Farewell to Father

Everything’s different now

As I sit waiting

It seems more real than ever

But I know the worst will be the House

Half memories circle

Some about him

Some not

All are

“…when you wake,

I’ll give you cake”

Hiawatha and Barbie’s dream date

Disney town and San Antonio

Oh God, San Antonio!

Gift he could not afford

But my tears made so

And I spoiled all

With greedy hands

Who loves ya, babe

A doll that grew hair

When one arm raised

Because I was sick

Field days at early childhood

Blue ribbons

Good wheelbarrow!

Waking up at flash of dawn

Fishing at Galveston

Car breaking down

But it was fun with him

A mile to the gas station

Mean green machine

Green truck

The truck!

Bigger than any other

Better than any other

Calloused hands

Scruffy cheek

Tobacco and Diet Coke

Half dollars in sperm bank

Clear masks and ugly man lamp

Countless books in Ziploc baggies

Dirty comics in the closet

His arms

Eyes always laughing

Scruffy cheek

“Last Kiss” sung loud and proud

With him it was a happy song

He took the bottom bedroom

Cause of break in

Wanted me safe on second floor

Wanted me safe

Wanted me

Memories blurred already

Seems so long ago

I wish I could have seen him

Oh why couldn’t I see him

Always too busy for a call

Or even a crappy email

“Later” I said, “Later”

Later can’t be

Dad would be joking right now

Serious and solemn

But jokes would still flow

Like speed bumps

Slowing traffic

It would slow the flow of pain

Making it tolerable

Acceptable

It still doesn’t seem real

He can’t be gone

He can’t be

But he is