Though I had always known I was specially chosen by Mother and Papa, I had never thought to inquire about the circumstances in which they made that choice. That I was their daughter, Katherine Barkley Wardell, was all I needed or wanted to know.
Until the day when I overheard a conversation in the girls� lounge at Miss Beauville�s School for Young Ladies.
�Katherine Wardell�she�s not really their daughter, you know.� The voice belonged to my second-best friend Mary Elizabeth. �And you know what that means, don�t you?�
Several other voices twittered curiously. �No, what?�
�She�s a. . .� Mary Elizabeth�s voice dropped to a whisper, but the word was distinct.
�No!�
�You don�t mean it!�
�How perfectly dreadful!�
The chorus of voices rose in a raucous clamor.
I had never heard the word Mary Elizabeth used, so I rushed straight to the library and looked it up in the dictionary on the stand at the back. My face flamed as I read the definition. Without even stopping to ask permission, I slipped out of the building, leaving my wrap and my books behind, and ran home.
My chest was almost bursting when I finally threw myself on the bed in my blue-and-white room that Mother had decorated for me herself. She must have been passing in the upper hall and heard me sobbing, because the next thing I knew, she was rocking me in her arms.
�Kate, darling, what is it?�
I only cried harder.
�Tell Mother, Kate.�
�I can�t! It�s too awful!�
But finally I did, and I heard the breath go out of her tiny body in a soft whoosh. �Oh, Kate,� she murmured. �Oh, Kate.�
�Is that what I am?� I lifted my tear-stained face and almost blanched at the utter pain in her eyes. �Is it?�
She opened her mouth as if to reply, then closed it again and drew me closer.
�Mary Elizabeth said that�s what I was, and now all the girls know! I�ll never go back! Never!�
Mother rose and went to my window, opened it, and called down to Mr. George who kept our lawn and garden and did other odd jobs around the house. �Would you be so kind as to go to Mr. Wardell�s office and ask him to come home right away? Tell him that Kate and I are fine. . .but that he�s needed here.� Then she came back and took me in her arms again.
When we heard him calling us from the foyer below, Mother left me and went to meet him�and to tell him, I assumed, why he�d been sent for in the middle of the afternoon. Still seeing the pain in her eyes�and not wanting to see that same agony in Papa�s face, I buried my head in my pillow.
Papa sat down on the side of my bed and lifted me in his arms. �Kate, precious,� he said softly. I began to weep again.
They sat with me in silence until I had exhausted myself and fell asleep. When I woke, it was dark, but they were still sitting beside my bed.
�Could you eat something, darling?� Mother asked.
�Is it dinnertime?�
�Well past,� Papa said. �Mrs. Bonds brought our dinner here, but she�s kept something warm for you in the kitchen.�
�Does she know about me?�
Mother smiled. �Her angel child who can do no wrong?�
I grimaced. �She wouldn�t call me that if. . .�
Papa leaned over and touched my lips with his fingers. �Don�t, Kate precious.�
Mother went downstairs and returned with a tray. �Eat a bit, Kate.�
To please her, I ate most of the thick chicken soup and a biscuit. �Thank you, Mother,� I said politely as I folded my napkin.
�Now get your nightdress and run along down the hall.�
I obeyed. Feeling a little better after having bathed my face and changed out of my school clothes, I returned to my room and found that Mother had turned down the bed for me.
�I�m not sleepy,� I said without looking at either one of them.
Papa, now sitting in the rocking chair beside the window, held out his arms. �Do you remember how you�d ask for a bedtime story when you were very small?�
�I�m too old for bedtime stories,� I said.
�I�m not,� Mother declared, drawing an ottoman beside the rocker. The look she gave me spoke volumes.
Dutifully, I sat down in Papa�s lap and leaned against him. He began to rock. �What would you like to hear about tonight?�
�Castles and dragons and princesses, Papa,� I said, remembering.
�Ah, yes�your favorites.� He rocked on slowly in silence. Mother leaned against him and took my hands.
Once upon a time, in a magic land in the emerald green hills, there lived a beautiful but lonely queen. She was very sad because the king had died and left her all alone in the huge castle he�d built with his own hands.
And at the same time, in another land beyond those emerald green hills, lived a king who was very sad because his queen had died also.
One night there was a ball at the castle of yet another king, and the lonely king saw the beautiful queen sitting by herself in a corner of the ballroom. He gathered all his courage and crossed the floor and asked her to dance. And lo and behold, while they were dancing, they fell in love, and very shortly they were married.
Now, they expected to live happily ever after�and they were truly very happy together. But then one cold winter�s day, a messenger brought word of a baby who had been born in a tumble-down shack to a poor young girl. The girl had loved her baby very much. The baby was washed and warmly wrapped and held tightly in the girl�s arms�but the girl had died, and now the baby was all alone.
The king and queen set out immediately to see this tiny baby, and when they held her in their arms, they knew that they wanted to take her back to their castle love her forever.
But on the way out of the tumble-down shack, they met a fierce dragon. �Take her back!� the dragon roared. �You don�t want her!�
The king and queen held the baby closer and said, �Of course, we do!�
They went a little farther down the path and met still another dragon, fiercer than the first. ��Take her back!� he roared. �You�ll be sorry if you don�t!�
The king and queen held the baby closer and said, �Of course, we won�t!�
Then they went a little farther down the path where a third dragon, the fiercest of all. �Take her back!� he roared. �She doesn�t belong to you!�
The king and queen held the baby closer and said, �Of course, she does!�
So they went on and finally arrived safely at their castle. The years passed, and the baby grew into a beautiful, loving little princess, and the king and queen loved her more each day�and she loved them. They were the happiest of families, but the king and queen knew that the dragons were still lurking in the forest and that one day, the little princess would meet them, too.
And one day, while she was out walking, she met not one but three terrible dragons who roared mercilessly at her and sent her flying back to the castle in tears. Now, it hurt the king and queen very much to see their little princess so frightened, and the king thought of calling out his soldiers to find those dragons and slay them. But the queen reminded him that for every slain dragon, a new one appears, and that all the armies of all the kings in all the world wouldn�t be able to kill all the dragons.
So the king knew that the only thing he could do was to gift his precious princess with the courage to look the dragons in the eye and face them down�for dragons are not really so fierce as they seem, and when they are confronted by love and truth, they must turn away.
The king took the princess to the highest tower of the castle and showed her a richly-furnished room and told her that here she would be safe forever from all the dragons. And the princess said, �But if I stay here forever, even though I�ll be safe, I won�t really be part of life.�
�That�s right,� said the king wisely, �you won�t.�
�What can I do then about the dragons?�
Then the king led her to the window where they gazed at the silver moon and glittering stars. �They have been there since the world began, giving us their light in the darkness, and you must do the same. It matters not how the moon and the stars were placed in the heavens�only that they shine brightly for us each dark night. Sometimes they are hidden by storms, but they always reappear for nothing can move or change them. That�s what you must do�continue to shine despite the storms, despite the dragons, despite whatever seeks to blot out your light. For in the end, the storms and the dragons will be gone, and only your shining light will be left behind.�
So he took the princess by the hand and led her back down the winding staircase from the tower, and. . .
I lifted my head from his shoulder. �And the king and the queen and the little princess lived happily ever after because they loved each other�and love is stronger than the mean things that anyone says.�
Papa nodded. �That�s right, Kate precious. How you came into the world is unimportant. It�s how you live each day of your shining life now that you are here. Your friends didn�t mean to be unkind, I�m sure. They were indulging themselves in a single moment of thoughtless gossip that will be forgotten if it is ignored. I could speak with their parents, but there is no need to make excuses or explanations for our family. You are our daughter, Kate, and more than that, you are a child of God, and there is no doubt in my mind that He brought about the set of circumstances that put you into our arms.�
From the journal of Dr. Katherine Barkley Wardell:
It was not the last time I would face the dragons of ignorant gossip, nor was it the last time I�d feel wounded and angry. Yet, when I look back, I know it made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. A tree must be cut down to provide lumber for homes and logs to warm it. The ax and the fire only make the tree more useful.
I�ve endured both in my lifetime without splintering or disintegrating into ashes. I am still myself. I am still my parents� beloved daughter. And I am content.