TITLE: Calcium Monster
AUTHOR: Kate Lesky
EMAIL: Please! at: redheaded_skeptic@eudoramail.com
RATING: G
CATEGORY: X, H
SPOILERS: teeny weeny for FTF
KEYWORDS: a tiny bit of UST
SUMMARY: Ok, this is what happened after I read about 8 hours of 
fanfic and the back of a Lucky Charms box that included such 
questions as whether we get calcium from the internet, and is it 
an animal?  Hmm...

DISCLAIMER: everything but calcium belongs to CC, 1013, Fox, etc.  The calcium
monster belongs to me, Kate Lesky.

FBI Headquarters
March 23, 1998
8:02 AM

     "Hey, Scully." greeted Fox Mulder as his partner entered their office.  
"New case."
     "Oh, lucky me," she grumbled under her breath.
     "There's a monster reported in Anytown, USA that supposedly hides under 
the bed of seven out of ten kids."
     "Mulder...under the *bed*?" Scully groaned.  Yet another wild goose 
chase. "This is --"
     "Our plane leaves in three hours."
     Scully let out a rather loud sigh.

Anytown
March 23 
5:23 PM

     Now that they were driving through nondescript Anytown in their 
nondescript rental car, Scully decided to press Mulder for a few details on 
the case.
     "So, what are we looking for, anyway?"
     He tossed her a file.  "It's a large white monster that appears to be 
attacking children.  It's made up of some kind of mineral."
     "A *mineral,* Mulder?"  She shook her head.  "So, where are we going?"
     "Billy Joe Bob Smith -- he was attacked yesterday morning.  He's now at 
Mercy Hospital."
     As they exited the hospital an hour later, Mulder was still more hopeful,
and Scully was still more exasperated.  Billy had been scared out of his wits,
as was his mother, and they had gained no useful information except that  the 
monster had broken Billy's left humerus.
     "What I don't understand," said Mulder as they drove to Billy's house, 
"is why the monster only broke his arm.  Billy said it entered, snapped his 
arm, and left."
     "Mulder, according to the x-rays, Billy's bones were weak in the first 
place from lack of calcium.  That's probably what it was, not a monster."
     "That's it, Scully!  I could kiss you, except I won't because of what 
happened last time we tried, and there's this guy in my dreams named Chris who
chases me down dark hallways whenever I dream about you, which is rather 
frequently, but anyway, I know what it is!"
     "And...?"
     "It's calcium!  Remember, seven out of ten kids need more, it weakens 
bones, it's a white mineral -- what if, since it feels unwanted, it's forcing 
itself on children?  And unwittingly hurts them?"  He stepped on the 
accelerator.  "We've got to find it!"
     In seconds they arrived at the house.  They quickly made their way to 
Billy's room, and Mulder got onto his knees to peer under the bed.
     "Look, Scully," he indicated, lifting the edge of the bedspread from the 
floor.  A white mineral-like substance sat underneath, quivering as if alive. 
Suddenly it reared, and stretched up to its eight-foot stature, knocking the 
bed away.  Mulder and Scully leapt back, guns drawn and aimed at the creature.
Its vaguely humanoid shape looked at them both, then moved toward Scully.  
Mulder moved to protect her.
     "Why does it want you?"
     "I think I know why -- I'm much shorter and have smaller bones.  Women 
also are more susceptible to calcium deficiency."
     "That's my Doctor Scully!" Mulder grinned, not turning to look at her.  
"You'd better -- ahh!" he screamed as the creature pushed past him, knocking 
him backwards into a closet.  "Run, Scully!" he managed to get out.
     Scully already was running.  The monster was knocking down police 
officers left and right in its attempt to get her.  She dashed to the kitchen 
and pulled open the fridge.
     "Milk -- must find milk!" she gasped.  She finally found it and pulled it
off the shelf, drinking it straight from the carton. The monster approached 
more timidly now, and Scully drank faster, milk running down her chin and onto
her trenchcoat.  It was now growling in frustration -- it couldn't touch her! 
It was weakening.  Mulder limped down the hallway and delivered a swift kick 
from behind, and the creature fell to the floor.  Mulder grabbed the carton of
milk from Scully and dumped it over the monster.  The agents stood in 
amazement as the monster dissolved.

FBI Headquarters
March 24, 1998
7:59 AM

     "Hey Scully, how are you?" Mulder asked as he entered the office the next
day.
     "I'm fine, Mulder.  What did you find out about our calcium monster?"
     "Well, the lab analyst said it was pure calcium, from the samples we 
managed to take.  I don't know how it mutated, though.  I have just one 
question, Scully."
     "Yes, Mulder?"  she asked, looking up from her file.
     "Got milk?"

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