| Religion |
| Religion Survey I was just on my way into the library at Uni on 17.2.04, and a girl stopped me and said would I mind taking part in a survey. I didn't have a great deal to do, so I agreed. (My comments are in green, hers are in red.) - Well, I'm from the Christian Union, and we're just doing a survey of people's beliefs? - Are you trying to convert people, or genuinely just asking questions? - Genuinely asking questions. - OK then. - Do you believe in God? - No. - What are your reasons for not believing in him? - Umm..... I don't know, I suppose I prayed, and nothing happened. - So maybe God said no to what you prayed for. - Maybe. I just don't think he exists though. - OK, let me just read you this passage from Matthew blah blah [or something] - No, I don't want to be preached to. I'm quite happy to answer your survey questions, but I don't want a sermon. - I see; so you believe in something, but you aren't willing to look at evidence that conflicts with what you believe? - I've already looked at the Bible and decided I don't believe it. Now what's your next question? - Do you belive that Jesus Christ existed as a person in history? - He probably existed, but not as the son of God or anything. - What then? - Probably just a nice guy who people liked, and over the centuries, the anecdotes got distorted and blown out of all proportion till it became a religion. - OK, and my last question is: If you were to stand before God today, what reasons would you give him that he should let you into Heaven? - He probably shouldn't let me into Heaven! *laughing* - Why not? - Because I don't believe in him, so he should punish me for that, and send me to hell! - You don't seem very bothered about that. - I'm not. It's like asking me what I'd say if I met the Tooth Fairy: I don't believe God exists, so it's meaningless for me to think about what I'd say if I met him. - But he might exist even though you don't believe in him. - Well I just don't think he does. - Well, the Christian Union are doing some talks this week in the Portland Building, would you like to come along? - No thank you. - Well would you like to take one of these leaflets then? - No thanks. Are we done with the survey now? - Yes. - OK - bye then. - Bye. I noticed at the bottom of her survey sheet was a sliding scale of 1 to 10 of how likely I was to attend the religion talks. She circled number 1, and I felt a smug sense of achievement in my atheism. What would really have been fun was if I was able to convert her to atheism, rather than her converting me to Christianity. But I think we just agreed to disagree. Thus, I went into the library, and she carried on loitering outside, trying to question other people about God. She knows how to have a good time. |
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| Links to Religious Jokes (ie, jokes laughing AT religion!) jokesnjokes.net - some of the jokes are a bit long, but quite funny poddy's religious jokes index - 98 religious jokes; something for everyone! life's a joke - annoying adverts, but good jokes |
| Things to do when Jehovah's Witnesses visit you: * Answer the door naked and carrying a kitchen knife. * Ask them if you can have a look at their Bible, then cough / sneeze over the pages. * Answer all their questions with "I don't understand" and see how long their Christian Spirit lasts. * Say "hang on a second, I'll be right back" and then don't come back. * Take this opportunity to tell them your confessions, and work your way up to drug dealing to children, mass murder, necrophilia, and child porn; see how long they stick around for. * Pretend to be deaf. * Look smug and tell them that your God can beat their God up. |
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| Do you believe in dragons? I can't remember who told me this parody, but it's stuck with me, and well worth a mention here. (I've had to use some poetic licence to shorten it enough to fit on this page.) |
| A man told his colleagues that he had a dragon in his garage, so they came round his house to see if he was telling them the truth. He took them into the garage, but they couldn't see any dragon; he told them it was invisible. They asked if they could touch it, hear it, or get any other evidence of its existence; he said no, there was no concrete way he could prove it was there - they just had to beleive it was there, just as he did. They decided he was stupid, crazy, or a liar, and promptly left. I don't think I need to point out the parallel, do I? |