It had been a long time since he�d been home�been in Stockton. Two years ago, running for reelection, he�d spent a harrowing ten days defending his reputation against an unprincipled opponent. Not only his reputation but that of Victoria Barkley. Victoria. Her face, lovely and serene, rose before him. He looked forward to seeing her again as soon as possible.
No, it was more than that. He needed to see her. He�d needed to see her before, every time he came to Stockton, but he hadn�t been able to admit it. There had been safety in visiting the entire family, particularly when Tom was alive. They�d met soon after coming to the Valley and formed an enduring friendship. So, after his violent death at the hands of the railroad�s hired guns, it had been a natural thing to offer comfort to his children�and his widow.
He sat up and put his head in his hands. It was harder after Victoria was free, because he hadn�t been. Nor was he really married anymore either. Amelia, the beautiful, fragile wife he�d wed thirty-five years ago, had been an invalid for much of that time. He�d been devoted to her, of course, even resigning his Senate seat a year ago to care for her when he�d learned that she was dying.
He had no regrets. Amelia had been a loving, faithful wife, and he�d been faithful to her�at least physically. He�d fought his growing attraction to Victoria Barkley, but it was difficult. Victoria was so strong, so vital�so alive. The nights he�d passed wondering what it would be like to make love to her were, even now, shameful memories.
But now�now they were both free. He�d buried Amelia six months ago. A decent interval, six months. He�d grieved for her, or at least, for what they�d had only briefly. Two years after their marriage, she�d almost died giving birth to their only child, a little boy who hadn�t lived to see his fifth birthday. He�d be Nick�s age now. Jim had always felt a particular fondness for Nick, and he supposed that was why.
He rose from the bed and undressed. The past was over, he reflected. Amelia was dead, and so was Tom Barkley. But he and Victoria were not�and that made all the difference.
***********
Silas brought coffee and thick slices of his famous pound cake into the living room, placing the tray on the low table that separated Victoria and Jim Bannard. �Sure is good t�have you back, Mr. Bannard,� he said. �Hope you plannin� t�stay awhile.�
�It�s very good to be back, Silas, and yes, I plan to stay awhile. Especially if I�m invited here for dinner on a regular basis.�
Victoria laughed. �You don�t need an invitation, Jim. You�re part of the family.� She poured the coffee and put a slice of cake on a small plate.
He sat back and looked around the room. It bore Tom Barkley�s mark more than Victoria�s. He�d always wondered why she hadn�t made any changes after he died. �Nice room,� he observed without meaning to.
Victoria�s smile faded. �Tom supervised everything.�
�Tom�s been gone a long time. Did you ever think of making things over to suit yourself?�
She shook her head. �The children wouldn�t like it. Audra and Eugene were born in this house, so they�ve never known anything else.�
�I have our house in Sacramento up for sale.� He�d said our house�and so it was�his and Amelia�s.
�Are you sure that�s what you want to do, Jim? It�s only been six months. Perhaps you shouldn�t make any lasting decisions so quickly.�
�Six months can be a lifetime, Victoria,� he said, trying to gauge her mood. �Amelia was an invalid for most of our marriage, you know.�
�Yes, that was unfortunate. I know many men who wouldn�t have been so devoted under the circumstances.�
�I took my marriage vows seriously.�
�Of course.�
�I�ve made another decision, too�I�m finished with politics.�
�I�m sorry to hear that. You were a voice of reason in Washington.�
�Politics is often a dirty business, Victoria. You know what happened two years ago. I just don�t want to be part of it anymore. When I resigned a year ago, Amelia and I discussed it thoroughly. She agreed with me.�
�So what will you do now?�
�Money isn�t a problem. Oh, I�m not wealthy in the true sense of the word, but I don�t have to worry about where my next meal�s coming from either. I can practice law again, of course, and I�ve been discussing a business venture with an acquaintance in Chicago.�
�Chicago!�
�I was a city-boy before I came to the Valley, you know.�
�Yes, I remember. St. Louis.�
�But I may just hang out my shingle again. Like I said, I don�t have to make money. My needs are simple.� Except, he thought, for needing you, Victoria.
�I�m sure you�ll make the right decision, Jim. Just take your time.�
All the time I need. I�ll take all the time I need to win you. I only wish I knew if you felt anything at all for me. That would make things easier.
�Jim?�
He startled. �Oh, sorry, Victoria.�
�You were lost in thought.�
�I suppose I was.�
�Mother!� Nick�s voice practically shook the lamps. The slamming of the door did set them vibrating.
Victoria�s eyes lifted heavenward. �Nicholas, your voice! And the door! Must you yell and slam the door everytime you come into the house?�
He brushed past her with a perfunctory kiss on the top of her head. �Jim Bannard, you old dog! Why didn�t you let us know you were coming?�
�Nick, how are you?�
�Come on out to the barn and see the new stallion that Heath brought home last week. You always had a good eye for horseflesh�city-slicker that you are!�
When Jim and Nick had gone, Victoria sat still trying to put a name on the uncomfortable feeling that Jim�s unexpected visit had instilled. He was different�but then, he�d just lost his wife. She�d been different after Tom died, too. But it was more than that. There was something in the way he looked at her�an intimacy, that�s what it was! And it frightened her. He�d been a good friend�and she didn�t want that to change.
�So what are your plans, Jim?� Jarrod asked over dinner.
�I�m not sure. Possibly I�ll practice law again�possibly I�ll become an entrepreneur.�
�Oh?�
�I have an acquaintance in Chicago who wants me to form the legal department of his expanding business�several large clothing stores with headquarters in the windy city.�
�It might be interesting.�
�And it might not. I enjoyed the law, Jarrod.�
�I�m sure there are several law firms in Sacramento that would jump at the chance to take you in as a full partner.�
�I�ve been approached by two, actually, but I think they want my name more than my legal expertise.�
�Well, you can�t blame them�Senator Jim Bannard made quite a name for himself in Washington.�
Jim shook his head. �Not Senator any longer, Jarrod. I�m proud of the work I did in Washington, but it�s over now. I won�t be one of those men who hang onto a title for more years than they actually owned it.�
Jarrod laughed. �All right�then what�and where? Stockton has its quota of attorneys right now�although you could probably take most of the business away from the younger ones.�
�I wouldn�t want to do that.�
�No, of course not, Jim. I was joking. But I do know that if you want a smaller place where you can just enjoy yourself doing the odd consultation and drawing up wills and deeds, Angel�s Camp lost two of its three attorneys last month.�
�Why?�
�They were young and ambitious�got their feet wet in Angel�s Camp, and when the opportunity to move up came along, they jumped at it.�
�You can�t blame them.�
�No, I don�t�I�m just passing on the information to you. It�s on the rail line. Sheriff Edmunds runs a tight ship, and the city council voted to close up the saloons at midnight except on Fridays and Saturdays. Two churches, three doctors, and a school.�
And only forty miles from Stockton. Jim Bannard let his keen mind do the logistics. Living in Stockton would be too obvious�and too close for his own comfort. But Angel�s Camp would be convenient. Because Stockton was the county seat, there would be numerous reasons for frequent trips to take care of business�and to see Victoria.
�I might be interested,� he said slowly. �Maybe I�ll look into it.�
He glanced at Victoria, but she wasn�t looking at him. He�d never been able to discern her true feelings about anything without her actually putting them into words. There was no way to know if she harbored any affection for him beyond a friendship of long years� standing.
�Well, I just might go with you,� Jarrod said. �If you�d like for me to,of course. Introduce you around and all that.�
I wonder if I could ask Victoria to go�help me find a suitable place to live�even do a little decorating. . .
�Jim?�
�Oh, sorry, Jarrod�yes, that would be fine. I�d like that.� He glanced at Victoria again. This time she met his eyes, but hers were unfathomable.
�I�m free for the rest of the week after a short court hearing on Wednesday.�
Jim nodded. �Fine, Jarrod. Fine.�
�Mother, why don�t you come along?�
Victoria�s head came up quickly. �Oh, I don�t think so, Jarrod. There wouldn�t be anything for me to do.�
�I was just thinking that you don�t get out much these days. There�s a decent hotel with a restaurant.�
She shook her head. �I think not, Jarrod, not this time. Perhaps if Jim decides to make his home there, I�ll help with decorating his office as I did yours.�
Jim Bannard rose to the occasion. �That would be nice of you, Victoria, but I haven�t decided anything�not yet.� But he knew he had.
**********
�So you�ve decided to stay in the Valley.� Victoria sat down across the table from Jim Bannard and spread the napkin in her lap.
�I suppose I have.�
�Do you think you�ll be satisfied in a place as small as Angel�s Camp?�
�I�ll find out, I guess.�
�Jarrod says there�s only one other lawyer there now.�
�Patrick Lossing�I�ve met him. We�ll work well together.�
�Well, then, that�s definite.�
�Yes.�
The waitress brought menus, and Victoria studied hers with more care than necessary.
�If I don�t like it, I can always move on.� Jim laid his menu aside. �But I�ll give it a fair choice�six months to a year anyway.�
After lunch, they walked back to the hotel. �I have something from Patrick for Jarrod�some papers about an upcoming hearing. I�ll get them.�
�I�ll go up,� Victoria said.
Jim glanced at her uncertainly, but she was already preceding him up the stairs. In his room, she settled herself on the half-sofa. �Has your house sold?�
�Yes, as a matter of fact.�
�And did you get a fair price?�
�More than fair.�
"I�m glad. Amelia loved that house.�
�Yes, she did. It�s too bad she could never fully enjoy it.� He sat down beside her. �Her world became her bedroom within a few years after we bought the house.�
�She was happy just being your wife.� Victoria�s eyes swept him coolly.
�Yes. Yes, she was.� He looked away. �I loved her, but after awhile. . .a man has needs, Victoria. . .�
�As does a woman.�
His head jerked toward her. �What did you say?�
�You heard me, Jim.�
�Why did you say that?�
�Why did you bring up the subject?�
�I�ve been in love with you for years, Victoria.� Jim�s voice was almost apologetic. �Surely you suspected that my feelings ran deeper than. . .�
Victoria lifted her hand as if to wave away his words. �Don�t, Jim.�
�You had to know.�
�I�yes, I knew. I didn�t want to, but I did.�
�Then all that�s left is to ask if you reciprocate those feelings in any way.�
She shook her head. �I can�t answer that.�
�Well.�
He moved to rise, brushing her arm without meaning to, and the desire he�d fought for so long overwhelmed him. �Victoria. . .�
She turned toward him slowly and searched his face. �Jim, I. . .�
He sank down again, crushing her to him. �God, I love you. I want you.�
She didn�t pull away as his lips came down on hers.
*********
The staccato knock on her door could only be Nick. �Come in, Nick,� she called.
The door swung open. �You all right, Mother?�
�Why do you ask?�
�You didn�t eat much at dinner.�
�I wasn�t hungry.�
�Something botherin� you?�
�Yes�not that it�s any of your business.�
�I was in town this afternoon. I saw you coming out of the hotel.�
�Did you?�
�I saw you go in, too. You were there quite awhile.�
�You were keeping check on the time?�
�No�I�well, maybe I was. You were with Jim Bannard.�
�I�m not quite sure how to interpret that statement.�
�I didn�t mean. . .�
�What do you mean, Nick?�
�Look, Mother, it�s been five years since Father died.�
�Was murdered.�
�It�s been five years. You got a right to go on with your life. Jim�s a good man.�
�Are you giving me your blessing?�
�I guess so.�
�Thank you, Nicholas, I�ll let you know when and if I need it. Now, if you don�t mind, I�m rather tired.�
Dismissed, Nick closed the door.
Victoria brought her fist down on the dressing table and swore under her breath. She didn�t need any complications in her life, and she didn�t need Nick getting into her business. Her head came up at the sound of a second knock.
�It�s me, Mother. May I come in?�
�Yes, Audra, come in.�
�Are you all right?�
�That�s what Nick wanted to know.�
�You didn�t. . .�
�Eat much because I wasn�t hungry.�
�Where did you go this afternoon?�
�Do you really not know?�
Audra flushed. �You were with Jim.�
�That�s right.�
�Are you�you�re not seriously interested in him, are you?�
�What if I were?�
Audra�s eyes filled with tears. �Oh, Mother, how could you ever love anyone after Father. . .�
�You�re very sure that I loved him?�
The girl�s sharp intake of breath almost choked her. �Mother!�
�I was seventeen when I married your father, Audra. He took me out of a boarding house where I was cooking and cleaning for a dozen people.�
�But. . .�
�I loved him as much as I understood how to love any man.�
�He adored you!�
�No, Audra, he didn�t. He needed me as much as I needed him at that particular time. Then I was busy having children and taking care of them, and he was busy building the Barkley Empire, and that was that.�
�Oh, Mother, I can�t believe you�re saying things like. . .�
�He strayed at least once. That became obvious when Heath arrived. I expect it wasn�t the first time�or the last.�
�Oh, Mother!�
�You�re twenty years old, Audra. You can�t stand there and tell me that it hasn�t crossed your mind.�
Audra whirled and fled. For a moment Victoria considered going after her, but then she rose and closed the door softly. She hadn�t meant to hurt her daughter, but for the first time since she�d left San Francisco with Tom Barkley she had a choice about her life. She knew she could make that choice�but she wanted to be so very careful that she didn�t regret it.
******
Audra was silent through breakfast and wouldn�t look at her mother. When Nick, Heath, and Jarrod had excused themselves, and Silas had cleared the table, Victoria poured herself another cup of coffee and addressed her daughter.
�Audra, we need to discuss last night.�
�Did you mean what you said? That you didn�t love Father?�
�I didn�t say that.�
�Yes, you. . .�
�I said that I loved him as much as I was capable of loving anyone at the time.�
�I don�t understand.�
�I know you don�t. I�m not sure I understand it either.�
�What are you saying then?�
�That I lived your father�s life for over thirty years. Now he�s gone, and I suddenly realize that I have choices in life.�
�To get married again? To marry Jim Bannard?�
�Don�t put words in my mouth.�
�Audra jumped up. �You�re not making sense! You don�t sound like my mother!� She tossed her napkin on the table.
�Fold your napkin and put it in the ring,� Victoria said automatically.
�I�m not a child anymore!�
�Well, Audra, neither am I.� Victoria dropped her head in her hands.
�Mother. . .� Audra�s tone softened.
Victoria waved her away. �Never mind. Just never mind.�
********
Two weeks later, Victoria joined Jim Bannard in Angel�s Camp for the purpose of decorating his office. He�d rented the entire second floor of a rather new building at the end of the main street. He took two of the rooms as his personal living quarters and turned the other three into a reception area, his office, and a room for the extensive law library he�d brought with him from Sacramento.
While he interviewed several people for a secretarial position, Victoria and a boy hired for the day unpacked crates containing rugs, drapes, and framed pictures. As she worked, she reflected on the fact that everything was new. She�d chosen most of it herself. Jim had given her a blank check in San Francisco when she�d visited Jarrod there the week before.
She�d asked him then what had happened to all of the furnishings and the art work which he and Amelia had acquired over the years.
�I gave her sisters and their children whatever they wanted. That way it stays in the family, so to speak.�
�What did you keep?�
�Only the furnishings I brought with me and a few personal items.�
�Amelia had some lovely paintings.�
He�d changed the subject.
Now she lifted a large Chinese porcelain vase from a crate and shook away the packing, then placed it on a stand near the window.
�You have the touch.� Jim paused in the door.
She turned around. �Do you like it so far?�
�Very much.� He crossed the new carpet and fingered the rich red damask drapes. �I appreciate your time, Victoria.�
�You know I�m glad to give it. Did you hire someone?�
�Yes, a young man. I think he�ll do well. He�s interested in the law.�
�He might study under you.�
�I considered that. Leave everything, Victoria, and let�s go to dinner. We can finish this tonight.� He took out his wallet and extracted a bill, holding it out to the boy who�d worked up quite a sweat in the course of the afternoon. �Thank you, son.�
�I�ll help you again, Senator Bannard. Just say the word.�
�Mr. Bannard, son. I�m not a senator any longer.�
�Yes, sir.� He pocketed his money and left.
Jim and Victoria ate at the restaurant in the hotel where Victoria was staying. Then they walked back to the office. �There�s not much more to do,� Victoria observed. �Only arranging the smaller things.�
Jim closed the door and came up behind her, slipping his hands around her slender waist. �And they can wait, too.�
She froze momentarily. �Jim. . .�
�I told you I wouldn�t push you for an answer, Victoria, but it�s becoming harder and harder to remain a gentleman when I�m with you.�
She laughed nervously. �I�m not afraid of you, Jim.�
�Are you sure you shouldn�t be?�
She turned to face him. �I�I don�t know.�
He kissed her. �Stay with me tonight. I need you.� His fingers traced the outline of her jaw and slid to her throat.
�That�s not a good idea.�
�Why not?�
�I told you�I have to consider this very carefully.�
�I can make you happy, Victoria.�
�But can I make you happy?�
�Of course, you can!� He kissed her again and moved her with him toward the door. In the corridor outside his bedroom, she stopped.
�Jim, I�m not sure. . .�
�I am.�
She laid her head against his chest. �I�m afraid.�
�Don�t be.� He opened the door. A lamp burned beside the bed, already turned down. As they entered, his fingers were already fumbling with the buttons of her bodice.
She stopped suddenly and pushed him away. �I can�t do this, Jim, not now.�
Irritation flickered in his eyes. �Then when, Victoria? Don�t lead me on and. . .�
�I didn�t lead you on! I told you I�d think about your offer, and I�m considering it, but I�m not going to sleep with you!�
He blew out his breath tiredly. �All right then. I�ll see you back to the hotel.�
�No, I can get there on my own.�
�It�s not safe out there after dark.�
She touched the lapel of his jacket. �It�s not safe in here either.�
***********
Victoria had washed the body of her dead husband as the last of his life�s blood oozed from half a dozen bullet holes. She�d done it without emotion, only giving way to her feelings later. Now, staring at Jim Bannard slumped against the broad footboard of his bed, his head shattered from the vicious blow that had killed him, she had that same feeling of cool unreality.
�What time did you say you left last night?� The sheriff tried to move her out of the bedroom, but she refused to budge.
�About seven-thirty.�
�And you left alone?�
�Yes, he wanted to walk back with me, but it was so close. . .� She felt suddenly nauseous at the sight of the congealed blood matting the hair of the man who had been her friend for so many years and who, last night, had almost become her lover.
�Mrs. Barkley, come out and sit down.�
She let him lead her into the reception area where she sank into a leather chair and buried her face in her hands. �My god,� she murmured.
�Do you have any idea who. . .�
�He made scores of enemies while he was in Washington. He wouldn�t play the game.�
�The game?�
�The political game. He voted his conscience, not the party line.�
�Was there anyone in Angel�s Camp who might have wanted him dead?�
She shook her head. �I don�t know.�
�I�ve wired Stockton. Someone should be with you.�
�Thank you.�
�You and the senator had been good friends for a long time.�
�A long time.�
�Do you know what he�d want. . .�
�His wife died eight months ago. He�d want to be buried beside her.�
�Sure.�
�Jarrod will take care of disposing of the office.� She looked around bleakly. �He never even worked here.�
�It�s too bad, Mrs. Barkley. I�m real sorry.�
She leaned back. �Yes, so am I.�
**********
Victoria went straight to her room after they returned from Jim�s funeral in Sacramento. Audra hovered in the hall outside her door until Nick pulled her away. �She�ll be all right.�
�I don�t think so, Nick. I haven�t seen her like this since Father died.�
�Well, she and Jim were pretty close.�
�Do you think she�d have married him?�
�I dunno. Maybe.�
�I�m sorry he�s dead, Nick, but it wouldn�t have been right.�
�Why not?�
�At first I thought it wouldn�t have been right because of Father.�
�Father�s dead.� Nick�s voice was suddenly harsh.
Audra�s eyes filled with tears. �I know, but. . .she was his wife.�
�Now she�s his widow.�
�Jim wouldn�t have loved her like Father.�
�You don�t think so?�
�No.�
�Father loved this Valley. I�m not sure he had room to love anyone or anything else.�
�Nick! He loved us�all of us!�
�He loved the idea that we�d carry on the Barkley name and position after he was gone, and we�ve done it. Look, Audra, Mother had a right to marry Jim or not marry him. Maybe someday she�ll meet someone else. It�s not up to us to say yes or no about it.�
�She�s my mother.� Audra sniffled.
�Yeah, yeah.�
�Nick!�
He left her at the door to her own room. �Leave her alone awhile, Audra. I mean it.�
********
In her room, Victoria divested herself of the black dress she�d worn to Tom�s funeral and then to Jim�s. �Never again,� she said aloud through clinched teeth. �Never again!�
She wandered to her dressing table and picked up the framed photograph of her family. It had been made after Tom�s death�he�d always said he was too busy to get dressed up and go to town for a picture of himself. She closed her eyes. Sometimes it was difficult to remember what he looked like, and other times his face was in front of her all the time. It was there now, along with Jim Bannard�s face�the face she�d seen harden when she refused to sleep with him.
She didn�t regret her decision, but perhaps if she�d stayed. . . No, Jarrod said that if she�d stayed, whoever had killed Jim would have killed her, too. �He meant to do it, Mother, and he wouldn�t have left a witness.�
�I didn�t sleep with him, Jarrod.�
�I didn�t ask you if you did.�
�We were in his bedroom. I left�but he didn�t.�
�You weren�t responsible, Mother.�
�No. I wasn�t responsible for your father either, although sometimes I�ve wondered what he�d have done if I�d asked him not to go that day.�
�He�d have gone anyway. You know that.�
She sighed. �Do you have any idea who killed Jim?�
�It could have been one of a dozen people. I doubt that we�ll ever know.�
�But why now? He wasn�t a senator any longer and didn�t intend to ever be again.�
�Some people harbor resentments for a long time.�
�Yes. Yes, they do.�
*******
Audra came in later to say goodnight. �Mother, I�m sorry about Jim. I�m sorry we quarreled about him.�
�I understand, Audra.�
�Nick says you have a right to your own life.�
�I do.�
�It�s just hard to think of you as anything but my mother.�
�I�ll always be your mother, darling.�
�I know, but. . .well, it�s hard.�
Victoria stroked her daughter�s hair.
�Did you love him, Mother?�
�I don�t know.�
�So you might not have married him even if. . .�
�I might have. It would have been a mistake to marry him out of loneliness�out of need. But I�ll never know if I could have really loved him. It�s over.�
�I�m sorry, Mother.�
�It�s late, Audra, and we�re all tired. Run along to bed.�
Audra kissed her mother�s cheek and slipped out of the room. Victoria blew out the lamp and lay down, staring into the darkness. Tom never said he loved me. He needed me though. He needed another back to break with his when he came out here and settled this land. He needed sons to carry on his name. But Jim said that he loved me�that he was in love with me. Or was he in love with a dream he�d carried around inside him after he and Amelia could no longer really live as husband and wife?
If that�s what it was, it wasn�t enough. I�ll live the rest of my life alone and die alone if that�s all I can have, because I want so much more. I need more. I�ve earned more. And I never�never�never want to see the dead body of another person I care for! I won�t! I�m tired of the pain, tired of trying to grasp something that never was�never will be. I�m alive, and I want. . .oh, god, I want. . .
*********
Six months later
The man stared into the darkness of the street below his balcony and puffed disinterestedly on a cigar�the once vice he allowed himself on a daily basis. Behind him, in his bedroom, stood a packed trunk and a smaller valise. He was leaving New Orleans for the first time in two years. His business associate said that he needed a change. And he did, but not a change as Rand meant it. He needed more than that, but he knew he�d never have it, not again.
He had determined never to love again. The pain was too great. And yet. . .there was this growing need in him for companionship, for sharing his soul and spirit with another woman as he�d shared it once. But it would never happen. It couldn�t happen. He stubbed out the cigar and went inside. Picking up a small frame from the table beside the bed, he cradled it in his hands. The faded photograph that looked back at him tore at his heart.
Goodnight, my sweet one. He brought the picture to his lips and held them there longer than usual. Then he lay down and prayed that sleep would come and bring him some measure of comfort.
THE END