A Christmas Carol

Mulder's nuts roasting on an open fire,
Morris Fletcher nipping at that's-not-her-nose.
"Joy to the World" being sung by a choir
And an irrational fear of ghosts.
Everybody knows that visions of your dead father
Help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will be revealed by your dead sister tonight.
They know that Scully's on her way;
The halls are decked and Mulder stole the keys to the sleigh.
And every child's mother will cry
Cause her blood is green, so she's gonna die.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from (ten)-thirteen to ninety-two:
(Because it's inappropriate for under-12 anyways)
"Paramasturbatory" to you.