Why are you still single?
SINGLES by Karenina Yaptinchay
Manila Standard, p. 24B, 27 April 2000

Don’t ever feel sorry for single people. They maybe happier than you are.

It's been asked so many times but no one seems to get a proper or complete answer. Just to be polite, people ask it behind your back, after you leave the room.

"Why are you still single?" is a question single people have to face, if not find an answer to. Either they just smile politely, play deaf, shrug it off like it was lint on a suit, give a blank stare, let out a grunt or even blurt out a snappy but sarcastic remark. More often than not, the question pops up when forced to socialize, to break the ice probably. Prying is definitely not intentional. Sometimes concern is not even the motive. Lack of topics for small talk leads people to ask such a personal question.

I have no problem answering that question really. I am sure a lot of other single people have been accustomed to it. What really goes into my mind when I am asked is how much time this person has to listen to my story. Some actually had time to listen and they become my good friends. Sometimes telling the story of your life earns you friendships that can last you a lifetime.

I did a bit of research about why people are single. There are several reasons, the most popular being the right one hasn't come along yet. I once thought I the right one came along but I was wrong. I am glad I found out before it was too late. The right one is someone who will not only make you feel good about yourself but someone who feels good to be whenever he or she is with you.

Some single people were just victimized by individuals who claim that their dysfunctional lives led them to become immature and insensitive. And because they are, they think they can get away with anything, even murder. Don't get me wrong. I do sympathize with the misfortune of such people but there comes a point in life when everyone has to make a stand. After all, nothing in your past should keep one too blind to distinguish right from wrong, although it is a sad truth that some people cannot make the distinction all their lives.

I know someone who found out at the most inappropriate time that her boyfriend was not worthy of all the time and effort she devoted to him. After years of professing his undying love and insistence on marriage, her boyfriend broke up with her two months before their scheduled wedding. He gave every excuse in the book. It didn't matter that his excuses contradicted each other. The truth is he was a freaking coward, swimming in desperation. It was pathetic, even sickening. Love, or at least the thought of being in love, can make one lose touch of the reality. There is an unbelievable number of confused people out there, not capable of commitment and honesty.

The point is, although some people are ready to kiss single life goodbye, they sometimes unfortunately get involved with people who traumatize them out of relationships. Because they were involved with the wrong one, they lose precious time and miss out on the chance of meeting the right one. It reminds me of a chain e-mail that read, "no matter how much you care, some people are just assholes." Another sad truth.

Some people choose to be single. Even if the rest of society thinks that being single is a miserable thing, some people simply choose it, especially when they are not yet ready for a lifetime commitment. I respect those who are honest enough to admit that. Richard Fish, a partner at Ally McBeal's law firm, once screamed in an annulment trial, "Any man would be crazy to get married!" Fish, although fictional, is one person who enjoys being single. I know a couple of people, mostly males, who would say the same thing.

Is it a gender issue? My informal and non-scientific survey research shows that more women dread being single than men. Well, for one, it's worse being called an old maid or spinster as compared to being called an "eligible bachelor." No offense to the opposite sex but I am pretty sure everyone agrees with me that society favors the male gender, in almost all aspects. Sad truth number three.

Sad truth number four is that women have the issue of the biological clock that can tick them out of their minds. The desire to become a mother, I believe, is inherent in all females, with very few exceptions of course. Sometimes, the desire even leads to desperation, to obsession. But the idea that the modern age allows women to run after men still horrifies me. A friend told me that I am probably the most conservative female he knows. And someone actually said that I am still single probably because I refuse to compromise my "old-fashioned" values. Whatever.

Men are less desperate because they know that there are more females than males. Besides, they don't have a menopausal age to worry about, or do they? What's more, they can ask girls out no matter how old they are. In fact, for some women, the older they are, the better. Also, once they can afford it and support a family, given all those opportunities in the Philippine workplace, they can marry. It is true that some women can also get to afford to support a family, but it is more of the exception than the rule. And even if they can, the male ego will have a hard time accepting it.

The gender battle is endless but going back to Mr. Fish, I believe that ANYONE is crazy to get married if he/she is not mentally and emotionally ready. And until he/she is, it is better to remain single. This way, one does not compromise the happiness of another human being.

A friend asked me how much I would pay him if he can find me a husband. I told him to ask that person how much he is willing to pay to be set up with me. I do not deny that it was tempting at first but I would rather stay single than come up with the money. I guess getting hitched is not as important to me as most people probably think.

Whether by default or by choice, singles are single for a reason and sometimes the reason is not as simple as you think. Some stories take a lifetime to tell and others can be as simple as "I am not ready yet." So the next time you ask why some person are single, don't make the mistake of feeling sorry for them. They may be happier than you think.