FUNNY KID QUOTES

FUNNY KID QUOTES I just started this list which is all based on things I heard in my classroom or other classrooms (mostly first grade) beginning in fall 2002. Later, I hope to play with the formatting so I can make it more readable.

1. 2nd grader, to me: "Do you play baseball (no explanation given)?" I think he meant, "Do you play basketball?" because I wasn't wearing anything baseball related, I am not athletic, and someone followed up with a basketball question.
2. first grader, to a group member during math time: "When I grow up, I want to be a mermaid." another group member: "You can't do that." She looks sad and continues to work on making her pattern.
3. funniest comment I heard today: "Miss Williams, he said his girlfriend is a trash can." (What are you supposed to say to that? I think I made some comment about that not relating to math/getting back to work)
4. kid in Mrs. Dixon's class, as I am collecting free lunch forms, explaining why he doesn't have one: "My mom is weird."
5. This one kid, Amir, was sent to his seat during circle time because he couldn't behave...suddenly he comes up to me while I'm working with kids on their penmanship and asks me for help. It turns out that as he was just fidgeting (not paying attention again), he just now found this bent paperclip hooked into a large hole in the front of his shirt and wanted help getting it out. For some reason, this struck me as REALLY funny for many reasons.
6. Follow up: Amir later had another humorous problem. I believe a long time ago, I mentioned that I thought it was funny that one day Amir came over to me to ask for help because he got a safety pin stuck in the hole in his shirt and I had trouble not laughing. Well now it's funnier. When I went into the same class today, I greeted Amir and the teacher at the door and she assigned me to fix the large hole in the front of his short-sleeved shirt, which was now (somehow) about the size of a CD. He hadn't brought anything other than his jacket, which she wouldn't let him wear at his seat because his chest would be exposed, so we had to repair it. In the process of solving this problem (after I contained my laughter -- it was so funny), another teacher and I ran into the principal, who asked, "How did that happen?" but then figured she didn't want to know (he just used his hands to rip the shirt apart). Anyway, after considering other options like taking off the shirt and painting him a dark color (ha ha), another teacher ended up putting the shirt back together with wide clear tape and having him put the shirt on backwards so he wouldn't play with the hole. It was all very funny.
7. Each day in this first grade class at my school, a different student presents the "morning news" which consists of introducing him or herself, telling the class the date, announcing the weather, and giving the class one piece of news about him or herself (and answering questions about the news for five minutes). This one kid, Jeffry, used, "I have a dog" as his news item. One student asked what kind of dog it was. He didn't know. Another kid asked whether the dog did any tricks. He said yes, but didn't say any specific tricks. They asked about the dog's name. He didn't seem to know that. The teacher asked about the color of his dog. He wasn't sure about that. Then, the teacher asked him if he really had a dog. He hesitated, and said yes...one kid asked what the dog ate. Jeffry paused and said, "dog food." Soon, the time was up. It was all pretty funny because the question and answer format is so serious, like it's really fast-breaking news, but the news items kids come up with are hilarious. The teacher tells me she's happy that it's not like last year (apparently all of the children had the same news item all year -- something like "I went to the park" -- and she got very tired of hearing about that).
8. On the "morning news," it was Nelson's turn another day. His news was that he played baseball with some friends at his mother's birthday party. Once the questioning period began, it got funnier (and more informational, of course). The teacher asked about whether his mom's friends were also at his mom's birthday party. He hesitated and said "no". Then, people asked what kind of cake his mom had and he hesitated and then came up with some general answer. Then, a student raised his hand and asked Nelson what his mother's name is. He paused for a REALLY long time...a few children began to snicker because he didn't know his mom's name. The teacher tried to help by asking things like, "When someone calls your mom on the phone, what name do they use when they ask for her?" He still didn't answer. Then, as some children were laughing, the teacher got the emergency cards from her desk to look up the answer. While she was doing that, Nelson either remembered her name or came up with a creative lie (I think I would have to vote for the second one)...he said, "Booli." The teacher, of course, asked him to repeat the name. She said that was interesting because the name on his emergency card was "Elsa." The students all thought this discrepancy, and the name Booli itself, was hilarious. The teacher asked if Booli was a nickname she had for Elsa and Nelson seemed confused, even after she asked again in different ways several times. The whole thing was very funny to me (I had to try hard not to laugh out loud during that time).
9. yet another entertaining morning news segment from a first grade volunteer reporter: Yesterday, a boy's news item had something to do with his father throwing live skunks into the river. Today, the other very talkative boy in the class went and ended up having quite a story himself (about how all of his pets, some who were stray street dogs) managed to die in some way or another. It was cute that during the question and answer period, one boy asked whether the dogs got a "boo boo" when they got hit by a car and the reporter matter-of-factly said, "no -- they died." Most common morning news question and answer (that always cracks me up because children ask it again and again so seriously, expecting a creative answer, I guess): question -- "What kind of food do/did you feed your dog/cat?" answer -- "dog/cat food."
10. "You said, 'That's a good idea' to me four times today." -- Keisha, one of the students in a first grade class I used to work with in the morning and afternoon. I can't believe she was keeping track of exactly what I said to her, but I am sure she was right. It's funny that I happened to say the same exact thing, though...and funnier that she was actually keeping track of it.
11. Amir, a first grade student who was sent next door to my Spanish bilingual classroom for a time out, to me: "First grade is rough."
12. kid in my class: "When my mom and dad got married, that was a happy time." health teacher: "Were you there?" silence, kid acted confused
13. another kid (troublemaker): "My daddy's dead." health teacher pauses, not knowing exactly what to do classroom teacher (overhearing from her desk): "I just saw your Daddy last night (apparently the boy had forgotten that she and I met his father, who looks just like him, who had come with him to parent conferences the night before)."
14. one of the teachers I work with, during the changing of the classroom helpers (to realize how funny this is, you have to remember that the kids have already been in school two months and you have to know that this first grade classroom happens to be located directly across from the school office -- about ten feet away): "Waled can't be the office monitor because he doesn't know where the office is." Teacher, later: "ah, paper monitor...Waled, you could do that."
15. "My grandma's really sick and she's going to die. Where do I glue the numbers, Miss Williams?" -- Raudis, one of the children in a class I helped with in the afternoon as we were doing an activity with manipulatives including investigating counting by ones, threes, and fives (I hear things like this all the time -- first graders are funny because they are not good at figuring out when it's appropriate to say certain things, but they really like to share and they definitely say exactly what they are thinking).
16. kindergartener, walking in to school on Friday morning, to the vice principal: "I hurt my brain." (then he walked away, with no further explanation)
17. The first grade morning news reporter for Friday talked about how he got a new shirt at the mall. One of the questions from his audience was, "Which mall did you go to?" He kept maintaining that it was "the horsey mall" (I'm guessing because there is a merry-go-round there). The other kids burst out laughing. We never did figure out which mall it was.
18. During the time the first grade classes were practicing once again for their holiday concert, Amir, a first grader, turns to this other boy sitting with another class and dramatically says, "We meet again." I give him a sort of weird look and he explains, "We knew each other in kindergarten." So odd! And then when this other boy accidentally got left behind because he was one of the dreidels for the Hannukah song, he ran back to class huffing and puffing and told the teacher never to leave him behind again and said he almost had a heart attack trying to run back to the classroom to look for everyone.
19. "I am the king of the netherworld." -- Isaac, a student in one of the first grade classes who went on the field trip this morning, to me (either he got that from TV or he's a really strange boy...or both...that's not your standard greeting
20. This morning, I was working in a class while another teacher (the teacher who teaches different primary classes Arabic once a week) was observed. It was bad in a way because although I was working, some of the children asked me if they could go to the bathroom instead of asking her and the class was already a difficult one to control, so it probably didn't look good that they asked me instead of her. Anyway, on to the funny part. At one point, the teacher said, "Now we want to show Mrs. XXXX (the vice-principal who was observing -- name withheld for privacy reasons) what we learned...let's..." and then this boy Amir (only a first-grader, mind you) shouted out, "Mrs. XXXXX is doing paperwork. She's not listening." It was pretty funny because of course she was listening. Her paperwork was of course taking notes on everything that was going on in the lesson. Ha ha!
21. "Did Dan rip his pants?" -- sentence in a worksheet that Jeffry, one of the children in a class I work with laughed at for a long time after reading it...I think it was funny, too, but not THAT funny.
22. One morning in January, I was pleased that I talked to my class about Louis Braille, who was born on January 5, as part of my plan to celebrate something with them each day. They were all interested in thinking about how blind people could see and so excited to be able to feel real pages of a book in Braille. This is possibly the funniest moment (which I only later realized was so funny). To introduce the idea, I told them in English and in Spanish that someone important had a birthday on Sunday and that he was known for helping blind people read -- it's possible that I said the word "see" once, too in English or Spanish. Holding up pages from the Braille book, I asked them if they knew anything about who it was or what he did. Wendy, a smart student, raised her hand. I figured I would call on her to see what she said. She confidently said, "God." Later, I realized that I bet she remembered a parable where Jesus helped a blind person see and thought about how she goes to church every Sunday to celebrate things like that (which she might have thought was a birthday). I guess the fact that we discussed Epiphany the day before (it's a big holiday in the Catholic church in Latin America and the kids are Catholic) made her think I was again speaking of something religious. It was pretty funny, though.
23. Somewhere in the middle of this week, I discovered something funny about this boy Luis in my class. When I chose him as our Student of the Week a couple of weeks ago, I learned that he wants to be a firefighter when he grows up. Since then, I've found that several comments of his may indicate that (or some fixation with fires). Ha ha! When we were doing a punctuation lesson and I wanted examples of sentences that end with an exclamation point, he came up with something like, "The house is on fire!" multiple times. I thought that alone was funny, but when I did some bonus question on a worksheet we were going over, after seeing, "The hat is on fire" on this girl Tatiana's paper, I knew that's what I would find on Luis' paper and that she had copied from him (these kids are funny because they are startled when they realize that adults can figure out that people sitting next to each other copied each other by looking at the answers or that a student with marker all over his hands might be the one who marked up the desk in the same color).
24. "Maria B. called me a carrot." -- kid, coming up to my desk to tattle during the time they were supposed to be working on pen pal letters...how could I not laugh at that?
25. Stephanie, kid in my class: �Miss Williams, Diego and I knew each other when we were little. We were cousins (they are not related to each other � I think maybe she meant �like cousins� � maybe there�s some expression in Spanish that relates to that).�
26. humorous writing error: �I will give food to the poop.� (instead of �I will give food to the poor�)
27. on the day after Ash Wednesday: Carlos, to me this morning, showing me his somewhat ashy forehead, �Miss Williams, I went to God yesterday.� How cute is that?
28. Title of odd �book� I got from Tammy, this little overachiever in my class who�s always trying to impress me with what she does to learn at home and doesn�t speak much English: �Mi Libro Sobre Como Esta Salvo Alrededor del Plomo por Tammy para todos mis companeros� � inside, it told all about what things had lead in them and how people can get sick from lead poisoning and how to protect yourself. I thought that was funny/cute.
29. Jose, after the class played the quiet game writing long i words and cutting out kites from construction paper, �Hey, my kite can do tricks!� That shows quite a bit of imagination because at that point, his kite didn�t even have string on it.
30. from pen pal letter from a first grade girl in my friend Jasmin's bilingual Spanish first grade class at another school in Paterson to a first grader in my class (mind you, the children have not even met and have only exchanged two letters): "Dear Tatiana, You are a princess and you are my best friend. Will you come over to my house?" I read this one to the class yesterday and of course it struck me as funny.
31. "Miss Williams...you know my pants? (points to pants, gives me excited look, smile) They can go by themselves (Jonathan later explains that it is his pants that are controlling his legs and making him slide out of his seat)!"

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