Manila Standard, 02 August 2001, p.13
More than a
year ago when my editor asked me to write about anything that came to mind, I
came up with an article about being alone. Quite unexpectedly on my part, he
decided to baptize my regular column as “Singles.” With my first article which
he titled “Alone,” I guess I really had it coming. I objected at first, telling
him how limiting that could be. What if I run out of ideas? What if I get
married?
“Look,” he
said, “you are practically writing about half the population, so stop whining.”
True enough, I had been writing about singlehood for more than a year now and
the ideas seemed to keep pouring in. In fact, the column has gained so much
notice that I even guested twice on television and once on radio. I also get a
fairly good number of feedback from single and married people alike.
For my
research material, I conduct interviews but most of them are from the female’s
point of view since most of my friends who would care to converse with me about
singlehood are female. I always find it hard to interview my single male
friends because they always give me the run-around when it comes to being
single. For starters, they make fun of me and tell me to stop analyzing
singlehood.
I believe that
most of them get a little embarrassed to admit they are not seeing anyone, that
they spend so much money on blind dates, that they desperately ask their
friends to set them up with someone, or that they are bothered by the thought
of being single.
Some of them
also refuse to admit the existence of the possibility that not everyone will
get married in his or her lifetime. Maybe some of them even think that talking
about singlehood is desperate, needy, and pathetic.
In this
culture, “macho” is definitely in and the thought of needing a woman seems to
be a bit wimpy. It was definitely more comfortable for the single males to talk
about politics, business, and probably sports.
But
singlehood, especially in the recent months (or years?), had been talked about
and featured in many reading materials. Books have been written about how
single people survive the couple’s world. It is definitely becoming an issue,
whether we like it or not. Universities, including business schools, all over
the world started conducting studies on the behavior of single people, which
apparently have “unique” buying habits. Good market research for businessmen.
More and more
people are also talking about how single life is possible for them, not really
because they choose it, but sometimes because there is no “right” person to
marry. Famous actress Diane Keaton even had an article in a magazine
about how she gave up on finding the right person and how she has accepted
single life.
Because I talk
about singlehood too much, it being party of my job (duh?), I sometimes get accused of leading single people to believe
that single life is “better” than being married. “Your column could almost make
a single person run miles and miles away from commitment because of the fear and
negative vibes you imply with your writing,” one reader wrote me.
If I make
singlehood seem like it’s the most glorious thing in the whole world, maybe
it’s because happiness and contentment occasionally comes out naturally in what
I write. But not all the time though. When I write about the lonesomeness of
being single, my occasional lonely self comes out. Someone who hates my guts
even had the nerve to write just to tell me to stop reminding single people out
there that they are “losers” like me. Honestly, I think a person who has
nothing better to do but unduly criticize other people is more of a loser than
anybody else. Singles ain’t losers, they are just not married.
Recently, I
interviewed the owner of Page One, a big bookstore in the Rockwell Power Plant.
My background check revealed that the most visible owner, Jaime Daez, has been known to be one of the most eligible bachelors
in the city.
Jaime is 30
years old. To me, that’s quite young to even think about being single
seriously. But I get mail from singletons as young as 13. So I guess even young
singletons are freaked out by of being single, although, as I have said many
times over. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
At any rate,
what does one of Manila’s most eligible bachelors think about singlehood? I was
not sure at first on how open he would be on the topic but he came out pretty
much straightforward about the whole thing. There’s no point in beating around
the bush, right?
Those who have
seen him will agree with me when I say he is good-looking. And many would
probably think someone like him should not have a problem finding a girl. But
then again, is it just the looks? Apparently not. He is currently unattached.
Why is he
single? Because he has not yet found the right person. Very simple answer, the
only valid one, if you ask me. Anyway, here are excerpts of the interview.
If you are not running Page One, what do you
think would you be doing now?
That’s
a very hard question because that’s purely hypothetical so I wouldn’t know.
You wouldn’t know?
Actually,
I studied to be an architect so I would probably be practicing in the
architectural field.
Did you always want to be an architect?
No, actually not. All I knew was that after high school, I needed to get into something which had both the arts and the sciences because I am actually very talented in math. I don’t need a calculator. I can compute numbers without a calculator. But the thing is I am also very artistic. So I needed to do something that would combine the two. And at that time, architecture for me was the profession which I thought had the most perfect complement of both worlds. That’s why I decided to it.
What made you decide to go into this business?
This is purely by accident. What actually happened was I studied architecture in Spain (Universidad de Navarra). And then when I got back here around the end of ’94, I was very disappointed at the reading material available. So I decided to start buying books for my personal consumption. It came out too expensive so I decided to maybe buy a few copies of each book and try to sell them. Thereby, I would be able to subsidize my own collection by selling the other copies and I was able to sell them. It was a purely experimental thing and fortunately, it worked out. That’s how it started.
What does Page One have that other bookstores
don’t have? What could I find here that I could not find there?
I think more than anything else we have the most comprehensive selection of reading materials available in the country right now. Aside from that, we have a special ambience which the other bookstores perhaps do not have.
Was Rockwell a conscious decision for your
location?
It was a very conscious decision. We believe that definitely we first have to target the upscale market because for one, Page One abroad is quite upscale. We did not want to in any way lower the expectations of what people already knew of Page One abroad. So it had to be of the same quality, if not even better. In that sense, we had to target an area, which was very upscale. And I think Rockwell is that area.
What makes a bestseller? (not laughing)
Hype.
The author. Let’s face it. Any new Tom
Clancy novel, any new Mario Puzo novel,
or any new J.K. Rowling novel would
be an instant bestseller because the authors already have a great track record.
It’s like Tom Cruise having a new
film or Julia Roberts having her new
film. It’s almost automatic. So I think often the authors have a lot to do with
it.
What books catch your interest?
I am a person of very varied interests so I cannot actually limit the books I find interesting to a specific range. I wouldn’t say that it’s exclusive to fiction because I love reading books on design. I was trained as an architect. I love reading books on business as well. So basically, what makes a book interesting is that it’s a well-written book and that is not something that you can limit, you know.
Are you a voracious reader?
Not
much. To be honest, it’s been a while since I have read a book from cover to
cover precisely because we have so many books around. Actually, I think that I
used to read more when I was not in the business of books. That’s the ironic
part I guess about the whole business. I read less now.
Do you write?
I
can write. I am occasionally asked to write as a contributor for certain
magazines. I have done that at times but obviously, I don’t have the luxury of
time. I would probably want to write more but I don’t have that luxury.
If you were to write a book, what would it be
about? What section would it fall under?
I
would probably choose first a book on design. Let’s just put it this way. I am
actually quite interested in getting into publishing. And if ever I were to
publish my own book, the first that I would want to publish is definitely a
coffee table book, most likely on something Filipino. It does not necessarily
have to be about the country but maybe something particular about the country.
Because I would like to, in a sense, still promote our books abroad. Because I
feel that although Bookmark is doing quite a commendable job, they’re not
enough. We still have to market ourselves more and books are one of the best
ways to market ourselves as a country.
What is your business philosophy?
Work hard, play hard. How about that?
If you were to recommend a book to the President,
what book would that be?
Very good question. I don’t know. I’d have to get back to you on that. I wouldn’t want to say something that I would regret to say later on.
How
about Erap? Do you have a book in mind for him?
Book in mind for Erap? I don’t know. Maybe the Holy Bible.
Are
you a collector? What else do you collect?
Yes, I am a collector. I actually collect comic books but I’ve stopped. I have quite a big collection. I think I have over a thousand comic books. It started from way back and I just stopped maybe like four years ago because it’s quite time consuming. Aside from that, I collect CDs. I probably have close to 2,000 CDs right now. I am very fond of classical music. I got over 1,500 CDs just on classical music.
Favorite
movie?
A
lot. Amadeus is one. Shawshank
Redemption is another. Babet’s Feast is another. That’s foreign film.
Among the more commercial films, I love Braveheart. I love Face Off.
I love The Rock. (laughs).
What
was the last movie you watched?
Jurassic Park
III. Nothing great. Normal.
Do
you watch TV?
To be honest, I can’t say that I watch TV that much.
No, I watch TV actually a lot but TV shows are not the right thing to ask me
because I have not followed any TV series in a very long time. The last TV
series which I was following was X-Files. And I stopped following that maybe three, four years ago. But
I mean, TV series are hard to follow precisely because you have to be regular
and I don’t have that luxury. So that’s why normally when I turn on the TV, I
put it on HBO because it’s just movies. When you see I, that’s it. You don’t
have to follow up on the next episode. I’d rather watch HBO or Cinemax and
normally, I also have it either on the news channel, maybe CNN. Sometimes, I
watch the lifestyle channel. They have some interesting shows there.
How would you describe your family?
I
would describe my family as big, very big. We are eight kids in the family. Am
the youngest. Everyone in my family is married except me. With my seven
brothers and sisters ahead of me, the total right now is I got 37 nephews and
nieces. So I think to say that we are a big family is quite an understatement.
How would you describe a typical day?
I
am actually really a night person. I sleep late I wake up late. I normally get
up at nine and I normally stay at home in the morning from nine to 12. What I
do when I get up is I check my e-mail. I do my mail correspondences. I always
have to watch the news that’s why I always have my TV on either Bloomberg or
CNBC because I always have to watch for the dollar rates since my business is
very dependent on the currency exchange. And basically I do my phone calls also
in the morning. In the afternoon, I am busy either in my shop or in the office.
And I am busy meeting with suppliers, with dealers, with developers.
How’s business now with the peso depreciation?
The
sales are actually still okay. Our sales are not affected. But the problem now
is that since the dollar keeps going higher, obviously the margins are
affected. Definitely we take a big blow in terms of our margins. But anyone in
the importation business basically has to deal with that. I don’t bother
anymore about it because if I’m always going to take this personally, then I am
not in the right business. You just learn to go with the flow.
What do you do after work? When does work end?
I
normally work till around nine in the evening since I get to work at around 12,
actually. Normally I work straight eight, nine hours. At times, more. Many
times I actually bring my work home. So even when I get home, I turn on my
laptop and still work some numbers in my computer. I am very Internet dependent
so I surf the web at night before I go to sleep. I take late dinners, usually
at 10, which I take at home alone since, well, everyone’s married. I just live
with my mother, my dad having passed away many, many years back. I could say
that I live quite a lonely life. I take my meals alone.
What
do you do on weekends?
I
still work. Something about the retail business is that at times you have to
work harder on weekends because that’s when actually the sales are better. Of
course, I don’t want to sound like a killjoy here. It’s not like I’m always
working. When I work on weekends, it’s not really work because I live also here
in Makati. It’s like I just pass by the shop for two hours in very casual
attire just to see how the shop is doing. It’s like a weekend stroll for me so
it’s not like work. And normally after that, I might watch a movie in the mall
or something. So it doesn’t come out as work.
Where would you like to go for a vacation?
Prague.
It’s always Europe. I am very much in love with Europe since I studied there
for my university. I think the sad part about it is I think I know other
countries more than my own country because I haven’t actually gone around the
Philippines enough. I haven’t even been to Palawan, but anyway I am not so much
of a beach person.
When you are stressed, how do you relax?
One of the curious things about me is that I always
need to work with music. So that already relaxes me. If I am tense at work, as
long as I am listening to classical music, I’m fine. Am not the type of person
who easily gives in to stress because I have a very high tolerance for pain. I
love stress actually. I love stress because I work better under stress. Some
people shy away from stress. I embrace it.
What’s
your grooming regimen?
I take a bath. I comb my hair. I put on
my clothes. That’s it.
Do you exercise? Work out?
Yes, I do. I try to work out as often as I can. I
used to work out quite often but I broke my ankle around three, four months
ago, around Holy Week. I broke it and since then I have not been able to
exercise as much. But before I probably work out maybe four times a week.
Do you diet?
I don’t consciously diet but I am very careful with
what I eat in the sense that for example, I skip dessert except when it’s
fruits. I have a lot of self-control. I’m not the type who gets tempted just
because I see ice cream and chocolate cake. It’s so easy for me to say no. So
maybe that’s the reason I can still look healthy even without exercising. In
the last four months, I probably worked out once a month. I don’t gain weight
because I am very careful with what I say no.
Favorite
dish?
I
am a very low maintenance person when it comes to food. As usual, my favorite
cuisine is probably Italian and Japanese. I am not that much of a food person.
I am not very picky about what I eat, I mean, the places I like to eat are the
places that serve big dishes like Friday’s-style, you know, that type of big
servings. I’d rather go there than go to this super elegant restaurant, which
is really very pricey and I can’t even get full.
What’s your worst
habit?
(Long pause) Maybe working too
much.
Who is the biggest
influence in your life?
Probably my mother.
Who do you call when
you get into trouble?
Probably my very, very close high
school friends.
Who is your hero?
Who is my hero? (pause) I can’t say I have a hero. Maybe you can say I have an idol.
Who would that be?
Johann
Sebastian Bach. I went all the way to Europe last year
just to attend a concert in honor of him.
When you were little
what did you read?
The first books I really started
seriously reading were the “Hardy Boys,” which I started reading when I was
probably nine years old. And I remember at the time, I don’t know how many
“Hardy Boys” books there are now but at that time, there were about close to 70
and I probably read about over 60 of them.
Was there a book
that changed your life? How?
The Bible. I am actually quite (pauses, sighs) spiritual. So although I may not be able to show it in real life,
based on the example that Jesus gave us in the Bible is something which I
strive to achieve. Because all of us, bottomline are here in this world. For
me, this world is purely temporal. It’s all a test. It’s all a test of God,
placing us here and seeing what we will do out of this life. And the Bible is
basically the book which teaches, which shows us what we are supposed to do in
this life.
What was the biggest
disappointment in your life?
I would say nothing. Obviously, we all
have disappointments but also, all of these that are disappointing to us, they
happen for a reason, you know. And in many ways, they are there to make us
stronger and to learn from them. So rather than tell you that this is
disappointing, you know, I feel that all of these things are positive because
you come out a better person afterward.
Happiest moment?
The happiest moment was probably last
year when I was in Europe exactly for this concert. It marked actually the
250th death anniversary of Johann Sebastian Bach. It was in Leipzig which was
where he died. It was basically an organ concert held at seven in the morning
in this church where he is buried. And the organist played and the organ was
just impeccable.
Do you play an
instrument?
I do play the piano and I actually used
to conduct a choir.
Ahhh, so you can sing?
I can sing. I prefer not to do it in
public but yes, I can.
What was the biggest
lie told about you?
(Laughs) Too many to count.
Nothing bigger than the others?
That I’m gay. (laughs)
They said that?
So they say. So I’ve heard. (laughs)
What’s the biggest lie you told?
I
don’t know. Nothing comes to mind because I’m a very straight-shooter. I don’t
lie that much. I am a very frank person, which is why I normally get into
trouble because Filipinos in general are not very open. It’s not that they’re
not very honest but they are just very, very shy so they don’t want to say the
truth. Normally, they keep it to themselves but actually behind your back,
that’s when they tell the truth. But I’m not like that. I am a very frank
person. I think that if there’s anything which I learned living in Spain,
Spaniards can be very tactless but at the same time they are very honest and I
like that because there is so much transparency, you know. It’s not plastic and
I absolutely hate that. I absolutely hate plastic people. So basically I get
into trouble precisely because I am too honest.
What’s the worse
advise you gave a friend?
Jump. (laughs)
Huh?
What the worst advice I gave a friend?
Again, modesty aside, I am a very objective person. So I can’t remember
actually giving advice that was really bad because I am very objective about
things. I don’t care if my friend is my friend, okay. I mean if he’s wrong, I will
tell him and I am not going to comfort him if I know he’s on the wrong. I’ll
tell him, “Hey, I don’t care if you’re my friend.” And I’m going to tell it as
it is. In that sense, I don’t think I’ve had any major disasters when it comes
to advice because I am always head over heart.
What to you is
life’s biggest mystery?
God. (What about Him?) Everything about Him. God, heaven, hell, the beatific vision, you know. (laughs) Mystery of three persons in one God. The hypostatic union of the Holy
Eucharist. All of those things because it’s the greatest mystery. To me all of
these human mysteries are not really mysteries. I’m not going to bother finding
out who shot JFK or who shot Ninoy Aquino. For me those are not
great mysteries.
Where would you be
10 years from now?
Hopefully, still alive. (Here?) I don’t know about that.
Did you ever think
of living alone?
Not really because my mom lives alone
with me. So if I went off to live alone, she would be living alone. And I
wouldn’t want that so I feel obliged at least while I’m single to be with her.
Do you have a
girlfriend?
No, I am unattached right now.
Have you read a book
that made you want to fall in love?
I probably have but nothing comes to
mind right now. There are definitely movies out there which made me want to
fall in love. “Cinema Paradiso,” for instance, it makes you value what love is
about, that movie. There was a scene in that movie where this guy waited for
100 straight nights outside the balcony window of the room of this girl he was
in love with just to prove to her how much he loves her. Even though she was
not making him ‘pansin’ for those 100 nights, every night at midnight he was
there, rain or shine, whether it was snowing or whatever, typhoon, and he was
there always for the girl to see him at midnight and ‘parang’ for me that’s
like really… Wow!
Do
you date?
(Laughs) I
am a normal guy. I have actually gone through a lot of blind dates. A lot.
How
do you find being single at 30? Does it bother you?
Let’s
put it this way. I think I have come to the stage where I just don’t worry
about it. Because if you keep analyzing that you’re 30 and you’re still single
and you still haven’t found the right person, you’re just going to go around in
circles, asking why you are still single and you haven’t found the right
person. It’s pointless, okay. I am single because I still haven’t found the
right person. That’s it, okay. Now if you’re going to ask me when I will find
that right person. I don’t know. It’s not for me to decide. And I’m not going to
bother also looking that hard because I have also learned in my past that it’s
when I look too hard that I get more miserable. For me the right person will
come when it’s the right time. And maybe it’s not yet the right time, di ba?
When
you were younger, was there a certain age you wanted to get married?
Yes,
definitely. Ideally, I wanted to be married by the time I was 26 or 27. In
fact, being the youngest of eight kids and I have five brothers, the average
age of my brothers getting married is 26. Among the five, the one who married
the latest was 30. So I’m pretty confident that I will beat that. Not that I
want to but ……
Do
you feel pressured to get married?
No.
I hate to sound chauvinistic here but I’m a guy. I don’t have to worry. It’s
not like I am under a time limit here. Ideally, I would have wanted to get
married earlier but since I haven’t found the right person, there is no use
bickering about it. So I just accept it.
Do
you believe that single people will outnumber married people in five years?
That
would actually be quite sad, to be honest. If that became true, that would be
extremely sad. I think that, in a sense, marriages are a manifestation of the
capability of the human race to love. And if there are more singles out there
than married people, it’s like basically saying that people nowadays love less
than they used to.
Do
you believe in soulmates?
It’s
nice to believe in it but I can really say because I haven’t found it. If I
found my soulmate, I would probably be married by now, right?
But
it’s not necessary.
That’s true, but I find that sucky. I find it very sucky that
your soulmate is not the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life
with. Parang your soulmate pa is a guy. Kung ganoon lang, you should have been
a girl.
Have you ever been in love?
Of course, I have.
Have your heart been broken?
No, not at all. I’m a very head over heart person. The reason my
heart doesn’t break is because I don’t let it. I can control myself so well
that even if I am hurting, I’ll just give myself a time limit and say, “Hey,
get over it.” Di ba? I’m so…I believe that I am one of the most willful persons
I know. In fact, I don’t know many, if any, persons who have as strong a will
as I do.
What advice would you give a friend mending a broken
heart?
Just let it go. Let it go. Don’t worry. There are still many
women out there, okay? She ain’t the only one and I’m sure there’s someone out
there who’s still better. That’s how I’d say it.
What do you think is the biggest misconception
about love?
Biggest misconception about love? I’ll tell you when I’m married.
I would like
to thank Jaime for spending time for the interview. I really appreciated it. To
my readers, drop by Page One and get yourself a good book to read. It has a
collection of books for single people as well as a section for “power women,”
which has all the “women dealing with singlehood” books.
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