the real brandon teena

Changes I'm going through in my life
will change me forever.
Soon I'll have anybody I want
and give them the love that I have.
I'm not as strong as I thought.
I can't fight.
I don't think I can make it alone.
-Brandon

In April of 1972, Brandon's Father, Pat Brandon, died in a car crash on his way home from a fishing trip. His car flipped three times and went up over a bridge. At the time Joann Brandon, Brandon's mother, heard about the accident on the radio but did not make a connection to her husband. Joann was pregnant with Teena and Tammy was a toddler.

Brandon was born Teena Renae Brandon on December 12, 1972. During her pregnancy, Joann recalled having a lot of problems, experiencing a lot of pain and it was determined that her uterus was tipped and doctors said it was a miracle she even got pregnant. In her fifth month it was determined that the baby was not growing, so doctors put Joann in the hospital and gave her hormone shots.

"I went through this for two weeks, and then she started to grow and I didn't seem to have anymore problems."

On December 12, 1972, Joann went into her fourth false labor, and doctors decide to induce labor. Doctors did not expect Joann to make it through the night, but she did. She was never really told why she was so near death.

Teena was dark skinned, had dark hair and very blue eyes. The grandfather on their father's side was full-blooded Sioux Indian. Joann recalls Teena was a very good baby, but was always catching a fever etc.

"It just seemed like Tammy was my healthy child and Teena was my sick child".

Brandon grew up pretty much without a father figure, with the exception of Jug, Joann's second husband. Brandon was 22 months old when they wed. He spoiled both Tammy and Teena. The marriage did eventually fail, and the fact that Jug was not Brandon's real dad destroyed Brandon. Visits were set up with Jug, however it would be tough for Brandon on those days when Jug couldn't see them, also Jug was with Debbie. Debbie seemed to want act like "mother" and this did not go over at all. Joann found out that Debbie was trying to enforce her rules on the children and Joann gave Jug an ultimatum, the kids or his girlfriend.
Jug chose his girlfriend and again Brandon was crushed. Brandon just hated him after this, his name was never mentioned...

"It was like he died" , recalls Tammy"

Growing up Teena was a tomboy. Tammy was the exact opposite, with her room decorated with stuffed animals and dolls, Teena collected stop signs and beer signs etc.

Always picking up snakes etc and scaring Tammy. Tammy played with dolls, Teena preferred Tinker toys and Lincoln Logs. Tammy dressed in girlie clothes, Teena preferred T-shirts and shorts. A dress was pretty much forced. When they played Teena would sometimes play "priest" Both Joann and Tammy really didn't think much of it then.

The grade school years seemed normal.... Teena had boyfriends etc, but none that she was interested in. Teena was a good student and attended Catholic school. Joann tried to teach practical lessons to her children, she opened up savings accounts for both of her kids, and Teena deposited weekly. It was later found that Teena's savings book was listed in the name of Teen R. Brandon. She had at sometime chose to officially be known as Teen.

During those early teenage years, Teena met Sara Gappat a basketball game. The two opened up to each other within moments, talking seriously about their families, and their experience with abuse. They became very close...best friends....
A year later they were both attending St. Pius X High School Teena didn't much care for it. She made fun of it and was always pulling pranks. The school had a dress code and Teena didn't break it but she got by wearing slacks, sometimes with a tie.

Sophomore year Teena moved out of her home and into a friends home...Traci. Traci was older than Teena and according to friends Eryn and Sara,

"Led Teena around by the nose..she was possessive with Teena and would kick Teena's ass
whenever she didn't follow her rules"-

But Teena had feelings for Traci, she even put a scrap book together calling herself..."Teena Brandon-Beels."

Things were at this point starting to change for Teena....

Teena knew she wasn't like other girls. When she'd look at women she couldn't picture herself acting like them when she grew up. ......She wasn't feminine, she wasn't graceful, and she didn't want to be. Her inner feelings made her think she had something wrong with her, but she couldn't change herself. She never stopped feeling guilty, believing that her friends and family would be ashamed of her if they knew. She wasn't clear about what was going to happen in her life, about who or what she would become. She had no dream of ever marrying, of putting on a white gown and raising kids like everyone else. She told Tammy she wanted to play quarterback on the Pius football team. She liked the idea of carrying the weight of the equipment and wearing the uniform tight across her shoulders. She was serious about it, and this time, unlike the days when she spoke of becoming a priest, Tammy didn't laugh.

Traci started doing things to Teena like holding her down and giving her hickeys, Teena said it was just a joke, but friends like Sara did not think it was funny. More and more Teena would show Sara handprints from Traci, then Traci would slap her around, hold her down and hit her. Traci would then apologize and Teena would forgive. It was then that her friends said "You are moving the fuck outta there."

Before moving back with Joann Teena stayed with her sister for a while, it was now that Tammy noticed Teena had changed, she had no desire to go to school, things came up missing at Tammy's. like money, socks, and their relationship suffered. When Teena moved back to Joann's things seemed OK, Teena had financed a car, her Mom was back and forth and it was a good thing for Teena....

In 1990 Teena planned to join the army to take part in Operation Desert Storm. She was very excited about this and was certain that this was the one place where she could fit in. teena did not pass the written exams, and she was extremely upset.

Other things started happening, in December she had turned 18, was nearing graduation and had no clue what she wanted to do. She had serious mood swings...

She was depressed one minute, laughing the next. She kept her hair short, started lifting weights, and told people she was going to become an artist. No one seemed to be able to read her, not even her best friend Sarah. Not a soul noticed she was binding her breasts with an Ace bandage everyday, doing whatever it took to hid her femininity.

During this time Tammy had pretty much disappeared from Teena life. Tammy was pregnant and about to give up her baby. Teena was upset by her decision. Sara had also just found out she was pregnant, and Teena concerned she wouldn't have an abortion offered to take the baby if Sara wanted to give it up.

Teena loved kids; she wanted to raise kids-yet she never wanted to have kids of her own. She could never picture herself giving birth. For one thing she said she hated sex, so that made it impossible right there.

Throughout Sara's pregnancy Teena made sure her friend was well taken care of, doing all the "boyfriend -- husband" duties. At this point Drew came into Sara's life. Sara and Drew hit it off instantly, and when Teena came by to meet him drew stuck his head out from under the car he was working on and said," Who's the dude?". Teena was offended and left. This was about a month before the call from Liz.

After Sara had her baby Teena and her split as roommates and Teena went back to live with Joann. They saw each other as much as possible and considered themselves still best friends.

In December of 1990 the Billy Brinson identity was born. A girl named Liz Delano dialed the wrong number and dialed the Brandon's number instead. Liz heard who she thought was a guy answer and began flirting. Liz ended up calling back and the two began talking and planned to meet.

Teena pretended it was a prank, getting Sara and Drew to tag along for the ride that night. Billy wore Dockers with a T-shirt under a button-down, and he made a great impression on Liz, holding hands with her on the roller rink as Sara curiously watched from the sidelines.

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