A lot of people feel anger and resentment toward others but what they actually may be feeling is resentment towards themselves for not having the confidence to go for what they really want.
The Importance of Saying only what you mean! by Susie and Otto Collins This weekend we read "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz and we think it's a great resource for tearing up your past belief systems and starting over with more empowering ones. The first agreement is "be impeccable with your word." In other words, speak with integrity--saying only what you mean. We think this is really important in relationships of all kinds and especially in intimate ones. If you aren't impeccable with your word, trust begins to erode within the relationship--and we're not just talking about the big stuff. Our belief is that there is no small stuff in relationships. When Susie bought her new used Buick, the dealership couldn't find the remote control and an extra key. In fact they said that this model didn't come with one. A mechanic even looked at it and said that it wasn't wired for a remote. To Susie, a remote is a nice amenity but not a necessity. But--she'd had one with her previous car and this new car just didn't feel as nice because there was something missing. Trying to get to the bottom of the problem, Otto sat in the dealership and made the dealers look in the specs to see if a remote was standard equipment for this model or not. To make a long story short, Otto managed to get a remote for the car. Because we were told that the car didn't have a remote and it through persistence found out it did, we have an issue with trust with that dealership. We'll put a question mark in front of anything they say from now on. Isn't this the way it is in relationships? It's like Steven Covey's concept of the emotional bank account in "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." Good deeds, kind words and following through on your agreements build deposits in your emotional bank account with another person. False statements, not following through on agreements create withdrawals in an emotional bank account in a relationship. The idea is that you must make many more deposits than withdrawals to keep the trust level high between the two of you. Being impeccable with your word means following through on what you say you're going to do. Susie asked Otto to use the weed eater the clear the weeds along the driveway this weekend and Otto said he would. Although this is a small matter, if he hadn't followed through and whacked the weeds when he said he would, some of the trust betweenthem would be eroded. When we don't follow through on what we say we're going to do on the small stuff, doubt creeps in about follow through on the "big stuff" too. Being impeccable also means being conscious of what you say and the intention behind it. Have you ever said something that you really didn't mean? As soon as it left your mouth, you wished you could capture it and destroy it before anyone could hear it? The challenge of being impeccable is to be aware of how you are feeling, watch what triggers you, and stay in the present moment without reacting from past unhealthy patterns and old family tapes. This week as you go through your day, be very aware of what comes out of your mouth. Be very conscious of what promises you make and what you say to someone when your are emotionally triggered. Make a new agreement, as Don Miguel Ruiz says, to be impeccable with your word. ============================== Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authorsof 4 books on relationships and personal growth. To gettheir FREE weekly newsletter filled with practical tips andideas for creating more connected, passionate and aliverelationships send a blank message to mailto:[email protected] or visit their web site at http://www.collinspartners.com ==============================
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Visit Pegasus Technologies!by Susie and Otto Collins There is something happening in almost every corner of the world that is bigger than any one of us individually that is changing the face of our relationships forever. What is happening is that men are becoming more conscious, connected and emotionally aware andwomen are becoming more empowered. Some people still believe that men and women are coming from different planets and that each sex's wants and needs are so radically different that each gender requires an interpreter to figure out what each other wants. We think that some of this may have been true at one time--but, not anymore. In his book "The Soul Stories," Gary Zukav referred to these evolutionary changes in men and women as the "New Male" and the "New Female." The "New Male" is desiring in increasing numbers things such as love, connection, closeness, truth, authenticity and a depth in their relationships that they simply didn't allow themselves to have in the years gone by. Men in increasing numbers are embracing what would be typically thought of as more feminine qualities and developing a real sense that they want more from their relationships than they have allowed themselves to have in the past.They are wanting connections with their children that weren't possible previously. What today's "New Female" is creating is a life of empowered possibilities, hope, and a new sense of self that hasn't seemed possible for many women until now. She is choosing how she wants her life to be and doesn't need someone to "take care of her" but rather is a co-creator in her life experience with another person. She is asking for what she wants instead of waiting for someone else to lead the way. In the past, men did what was considered "men's work" and Women did "women's work." We each knew our roles and we played them well. This served us well in many ways like ensuring safety for our families and making sure the children were taken care. However, this didn't do much for creating closer and more connected relationships between men and women. In fact, in many ways it seemed to divide them. As we see it, one of the most important things that men and women can do to create the love, connection and passion in their relationships that we know is possible is for both men and women to make it okay for men to become emotionally aware of their thoughts and feelings. In the past, most men haven't felt like it was acceptable in this culture to feel and express true emotions of the heart. In fact, many women have helped to perpetuate the "ideal" male who is the strong, silent, tough guy--the guy who's a little wild and needs a "good woman" to help him "settle down." While it is hardly true of all women, many, on the other hand, have looked to men to support them financially, make all the important decisions, and to be a "knight in shining armor" who will sweep them away and keep them safe. In our opinion, the most important thing for women to do in order to create the relationships and lives many say they want is to claim their own personal power and take personal responsibility for their lives. This doesn't mean that women should take the stance of becoming angry, hostile, vindictive, or that they "have to do it all themselves" and perhaps be alone, but rather develop within themselves the attitude of equality, worth, purpose and take responsibility for their own happiness. Instead of complaining about how emotional women seem to be, men can learn a great deal if they are open to asking themselves the question about the women in their lives--"What can I learn fromyou about how to feel and express my emotions and about being caring and nurturing with others?" Instead of complaining about how men get what they want and are "advantaged" in our society, women need to ask themselves when they are feeling like victims or second class citizens--"What can I learn from you to step up and assume my birthright as your equal and learn how to empower myself?" If men and women want to create close, connected, passionate relationships, the desire for a connection of the heart and soul has to become more important to them than holding onto the gender roles that society has dictated for hundreds of years. While these roles served their purpose at one time, in this time of expanding energy in the universe, both men and women need to learn from each other so that they can move forward into co-creating together, as partners, the lives that are possible for them to enjoy. So spend some time reflecting on how you can find ways to create more love, connection and creativity in all your relationships. Also examine what kinds of beliefs you may be attached to and how letting go of some of those old beliefs could actually help you move forward to a deeper place and provide the catalyst for creating a richer and more rewarding life. It's time for all of us to become partners, co-creators and collaborators on the path of love instead allowing our fears to keep us separate and distant.
