Hi Zicong,
Thanks for sharing this inspiring article with me. Though my experiences in life are still quite limited at the moment, I do share the exact sentiments as emerson and Sumiko Tan. We all need friends in life, and true and sincere friends are hard to find in this world of ours which emphasizes self-gratification and materialistic pursuits. I do not claim to have many friends in life, but for those few I had, I really treasure their friendships. True enough, life is unpredictable and there isn't a lifelong guarantee that we'll be on such good terms forever, but I'm glad to have known them though, not because of the company they had given me, but because through sharing with them their beliefs, principles and ideals, they have given me another additional window from which I can view the world out there. Life is about the accruing of experiences, learning from them and becoming wiser and more mature as we age.
If we define 'friends' as people whom we click very well with or those we can count on support when we need them, then we're just being exclusive and narrow-minded and will inevitably entrap our mindset into a confined space. To broaden our horizons, we must and should interact with all kinds of people in the world, whether they are at the same 'frequency' as us or not. Like you, I spent 6 years of my life in RI and RJC and the people I know of are pretty much of the same mould, meaning they have similar socio-economic backgrounds as me. I was brought back into reality in NS where fortunately or unfortunately, you have to deal with people from different walks of life whom you wouldn't have a opportunity to know in school such as gays, deserters, drug addicts and other 'shady' characters. I don't think I share any common grounds with them, but after spending some time with them, you will realize that they are not so different from us after all. Why do people turn to drugs? There are many reasons behind it, and one compelling reason is an inability to cope with the stresses of life. We have essentially the same headaches in life. What's wrong with being a homosexual? It simply means instead of drinking coffee at breakfast, he prefers milk instead. We should respect people for their preferences because each individual is unique. We can't force everyone to think like us, can we? These are the one of the many groups of people we'll have to deal with when we become doctors in the future, and our patients are our friends. Because we care for friends and we wish the best for them, then in a similar manner, our patients are our friends if we truly have their welfare in mind.
What Sumiko wrote did bears a lot of truth, that gradually as we proceed on to working and married life, we'll have less time for friendships, whether new or old. But that isn't anything to bemoan about, it's a natural process of life. There are no eternal friendships or relationships in life; they are always in a state of change because people change over time - their values, beliefs and outlook of life are never the same. Whatever expectations we habor in our hearts now of our friends or 'partners' may be unfair and unrealistic, because it is only a perception we hold of them and perception does not represent what he or she actually is. I have lost quite a number of friends as far as I can remember. There's this friend I know since Primary 1 whom I lost contact with over the years. We did so many crazy and 'brave' things together then in those days and were the best of buddies, but when I met him again in school recently, he almost couldn't recognize me. We are like perfect strangers. I do not feel any sense of loss or regret that the friendship is gone - rather, I'm extremely thankful for the time we spent together because in some ways or another, he has left an imprint on my mind-stream and he has contributed a tiny bit to the 'making' of me today. Most people we know are pass-bys in our lives because we all have different destinations to head for. There are some whom I have the fortune to know them for what they are while there are others who are still a mystery to me, but I'm glad that I've known them all the same. They may disappear from my life the next moment and we may never meet again, but to me, it's a great pleasure and honor to be able to leave something for them to take along their journey.
How will we feel if there were to be a day when all our loved ones and friends leave us and we're left alone on our own? It's this entrenched sense of loneliness, insecurity and fear that propels us to seek support and solace in external human liaisons. Can another person really make us 'complete' and fulfils our needs and wishes? We're in actual fact, segregating people into various 'castes' to suit our whims and fancies. The first 'caste' of people are our beloved and friends, of whom we expect to stick with us no happen what happen in life. The second 'caste' are those we feel indifferent to - in short, it matters little whether they exist at all. The lowest form of species are our enemies and opponents and those whom we despise, deplore or prejudiced with. And perhaps, because of this attitude we adopt towards people, we're forever seeking new friends, lamenting over the scarcity of real friends and complaining how unfriendly, unapproachable and unsincere people can be when it's only the ego that is moaning away. The only 'true' friend we ever have in life, from beginning to end, is none other than ourselves! We claim that we know our girlfriends or buddies inside out, but how much do we know ourselves? Have we try making friends with ourselves? Do we really understand our motives, wishes and ideals? This 'friend' will never abandon us when we are in need, it's only whether we choose to seek refuge within or without. Maybe starting from today, we should all make a conscious effort to forge a stronger friendship with ourselves.
With metta,
Joseph
Learning to let things happen is a real art of which few people know anything. Consciousness is forever interfering, helping, correcting, and negating and never leaving the simple growth of the psychic processes in peace.
- Carl Gustav Jung