On a more serious note now, It appears to those of us down at the Hells Bells Bar and Grill, that the Democrats and Republicans have caused a division in our country comparable to the Civil War. So it's up to us to throw the bums out and heal the divisions caused by that bunch of ne'er-do-wells before the bullets start flying again.

Party Platform

The first plank of the Beerdrinkers and Hellraisers Party is; That political ads by the Democrats and Republicans should not be seen during football season and whereas elections occur during football season: Therefore, be it resolved; all political ads shall be limited to the hours of 12:00 AM-6:00 AM on PBS and/or NPR stations.<---------Think about it, the money they spend on ads should pay the operating costs of all stations, thus resulting in savings to the taxpayers.

The second plank of the Beerdrinkers and Hellraisers Party is; That paying farm subsidies to NBA basketball players and ABC news anchors is a waste of taxpayer's money: Therefore, be it resolved; no subsidies shall be paid to "farmers" whose outside income is of a greater amount than that from their farm production.

You know what I hate...Yankeys that's what. Last nite I was shooting a game of pool and these two d@mn yankeys was in the poolroom with this cute gurl. One of them $umbit(hes was from Chicago and I dont know where the other $umbit(h was from, he said he was Scottish. Didn't look like no Scotsman to me. No red hair, no kilt, no bagpipes, no Sgian Duhb in his sock (black socks with shorts, why dem yankeys do dat, aint they got no sense of style). Well those two were shooting a game (to be honest they both $ucked) and were having a few beers and they sent the gurl over to the jukebox to play a few songs. She seemed to be watching me play more than she was them, that or she was checking out my @r$e. The gurl played the George Jones song "He stopped loving her today". Now I've been sort of semi-retired from the game for the past few years and have been trying as of late to get my game back to where it was. I had broken the rack and was in the process of running the table with only the 8-ball left, just as I was about to strike the cueball, the Chicago $umbit(h bellered at the top of his lungs "HE STOPPED LOVING HER TODAY" and go$h d@rn it if I didn't miss that 8-ball. I camethisfu(kingclose to becoming Scottish myself by taking up a cudgel (the house cue I was breaking with) and beating him soundly about the head and shoulders with it.

Daily Cashier Report.

Number 2

Cashier #1: Build Skinny Minnie. Most Noticeable Feature: proboscis, it stuck out farther than her knockers. She looked like Kate Moss on a hunger strike.

Cashier #2: Build Sumo Wrestler Most Noticeable Feature: Stomach, it was huge, her waddle was also noticeable. It was quite an effort, for her to do so with such a huge gut in the way