Part I
Victoria Barkley Wardell straightened from the table she had been moving from place to place for what seemed like an eternity and counted the chimes on the clock over the mantle. It was four-thirty, which meant that Royce would be home in three-quarters of an hour. �I�m going upstairs to take a bath,� she said to Isabel, the housekeeper who only spoke French. �Le bain.�
Isabel nodded and began to speak very quickly. Victoria heard oui Madame and nothing more. She held up one hand to staunch the flow of unfamiliar words. �We�ll have dinner at six.� She held up her other hand and put out one finger to make six. Before Isabel could launch into another discourse, Victoria escaped up the stairs.
In the bathroom, she turned on the tap and prayed for warm water. Isabel had shown her the boiler in the kitchen which heated the water for the bathroom�when it worked. In the week she�d been living in the house, there had been only one day when the temperature of the water had allowed a long soak in the roomy, claw-foot tub.
Now she smiled at the warmth that wet the tips of her fingers and wasted no time divesting herself of the housedress she�d worn since morning. Catching a glimpse of herself in the oval mirror that stood in the corner, she grimaced. She wasn�t nineteen any longer. Still, she�d kept her trim figure despite seven pregnancies and long periods of breastfeeding four infants.
She pivoted for a side view. No, she wasn�t young, but except for her silver hair, she didn�t look especially old either. The morning after their marriage, Royce had asked her if she was disappointed in him. �Not in the least,� she said. �Why would I be disappointed?�
�You did marry an old man, you know.�
�You�re only three years older than I am, so I suppose you married an old woman.�
�I married a beautiful woman.�
�I married a handsome man.�
He�d brought her coffee, and later they�d made love again to the sound of the rain beating against the glass doors leading out to the balcony. �We�re not too shabby,� he�d said.
�We�re very good.�
�I was worried I wouldn�t please you.�
�You worried for nothing.�
She replayed that first morning in her mind as she inspected herself in the mirror more closely. They were good together. That last week before the wedding, when he was staying in the hotel while she and Anjanette Comer redecorated the house, she thought she�d die wanting him after he kissed her goodnight and retreated down the hall to his own room. She suspected he�d had his own moments of misery�at least, she hoped so. She laughed. Their wedding night had been well worth the wait.
She added lavender bath salts to the water which was, amazingly, almost hot. Placing a towel within easy reach, she stepped into the tub and stretched out. Her muscles complained a little, reminding her that Royce had cautioned her about moving furniture around by herself. �If you must move something, I�ll help you in the evening.�
�If a piece must be moved,� she�d replied tartly, �it won�t wait until evening.� She�d changed the arrangement of the parlor at least three times, and now she suspected it was back exactly the way it had been when she first saw it.
A soft knock on the bathroom door startled her from a light sleep. �Victoria, are you in there?�
�Oh, Royce, I�m sorry! I must have dozed off!�
�No, no, I left the office early. Are you. . .um. . .decent?�
�Certainly not.�
�I see.�
�Not from out there, you don�t.�
He tried the door. It was unlocked. �What time are we having dinner?�
�I think I told Isabel six o�clock, but I can�t be sure.�
He laughed. �Your French will improve.�
�Or Isabel�s English will.�
�Perhaps a little of both.�
�Are you going to stand out there talking to me through the door?�
�Do you have a better suggestion?�
There was silence from the bathroom.
�Victoria?�
�Royce?�
He opened the door, loosening his tie as he stepped inside.
**********************
Royce kissed the back of Victoria�s neck before he fastened the last button on her dress. �I believe I worked up quite an appetite,� he murmured.
�I couldn�t argue that.�
�You are an amazing woman.�
�I only care about amazing you.�
�You certainly do that!� She held his jacket for him. �Is this what�s called dressing for dinner?� He slipped his arms inside and adjusted the lapels.
�After a fashion, I suppose.�
�I think I like the undressing part better.�
�So do I.�
He took her arm. �You�re a wicked woman Victoria!�
�Then we�re a matched pair.�
*****************
After dinner, they sat in the parlor. �What did you do in here today?� Royce asked as he visually inventoried each corner. �It looks different.�
�I don�t think I did anything, actually. It looks the same to me.�
�The table with the lamp�you moved it.�
�Several times.�
�And where is my smoking stand?�
�By the fireplace.�
�That�s too far from my chair. I can�t reach it.�
She rose and retrieved a cigar from the humidor on the piece of furniture in question. �You don�t have to reach it. You have me.� She struck a match and held it for him.
�You�ll spoil me.�
�I�ll try.� She sat down again and leaned against his shoulder. �I left instructions with Audra for shipping some things from the ranch�a few tables and some lamps and a little secretary that I bought for the library. There wasn�t room there, so it�s been in the attic. I thought I�d put it in the corner beside my wardrobe in our room.�
�You can buy anything you want, you know.�
�The dining room will need furnishing if we�re ever to have guests.�
�I�ll leave that to you. As you�ve noticed, my taste in home furnishings isn�t outstanding.�
�Do you like what I�ve done so far?�
�The lighter drapes make the room seem larger. And I always intended to get some paintings for the walls, but. . .�He nodded. �I do like what you�ve chosen�very much.�
�I want it to be home for you.� Her fingers traced the firm line of his jaw.
�I didn�t know how much I missed really having a home.�
�When we lived with my grandparents�before we followed my father to California�that was home for me. A big white house on the edge of a meadow. . .polished floors and drapes at the windows and the smell of breakfast when I woke under a fluffy down comforter. . .my mother tried to re-create some of that, but a mining camp is a mining camp.�
�It was very hard for you.�
�Harder for her�and not for long.�
�You were hardly a child before you had to become a woman.�
�When the boys�Jarrod and Nick�were small, I think I tried to be a child with them. I liked to romp with them outside and read aloud to them with us all piled in the middle of my bed. But it was Silas who really raised them. We didn�t have much help in those days, and Tom needed me outside. By the time Audra and Gene came along, I�d buried my need so deeply that I never found it again.� She put her face against his shoulder. �I had my place, knew what was expected of me. . .�
�You�ve reminded me a bit of a little girl these past few weeks. A little girl playing house.�
�I don�t want to do things only my way, Royce. I want you to like it, too.�
�And I do�very much. As I said, I wasn�t here to do much more than eat and sleep, but I find myself watching the clock of an afternoon. . .and hurrying home. . .to you.�
Victoria struggled with the tears that always filled her eyes whenever Royce told her so openly how he felt about her. She was unused to the tenderness�had learned to live without it�and needed it now so much, so very much.
Royce sensed her emotion and lifted her face from his shoulder. �Tears, Victoria?�
�I�m sorry. I�m not one of those silly women who cry at the drop of a hat.� She instituted a futile search for her handkerchief. Royce offered his. �Thank you.�
�I don�t think you�re silly.�
Victoria made use of the handkerchief but didn�t give it back. �I suppose I�ve kept such a tight rein over my emotions for so long.�
�Why?�
�I wasn�t. . .there wasn�t time. . .and it made Tom angry.�
�I see.�
�I know you do. When I realized that you truly understood what I said to you about my feelings, it was such a relief.�
Royce kissed her. �Well, when I was a boy, I was attuned to my mother�s feelings. Father was away so much, as I�ve mentioned, and the others�they loved our mother, don�t mistake me�but they were more manly.�
�Is it unmanly to recognize and respond to emotion?�
�We grow up believing that it is.�
�That�s wrong.�
�I know. Mother always talked to me in a way that she didn�t talk to the others. I don�t think they ever realized how alone she felt�how helpless, especially when we were small. I was, in many ways, more of a confidante than a son. Because of that, I almost turned down the appointment to West Point. When Mother realized the reason, she insisted that I go. Leaving her was one of the hardest things I ever did.�
�Being a mother, I understand why she insisted. She was right.�
�I�ve had occasion to wonder. My life would have been very different if I�d stayed on the farm.�
�You can�t regret your education�or Catherine.�
�No�no, you�re right, I can�t. And I don�t regret my impulsive decision to travel to California a few months ago either.�
�Do you know I almost didn�t attend the dance that night?�
�Not really!�
�I didn�t particularly want to go. In fact, I�d forgotten about it. Silas and I had been making applesauce all day. Then Audra rushed in�you know, the way she does�all in a quandary about what she was going to wear and what I was going to wear. When I said I thought I�d stay home, she said very dramatically, �Mother, you can�t! You just can�t! I organized the whole thing for the orphanage, and if my own family doesn�t support me, I�ll just die!�
�I�m very glad that her histrionics paid off.�
�So am I.�
�Victoria, about Nick. . .�
�I don�t think it does any good to discuss him�that is, his attitude.�
�He came to New Orleans. I�ve felt a little guilty not telling you, but. . .�
�Nick came here?�
�We spoke�I suggested that he go home and sort out his feelings. I told him that you were happy and that I was totally committed to seeing you remain that way.�
Her tears came again. �Poor Nick! In some ways, everything is harder on him.�
�Because he bears the responsibility for the ranch?�
�Because he thinks he has to fill his father�s boots.�
�And he can�t.�
�I don�t want him to. I want him to be himself.�
�Heath shares the burden, doesn�t he?�
�Yes, but he�s removed from it in a way. He never knew Tom Barkley, and he�he hated him.�
�Does he still?�
�Not in the same way, but he doesn�t bear him any affection either. I don�t blame him for that. He�s buried his feelings out of respect for me, I think.�
�He knows that he�s a fully-accepted member of the family, of course.�
�Sometimes it seems he�s been with us forever. He and Audra are especially close, and he�s been a positive influence in Gene�s life. Jarrod�well, sometimes Jarrod can be a little overbearing where Gene is concerned.�
�But you were the driving force that kept the family together. Jarrod told me that.�
�He saw a lot that the others didn�t.�
�Victoria, you don�t feel guilty about. . .�
�About leaving the ranch to marry you? No. Absolutely not.�
�I�d admit to a small stirring of guilt about taking you away.�
�You shouldn�t. Everything is so right between us.�
�As long as you�re happy.�
She rested her head on his shoulder again. �I�ve never been so happy in my life.�
Part II
Audra�s September visit was a pleasant interlude. One afternoon, while Victoria fulfilled her weekly commitment at the lunch that the pastor�s wife provided for the girls employed by the waterfront saloons, Royce took Audra on a tour of New Orleans.
�I�m glad we have some time alone to talk,� Audra said as they drank coffee at an outdoor caf�.
�Do you have something on your mind?�
�Only that Mother looks younger�and happier�than I think I ever remember seeing her.�
Royce considered his words carefully. �Audra, we�ve both been married before. Our marriage doesn�t negate what I felt for Catherine�or what your mother felt for your father.�
�I never thought it did.�
�I just wanted to be sure you understand.�
�After Father was�killed�I thought Mother would die, too. Now, when I think about it, it wasn�t that she couldn�t go on without him. It was that she didn�t know who she was anymore.�
�A woman�s life is tied more closely to her husband�s than his to hers.�
�Gene and I went back to school, and Jarrod spent a lot of time in San Francisco. Nick had to take care of the ranch�and Heath hadn�t come yet. When I came home at Christmas, she hadn�t done any decorating�not even the tree. I did all of it that year�and the next one, too.�
Audra nibbled a French pastry. �And Nick was so�so angry all the time. I noticed that he�d started talking to Mother the way that Father always did�like she was a child. I�d never really paid any attention to that before, and I didn�t like it.� She looked squarely at Royce. �I loved my father. I was his princess. But you�you treat Mother like a queen.�
�I love her.�
�Father loved her, too, but�well, I think you love her better, Royce.�
�I don�t know how to respond to that. I don�t want any of you to feel that I�m trying to step into Tom Barkley�s place. I�d never do that. I don�t want to do that.�
�I don�t feel that way. I don�t even think Nick feels that way, but he�s afraid�like he was after Father died.�
�What is he afraid of?�
�Of being alone. Of doing the wrong thing. Mother knew as much about the ranch and everything else as Father did. Nick depended on her, but. . .but he didn�t. . .he didn�t always let her know that he appreciated her. Neither did Father. Father needed her, but I think he resented needing anyone but himself.�
�Your father carved a considerable empire, Audra. I expect it took all of his effort and concentration.�
�Gene says. . .he says that Father was married to the ranch.� Audra lowered her gaze. �What I�m trying to tell you is that you�ve made my mother very happy�and she deserves that.�
�I think so.�
�You�you won�t tell Mother what I said, will you?�
�Not if you don�t want me to.�
�I think I�d rather tell her myself.�
�Of course.�
That night, Audra did�and wept as she spoke. Victoria was hard-pressed to contain her own emotion. �I wish I could tell you that Nick has changed his mind, but he hasn�t.�
�I didn�t expect him to.�
�Don�t you think he will�someday?�
�I hope so.�
�I�m glad that you�re happy, Mother. We all are�and even Nick wants you to be happy.�
�As long as I�m happy within the confines of the ranch�and being Widow Barkley.�
Audra�s eyes filled with tears again. �Yes.�
Victoria rose. �It�s late, darling. We�ll talk more in the morning.� She embraced her daughter. �Don�t dwell on all this.�
�I�ll try not to. Goodnight, Mother.�
Royce was smoking on the balcony. �Did Audra talk to you?�
�Yes.� Victoria sat down and held out her hand. �She�s torn.�
�I�d hoped. . .�
�No, I mean that she�s torn between what she feels she owes to her father�s memory and the fact that she. . .well, he�s dead, and you�re here, Royce, and she�s becoming fond of you.�
�I�m fond of her. She�s a sweet young lady.�
Victoria squeezed his hand. �You�d have been a good father, Royce.�
�I would have tried.�
�In a way, I�m sorry that I can�t give you children.�
He leaned over to kiss her cheek. �You�re all I want, Victoria. More than I ever expected to have�perhaps even more than I deserve.�
She sighed. �In some ways I lost so much of my children�s lives. I�d almost like another chance.�
�They all turned out well. You can be proud of them.�
�I�m very proud of them�all of them.�
�Heath is a fortunate young man.�
�We�re fortunate to have him.�
�Obviously, he enjoys a good relationship with the others.�
�Yes, though it wasn�t easy.�
�Nothing of value is easy.�
�It seems to me that you didn�t have to work very hard to convince me to marry you.� She laughed through the darkness.
�Let me restate. . .�
�There�s no need. I understood perfectly what you meant.� She laughed again.
He took a puff on his cigar, then another. �I�ve said this before, I know, but. . .you always understand.�
She recognized the shift in his tone of voice. �Is it so hard to understand�when you love someone?�
�Perhaps not, but for me, love is. . .almost a new experience.�
�You were alone a long time.�
�Fifteen years.�
�More than that if you count the time you and Catherine were separated during the War.�
�I suppose so.�
�I was seventeen when I married, and forty-seven when I was widowed. I�d forgotten what it was like to be anyone except Tom Barkley�s wife.�
�I sensed you were struggling when you met me in San Francisco.�
�I think I was like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon�it was a struggle, and yet, like the butterfly, I knew I had to get out in order to survive.�
�An interesting analogy.�
�It just came to me, but it�s the closest I can come to explaining how I felt.�
Royce put out his cigar and rose. �It�s late. Do you and Audra have tomorrow planned?�
�You know she loves to shop, but if she buys anything else, she�ll have to purchase an additional trunk.�
�Oh, well, she�s young�the world is before her and at her feet.�
Victoria leaned her head against his arm. �You�ve given me the world, Royce�a world of my own to share with you.�
�I love you so very much, Victoria.�
*****
On her first night home, Audra sat in the place her mother had occupied at the table�and which, by unspoken agreement, had remained vacant since Victoria�s departure. As she�d expected, Nick commented on it. �Think you can fill the duchess�s place?�
�Not at all, Nick. When Jarrod began sitting in Father�s chair, he wasn�t saying that he could take Father�s place.�
Nick grunted wordlessly.
Entering the dining room at his accustomed brisk pace, Heath kissed the top of Audra�s head. �Almost thought Mother was back. You look nice there, Sis.�
Audra smiled, showing her deep dimples. �Thank you, Heath. Where�s Jarrod?�
�Right here. It�s good to have you home, Audra.� He pulled back his chair.
She favored him with another smile.
�So what�s the occasion?�
�Occasion?�
�You�re sitting in Mother�s chair. Is there to be a formal family meeting over dinner?�
�If you want to call it that.�
�Oh, now, I�ve had a long, hard day, and all I want is my dinner, and then. . .� Nick began.
�Nick, be quiet.� Audra fixed him with a stern look. �I said.�
�You said?�
�That�s right, I did.�
Jarrod�s eyebrows lifted expressively. �Well, then, do begin, Audra. You have our full attention.�
�Gene�s not here,� Nick mumbled.
�I�m speaking for him, too.�
�Oh?� Nick forked a large slab of roast beef onto his plate.
�That�s right.� Audra spread her napkin. �To begin with, Father�s been. . .gone. . .for almost six years.�
�I don�t want to discuss Father!� Nick snapped.
�Nick, let Audra have her say.� Jarrod�s tone of voice implied that it wasn�t a simple request.
Audra glanced at Jarrod. �Thank you, Jarrod. Heath, I know you didn�t know Father, and I understand your feelings toward him, even after all this time. We all do�even Nick. We all have different feelings because of our memories�but I think that some of those memories have been conveniently buried. Sometimes when someone dies, we tend to remember only the good things. Father wasn�t a god, you know. He was a flesh and blood man, and he made mistakes.�
�Yeah�like dying and dumping all this on. . .� Nick glanced up guiltily.
�He thought he could take on the railroad by himself. He was wrong.� Jarrod passed the gravy to Nick. �Audra�s right�Father was mortal, and, I might add, he had feet of clay like the rest of us.�
Nick mumbled under his breath.
Audra appeared to be gathering her courage. �What I want to say is this�Mother is happy, and that�s all that matters�to me anyway.�
�It matters to all of us, honey,� Jarrod said.
�I don�t think I�ve ever seen her so happy�or look so young. Why, she looks ten years younger than she did when she left here. And Royce�he treats her like a queen!�
�A queen!� Nick snorted.
�That�s right, Nick�a queen! Father didn�t treat her that way!�
�He treated her all right.� Nick scowled at her.
�Did he, Nick? He treated her like a child. He needed her, and she knew as much as he did about the ranch and everything else, but I don�t think he liked it.�
�Oh, come on now!�
�I know what I�m talking about, Nick! I had a lot of time to think about it on the train coming home.�
�Father spoiled you rotten!�
�Yes, he did�and I�m sorry for all the grief it caused Mother until she managed to straighten me out. But think about how he spoiled me�spoiled all of us! He gave us things, and he never said no to anything we wanted.�
Jarrod dabbed at the corner of his mouth with his napkin. �She has a point, Nick.�
�Maybe that�s why we�ve mourned him so long and so much�because we never got the one thing we wanted from him�his attention.�
�He taught me everything I know!� Nick didn�t sound as sure of himself as he had a moment ago.
�Did he ever take you fishing? Did he ever talk to you about school�or about a girl you were interested in? Did he ever read to you, or get on the floor and play with you when you were little?�
Nick opened his mouth, then closed it.
�After I went off to school, Father was a stranger to me,� Jarrod said slowly. �When I came home, I was his accountant, lawyer, and business advisor�but not his son. Not really.�
Heath glanced up, then lowered his eyes quickly.
�And I was his princess,� Audra said softly. �A doll that he dressed up and paraded around among his friends. And Mother�well, he saw Mother as another arm or leg to do his bidding. It�s not that way with Royce. The way he watches her if she just gets up to walk across the room. . .the way he talks to her, calls her Victoria, my love. . .� Audra stopped to get control of her voice.
�She�s completely redecorated their home, you know, and she�s so proud of it�but mostly she�s proud that it pleases him. He told me that she�s reminded him of a little girl playing house.� Audra looked around. �Father did all this, you know. Mother had no part in any of it, and after he died, well, I don�t think she had the heart to change anything.�
Jarrod nodded. �I remember when we moved in here. He�d done it all�ordered the furniture and the drapes. . .Nick, you and I helped him arrange the furniture. He wouldn�t even let Mother in the door until we were finished.�
�He did it for her!� Nick spat.
�Did he, Nick?� Jarrod shook his head. �I don�t think so. Oh, we all benefited from what he did, but what he did was for himself. He wanted to be the biggest and the best. . .and I guess he was. . .for awhile.� He looked at Heath. �I know this isn�t helping your feelings, Heath, but it�s time for honesty around here. Father was a good man in many ways. I don�t doubt that he loved Mother and loved us. I don�t doubt that he would have made things right with your mother and with you if he�d known. He was a man who met his obligations. But he�s gone, and Mother�s here, and I for one am glad she�s making a life for herself with Royce. It�s her turn.�
Audra smiled at her oldest brother. �I�m glad, too, Jarrod. And so is Gene.�
�Gene�s met the man once!� Nick snapped. �And he�s just a kid! What does he know?�
�More than you, Nick,� Audra said. �More than you know or are. . .�
�Willing to admit,� Jarrod finished.
Nick threw down his napkin and stalked out of the room.
�Never mind, Sis,� Heath said. �He heard everything you said.�
�I didn�t want to hurt you, Heath.�
�You didn�t. Maybe I understand him. . .understand your father. . .better now.�
�He was your father, too,� Jarrod reminded him.
Heath shook his head. �He sired me. That doesn�t make him my father�no disrespect intended.�
�You�re right, of course,� Jarrod conceded.
�Heath, we all love you and are so thankful you found us!� Audra laid her hand on his arm. �You don�t doubt that, do you?�
�Not anymore.�
�Nick needed you,� Jarrod went on. �This ranch is too much for one man, even Nick.�
�Yeah.�
�I didn�t want to do it, and Gene�s got other ideas, too, even though he loves the ranch�and he�s good at a lot of things�almost as good as Nick at some. But I think, until you came, that he felt guilty about leaving and going to college�the way I felt guilty about it.�
�Gotta follow your heart,� Heath murmured. �And Mother did.�
�So did I�when I married Beth,� Jarrod said softly.
Audra could contain her emotions no longer. �I wish Nick would understand!�
�He understands, honey. He just won�t admit it.�
�But why?�
�Because if he does, he�ll have to be his own man.�
Heath frowned. �What does that mean?�
�It means that Mother got lost in Tom Barkley�s shadow, and so did Nick. Mother found the courage to walk out of that shadow with Royce. I�ve no doubt that it was a struggle for her�maybe even a little frightening. Nick doesn�t have that courage yet�and he�s scared to death. He doesn�t know who he is anymore than Mother knew who she was when Father was alive.�
�Do any of us know�really? Who we are, I mean.�
Audra rested her hand on his arm. �We�re a family, Heath. When you came, you filled an empty place for all of us, and now Royce is part of the family, and he�s filling a space, too.�
Heath mulled over her words for a few minutes. �I see what you mean. And you, too, Jarrod. But Nick�we�ll he�ll have to figure it out for himself, I guess.�
Jarrod nodded. �That�s what he�ll have to do.�
Part III
Two weeks later, Heath emerged smiling from the telegraph office just as a scowling Nick came out of the land records office. �What�re you so all-fired happy about?� he snarled.
Heath tucked the paper into his pocket. �What�re you so all-fired mad about?�
�Jarrod didn�t file that deed to the piece of land we picked up from Cal Griffith!�
�He said there was no hurry�that he might have to do it when he got back from San Francisco.�
�Yeah, well, I like things tied up�especially my land and my stock!�
�Isn�t that the piece of land that Mother and Cal agreed on before he went back East?�
�Yeah.�
�You worried about him taking it back?�
�Ya never know!�
�He and Mother made the agreement like folks did in the old days�with a handshake. He got his money from her that day.�
�Yeah, yeah, well. . .�
�Say, Nick, I�m gonna need some time off.�
�Time off? What th� devil for?�
�Gonna go see Mother and Royce.�
�You�re gonna. . .well, if that�s not the dumbest thing I�ve ever heard!�
Heath patted his pocket. �Got my invite right here.�
Nick stared at his brother. �Your. . .�
�Yeah, I got ta thinkin� after Audra�s little talk and decided I�d like to see New Orleans. You know, see the sights, visit with Mother, get ta know Royce better. And we�re not busy right now. B�sides, I got some time comin�, ya know. I took over for you when you went down to Mexico to take that new breedin� stock to Mariano�and you were sure gone longer than it took to drop off a couple o� heifers.�
�He wanted me to stay and look at the herd and. . .� Nick flushed. �Well, hell, Heath, if ya were goin� anywhere else. . .�
�Why would I want ta go anywhere else. Mother�s been gone from the ranch four months now. Kinda got a hankerin� ta see her.�
�Sure, sure.�
�Why don�t you come, too, Nick? I know she�d like that.�
The dark red that had begun to recede from Nick�s face and neck were back in an instant. �Yeah, she�d like me to say I was wrong about her marryin� Wardell.�
�You were.�
�We�ll see! Ya gonna stand around all afternoon, or are ya comin� with me?�
�Where�re ya goin�?�
�Ta get a beer!�
�You buyin.?�
�Hell, no! You�re the one rich enough to take time off to go gallivantin��you�re buyin�!�
Heath grinned. �Sure. I�m buyin�.� He slapped Nick�s shoulder. �Come on.�
Rand Vandemere offered to show Heath around the docks one afternoon when Royce was meeting with a potential client. �Quite an operation you�ve got here,� Heath observed.
�It wasn�t much when Royce took it over, but by the time he hired me, it was very profitable.�
�You�ve been with him awhile then.�
�Six years. Father wanted me to follow him into the law, and I studied for awhile�but I had other ideas. When Royce offered me this opportunity, I jumped at it.�
�How�d your father feel about that?�
�Well, he and Royce had known each other awhile. If it had been anyone else. . .but he trusted Royce.�
Heath nodded. �Seems like a trustworthy sort of man.�
�There�s none better. And your mother, Heath�she�s done something for him that�well, he�s different�happier�more contented.�
�I could say the same about her. You know I�m not really her son. . .�
�She seems to think so.�
Heath chuckled. �Yeah, I guess she does.�
�I met your sister while she was here. Does she. . .um. . .ever mention me?�
�Oh, sure, she talks about you all the time. You gave her quite a whirl, I reckon.�
�I tried.�
�Audra�s still a kid in a lot of ways, Rand. She�s not ready to settle down.�
�Yes, I sensed that. But I hope I�m around when she is ready.�
Heath grinned. �You�ll have to get in line at the ranch.�
Rand shook his head. �Somehow I knew that.� He shrugged. �Oh, well.�
*****
Over lunch, Heath and Royce discussed Nick. �He�s the only shadow on Victoria�s happiness,� Royce said. �I�m afraid I didn�t help matters much.�
�Well, I never knew Tom Barkley, but from what the others say, Nick�s more like him than Jarrod or Eugene.�
�I�m sure he was a good man.�
�I guess so. He was human anyway.�
Royce stirred his coffee. �So am I. I�ve done some things in my life that I�m not proud of.�
�Me, too.�
�My marriage to Catherine and Victoria�s to Tom Barkley were somewhat different. Our memories are different.�
�Yeah?�
�I don�t have any regrets about my marriage. We were very happy. Only the way it ended torments me.�
�Mother mentioned that.�
Royce nodded. �On the other hand, Victoria lived her life in Tom Barkley�s shadow. I don�t think he ever saw the spirit I�m seeing in her now.�
�Reckon not.�
�I can say this to you because of your relationship�or rather, your non-relationship to him.�
�Won�t go any further.�
�Thank you. I think Jarrod, Audra, and Eugene appreciate that spirit, too.�
�But Nick don�t�means he�s not in control anymore.�
�Yes.�
�Nick likes things all tied up.�
�Like his father.�
Heath shrugged. �I guess so. But we get along all right.�
�Do you anticipate a change of attitude in Nick?�
�Hard to tell.�
�Surely he loves his mother�wants her to be happy!�
�Well, Nick has his own ideas about how she should be happy.�
�She doesn�t speak of it, but I know it hurts her.�
�Yeah.�
�We�re considering coming to the ranch at Christmas. Do you think that�s a good idea?�
�I think is wouldn�t be a good idea to stay away �cause of Nick.�
�Well.�
Heath smiled. �Audra says I filled an empty place in the family, and so did you. Like I told Rand, she�s still pretty much of a kid, but sometimes she hits the nail on the head.�
�She�s going to be like her mother then.�
�Hope so�couldn�t do better than that.�
�No. No, she couldn�t. Victoria is a magnificent woman.� He studied Heath for a moment. �Heath, would I be out of line to ask how all this is affecting you personally? I know you�ve become�close�to Victoria.�
Heath shrugged. �I guess I see a lot I didn�t before. Listenin� to Audra and Jarrod talk about Tom Barkley�I mean, when I first came, it�s like he was a god or somethin�. I thought I was the one cheated�but I gotta tell you, Royce, I�m beginning to think it was them.�
�I think�from some of the things that Victoria has shared with me�that I grasp your meaning, but please go on.�
Heath shifted in his chair. �We didn�t have anything. Mamma had to scramble just to keep food on the table and clothes on my back. But I had her�completely. I get the idea that Audra and the others didn�t really have either of their parents. Tom Barkley was too busy buildin� his empire, and Mother was doin� what he said and no more. Maybe growin� up in Strawberry wasn�t so bad after all.�
�I suppose my situation back in Tennessee was a cut above yours. We never went hungry anyway. I think that all of us, including my mother, felt somewhat neglected by my father. He was gone more than he was at home. We got used to it, of course, but we still resented it from time to time.�
�So how do you feel now�about being a Barkley?�
Heath met the older man�s eyes. �Most folks in Stockton would say I wanted th� money, and now I got it.� He watched Royce�s face, and when his expression didn�t change, Heath went on. �And I guess I did�at first. But now it�s th� family that counts. With Mamma gone, I didn�t have anybody. Now I�ve got three brothers and a sister�and Mother.�
Royce nodded. �That�s what I thought.�
Heath leaned back. �Money don�t buy family.�
�No. No, it doesn�t. I came to New Orleans with five dollars in my pocket and made my pile as they say. But until now�until I had Victoria�it didn�t mean anything. My brothers had their own lives�families�and I had a business, that�s all.�
�That�s about the size of it.�
Royce nodded. �That�s about the size of it.�
*****
Part IV
Nick, with Charger, met Heath�s train, but he didn�t ask about the trip�or his mother. And, he was silent during dinner as the others plied Heath with questions. Heath tried to word his answers carefully, focusing more on Victoria than on Royce, but it was hard to separate the two. Finally, he said, �Yeah, it�s a good thing�Mother and Royce together. They�re real happy.�
Nick exploded. �How would you know what happy between a man and woman is?�
The painful silence that enveloped the siblings seemed to squeeze the light from the room as much as from their eyes.
�Nick!� Jarrod�s voice cut through the shock.
Nick�s face crumbled. �Heath�I�I didn�t mean�I�m�sorry.�
Heath didn�t look at his brother. �Yeah, Nick. It�s okay.�
�No, it�s not!� Audra�s voice rose to a peak that filled the room. �Nick, I�I almost hate you right now!�
Heath did look up then. �You don�t mean that, Sis, not anymore�n Nick meant what he said. Let�s talk about something else.�
Audra burst into tears and fled.
Jarrod threw down his napkin. �Nick, I�ve had just about enough. . .�
�You�ve had enough? Well, so have I!� Nick followed suit with his napkin.
Heath put down his fork. �Look, Mother�s married. It�s done.�
�Yeah, it�s done all right! This family�s gone straight to the dogs!�
�They�re your dogs then, and you�ve set them off!�
�Trouble with you, Jarrod, is that your head�s too stuffed with education with no room left for common sense! You don�t think any way �cept as the big-shot counselor!�
Jarrod�s mouth twitched, but he kept his temper. �That�s what I am, Nick�an attorney. As for education, maybe you needed a little more of it. You�re still adding two and two and getting five!�
�Ya want ta take this outside?� Nick bellowed. �Haven�t gone at it in awhile. Maybe ya forgot I could take ya down!�
Jarrod touched his napkin to his lips. �The only thing you�re taking down, Nick, is yourself in the eyes of your family. And no, I don�t want to mix things up like a drunken cowboy on payday. That education you speak of so disparagingly taught me that there are better ways to settle differences than with my fist. Short of defending myself�or my loved ones�from mortal peril, I�m satisfied to use my words in defense of truth and justice.�
Heath moved back a little. �What he said.�
�You�re both crazy! So�s Audra�and Gene�and even Mother!�
�Well, Nick,� Jarrod said easily, pushing back from the table, �maybe all of are a little crazy at one time or another. I�ll admit to a lapse of good judgment when Beth died�a terrible lapse. I might have destroyed myself and the rest of you. But my family understood. . .you were there for me. . .you saved me from myself. We�re here for you, Nick, but you have to want us.�
Nick�s answer�to stalk from the room�surprised no one.
*****
Audra came downstairs later and found Jarrod and Heath sitting in the library. �Feeling better?� Jarrod asked.
�Not really.�
�Sis, Nick�s mad, that�s all. He�ll get over it.�
�I�m not sure he will.�
Silas came in with coffee and the neglected dessert.
�You heard all that from the kitchen, I guess,� Jarrod said.
Silas smiled. �Wasn�t much way not ta hear it.�
�Well, we�ve all said our piece. What about you? What do you think?�
�Don�t think anythin�.�
�Silas, you raised us! Changed our britches and walloped our backsides and let us know your uncensored opinion on everything we did and said. Don�t stand there now and tell me you don�t have an opinion on this mess!� Jarrod accepted a plate of cake from the older man. �Thanks.�
�Ain�t no mess, I see. You mamma�s happy.�
�Happier than she was with Father?� Audra asked hesitantly.
�Mebbe happier in another way.�
Audra sighed. �I knew that.�
�You daddy a good man, Miss Audra. No question �bout that. But he gone now. You know that�and you, Mr. Jarrod. He gone�you mamma�s still here. Saw her dyin� like the roses in that garden out yonder. Then Mr. Wardell come along. Pretty soon she bloomin� again.�
�Then why is Nick so�so pigheaded about everything?� Audra exploded.
�When Mr. Tom die, Mr. Nick he scared ta death. Scared too much ta even grieve fer his daddy.�
Jarrod settled back in his chair. �Go on, Silas.�
The slight shoulders beneath the starched white coat shrugged. �That be all�he scared.�
�Still?�
�Never quit bein� scared.�
�He depended on Mother more than he admitted?�
Silas nodded. �She his mamma�now she another man�s wife.�
�All right�you�ve stated the problem neatly. Now what�s the solution?�
Silas smiled. �You the man with th� book-learning, Mr. Jarrod.�
�You�re the man with the wisdom, Silas.�
Silas smiled again. �Mr. Nick, he need some care. Y�all been chewin� on him�ain�t done no good, has it?�
�No, it hasn�t!� Audra replied, the cup and saucer rattling in her hands.
�Time ta stop squabblin� like you was still shirt-tail young�uns then. Stop tellin� Mr. Nick what ta think�what ta feel. He know�he just ain�t ready.� Silas walked to the door. �I be back for the tray.�
�No, I�ll bring it later, Silas,� Audra said quickly. �It�s late�you go on to bed. Is there anymore coffee? It may be a long night.�
�I set another pot on the stove �fore I go.�
Jarrod waved his hand after the departing Silas. �Well, there we have it. As usual, Silas saw the obvious�we didn�t.�
Heath reached for another piece of cake. �So�what do we do now?�
�Exactly what Silas said�we stop badgering Nick about his feelings.� Jarrod looked pointedly at his sister. �Especially you.�
�Me? I haven�t. . .� Her face flamed momentarily, but then she smiled. �I guess I�ve been pretty hard on him.�
�We both have, Audra,� Jarrod said, holding out his cup for more coffee. �I share the guilt.�
�So we just ignore him?�
�Only his feelings, Audra. We�re just going to go on as if none of this had happened.�
Audra frowned. �That doesn�t make much sense! Mother�s married, and he�s going to have to. . .�
�I hope he�ll come to accept Royce Wardell, Audra, but we�ve got to get our lives back in order on the presumption that he doesn�t�and he might not.�
�That�s mean! Royce is just the sweetest, kindest. . .�
�For what it�s worth, I agree with you, Sis.� Heath roused himself from his thoughts. �He�s a good man�the best. And so�s our brother Nick.�
Jarrod glanced at Heath. �Yes�so is our brother Nick.�
*****
Royce was sure Victoria had been weeping that afternoon a few days after Heath�s departure, and he was also sure that he knew why. Nick is deucedly stubborn! He loves his mother, and yet he can�t accept that she�s found happiness outside the confines of the ranch. I said everything I knew to say to him�but then, he was so angry that he probably didn�t hear it anyway.
He stirred up the fire a bit before sitting down beside her. �How did your day go, my love?�
�Very well,� she said cheerfully�too cheerfully, he thought. �I taught Isabel to make cornbread.�
�Cornbread?�
�You said you missed it.�
�Oh, I do! I do!�
�We�re having some for dinner tonight. And chicken�roast chicken.�
�I�m hungry already.�
�And your day�did it go well?�
�Quite well�just the usual business, you know.�
She nodded.
A heaviness settled in his chest. �Victoria, do you want to go home?�
�Home? What do you mean?�
�Home to the ranch�to see if you can make peace with Nick. It breaks my heart to see you so sad.�
For a moment he thought she was going to say yes, but the next moment she�d laid her face against his chest, sobbing.
�You could go and stay for awhile, my love. He could see that you haven�t changed�that you�re still his mother.�
She lifted a tear-streaked face. �That�s just it, Royce, I have changed! For the first time in my life, I�m myself�I�m a whole woman!�
�But perhaps a short visit. . .�
�Leave you? Leave the reason I get up in the morning? The reason I do everything I do? You�re my life, Royce! I love you!�
He stroked her hair. �I know, darling, but. . .�
�I won�t deny that Nick�s attitude hurts me�but I�m angry with myself for letting it eat at me the way I have! Audra�s visit and then Heath�s brought it all back. They�re simply happy because I am. And they came not just to see me but to get to know you better, too. Eugene�s letters are so encouraging�you know how he always includes a message for you�or a question�he needs that connection with you. Jarrod�well, Jarrod knows I made the right decision�for all of us. But Nick�that stubborn, pigheaded, mulish��
Royce caressed her cheek. �Much like his mother.�
�Like me?� Shock replaced distress in Victoria�s eyes.
�That stubborn, single-minded, unconventional woman who accepted a relative stranger�s invitation to accompany him to San Francisco�who invited him into her hotel room and confessed to being in love with him in less than a week�who accepted his proposal of marriage without hesitation�and who turned her back on one lifetime to begin another.�
�Oh, Royce.� She smiled in spite of herself.
�Have I stated the case fairly?�
�Yes. Yes, you have.�
�He�s your son, Victoria. He�s just as sure of what�s right as you were�and are.�
�But he�s wrong!�
�And he�ll have to come to that realization on his own.� He looked deep into her eyes. �Now�do you want to go home for awhile?�
She looked back at him with the soft defiance that he�d always found so appealing. �I am home, Royce. What was it Pastor Ennis said when we married. . .whither thou goest. . .�
�It was from the Book of Ruth�Ruth�s pledge to her mother-in-law Naomi.�
�It was our pledge to each other.�
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak right away.
Victoria laughed then. �I believe this is what they call the period of adjustment for newly-married people.�
�I suppose it can be difficult.�
�And very, very pleasant.� She leaned closer to him.
Royce kissed her. �Especially that cornbread I smell. I believe I will goest to the dining room.�
Victoria stood up and held out her hand. �By all means. And whither thou goest. . .�
*****
Epilogue
From the journal of Dr. Katherine Barkley Wardell :
I don�t know when I first heard about Nick�s opposition to my parents� marriage. It was mentioned from time to time�in a teasing, light-hearted way�but Audra told me later just how truly serious it was. By then, of course, there was a deep affection and respect between Papa and Nick. One particular incident comes to mind.
The night before Nick married, he came home roaring drunk from the party his friends had thrown for him in town and woke us all up singing at the top of his lungs. Mother was furious, but Papa just took Nick by the arm and walked him to his room.
�The idea!� Mother fumed as we stood on the landing. �The very idea!�
Being only nine�and never having seen anyone really drunk before, I couldn�t help giggling.
�It�s not in the least amusing, Kate!� Mother snapped. �Now you get back to bed�and try to forget this ever happened!�
I listened at the door until I heard Papa coming out of Nick�s room, then stepped into the hall. �Papa, is Nick all right?�
�He will be.�
�Are you sure?�
�Very sure.�
�What�what did you do to him?�
�I put him to bed.�
�That�s all?�
�Yes.�
�Why did he get drunk tonight?�
�It�s his last hurrah, I suppose.�
�Did you get drunk the night before you married Mother?�
�Certainly not.�
�Then why did Nick. . .�
�Go to bed, Kate precious. It�s very late, and tomorrow will be a very busy day.�
�But Papa. . .�
�Goodnight, Kate.�
When I came out of my room the next morning, Papa was going into Nick�s with the coffee pot in his hand.
�Papa, is Nick all right?�
�He will be.�
�That�s what you said last night.�
�Your mother�s already downstairs, Kate. Run along to breakfast.� He closed the door almost in my face.
�Mother, Papa was taking the whole coffee pot into Nick�s room,� I began as I sat down at the table.
Mother didn�t look up. �Eat your breakfast, Kate.�
From the silver chafing dish on the sideboard, I spooned some of Silas�s fluffy scrambled eggs onto my plate. �I could take some breakfast up to Nick.�
�I doubt he�ll want breakfast�yet.�
I giggled. �He sure was drunk last night.�
�Kate!�
�Well, he was. My window was open, and I could hear him before he even got in the house!� I pushed the eggs around on my plate. � He can�t sing very well�but he sure is loud.�
Mother laughed then. �He�s certainly that!�
�Papa said it was his last hurrah�or something like that.�
�I suppose so.�
I was almost finished with breakfast when Papa came in. �How�s Nick?� Mother asked.
�Better.� Papa let her fill his cup from the silver urn. �Much better.�
�It�s a good thing they�re not having a morning wedding.�
�Probably.�
�I could have killed him last night.�
Papa smiled. �I know.�
�It�s a good thing you were here.�
�I had a little difficulty convincing him to go to bed, actually, but I finally made him see the wisdom in it.�
�How did you do that?�
�I knocked him down�oh, very gently, of course!�right onto the bed! He gave it up pretty quickly after that.�
Mother�s hearty laugh filled the room. �Oh, Royce!�
�In the Army, I dealt with enough men who�d had a little too much�at a frontier post, it was about all they had to do to entertain themselves.�
I leaned on my elbows, fascinated at this new glimpse of my quiet, well-mannered Papa.
�I used to dunk them in the horse trough outside the barracks. They were pretty easy to handle after that.�
�Papa! You didn�t!�
He startled at the sound of my voice, as if he�d forgotten I was there. �That was a long time ago, Kate precious.�
�What else did you do to them?�
He shook his head. �That�s all. Eat your breakfast, Kate.�
�I�m finished.�
�Then go see if you can help Silas,� Mother said briskly.
�But I want to hear more about. . .�
�Kate.� Papa looked at me. �Do as your mother says.�
�Yes, Papa.� Thoroughly disgruntled, I picked up my empty plate and silver and stalked off.
Nick didn�t look any worse for the wear when he came down just before lunch. �Where�s Royce?� he asked me.
I didn�t even glance up from my book. �Out at the corral with Heath.� But when he headed that direction, I followed at a discreet distance.
�Hear you had a good time last night,� Heath said as Nick walked up.
�Yeah. You shoulda been there.�
�Sure�s as I�d gone, that mare�d a- foaled last night.�
Nick laughed. �I reckon. Uh�Royce. . .�
�How are you feeling, Nick?�
�I can get down the aisle tonight.�
�That�s good.�
�Yeah.� Nick leaned on the rail beside Papa. �Mother�s pretty mad?�
�You might want to keep your distance awhile longer,� Papa said, sounding amused.
�Oh. Well�reckon I owe you for tendin� to things last night.�
�Not at all.�
�She�d a-killed me.�
�I think she had something like that in mind.�
I put my hand over my mouth to laugh and ducked farther down behind the well.
�First time I ever got drunk�musta been seventeen, eighteen�Father took me down to the creek and dang-near drowned me!� Nick laughed, then grimaced. �He could hold his liquor better�n me.�
Papa didn�t say anything, and Heath edged away toward the barn.
�Royce, what I�m tryin� to say. . .�
�It�s not necessary to say anything, Nick. I understand.�
�Yeah, I know you do. That�s just it. But I need to say it for me.�
Again Papa kept quiet.
�I know we got off on the wrong foot�it was my fault. I was just plain jealous! Acted like a spoiled kid about the whole thing! Couldn�t figure you out. I mean, you never got mad�told me off�I wanted you to. I wanted a good excuse to punch you out�and then I ended up doing it for no reason�that first Christmas, and I�m real sorry.�
�It�s forgotten, Nick.�
�I guess what I�m tryin� to say is that if you hadn�t come along�if I hadn�t been around you and Mother�well, maybe I wouldn�t be so sure I could make Charlotte a good husband, and I want that more than anythin�.�
�You�re a good man, Nick. You�ll make her happy.�
Nick turned his face away for an instant, but just long enough for the June sun to catch the brightness in his eyes.
�I�m gonna try.�
�You will.� Papa straightened up. �Now, how about some lunch? I smell Silas�s fried chicken.�
Nick frowned. �I dunno.�
�You�ll need your strength for the wedding. I understand that Charlotte�s mother has planned quite an event.�
�Yeah, she did that all right.� Nick�s mouth twisted the way it always did when he was unsure of something.
�It�s only one evening�the marriage will be forever, Nick,� Papa said kindly.
Nick stopped dead still and looked hard at Papa. �Yeah�yeah, I know that, Royce--thanks to you.� Then he grinned. �And when my son comes home rip-roarin� drunk the night before he gets married, I�ll know what to do!�
Papa laughed. �I�m sure you will, Nick. Now�let�s go get some lunch.�
I stayed hunkered down behind the well for a few minutes, replaying their conversation in my nine-year-old mind. I had a feeling that something very important had happened between them, but I couldn�t put it into words. I still can�t. I only know that Papa touched the lives of my brothers and my sister almost as much as he did mine. When he died, even though we knew he was ready to be with Mother, we all mourned his absence from the family.
�He was always there for me, KatieBee,� Nick told me later. �I could always count on him to listen�to tell me what he thought about something�to understand. I�ve tried to do the same with my sons.� He leaned against the mantle and stared into the dying fire.
I rested my hand briefly on his back, then turned away and left him to his thoughts.
THE END