A couple of days ago, I received another generic e-mail article with no author. The title of the intriguing article, which has probably been circulated in the world of e-mail since its birth, was �When is it really over?�
�When is WHAT really over?� I asked myself, pretending to be clueless, practicing my dumb-in-love routine. But you and I both know what the article was about.
My first impulse was to delete because hearing some poor soul sulk about another failed relationship was not really on my agenda that afternoon. But, later on, I succumbed to my curiosity and read the entire thing to see how another fellow human being dealt with another infamous heartbreak.
Breaking up is always hard to do. Everyone whose heart has been broken should be given a huge amount of compassion and understanding. It could be exhausting, too, for those who are experiencing it as well as for those who just happen to be around.
The anonymous writer wrote:
�What if he�s thinking about me? What if he still loves me? It�s just another imagination, I know. Another day of what ifs and maybes.
For the nth time, I�ve told myself that when it�s over, it�s really over! There�s no sense turning back or even trying to pick up the pieces again. It�s time to move on and face the reality!
When it�s over, is it really over? When you decide to let go, do you really succeed in letting go?�
Sounds like a severe case of schizophrenia to me. When you are mending a broken heart, start saying hello to your newly acquired psychological disorder. Let�s just all hope it does not become a permanent one.
Someone I know, who recently became single and unattached, confessed how confused and foolish she had become after her recent break-up. �I�m finally single again!� she told me. I honestly could not tell if she was happy to be over and done with the relationship or if she was dreading the thought of singlehood. Talk about confusion at its worst. She was numb at first (probably from shock), then became violent, then obsessed with the thought of wanting the relationship back, then numb again, and now she is asking me if it would be okay if she asked him to have coffee with her? Duh?
But seriously, friend, I hear you. Heck, I even understand you! When I broke up with my last boyfriend, I honestly thought I would die. All of a sudden, life had no meaning anymore. But every day, I tried to convince myself it was all for the best and I should be happy about it. But it was too painful I would not even wish it to happen to people I dislike. I also began asking the �why� question by the dozen. Why me? Why not? Why him? Why now? Why? Why? Why? I knew in my subconscious that later on I would just look back, laugh at how ridiculously I behaved, and even regret my foolishness. But I still made a fool of myself trying to save a doomed relationship.
When do you really know when it�s time to stop making a fool of yourself after a breakup? A friend of mine attacked the new girl his ex-boyfriend started dating, not because she still loved him but because she hated the feeling of still wanting him, knowing she could not have him back. After the attack, she felt liberated. She felt that even if he wanted her back, she would refuse him due to sheer embarrassment. She also hated the fact that he was already dating just weeks after the breakup.
Like my friend, I find it difficult to comprehend why some people, after pledging true and eternal love, would claim to be in love again two seconds after a breakup. I guess some people fall out of love faster than others. Maybe they were never really in love to begin with. Maybe they are not really in love with the new person. Maybe they are just plain liars.
A friend of mine who claimed he is not capable of loving anyone else but his ex-girlfriend found himself wooing another girl barely a month after his break-up. My ex-boyfriend, who claimed he would rather remain single for the rest of his life after losing me, married somebody else less than a year after we broke up. What�s up with that?
Judging from his appalling actions, my ex-boyfriend was either a liar or just didn�t know what the hell he was talking about when we were together. Either way, I am glad I didn�t end up with such a prick. His actions just made me get over our breakup quicker than I expected. Of course, he tried to ricochet the blame on me. Nice try, bud, but you ain�t fooling me again.
I don�t know who are more foolish, those who jump into another relationship minutes after a breakup or those who desperately try to hang on to futile relationships.
We are all capable of making fools of ourselves, at least once in our lifetime and probably a dozen times more when we are or think we are in love. Love has this blinding effect that blurs our vision and sanity. It was no less than Shakespeare who wrote �Love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies themselves commit (The Merchants of Venice II).� It could be pretty if the two people involved are indeed in love with each other. It could be lame and ugly if only one person remains in love or thinks he or she is still in love. I believe that once the love is not mutual, it is always best to let go.
What is the point of hanging on to someone who does not want you anymore? �Oh, he wants me. He just hasn�t realized it yet,� a dumpee confidently told me. Well, if he is that stupid then he does not deserve your, girl. Deal with him later after he smartens up and realizes he truly loves you. Why suffer? I know Buddha taught �life is suffering� but I do not think he ever forbade anyone to say hello to singlehood with open arms.
It is true that I did not see the advantages of breakup when I was in the dumps myself. How could anyone? But breaking up gives us another chance at life as a single and unattached person. It sounds a bit patronizing, I know. Although not everyone prefers this status, it does indeed allow self-improvement, self-discovery, and growth.
What if you never find love? Not everyone is assured of finding love but being single leaves room for that chance, no matter how small, to fall in love again or for the first time. I do not know which is better (or worse): Not being able to find love at all or finding and then losing it. Lord Alfred Tennyson has this to say: �Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.�
Breaking up sometimes can be so traumatic that it scares some people from falling in love again. Besides, the feeling of being in love is just too hard to remember while falling out of love and mending a broken heart. More often than not, we try hard to forget how it feels because it just makes the pain of losing someone unbearable. But once you remember how great being in love feels, you�ll be glad you had previously broken up just so you could fall in love all over again, hopefully this time with someone who could also love you for the rest of your life.
Have you ever wondered why despite all the heartbreaks in this world, people still want to fall in love? �Because it feels so damned good,� said Barbra Streisand�s character in The Mirror has Two Faces. When you fall in love again, you would remember how wonderful love is. When and if you find love again, you would realize that the breakup was well worth all the pain, if you can still remember how painful it was.
(Please note that my stories are based on my experiences. Since most of them are from a female�s point of view, I intend to use the pronoun �he� to refer to the opposite sex. There is no intention, however, to implicate inequality of partiality between the genders, unless otherwise stipulated.)