AUTHOR: Kate Lesky
EMAIL: Please! at: [email protected]
RATING: G
CATEGORY: vignette
KEYWORDS: post-ep
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The first part is a dialogue with stage direction-like descriptions. The second part is a MM-style journal.
DISCLAIMER: It's not mine, even though I treat them better than Carter.

In office; Mulder sits at his desk, looking at papers, Scully is typing something.

He picks up the framed photo of him and his sister from his desk, and leans back in his chair.

M: Scully, did you believe Tencate, when she was talking about the people in the starlight? I wanted to, because it sounded like what I had believed all these years, but something told me it was wrong, as if she knew I wanted to hear it.

S: No, I thought the same thing. You wanted to hear it. What I want to know is how she knew what you wanted to hear, Mulder. She turns her chair to face him. Her child may have disappeared or been abducted, but it wasn't aliens. It was something very human.

M: Then why hasn't a body been found? The ones at Santa's North Pole Village certainly didn't account for all of the children who have disappeared under such circumstances. Many of the missing children had never been to Santa's Village, and certainly not Sam.

S: Sighs and looks down at her hands in her lap, then looks M in the eye. I'm putting this very bluntly: throughout your "quest," as you call it, did you ever truly think you would see your sister alive again? Or even find concrete evidence of what exactly happened to her?

There is an awkward silence; Mulder sits up in his seat. Mulder is not offended, but Scully seems ashamed of what she has said and does not speak again, lowering her head again.

M: No, actually I didn't, and I guess maybe I could never consciously admit that, even to myself. S looks up; M is speaking slowly, as his thoughts come to mind. I just didn't want to give up the hope; I didn't want to give up my sister, give Them the final word. After all these years I think I've come to realize that there are things beyond my reach, and one of them is Sam. It's just sad that I couldn't have realized that earlier, before I wasted my life and yours. And I've found so many things along the way that are more important, or at least important enough to have made me pause in my quest. When I said I want to find my sister, I think . . . she's a symbol now, Scully. Of all the innocent people who can't fight back. Sure, I wanted her back, but more importantly, I want to find who did it and why.

S: To make them pay? They will never see justice Mulder -- they're too powerful, that has to be one thing we've learned by now.

M: I want the truth, Scully, whatever that may be. Once I've got it, I'll figure out to do with it then. With a laugh, It may be a while. A beat, then more seriously, Why are you here?

S: For the same reasons you are, if not more. You showed me that the truth needed to be found, and since then I've found my own reasons. Revenge is one.

After this frank speech she is silent. M puts down the photo and moves his chair closer to her.

M: Quietly, You have so much more to be angry for.

S: I try not to be angry, but . . . that doesn't always work. I try not to think about it.

- - -

I am happy for you that your quest has been completed, but my journey is far from over. You have your sister, and both of you can be content now; you know what happened to her. But my daughter is still gone. I know I will never get her back, but I want the peace and surety that you now have, I want to know why she had to die. My greatest fear now is that you will not support me on what must be my quest as I have supported you on yours. You said that I make you whole: if it is true that I am your other half, then you are mine.