ask her?"

"If we�ve been mindwarped. Shouldn�t she be able to tell?"

"I don�t know." I can feel my mind whirling. I suddenly remember - I can�t believe I forgot this! - my tapping fingers on the steering wheel as Maria and I waited outside Valenti�s a few days ago.

That�s not the only memory that suddenly pops into my head either. I remember how I found out that Kyle was warped. I connected with him and saw the damage that had been done to his brain.

I couldn�t examine my own brain, but I could take a peek at Liz�s. But that would mean a connection, which would mean that she would see the flashes.

I realize that Liz is still talking. "Max, I also thought of something else. If what you say is true, if I didn�t get those flashes of you�" she swallows, then closes her eyes momentarily, "And Tess the last time I kissed you, then maybe the warp on me has already been taken care of. I mean, it�s gone."

"But why would Tess drop the warp on you, and not on me?"

"Max, I don�t think she�s still warping you. She changed your memories. I don�t think she has to actively keep warping you after she�s done it. She couldn�t have been constantly mindwarping Kyle, Alex and Mrs. Deluca all that time. She must have changed their memories, and that was it. She just didn�t know that they would eventually break through the fake memories." I am staring at Liz. I know my mouth is hanging open by now. How is this girl so smart? How is it possible that I constantly forget just how intelligent she is? I feel my love for her making my heart swell as I continue to listen to her.

I am still trying to keep my hopes down though. I can�t hope that this is the break I have been praying for.

"The two types of warp are kind of different after all," she continues, clearly on a roll. "What happened to me on the way home from Las Cruces was a little more active, if you know what I mean. If you didn�t sleep with Tess, then I was seeing things that weren�t there. I wasn�t remembering something. Maybe I was warped to see false flashes on the way home from Las Cruces, and because I wasn�t warped after we came out of the granolith, I saw the real flashes."

"Tess is in Canada though, Liz. How would she know when exactly to make you see that?" But it suddenly becomes so clear to me, I can�t believe I didn�t think of it myself.

"Tess didn�t need to do it," Liz replies triumphantly, smiling as she sees that I have put two and two together myself. "She wasn�t the only one around with the ability to mindwarp. Her son could too. In fact, in comparison to what Sean was capable of, she was pretty minor league. Anyway, we don�t even need Ava to check us out or anything. I asked her about all this, and she said it sounds possible."

I can�t believe that all my dreams are potentially coming true. Is this really happening? Is Liz standing here telling me this stuff?

Sean fricking Deluca. Unbelievable.

But it still doesn�t confirm that I hadn�t slept with Tess. Those memories are still intact in my mind, sitting there taunting and torturing me. And, yet, I know that someone warped me at some point. I was coming out of it when I was in the car with Maria.

I look at Liz, just stare at her. "What do we do now, Liz?"

She smiles slightly again. "What I�ve been wanting to do for three days," she replies. "But until I realized all this, I just wasn�t brave enough." She takes a step towards me. "I�m going to kiss you now, Max, and we�re going to rid ourselves of her once and for all."

Like I�d say no to that. And, yet, I am still nervous as she reaches up and pulls my face down to hers.

Because what if she does get the flashes? What if we�re wrong about this?

But I don�t think about it for long, because the minute her soft lips touch mine, I am lost.

Part 32 - Hold On - Liz POV

Hold on,

Hold on to yourself

For this is going to hurt like hell.

Hold on,

Hold on to yourself

You know that only time will tell.

What is in me that refuses to believe?

This isn�t easier than the real thing.

My love you know that you�re my best friend.

You know that I�d do anything for you.

My love let nothing come between us,

My love for you is strong and true.

Am I in heaven here or am I

At the crossroads I am standing?

And now you�re sleeping peaceful.

I lie awake and pray

That you�ll be strong tomorrow

And we�ll see another day

And we will praise it

And love the light that brings a smile across your face.

Oh God, if you�re out there, won�t you hear me?

I know that we�ve never talked before.

And oh God, the man I love is leaving

Won�t you take him when he comes to your door?

Am I in heaven here or am I in hell?

At the crossroads I am standing.

So now you�re sleeping peaceful

I lie awake and pray

That you�ll be strong tomorrow

And we�ll see another day

And we will praise it

And love the light that brings a smile to your face.

Hold on

Hold on to yourself

This is going to hurt like hell.

Sarah McLachlan

I don�t allow myself to hesitate when I pull Max�s face down to mine and kiss him. I know that one moment of doubt and I won�t be able to do it.

It is completely wrong that I am so scared to kiss the person I love more than anyone else in the world. This is what she has brought us to, and the resolve I have that she is not going to win gets me through the first seconds. But it is not enough. I can feel Max opening himself to me completely, as he has every time we have ever kissed. He gasps against me as the connection opens between us - but only in his direction.

"God, Liz�" His hands sweep through my hair, pulling me more closely against him. I am more aware than ever that he is wearing nothing but a T-shirt and a thin pair of boxers. But I am still holding back, enjoying the feel of his body, that he is hard where I am soft, that his lips are gentle and insistent at the same time.

I wonder if this can ever be enough. Could I go through life enjoying a physical relationship with my love, only really knowing him on the surface? Other couples do it after all. It is a rare - almost unique - thing to be able to see into another person�s soul. If I had stayed with Kyle, or if I ever get together with another guy, I will not be able to do it.

But this is Max and I do not want half of him. I have had it all, and I want it back.

Ironically, it was Isabel of all people who finally made me see it.

I know it has hurt Max that I have been avoiding him for the past three days, but I could not think straight in his presence, at least not the way things still stood between us in my mind. I know that I supposedly had some great epiphany when I went wherever it was Future Ava took me, but I don�t remember any of it. The destruction of the granolith has robbed me of the memories I made there - things I likely was not supposed to experience anyway. Future Ava and, yes, even Future Sean, gave me a gift - the gift of insight and truth - one I regret losing.

And, yet, I don�t regret it at the same time. Because the reason we destroyed the granolith in the first place was to avoid the temptation of being able to fix our mistakes. I feel it is only right that I have to live my life not knowing what may happen. To know means living in fear.

I refuse to live in fear. Which is why, when Isabel spoke to me earlier tonight, I was willing to listen. It was not that Max�s sister said anything about Max persay. But what she did say reminded me of the kind of person I want to be, the kind of person Isabel is trying to be.

Isabel lives in fear now. She knows, thanks to me, that Khivar, the person she once betrayed her brother for, will come for her one day. I don�t believe that she will do it again - Isabel is a different person now - but I know that she is afraid that she might. She misses Alex desperately, regrets that just when she accepted that she belonged with him - that he made her strong - what she was killed him. I know Isabel feels this way, that she blames herself for what Tess did to my best friend. Just like Max does. Just like I used to - that because I pulled Alex into the alien abyss, he died.

Isabel is not to blame. Tess�s actions were her own. Just like what she did to Max she did on her own. From what Maria has told me, I was completely certain when I returned from that other world that Max did not sleep with my enemy, that he was mindwarped. Maria even told me that she saw him begin to come out of it while I was missing, which reinforced to her that I was not wrong.

And, yet, I was still scared to follow my heart, to go to Max, to try again. Because I couldn�t remember any of that. All I could see in front of my eyes was Max and Tess, entangled, entwined, doing things that only I was supposed to do with him. Things that we were told had made a baby, but which had not made their baby, and, yet, it had still happened. He still slept with her.

But I�m getting off track again. I am losing myself in my fear. Following your heart, like my grandma made me promise to do, means that you have to get past your fear. I forgot that for a while, but I will never forget it again.

Anyway, Isabel came to see me. I think she needed someone to talk to about her fear, and felt that it couldn�t be either Max or Michael. They both trust her implicitly, know that she will never do anything to hurt them. But she does not know this about herself, and she wanted to try and deal with what is brewing inside of her with someone who will listen without prejudice - someone who does not know her one way and one way alone. Before it would have been Alex, but since Alex is gone, I think Isabel considers me the next best thing.

As I listened to my friend, as she spilled out her terror, her grief for Alex, her lack of knowledge of herself, as she sobbed with her head in my lap, and I stroked her blonde hair, trying to comfort this poor girl who always seems so strong and icy, but who is really so loving and afraid at her core, I had my epiphany.

I love Max and I don�t want to live without him. By running away from him, I was doing exactly what Isabel was - trying to ignore my true nature, trying to run away from my own heart. Isabel did it with Alex and now she was going to have to go on without him, knowing that she wasted all those months, knowing that maybe, if they had been together, she would have clued in to what Tess was doing. Maybe she could have stopped her.

As I soothed Isabel, as I told her that none of it was her fault - because it wasn�t of course - I began to realize that I had to give Max and me one last chance. I had to do what Isabel was trying to do. I had to follow my heart. But to do it, I had to know once and for all if what I had found out was possible - that Tess really could have created such elaborate illusions, that she really could have changed Max�s memories so completely, that even he still believes he slept with her, even though we know the truth about Sean.

When I spoke to Ava, I was reminded of the day that I went to speak to Tess while I was investigating Alex�s murder. I learned nothing on that day except that I had been completely wrong about the kind of person Max Evans was. It still hurts to think about how rude he was to me that day, but it wasn�t him I realize now. Because Ava did not only confirm for me that there are two kinds of mindwarps, she actually told me there were three.

Not only can mindwarpers make people see things that aren�t there, and change memories, they can also change behavior. If a mindwarper is connected enough with their victim, they can actually make them act totally out of character, basically control them at their whim. And all of Max�s weird behavior after Alex�s death suddenly began to make sense - how he grabbed me in the hallway that day, the way he yelled at me on the highway when I was on my way to Sweden. It was mind control.

She had changed him because he had trusted her. If he was to blame for anything, it was that fact alone. And have I not always known that Max is too trusting? Often he is right in who he trusts - me, my friends, Valenti - but the one time he made a mistake - with Tess - it was a huge one.

He should not have to pay for the rest of his life for that mistake. I know that he will pay, inside, that he will always blame himself for what happened to Alex, but, in the end, what had he really done to me? If I was right when I returned from my visit in the granolith, then he had been mindwarped the whole time and now I only had to pull him out of it.

Which is why I find myself kissing him now, enjoying it, but not allowing myself to completely let go.

It�s one thing to tell yourself that you�re going to let go of your fear. But sometimes fear has a mind of its own, refusing to let go its icy grip around your heart.

I am stronger than any fear. I have never been afraid of Max, not since he first told me the truth about himself, and I refuse to begin now.

And, so, finally, I let go and open myself up to him.

He knows exactly when I do it to, because I feel him shudder against me. "Liz," he whispers against my ear, kissing me lightly on the lobe before bringing his mouth back to mine. I open my lips, allow his tongue access, feel him pulling on my bottom lip with his in that way that nearly drives me insane with longing for him.

When the flashes begin they are completely different from the ones I remember - the ones that almost killed me and did make me literally ill.

Flash*

Max, suspicious of Tess as she gives him a shirt as a gift, but he feels bad, so he accepts it.

Flash*

Max watching me with Sean at the UFO Museum during the hostage situation, not understanding why I am so angry at him, not understanding why we are drifting apart again.

Flash*

Max connecting with Brody, and suddenly assailed with images of another planet, another life. It is all familiar, and yet, not, at the same time.

Flash*

Max tries to tell me about the memories, tries to tell me how exciting and, yet, frightening it all is. He feels disappointment when I barely listen, but he is absolutely thrilled when I ask him if we can go to the Prom together.

Flash*

His heart thundering with love, Max sees me across the Crashdown when he comes to pick me up for the Prom.

Flash*

Max, devastated, listening to me tell him that I feel suffocated by our relationship, that I am constantly waiting for him to remember Tess, that I can�t do it any longer. He watches me walk away, considers going after me, but wonders if I am right. Maybe he has no choice but to prove me right or wrong, once and for all.

Flash*

Max kisses Tess in the hallway of the high school. He feels drawn to her and, yet, as their lips meet, he feels nothing. It is not the same as kissing me - it is just wrong. He knows deep down that he will never love her - that the memories he has mean nothing. He breaks away from her, and tells her so. Her eyes glitter strangely as she nods her understanding. "But at least we can still be friends, Max."

It is then that the flashes start to become fuzzy, as though they are trying to break through, past a heavy web of intrigue and deceit. Max watches his own behavior as though from a long way off - knows that the way he is treating Isabel and I is not him and, yet, he can�t stop himself.

Flash*

Max, at the Observatory, thinking about what is happening to him. He knows that something is wrong.

Flash*

Tess appears. He tries to tell her what he is feeling. His confusion is utterly heartbreaking, because, after all, she has been messing with his mind for weeks now. "My whole life I've wanted to be this person, this normal person. Human. My whole life I've been thinking that this alien side of me was this bad thing. This thing that made me a freak. This monster. I realize that I haven't just been hiding from the government and the law all this time. I've been hiding from myself. I don't know what's going on anymore. I thought I knew but I don't. I've lost everyone." He thinks I need Liz. I need the Liz who loved me in spite of everything. With her I know who I am. I am who I want to be. And then I am there, in his eyes she has become me, and he is kissing me and all is right with his world again. "I�m ready to wake up now." They are his words to me. He is tired of simply dreaming about me, he wants to be with me.

These are Max�s memories of what happened, and, yet, underneath I see flashes of what he saw with his eyes, but not with his mind. I see Tess kiss him while he sees me. I see her pull him down with her, and he lays his head in her lap and cries, admitting that he knows that what he is killed Alex and that he doesn�t deserve me. He thanks me for coming back, promises that he will help me find out the truth.

He falls asleep.

And I know with absolute certainty that he did not sleep with Tess, or with who he thought was me, or anyone. Absolutely nothing happened.

In the next flash he has woken up, and he is naked, and he finds Tess in his arms, and the horror of it is almost beyond his comprehension. He remembers every detail of what they did together and he knows that he has lost me for good.

I can feel the tears streaming down my face as I pull back and stare up at him.

My love.

His eyes are closed and I feel him sigh. I can�t tell if he is upset or happy. It is a very ambiguous sigh.

"Max," I whisper. "Open your eyes."

He does, bringing his forehead down to rest against mine. "What did you see?" His voice is low, afraid.

"I saw that you love me," I reply, smiling through my tears. "I saw exactly what I�ve always seen from you. Whatever that was that I saw four days ago, it�s gone. It was a mindwarp." The relief of it is sweeping through my entire body, making me want to be as close as physically possible to him now.

He is still completely mine, my innocent Max, who has waited for me. My Max who would never even consider doing anything else.

"Did I�" He trails off, clearly not wanting to even say it, because he still does not know any of this.

"You didn�t sleep with her. She changed your memories."

A shudder runs through him. His eyes close again, this time in relief to match my own. He stumbles backwards slightly, pulling me with him, until we both tumble onto the bed, still wrapped in each other�s arms. "I still remember it," he admits, his voice cracking slightly. "Is it ever going to go away?"

"I don�t know," I tell him, kissing him gently on the forehead. "Maybe. Hopefully. But you have to try and forget it. It doesn�t matter anymore."

"When she�s gone," he finally says quietly. "When she�s gone, I will be rid of her for good."

I feel a shiver descend my spine. "When we kill her?" Can we really do such a thing? Can we really kill someone, even if it is someone as evil and corrupt as Tess?

He opens his eyes, and stares right into mine. "I don�t know if we have any other choice, Liz. If we don�t, she�ll never stop coming. She�ll come after Sean once we have him back. She�ll come after Seren�" He cuts himself off abruptly, his eyes widening.

I frown. "Max?"

"Liz, what are we going to do about the fact that I remember the granolith and you don�t?" he asks, sounding extremely weary, his eyes closing again. "I can�t constantly censor myself around you. I mean, I don�t know as much as you did before you forgot, but I know enough. And I don�t want to keep anything from you - not anymore."

"I don�t know," I tell him. "Do we have to worry about it right now?"

His kisses me lightly, rolling me over onto my back and deepening the kiss until I feel it clear down to my toes. He pulls back slightly, gazing down at me, his eyes shadowed. "Do you have any idea how much I want to make love to you right now?" he asks, not sounding like the Max I know at all. There is no shyness in the question, no hesitation. In fact, he sounds extremely upset about it.

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask, trying to joke slightly, but I feel hurt at his tone. I don�t understand how his mood has changed so abruptly. "I love you. We are way behind schedule as it is." I smile up at him. "We were supposed to be together over six months ago."

Max runs his hand gently through my hair, then sits up, pulling me with him. "And you know this because of what that future version of me told you?"

"Right." I am on my knees, so I lean forward and brush his lips with mine again. "I love you, Max. We belong together."

"He never told you about the consequences, did he?" He shakes his head, then sighs. "I know he didn�t."

I feel a shiver descend my spine. "What consequences?" I demand. "Is it dangerous? Michael and Maria have been together!" I feel myself getting angry that he won�t open up completely as he just continues to stare at me. I can almost see his mind at work. "What�s wrong?"

"Liz, if we�re together, there are going to be consequences," Max tells me seriously. "I want to tell you, but I don�t know if I can, because I think that you�ll want to make love right now to make sure that what�s supposed to happen happens, and I don�t know if we�re ready."

I sit back so that we are no longer touching. "So they�re good consequences?" I ask flirtatiously. He eyes me, raising an eyebrow. "If I�m going to want the consequences, what�s so bad about them?"

"Well�" He trails off uncertainly. He is obviously struggling with himself. "Liz, I think I have to tell you because it�s going to dictate the entire course of our relationship from now on."

I am really scared now. "Max, what is it?" All I want to do is climb into his lap. I want to ignore whatever it is, but I know that he doesn�t think we can.

"Liz, we are going to conceive a child. Maybe not the first time we make love, but probably very soon after." He blurts this all out in a rush, his eyes never leaving my face. "Her name is going to be Serena, and she is going to be beautiful." I see tears glistening in his dark eyes as he remembers her, as he sees her in his mind�s eye, in his heart.

I barely notice at the same time, because when her name passes his lips, I remember her. It all comes rushing back so quickly that it is almost too much. "Max!" I gasp his name, burying my face in my hands to stop the fast-forwarded version of the lifetime I lived in the granolith, to try and control the mad rush of faces that whirl through my brain - Future Max, Future Alex, Michael, Isabel, Maria, Kyle, my Max. And through it all, she is there. My heart. My daughter.

Serena.

Oh God! Serena. How could I have forgotten her?

"Liz? LIZ!" Max has crawled across the bed and is pulling my hands away from my face. "What�s wrong?"

I am crying and laughing at the same time. I am not hysterical exactly, but I am close.

Because I remember my resolve, the decision I made in the granolith that Serena would not be born until we were ready for her. And I know in my heart that we are nowhere near being ready.

But I am so ready to rip Max�s clothes off and have my way with my true-love, my soulmate, it is almost scary.

I can�t. We are simply not at the stage in our lives where we will be the parents Serena - the savior of two worlds - is going to need.

"Liz! Please! Speak to me!" He is getting desperate now.

I manage to stop laughing, so that I bring my hands up to frame his face. "I remember her. I remember our daughter."

"Why are you laughing then?" Max demands. "I don�t understand how this is the least bit funny!"

"I know!" I start to laugh again. "It�s not. But it so is Max. Do you have any idea how much I want to make love to you?" I ask, repeating the same question he asked me moments ago. "But I know we�re not ready, and it�s just not fair!"

Max continues to stare at me. "And this is funny how?" His voice has lowered again and his eyes are darkening. I see them drop to my lips.

"It�s not the least bit funny," I reply but I am almost giddy with happiness too - happy that I remember all the lessons I learned on the journey I had to take so that we could be together.

I think I even understand why I forgot it all. It was the final test, the final proof that I could follow my heart with or without the pre-knowledge of where it might take me. And because I had shown that I could, because I faced my demons, because I found out the truth about Max and Tess on my own, I was allowed to remember it all.

I have earned the right to love Max. I can see that he is still uncertain, that maybe he still has a little way to go. Because his demon, in the blonde ringleted form of Tess Harding, is still out there.

But I don�t want him thinking about her right now - not when he is only just mine again. I know it�s selfish, but we still have to find her. It will be easy enough now that I remember everything, but, for now, that is in the future.

For now, I get to have him all to myself.

"But I don�t know why we�re so concerned," I continue, still smiling at him. "It�s not like it�s not going to happen. For now, it�s enough that we�re together and that we love each other."

"It is?" Max doesn�t sound convinced, which just makes me burst out giggling again.

"I so knew it! You only love me for my body!" The sheer ridiculousness of saying it makes me laugh again, because I have seen his soul and I know it for the blatant lie it is.

But he looks horrified. "Liz!"

"I love you for your body," I tell him, trailing a finger up his chest. "And your mind, and your heart." I stop laughing, and smile at him, hoping that he can see all the love that I feel welling within me. "I shouldn�t tease you, but we�re together now. We will always be together and it makes me so happy, Max. We have things to take care of - namely Tess - before we can be truly at peace, but we�re so close, my love. Can�t we just be happy for a while?"

He frowns at me for so long, I wonder if he�s really mad. But, finally, he reaches forward, gently pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "It�s been so long since I�ve seen you smile. God, Liz, I love you."

"I love you too." I lean forward to gently kiss him again. "And someday soon we�ll get to show each other how much we love each other in every way. Maybe not tonight, but soon." I climb onto his lap, laying feather light kisses on his closed eyes, his nose, both cheeks and then I kiss him full on the mouth again. "We�ll take this as slowly as we want to, Max. It will all still happen. For now though, this is enough," I whisper against his lips.

He kisses me back, and the connection flares to life between us, seemingly reinforcing what I�ve said. We fall back onto the bed together, kissing and cuddling, but nothing more. Because we both know that the rest of it will come soon enough.

For now, it is almost more sexy just reveling in our innocence again, just knowing how young we both are, how much of our life we still have to live together.

"Just being with you is enough," he says quietly against my hair after a while. "It will always be enough."

"I will never leave you again," I promise as I feel him begin to drift. The connection is still strong and I know when he falls asleep.

I stroke his arm gently. I am cradled on his chest and I can feel his heart beating steadily under my cheek. And I know that mine will soon be beating in time.

My journey has ended and has brought me home to Max�s arms, where I will always belong.

I only hope that he will be strong enough to end his journey the way he wants to, that he will be able to exorcise Tess once and for all when we finally meet up with her again.

Because, I know, in my heart, that we will not kill her. We will not be able to do it. But we will still find a way to end this.

Together, we can do anything.

Part 33 - Good Enough - Max POV

Hey your glass is empty.

It�s a hell of a long way home.

Why don�t you let me take you?

It�s no good to go alone.

I never would have opened up

But you seemed so real to me.

After all the bullshit I�ve heard

It�s refreshing not to see.

I don�t have to pretend

She doesn�t expect it of me.

So don�t tell me I haven�t been good to you.

Don�t tell me I have never been there for you.

Just tell me why nothing is good enough.

Hey little girl would you like some candy?

Your momma said it�s okay.

The door is open, come on outside.

No I can�t come out today.

It�s not the wind that cracked your shoulder

And threw you to the ground.

Who�s there that makes you so afraid

You�re shaken to the bone?

I don�t understand,

You deserve so much more than this.

So don�t tell me why he�s never been good to you.

Don�t tell me why he�s never been there for you.

Don�t you know that why is simply not good enough.

So just let me try and I will be good to you.

Just let me try and I will be there for you.

I�ll show you why you�re so much more than good enough.

Sarah McLachlan

For one instant, I think I am dreaming. There is no other explanation for the fact that Liz Parker is sound asleep in my arms, her soft hair tickling my nose, when I drift back to consciousness.

But, as I slowly awaken, I remember all that passed between us last night, and I know that this is not a dream. This is reality, and my life has finally returned to the path it was always meant to be on - the only path I have ever wanted to follow.

Liz and I are going to be together. My heart practically wants to burst at this brand new knowledge. And, yet, it feels as old as the stars too - like our very destinies are finally coming into alignment, because we have worked so hard to make it so.

Things are, of course, in some ways, still only an illusion. They are still not completely perfect. Because, in spite of the fact that Liz is completely convinced now that absolutely nothing physical happened between Tess and me on that horrible night at the observatory, I still remember it. I still remember touching her in ways I only ever want to touch Liz. I still remember her hands touching me. It makes me feel dirty and completely unworthy to be where I am presently, which is holding Liz in my arms. My beautiful, trusting Liz, who I still don�t deserve.

I won�t deserve her until I get Tess out of my head, once and for all. The problem is, I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing it. I truly believe that the only way to completely eradicate her is to kill her and I know that I am not quite ready to do that. I just can�t see myself actually killing her, not in premeditation.

I would have killed her in the instant I found out about Alex. Trust me on that one. But thinking about it - I just can�t see it ever happening. Especially now that Liz and I are back together. When we weren�t, it was easy for me to shut off my emotions, to allow my alien side to take over. It was how I could have so easily killed Jennifer Coleman.

But it�s all changed again. Now that Liz and I have reconnected, it is damn near impossible to imagine killing someone on purpose. Like I�ve said many times before, I am a better person with her - stronger in that I don�t always look for the easy way out. Killing Tess is the easy way, as much as she deserves it.

I know that Liz would never want me to do it either. Because it�s just not what we�re about. It�s not us - any of us. I know that Isabel and Michael are both still haunted by the lives they have taken - Whittaker and Pierce respectively - and they had absolutely no choice.

I still have a choice, even though I have absolutely no idea how I�m going to erase Tess�s existence permanently. Because I do know that what I told Liz is true. If Tess lives, we will never be safe. Sean will never be secure either, although I don�t doubt that we will get him back. Serena, when she comes, will be in constant danger - not only from Khivar, but from Tess, who I have no question would use my innocent daughter to control me.

You can see the dilemma in which we find ourselves. In the meantime though, we have to concentrate on what we can control, rather than what we can�t. I might still remember Tess, but I believe Liz when she says it�s a lie. I can only hope that someday it will all just go away - that I will wake up one morning with the whole memory just gone.

It�s still here today though, and I�m just going to have to deal with it. We have more important things to worry about right now - namely Sean and getting him back. Because, even though I now know he is not mine, I still feel responsible for him. I still feel like it is my fault that Tess left with him at all.

I can worry about what to do about Tess when the time comes.

I turn my head slightly, then kiss Liz lightly on the temple. She murmurs my name, shifting slightly, but doesn�t wake up. She is clearly exhausted, so I decide that I�ll let her sleep for a while longer. I can get everyone else ready to go and then come and wake her up in time for breakfast. We�ll hit the road before the sun is even fully in the sky.

We have been driving hard for the past day and a half and are now in Northern Colorado. We weren�t exactly sure where we were going when we started, but we did know it was Canada. It seemed like the best plan to get as close to where the granolith crashed as possible before having Isabel try to dreamwalk Tess again. We don�t want her to know we�re on the way until the last possible minute. Ava also thought that she might be able to sense her clone if she was near.

But now that we will know exactly where we�re going, things don�t seem quite so up in the air, quite so desperate. Things are better now. Liz has her memories from the granolith back, and so we will be able to find Sean that much more easily. It is only a matter of time.

I ease myself gently away from Liz. She frowns slightly, but turns away cooperatively enough, burying her head in the pillow I have just vacated. It takes all my strength to move away from her, when all I want to do is kiss her awake, and then show her exactly how much I love her.

I want to do it, but it�s not the right time. And not just because we�re not ready for Serena. I�m not ready either. Because, until I feel completely worthy of Liz, I just don�t want to go that far. In some ways, it�s a big relief that Liz is being so militant about the whole thing. In this particular case, I know that I can�t be the strong one. I want to make love to her so badly, it is almost painful, but it�s not for completely the right reasons now.

Deep down, a small part of me thinks that if I connect completely with Liz in that way, what happened with Tess - what I remember - will disappear.

Don�t get me wrong. You all know how much I love her, how much I want Liz for herself. But if we make love now, that�s not all it will be about. And that is just not fair to Liz. When I�m with her, I want it to only be about the two of us. I do not want Tess standing between us in any way. Because even if she is a moot point to Liz now, to me she�s not.

I am going to get rid of her ghost if it is the last thing I ever do. I have to face her once more and make her let me go. I have no choice, if I want my life with Liz to be exactly what it�s meant to be.

I hurry through my shower, and Liz is still fast asleep as I dress. I have no idea what happened to Michael last night. He must have found out that Liz was with me and made himself scarce, bunking down with Maria somewhere.

And, so, I am surprised to find him sound asleep in the hallway, his back up against the door, so that when I open it, he falls backwards into the room. He opens one eye sleepily, glaring up at me. "Jeez, Maxwell. I�ve been knocking for an hour. What the hell are you and Liz doing in there?" He narrows his eyes slightly. "Actually, wait. I don�t want to know. It falls into the category of too much information for the middle of the night."

I stare down at him, but can�t help the grin that creeps across my face. "Why are you asleep in the hallway, Michael?"

"Maria�s ticked at me," he admits grumpily, climbing to his feet. "I don�t even know what I did."

"What else is new?" I ask cheerfully. "Let�s go wake everyone up. We have to hit the road."

"Are you telling me it�s morning?" Michael demands in annoyance. "I slept in the bloody hallway all night?"

"That�s what I�m telling you."

He eyes me suspiciously. "You are extraordinarily chipper this morning," he finally comments. "Did you and Liz make up?"

"You could say that."

"Good. It�s about time," Michael says, sounding like he means it. He grimaces slightly. "Listen, can we leave the girls in peace for a little while longer? Maria was really crabby last night. I think a couple more minutes of shut eye might do her some good."

I look at him, shrug. "Okay. Let�s go get some breakfast and then we�ll wake them all up. Liz remembers everything now so we know where we�re going. It will make the trip shorter anyway."

I see something strange flash in Michael�s eyes for a moment - something I don�t recognize. I frown. "Is something wrong?" I ask, staring at him. There�s something off here. I�m not quite sure what it is, but I would swear that that was anger that I just saw flash across my best friend�s face. Anger mixed with a good healthy dose of fear. "Michael?"

He is so nonchalant when he answers, I am almost positive I imagined it. "Other than the fact that I have a crick in my neck the size of the state of Colorado?" he asks, sounding so like Michael, I wonder what the hell I am thinking. "C�mon. I�m starving."

And, yet, my stomach is suddenly in knots. Because, for one instant, this person was not Michael. If he�s not Michael, there is only one other person he can be.

I remember what Liz told me about the granolith before I drifted off to sleep last night. In between all that kissing, we found some time to talk, and she had filled me in on almost everything from that other life - including the bit about Rath, and Lonnie, and the fact that the spaceship, powered by the granolith, will not fly without a full complement of the Royal Four inside it.

I pause, wondering if I should go check the girls� room, to see if this is really Michael. I am trailing him uncertainly, when we run into Izzy in the lobby. "Hey guys!" My sister hails us from near the desk. "Check-out�s at ten. Are you going for breakfast? I could eat. Kyle and the sheriff are already in the restaurant across the highway."

I feel my heartbeat beginning to return to normal. Am I just imagining things? This all seems completely normal. I stare closely at Isabel, and see only my sister staring back at me. "Max?" she asks, frowning. "Are you okay? You look a bit pale."

How on Earth could Lonnie and Rath have found us in this motel in the middle of nowhere? I ask myself this question as I follow them out the front door of the motel and around the side towards the highway. Besides, they probably don�t even know that Tess tried to take off in the granolith. It doesn�t make any sense that they�d be after me yet.

I do know they�ll come after me eventually. And if something happens to Tess, they�ll come after Ava too. They need us. But it really doesn�t fit that it would be so soon.

Unless they�ve been watching us the whole time, a voice in the back of my head argues. They�d know that Tess took off alone, they�d know that she crashed, because they must know by now that the ship only works with the four of us in it.

Another thought suddenly occurs to me. What if Ava didn�t come to Roswell alone? What if she�s only been biding her time, waiting to betray us? What if she�s allowing Rath and Lonnie to follow us to the spaceship, playing along that she�s one of us, and then, in the end, she is fully planning to be the Antarian queen that heads back to our planet?

I can�t believe I allowed myself to trust her so easily. She is a clone of Tess after all. It doesn�t seem like such a leap in logic that she�d use me this way.

But, then again, Liz trusts her, and I trust Liz�s judgment. She�s rarely been wrong before.

I realize suddenly that Michael and Isabel have stopped walking, and have turned back to me curiously.

"Max, what are you doing?" my sister demands, sounding so much like Isabel, I am again sure I am wrong.

And, yet, my instincts tell me I�m not. Tuning into her, I can almost feel the unnatural chill coming off of this girl in waves. It is the same feeling I got around Lonnie before, even when she played at loving me because I reminded her of Zan. While my sister has the reputation of being an ice queen, she has never been that way with me, especially recently, since Liz and I almost died - or at least she thought we did when we were in the granolith. "I�" I swallow, feeling a shiver descend my spine. "I forgot my wallet back in the room." I wonder if they hear my voice crack. I start to back up slowly. "I�ll meet you guys there."

I see them exchange a look.

When Michael looks at me again, his expression is grim. "I don�t think so, Maxwell."

"You�re coming with us, Zan." Isabel�s face is cold, a mask. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that for once, I am right. For once I have followed my instincts and I am right.

Which doesn�t exactly make me leap for joy. If there was any time I�d love to be wrong, it�s right now. I am in serious trouble here. I look around, seeing that the parking lot we are crossing on the side of the motel is completely deserted. It is earlier than I realized when I supposedly found Michael in the hallway, and there is no life stirring anywhere.

"Just come with us, Zanny boy, and we won�t hurt anyone you care about. We know exactly where to find all of them. They�re like babes in there, just waiting for us to take care of them, one by one." This is Lonnie. I can hear her thick accent beginning to break through Isabel�s more cultured tones. She is still struggling to hold on to the illusion though. I think she likes pretending to be my sister. It is seriously creepy.

I think of Liz, safely asleep where I left her. The thought of never seeing her again, just when things are starting to go right between us�Okay, let�s call a spade a spade here. It pisses me off. Big time.

"I�m not going anywhere with you." I try to keep the anger out of my voice, but I can hear it there. I can see that Lonnie looks a little surprised - even a little more respectful. Who can blame her for being shocked I won�t just go along with her? I did it easily enough the last time after all, when she wanted me to go to New York with her. And, hell, she�s threatening the people I love! She has to know that�s the way to control me.

Too bad I will no longer be controlled, even by my own fear and doubt. Loving Liz has made me strong again and I will not lose everything I have so recently regained. No way.

"C�mon, Max." She accentuates my Earth name, as though humoring me. "You know we don�t belong here. We know where to find Tess. You can find your son, and go back, and be king. Who doesn�t want to be a king?"

"Everything I want is right here," I tell her firmly. "And you�re not going anywhere near the people I love." I can see that Rath is itching to blast me, but Lonnie bats his hand down when he raises it.

And suddenly I understand. I am completely safe from these two, even though my friends are not. They can�t kill me. I am their last hope. Without me, they�ll never get back to Antar.

I remember how they tried to kill me in New York, and realize that they didn�t know then just how much they need me. Someone has been filling them in, maybe Tess, maybe Nicholas, maybe even Ava - I still don� t know that she hasn�t been playing us all along. It also reminds me just how merciless they are. They will not hesitate to kill my friends - to kill Liz - if it means getting what they want.

For one brief moment, I consider going with them. If I simply go with them, they�ll leave everyone I love in peace.

But that would be taking the easy way out. I know it would be. I have to fight for what I want, and going back to Antar is certainly not it.

Lonnie is still playing her hand though. "But our mother is waiting for us, Zan. We owe it to our people to save them."

"We can�t help them," I tell her quietly, although the arrow does hit true. I feel the guilt of potentially abandoning our people to their fate under Khivar�but then I remember that my daughter - the one I will conceive with Liz here on Earth - is the only true way to defeat Khivar. I cannot go. "They are not our people anymore. I�m human, Lonnie. They are not going to want me." I know I am lying here, but Lonnie does not need to know exactly how important Liz is. It will only make her an even better target for them.

They are never going to get anywhere near Liz. I will die first.

Lonnie�s eyes have narrowed. I can feel how angry she is, how much she wants to kill me, how frustrated she is that she can�t, that I am in complete control here. I can feel this all through the four square - one I don�t belong to, but one that I can still tap into.

"Just go," I say finally, after we have stared at each other in silence for a long moment. "Go and leave us alone. Accept that you are going to live out your life here, Lonnie, and move on."

She laughs. "You just don�t get it. I may not be able to kill you, Zan, but I can kill everyone you care about. And I will. I�ll come after all of them until I bring you to your knees, and you have no choice but to come with me."

I can see exactly what my sister is afraid of becoming. Because there is no question that Lonnie is the evil betrayer Vilandra in her purest form. I don�t doubt that Zan�s sister Vilandra was not all bad - that some of her had to be made up of the sweet girl that is my Isabel - but there is no sign of her here.

There is only one way to deal with Lonnie. She has to die.

And, yet, I know deep down that I am not strong enough to do it. I just can�t kill her in cold blood.

But I can�t let her threaten the people I love either.

Okay, this is maybe the worst possible dilemma to be in. What the hell am I going to do?

And, then, magically, the choice is taken out of my hands. Because I feel Ava�s presence before I see her. And Michael�s. And Isabel�s. The real Michael and Isabel.

You have to understand, they�re not with me. They are not physically present. But they are here. I can feel them running through my veins. I can feel their essence, for want of a better word, joining with my own.

How they know I am out here, I don�t know, but there is no question whose side they�re all on. With Michael and Isabel there wouldn�t have been any doubt anyway, but Ava�

I now know she will stand with us. Because I can feel her. Somehow the bond the four of us share has opened of its own free will. I reach out for it. I am shocked to realize that my sister is still sound asleep. I don�t even know if she�s aware of what�s happening. But Ava is awake, and so is Michael.

And they have decided for me. Lonnie and Rath are going to die.

Here�s the thing - the real secret of the Royal Four. We are a team. I might be the nominal leader, the king, but in some ways, this is going to have to be a democracy too. Because that�s just the kind of person I am, in the end. We are going to go with majority rules it seems.

Isabel is now awake - I can feel her becoming aware of where she is, of what is happening - and what she tells me is that she is not going to lose me. I am her brother. Michael, and Ava, and she and I belong together and they are not going to let Lonnie and Rath take me away from them.

Michael tells me that there can be no more division - that we have to make sure that we are strong when Khivar comes, and the only way to do that is to make sure that there is only one four square waiting for him. We can�t constantly be looking over our backs for Lonnie, or Rath, or Tess, waiting for them to betray us. And, he tells me, there is no question that any of them will betray the Earth. None of them want to be on this planet, none of them have anything tying them to it. They will let Khivar destroy it, and so, we�re the Royal Four this planet needs.

They are all right. And I am beginning to accept that sometimes we have to make choices in life we might not want to. This is one of those times.

It is far easier than I expect to lift my hand, to focus all my energy on these two enemies with the faces of my beloved sister and best friend. I see their horror, their knowledge of what is about to happen to them, but it is too late to stop it.

I don�t want to stop it. And if that makes me a bad person, then so be it.

I feel the energy of the combined strength of Ava, and Isabel, and Michael, and I flow through my body and out of my hands, crashing into them, killing them.

It is nothing visible to the naked eye. It is merely the strength of one four square - a bonded unit - triumphing over another, weakened by a loss they themselves brought about. Because, the greatest irony of all is that, I somehow know, if they had not killed their Zan, we would have lost.

But, then again, maybe not. Because, in the end, we are the stronger unit, bound by bonds of love rather than hate.

Yet, I am still capable of this. We are no better than them if this happens.

And it horrifies me.

I start to fight against what is happening, push the energy back. STOP! I scream to the others. We can�t! This is wrong! Isabel! Michael! Stop!

It does stop - so abruptly it brings me to my knees. Their trust in me is so great, they do as I ask immediately.

I close my eyes, try to catch my breath. I can�t believe what we almost did and, yet, some small part of me regrets that I couldn�t go through with it.

They know now though. They know now what will happen to them if they ever try and hurt anyone I love. It has to be enough. It just has to be.

"Go!" I whisper, unable to open my eyes. "Get out of here! NOW!"

I am subconsciously aware of Michael, and Isabel, and Ava, all of who are on their way, physically this time.

I can hear them - Lonnie and Rath - moving, hurting, desperate to get away. I am still connected to them too, feel their fear, their anger�And something else as well.

Mercy was a mistake it would seem. Because I also feel the exact moment that Rath decides that he has had enough - that he is going to kill me, just because he wants to - Lonnie and her rules be damned.

I open my eyes, staring up at him in disbelief, amazed that being good is really going to kill me. Aren�t the good guys supposed to win?

I think of Liz, of all that is never going to happen if I die.

There will be no reason for Khivar to come if I die. But there will also be no liberation for Antar, no Serena.

I know I�ve failed. Because, even now, I can�t do it. I cannot kill them. In spite of who they are, they are a part of us. This is actually going to happen, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. There is no way that Michael and Isabel will get here in time.

I am going to die.

Liz! I love you!

I hear the roar of the blast that is Rath�s gift, wait for it to burn through me, thinking of nothing but Liz.

It takes me an instant to realize that the roar I heard was not from Rath, but, rather, from a gun going off.

I open my eyes to see Valenti standing beside me, the gun in his hand. I hear Lonnie shrieking, stare in horror as she raises her hand, her grief over Rath crashing down on me through the connection that is still open.

Valenti�s gun goes off again, sending her flying.

I feel her spirit dissipate, feel the connection she has maintained this whole time blink out abruptly as she dies right in front of my eyes.

I blink, disbelieving that I am still alive. "Sheriff�" I manage to croak.

"Wasn�t the smartest thing in the world coming out here alone, Mr. Evans," the sheriff replies quietly, his hand under my elbow, helping me stumble to my feet. "Lucky thing I was up early too and followed you out here. You seemed to have things well in hand until just a moment ago." He is eyeing me with concern, and I feel gratitude for this man who has saved my life again rush through me.

Because I realize that I was willing to die - I wanted to die. And the sheriff knows it too. And he pulled me back.

An instant later I feel a warm body crash into me. I raise my arms and bring them around Liz, who is still in her pajamas, and is very nearly hysterical. "Max! What were you thinking? I heard you! I felt you give up!" Michael and Isabel are right behind her, tears streaming down my sister�s face. Michael looks as white as a ghost.

It takes me a minute to even understand what is happening. I am that numb. "I�m sorry, I�m sorry�" I bring my hands up, then stroke Liz�s hair comfortingly.

I know that she is right. I was really going to let them kill me. And I understand why too.

Because, somewhere deep inside of me, I knew that I was never going to feel worthy of Liz - that she would be better off without me.

Whatever that feeling was though, whatever it was that made me let what almost happened happen, it is gone. Gone completely, as though it was not my feeling at all - is not really what I thought.

Another mindwarp? Maybe. Or perhaps the remnant of one.

But it is all gone now. She is completely gone. Every memory I have of being with Tess has disappeared like a bad dream.

Which can only mean one thing. And it is not just wishful thinking either. I know that I am right.

Tess is dead.

Part 34 - Song for a Winter�s Night - Liz POV

The lamp is burning low upon my table top.

The snow is softly falling.

The air is still within the silence of my room,

I hear your voice softly calling.

If I could only have you near

To breathe a sigh or two,

I would be happy just to hold the hands I love

Upon this winter�s night with you.

The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead,

My glass is almost empty.

I read again between the lines upon each page

The words of love you sent me.

If I could know within my heart

That you were lonely too,

I would be happy just to hold the hands I love

Upon this winter�s night with you.

The fire is dying, my lamp is growing dim,

The shades of night are lifting.

The morning light steals across my windowpane,

Where webs of snow are drifting.

If I could only have you near

To breathe a sigh or two,

I would be happy just to hold the hands I love

On this winter�s night with you,

And to be once again with you.

Written by Gordon Lightfoot, Performed by Sarah McLachlan

Boston, Massachusetts - January 2004 - two and a half years later

I am standing at the window of the apartment I share with Maria, looking down on the street where the lamps have just winked on. I sigh, leaning my fore-head against the frost-covered pane, a lump in my throat. I can feel the tears that are threatening to fall, struggle to hold them back.

There�s no point in crying. It isn�t going to fix anything. Patience and hope are the only emotions I allow myself to feel these days. Maria doesn�t need me moping around after all. I am not the only one who is lonely.

It is hard to remember this though as I stare down at the empty road. It has started to snow, which has driven the few who earlier braved the cold into their houses, back to their loved ones.

It is my own fault that I am disappointed. I knew I was imagining things, even before I moved over here, but I couldn�t resist. I swear to God, I felt Max for a moment, in a way I haven�t in months. Sitting at my desk, typing away at a paper for my chem class, I somehow just knew that he was near.

I know he isn�t though. I spoke to him on the phone only last night. He�s still in North Dakota, where he, and Kyle, and Valenti, and all the others have chased down the latest false lead.

"They were here, Liz, but by the time we found where they were hiding, they were gone." I could hear in his voice how tired he was, how disappointed. All I wanted to do was board the next plane to wherever it was they were, but I knew that it wasn�t going to accomplish anything. Max and I made the decision long ago that it was just easier to be apart until the whole thing sorted itself out, until we could actually move forward with our lives. Being together and, yet, not, was just getting too difficult. We needed a break.

But now that I haven�t seen him in months, I am beginning to forget exactly what it was we were finding so hard about being together. Because being apart is a million times worse. And I can�t even tell him that. He doesn�t need to worry about me on top of everything else.

Okay, since I am sure that by now you are all totally getting the wrong impression from this little inner monologue, I probably should clear up some of what has happened since Tess died. Because Max was not wrong when he felt her go after the sheriff killed Lonnie and Rath. She is gone. She died the exact moment Max thought.

With her death, everything changed again. First of all, no one could figure out how she died, but Max was absolutely certain she had. The reason he knew? Because whatever it was she did to his mind - whatever false memories she implanted in her attempt to control him and keep us apart - the instant her life ended, so did her mindwarp on Max.

Isabel, Michael, and Ava also knew it somehow. I can�t begin to explain what the four of them tapped into when they made that connection so that Max could kill Lonnie and Rath, but whatever it was, they have been�well, I guess the best word is stronger ever since. The four square is complete and powerful, and becomes more so with every passing day, as they become more in tune with each other.

Max told me once that it surprised him how much of themselves Michael and Isabel had always hidden from him. But, after that connection was made, it was like he knew them inside out. It freaked them all out for a while actually. Isabel was not very happy that her brothers suddenly knew exactly how she felt about being Vilandra and her potential for betrayal. Neither Max or Michael could understand why she was so worried that she was going to hurt them . They just both knew that she wouldn�t, and didn�t get why she thought she might.

Michael was embarrassed because Isabel and Max suddenly knew how jealous he had always been of them for their happy family and their seemingly perfect lives. He was even more humiliated because, after the connection, he finally understood that most of it had been a facade, that they were just as scared and vulnerable as he was.

I have no doubt what Isabel and Michael found out about Max in that connection because, after it happened, their behavior towards me changed in a subtle way. They treated me with much more respect than they ever had before, and I really think that I can date the day of Lonnie and Rath�s death as the day that Isabel and Michael finally accepted me totally. Because they had seen me as Max saw me and, finally, they understood.

Needless to say, all of this was mildly weird, and a lot to handle for all three of them. And then there was Ava to deal with on top of that. I don�t think anyone really got how horrible things were for her with Zan, Lonnie, and Rath until that connection. She had loved Zan, but he was no Max, and there was no question that he had not been very nice to her. I think maybe the other three dupes knew all along that Ava was not their queen and had always treated her accordingly. Max told me a bit about how it felt to be her - sure that you were supposed to feel close to certain people but not understanding why everything you did was just wrong in their eyes.

Slowly, but surely, they all began to adjust to their new relationships though. Ava truly began to feel at home with us all, and Max, Isabel, and Michael ended up closer than ever. Before they had always understood each other on the surface, sharing the common bond of their alien status. But, after the connection, they got each other better as people, in a way I don�t think anyone else can ever understand.

And, as the connection slowly became more understandable to them all, as they opened themselves to the four square completely, bonding emotionally beyond what most people will experience with any one person, let alone three others, Max suddenly knew what had happened to Tess.

Because, as their alien sides emerged through the connection, their memories of that other life started coming back too, slowly but surely. Max figured out how Tess died because he began to remember some details of the cloning procedure, of the pods, and of how they worked. As their memories returned, so did their knowledge of how they had come to be.

It turns out the whole hybrid process had been King Zan�s creation, his pet project. He had always been intrigued by Earth and humans, by our emotions and our achievements, and he had pondered ways to bring the two civilizations together. It was ultimately what killed him, this dream of contact between the two planets. Many on Antar were against it and revolted, with Khivar as their leader, bringing down the monarchy. All of this also explained why Khivar would be so keen in a few years to completely destroy Earth. Max remembered him as a traditionalist who did not want things on his planet to change, as they ultimately would due to close contact with another civilization. And so he chose to destroy that civilization, rather than risk tainting their Antarian society.

The irony of the whole thing was that, by having Zan killed in his past life, Khivar brought Antar into contact with Earth much sooner than might have been the case. Zan�s loyal followers used the king�s own invention to clone him, sending him, along with the three others who they would have seen as his closest allies, to the very place Khivar wanted nothing to do with.

While I am sure you are finding this all interesting, if confusing (but then what isn�t when you�re dealing with aliens?), the point of it is, when Max started to recover his memories of being Zan, he also remembered how the pods and the concept of the four square worked.

Despite our earlier speculations that the two sets of pods differed in some way, with the Roswell Royal Four being more human and the dupes more alien, that wasn�t actually the case. Lonnie and Rath�s psychosis was not because they were more alien, but, rather because they were neglected and they had had to scramble to scrape by on the streets of New York. The dupes were the victims of a lack of nurture, rather than nature. On the other hand, Tess was the a product of Nasedo�s obsession with getting home, and had devised the plan with the Skins to make sure it happened. Why Ava turned out the way she did, despite having lived the same life as Lonnie and Rath, well, that�s still a mystery. Maybe her natural kindness won out or, maybe, in spite of the fact that he didn�t love her, the way Zan protected her had allowed her to remain somewhat innocent.

The important thing in all of this though is that any four of the eight could have come together to make a four square. The second set of pods was sent as insurance, but the clones were all interchangeable. Max could have formed a four square with Lonnie, Rath, and Tess, or with Isabel, Michael, and Ava. It didn�t matter which Zan joined with which Ava, or with which Vilandra. What was important was that it happened. If New York Zan had lived, there could still have been two complete four squares. We already knew that the ship wouldn�t work without a complete complement of the Royal Four inside it, even with the granolith. It didn�t take much of a leap in logic to understand that it was because part of what powered the ship was the connection between the four square.

When Lonnie and Rath killed Zan, they destroyed the possibility that a second four square could be completed. And, so, it was almost as if they were all in a race with each other - one which no one even knew about. Both sets needed Max to fully connect with them so that the four square could come into its power. When he finally did, with Isabel, and Michael, and Ava in that moment when they were going to kill Rath and Lonnie, all hope for the three leftovers was lost.

Basically, even if Valenti hadn�t shot Rath and Lonnie, they still would have died. They lost the only Zan left, and, so, they lost their potential. They were programmed to cease to exist if that were to happen.

Which is exactly what happened to Tess. When Ava joined with Isabel, Michael, and Max, Tess lost her last chance to be a part of their connection. She died and, in the process, finally freed Max to fully make the one other connection King Zan had always intended - the one Tess was trying to prevent happening at all costs - a bond between a human and an Antarian.

A bond between Max and I is, therefore, fully sanctioned, and is actually what�s supposed to be. The four square was always meant to let others in, to embrace humanity. It was what King Zan wanted for his planet above all things. In the end, because Max, and Isabel, and Michael had created their bond with us humans, they were more open to connecting with each other as well. And, for that reason, they won.

Max and I don�t have to worry about the alien/human thing anymore. So you might be asking, what the heck is the problem? Where is Max, and why aren�t we together?

I don�t want you to think that we broke up or anything like that. We didn�t. Not by a long shot. But we�re not exactly together either. It�s sort of hard to explain, but I�ll try.

After Tess died, everything about Max changed - again. I think maybe she had been controlling him subtly for much longer than any of us ever imagined, because with her gone, it was like he was liberated in a way that almost made him a different person. He was finally able to accept who he was, and he was also able to accept that I loved him just as much as he loved me. Because Tess played on his fear about that, I think, somehow affecting his mind in a way so that his uncertainty and self-doubt were magnified. I think her intention was to have him feel like she was the only one who would understand him, that he could never be happy with me.

She underestimated the depth of his love for me though. Instead of switching his allegiances, her games merely tore him apart inside. Because, just like I am out of balance, incomplete, without him, he is exactly the same way without me. She made it so that he couldn�t believe in me the way he wanted to, and he almost lost himself, which resulted in the very brief moment where he actually wanted to let Lonnie and Rath kill him.

I still shudder when I think about the instant I woke up in that motel room, the knowledge that Max was about to let go, that he was about to leave me, running through my veins. It catapulted me out of that bed and out into the parking lot, just in time to see the sheriff shoot down Isabel and Michael�s evil duplicates.

But, after Tess was gone, my Max was back. I have never had any reason to doubt that he is secure in the knowledge of who is he now, have never felt that he is uncertain of me or that we belong together. Where before he clung to me like a life-line, had depended on his love for me to make sense of his existence, after the epiphany of that morning he has flourished into the leader he was always meant to be.

All because he now knows completely that I love him. With her gone, he is again free to feel like he deserves it. It is a wonderful thing.

So, then, you ask, what the heck is going on with us? Why aren�t we together?

Well, it�s very easy to explain actually. Simply put, once Max was completely freed from Tess, once we both knew that this was it, that we were going to be together forever, all we wanted to do was come together in the one way we knew that we weren�t ready to do. If we had been ready to make love before Tess died, after�well, let�s just say, things became frustrating in a way that is almost beyond even my own comprehension.

It�s not fair to know that the instant you are with the person you most want to be with in the world, you are going to become a parent to the savior of two worlds, particularly when neither of you feels at all ready for that responsibility.

Because we did have other things to worry about at that point. It wasn�t even really the fact that we were so young, although that was a factor. It was just that neither of us wanted to bring Serena into a world that wasn�t entirely secure. And until we found Sean, the new world we were building, without the luxury - and curse - of being able to change it because the granolith was gone, would not be safe. I had the gut instinct that Sean was an important cog in the way things were meant to play out - that without him, Serena would never become who she was meant to be.

I have not forgotten that Serena and Sean are going to be important to each other one day. We need to save him, need to have him raised properly by the Valentis, need him the person he is meant to be - for our daughter�s sake.

It is sheer irony that, because of the decision that Max and I have made - not to be together until Sean is found - on top of everything else, if we don�t find him, Serena might never exist. Because none of us expected what happened next. We had forgotten that the dupes weren�t our only enemies and we are still paying the price of that today.

After Lonnie and Rath were killed, the four aliens of my close acquaintance dealt with their bodies and then we hit the road, heading directly north to Ontario, Canada. I knew exactly where Tess was hiding after all, having lived through the search for her and Max in that other life. And, if she was dead, then that meant that Sean, a brand-new baby, was all alone, and that his life was in serious jeopardy.

How was I to know that I had forgotten one important detail from that other life?

By the time we got there, it was too late. Tess was not alone in that cabin in the woods. Nicholas had joined her there as soon as she gave birth to Sean, waiting for Lonnie and Rath to bring Max to them. I don�t know whether Tess contacted him, or whether he simply found her, but in the end, it made no difference. He was there when Tess died, and he took Sean with him when he left. He had no way of knowing that the baby wasn�t Max�s after all. He still believed that Tess�s child was the heir of the king of Antar and, in that capacity, was an important tool he could use to control Max.

Even if Sean isn�t Max�s son, that�s exactly what Nicholas has done for the past two years. Because Sean Valenti is an innocent baby, is the child of one of our closest friends, and is the grandson of our greatest ally. Max will not rest until he finds him. And we will not risk conceiving our daughter while Nicholas is still out there to threaten her as well.

So, in the end, nothing�s really changed at all from that other life. Although Max and I have new knowledge, and are more in control of what is going to happen in the future where our daughter is concerned, until the baby Tess bore is found, we are stuck in limbo.

Our senior year was a disaster. Although Valenti did his best to keep us all in school, going out on searches for Nicholas and Sean himself, or with Isabel since she had already finished, it was a rare occasion that Max or Kyle let him get away with it and, more often than not, they joined him. Both guys barely graduated and the Evanses almost lost their minds with worry over how irresponsible their son was becoming. It was almost funny, because Max was, of course, about as far from irresponsible as a teenager could get, but we couldn�t really blame them.

In the end, they were told the truth. There was really no other choice. They took the news as well as Isabel always expected they would. Max was a little befuddled and shocked by the whole thing actually. He hid such a huge part of himself from them for so long, it is really hard for him to open up to them completely, but it is happening, slowly but surely. With the Evanses� support, life became a lot easier though, at least for Max and Izzy.

My parents and Maria�s mom were another story. They could not be told and, as a consequence, Maria and I had to stay in school and behave. I did not want to give my parents any reason at all to forbid me from seeing Max - my mother was already suspicious enough of him after the way we had brutalized each other emotionally throughout our junior year. We had cornered the market on angst after all, and if I thought my parents hadn�t noticed, I was completely wrong, or so they informed me after we returned from our first "camping" trip with Valenti with Max and I were so clearly back together.

So I did what I was supposed to do. I kissed Max good-bye whenever he left on one of his trips with the Valentis and Isabel. Michael and Ava usually stayed in Roswell with us, as protection. Max knew that Nicholas would absolutely love to get his hands on either Maria or me. The lengths to which he would go to hurt Max became more than evident through the games he was playing with Sean. Max wasn�t risking me, no matter how often I told him I�d be fine. I would have preferred that Michael and Ava were with Max and Isabel, making them as strong as possible should they actually find Nicholas.

But Max also wanted Michael to graduate, more concerned, as always, about his friends than himself. It ticked Michael off, big time, but, because of that connection, he also knew how important it was to Max, and so he dealt with it. And, since I understood that side of Max all too well too, I finally gave up arguing. Max promised that he would call for back-up as soon as they found Nicholas and I chose to believe him.

Anyway, while Max and I were apart, the sex thing obviously wasn�t an issue. I tried to deal with how much I missed him by immersing myself in my studies. I ended up at the top of our class again and even got into Harvard, my first dream - the one that had been replaced by Max - becoming a reality in spite of everything. So that was a good thing.

But when Max was home�it was becoming more and more difficult to resist what our bodies - and our hearts - really, really wanted us to do. We both felt like the time we found the orb, although double, even tripled. We even began to wonder if something alien wasn�t at work - something that was trying to make sure that Serena was born. The fact that I got into Harvard made it even more important to Max that we wait though. He almost wanted me to go there more than I did, and we both knew that a baby would end that idea, mainly because, until Sean was found, Max was not going to be around to help me at all.

Which pretty much brings you up to date. Not much has changed, really, although Maria and I moved to Boston in the fall after we graduated. She is working on her music, and I�m studying organic chemistry at the top university in the country, just like I always wanted to. And we are both miserable. Because, now that we are safely anonymous in Boston, Max is letting Michael and Ava join him and the others, which means that, more often than not, Maria and I are alone. And, since they don�t want Nicholas to know where we are, they can�t visit as often as we would like. They generally return to Roswell between trips, and investigate from there.

While I miss Max more than I can even explain, in some ways, it�s a relief that we barely see each other. Because we are both literally tortured when we�re together, unable to connect with each other completely, and unable to fulfill our destiny. It doesn�t mean that I�m not aware of him all the time though. Sometimes, when I�m alone in my bed at night, I can even reach out and touch him through the connection that is unique to our relationship. We are soul mates and, as such, our souls will find each other anywhere and often do, reminding us that we will be together someday, that it is only a matter of time, that as soon as our last enemy on Earth is dealt with, it will happen.

Nicholas still has Sean, who is now almost three years old, and with every photograph sent to taunt us, we can see how much he is starting to resemble Kyle, now that we know to look for it. His golden curls are all Tess though. I know that it pains Kyle to think about her. I think, deep down, he still loves her, in spite of it all, which totally sucks for him. I think it increases his determination to find his son. He was able to find something good in Sean�s mother, something to love, and he wants to make sure that her one legacy remains untarnished, innocent. Which is a supreme irony because, had Tess lived, her son would have turned out about as far from innocent as possible. We all know it. We met him after all.

But there had to have been something good in even that Sean - the one who returned with the granolith and helped Tess kill Alex. My daughter loved him in their timeline - he was not all bad, only tainted by his association with Tess and Khivar, and by his unwarranted hatred of Max, who he believed to be his father. I can�t feel sorry for him. He might not have killed Alex outright, but he certainly helped Tess control him, and there is no doubt that he is the one who mindwarped those flashes of Max and Tess together that so devastated me. But I can sort of understand where he was coming from. I know that if Kyle and his father ever get a chance to raise him, he will be an amazing man. I could see the potential even in the Future Sean who almost destroyed Max and me, the Sean who hadn�t wanted to kill me, but truly felt like he had no choice.

Our daughter loved him. And he loved her. I don�t know for certain that this will be the case in this life, but I know that they do need each other. Because they will be the same, both children of the union of human and alien. My daughter will not be alone if Max finds Sean, if Kyle gets to raise him.

But first they have to find him. And, until they do, nothing will ever turn out like it should.

Which is why I know absolutely that Max is nowhere in the vicinity of Boston, and that I am imagining things. I think I am somehow letting my loneliness take over, that I am somehow connecting with Max over the great distance that separates us. It�s making me feel like he�s near, but I know he�s not, and I have to stop moping. I have a paper due in two days, after all, and one of the things that makes Max the most happy is that I am succeeding at Harvard, that I am building a future for both of us, even if he is presently stuck dealing with his past.

I sigh again, flopping back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. I know that I should head right back to my computer, but I am suddenly too exhausted to even contemplate it.

It is in that exact instant that Maria, who is somewhere else in the apartment, shrieks.

My heart instantly enters my throat. My first thought is that Nicholas has found us. I remember how ruthlessly he killed me in that other life, willing to do anything to hurt Max. I don�t doubt he will do it again.

I have to fight. I can�t let him do this to Max. I cannot let him make it so that my daughter is never born.

I glance at the window, wondering if I can somehow maneuver myself onto the fire escape if I go through it.

But I can�t leave Maria. I cannot leave my best friend. But I can�t go rushing out there either.

I need a plan. And to accomplish that, I need to know exactly what I�m dealing with.

I carefully make my way over to the bedroom door, cracking it open. I can barely see anything through the tiny opening, but I frown slightly when I realize that that one shriek from Maria is all I have heard. I am sure that if she was really in danger, she would have tried to warn me somehow�

I suddenly hear her again. I think she�s laughing.

I pull open my door completely, just in time to see Michael kiss Maria so hard he actually lifts her off her feet. He is walking backward towards my best friend�s bedroom, and the door slams behind them as they go find a little privacy.

This can only mean one thing. They found Nicholas. They have Sean. Because neither Michael�or Max� were going to come anywhere near us here, were not going to allow Nicholas to follow them here, were not going to put us in danger until that happened.

I can feel my heart starting to pound in anticipation. I actually feel light-headed.

I slowly turn towards the main door to the apartment and there he is. Tears instantly fill my eyes. I can�t stop them now and I don�t even care anymore.

His dark eyes are suspiciously bright too. They are practically devouring me and I can feel his need for me right down to my toes through the connection that is always strong between us, even when we aren�t trying. My knees are actually becoming weak. I thought that was just a romance novel clich�, but it is actually happening to me.

"Hi." His velvety voice sends a shiver down my spine.

"Hi." I take a tentative step towards him, just as he does the same. "Is he okay?�

"He�s fine. Nicholas didn�t hurt him. He knew that Sean was more useful to him safe."

"Where�s Nicholas now?"

Max�s eyes darken slightly. "Dead." The tone of this one word confirms to me that Max feels guilty about it, but that there was really no other choice. "We almost didn�t do it. Valenti wanted it though. He�s not going to risk Sean again."

"He was evil, Max. You don�t have to regret it."

"Yes, I do," Max replies. "Or they win. But it�s really okay, Liz. It�s finally over."

"Until Khivar comes," I remind him quickly.

He sighs. "Right. Until Khivar comes. But that�s years from now."

I smile slightly, knowing that he is right. "And we�ll be ready."

He knows instantly what I�m telling him. I see it on his face, in the love that is shining from his beloved eyes.

We will be ready because our daughter, our Serena, is meant to defeat him. But, first, we get to make her.

We have waited long enough. I am more than ready to be with him, in every way, and it is going to happen tonight.

"I�ll never leave you again, Liz."

"I know it. And I�ll never leave you," I promise, remembering how I left him all alone in that other life, how he raised our daughter by himself, how little meaning his existence had without me. I understand completely, because it was exactly how little mine would have without him.

He is only a step away now, but he still doesn�t touch me, as though he can�t quite believe that this is happening. I don�t blame him. I feel exactly the same way.

He raises one tentative hand, and brushes a hair behind my ear. It is so reflective of that first night we knew how we felt about each other, that night after he had healed me and we worked together to throw Valenti off his trail, it makes me smile. "Are you completely sure? You�re so busy with school. We�re taking a risk here."

"We�ll manage." And I know that we will. Because together we can do anything. "I love you. I�ve never been more sure of anything in my life." It�s actually almost scary how true this is. This boy - this man - is all mine and I am ready to show him how lucky it makes me, how proud I am that he loves me, how completely happy we will be together.

His eyes darken again, this time with love, rather than pain. He leans down and gently brushes a kiss across my lips, sending fire shooting through my veins. I bring my arms up around his neck, pulling him with me into my bedroom. He reaches behind him, slamming the door in much the way Michael did to Maria�s only moments ago. I barely notice. I am already completely lost in him, in how much I love him, in how right this feels.

Because it is right. We are meant to be.

I don�t think I even have to tell you what happens next. I think you already know. Because, in spite of the fact that we are going to still face a lot of stuff over the next few years, alien and otherwise, there is really only one way a love story like ours can turn out.

We live happily ever after.

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